Mistrust

by Margaret McHeyzer

  “Thanks, Mom,” I say and go back to my cereal.

  “You have to watch it, Dakota. She’s going to know something’s not right if you’re always spacing out and not being here.” Sam says in a low voice, pointing to the floor, trying to tell me to be more aware of what’s happening around me.

  “I know. I’m trying.”

  “You have to try harder.” Her voice of reason screams at me. Her stern features tell me she’s right, I do have to try harder. Not to forget, but to hide the truth and the shame. I hate the fact Sam knows, but there’s not much I can do about that now. She’s involved because of a malicious, gutless person hiding behind their phone. But I need to protect Mom and Dad from what happened. I’m not sure I would be able to bear their judgment if they knew.

  “Okay, I’m going to make more of an effort. But you need to let me know if I go weird.”

  Sam’s lips turn up in a quirky smile. “Like more weird than normal?”

  Playfully smacking her arm, I smile at her. “Thanks, Sam,” I say, standing to take my bowl to the sink.

  “Don’t forget it when I want to borrow something of yours to wear.” Rolling my eyes, I simply nod. “Including that cute red sweater, and black knee-length pencil skirt.” This time I shake my head, but smirk. “Oh, and that purple dress.”

  “How about I give you free reign over my entire wardrobe?” I say sarcastically and turn on my heels to look at her with raised eyebrows.

  “Yay!” She claps her hands together and brings her bowl over to the sink. “I knew you’d see it my way.” Her smile is cheeky, and her eyes reflect the playfulness of her words. “Now, let me see, what should I wear on my date?” She rubs her hands together and leans against the counter.

  “With Calvin?” I tease. “Has he even asked you out yet?”

  She pushes on my shoulder and laughs. “His name is Taylor, not Calvin. And noooooo,” she draws out her response. “He hasn’t asked me out yet, but he will.” She does a little jiggle on the spot. “I just know it.”

  “How about we wait for him to ask you first, then we can pick what you can wear.”

  Sam stops dancing and gives me the funniest look. It’s a cross between ‘how dare you’ and ‘he’s so asking me out, sister.’ “Whatever.” She flicks her hand at me. “He’s asking me out.”

  Her features turn serious, and for a split second I think she’s mad until she starts laughing. I can’t help but join her with my own chuckle.

  “You ready, girls?” Mom calls while slinging her handbag over her shoulder. “Hurry up, we’re going to be late.” Mom’s already at the front door, and Sam and I grab our book bags.

  “Hey,” Sam shouts from her room. “I call shotgun.”

  With my bag on my shoulder, I run past Mom, and out to the car. “Hurry up, Mom!” I yell for her to unlock the doors so I can get in the front.

  “I called it,” Sam pushes by Mom who’s now locking the house. She bolts over to me, and with her hips, shoves me out the way.

  “Hey,” I protest.

  “I called it.”

  “So?”

  “I called it.” She stands guard over the front door, like an offensive lineman ready to block me from getting near the front passenger door.

  “You two,” Mom sighs as she unlocks the car and gets in.

  Smiling, I get in the back and Sam slides into the front, not before turning around and poking her tongue out at me. I was going to let her have the front regardless.

  It’s a quick ride to school, and when we pull up, Mom lets us know she can pick us up after school if we want. Sam jumps in and tells her we can catch the bus home. I’m really grateful for Sam and her quick responses, it means I don’t have to think of anything.

  “Hey, thanks for everything,” I say to her as we walk up the steps into the corridors of school.

  “We’re sisters, we’re supposed to stick together. Anyway, I gotta go. I want to see if Taylor’s around.” She fixes her hair then runs her hand down over her jeans. “Do I look alright?”

  “You look cute.”

  “Cute? I don’t want to look cute, I walk to look, hmmm.” She pushes her chest out. “Like a woman.”

  “Well you’re not, and don’t rush trying to be one.”

  Sam nods, then looks down at her shoes. “You know what I mean,” she whispers. “I didn’t mean anything by it. Sorry.”

  “I know. Anyway, I’ll meet you out front. See ya. Oh, and good luck with Calvin.”

  “Taylor,” she corrects immediately.

  I get to my locker, open it and put in my bag, taking out the books I need for my morning classes. When I close it, Mariah is walking toward me. “Hey,” I say when she reaches me.

  “Did you and Levi break up?” She leans against a locker and eagerly looks at me. “’Cause he’s telling everyone he broke up with you.”

  “Yeah, we broke up yesterday.”

  “Why didn’t you call me? Oh my God, are you going out with someone else?”

  “What? No. I wasn’t feeling my best yesterday. I went home and crawled into bed, I wasn’t really up to calling or talking with anyone.”

  “You should’ve called me. Anyway, why did you guys break up?”

  We both start walking toward our first class for the day. I shrug and choose to remain quiet. “We just did,” I finally say after a few moments.

  “You just did? What kind of lame answer is that?”

  We get to Mrs. Walker’s class and sit in our usual seats. Levi walks in, with Reece a step behind him. Levi looks at me, his gaze travelling all over me, then his top lip curls up into a snarl. “You don’t belong here. These seats are reserved for my friends.”

  “What?” I snap toward him. “This has been my seat all year.”

  “You’re no longer welcome to sit here anymore. Go sit somewhere else.” He hovers over me, trying to intimidate me with his size.

  “Levi,” I hear Reece call him. “What’s going on?” Reece comes to stand beside Levi and looks between us.

  “I was just telling her she’s no longer welcome to sit here. These seats are reserved for my friends.”

  I watch Reece’s left eyebrow rise as he looks at Levi in a disgusted way. “Dude, since when are those rules in place?”

  “Since we broke up,” Levi barks at Reece.

  “Don’t be a dick, man. Just leave it alone.”

  Levi looks down at me, then back to Reece. “Whatever, but next class, you’re not sitting there.” He thumps his hand on my desk, causing me to jump back in my seat and my heart to startle with fright.

  “She can sit wherever she wants.” Reece pushes on Levi’s chest to get him away from me. It’s not an aggressive gesture, just one basically saying to leave me alone. “You can sit there again if you want, Dakota.” He smiles at me, and pushes into Levi to get him to leave.

  “Thanks.”

  When Levi and Reece are on the other side of the room, Mariah leans over to me and rubs her hand up and down my arm. “What’s gotten into him?” she whispers in a voice only I can hear. Lifting my shoulders and shaking my head I opt to not answer. I know why he’s being a jerk, because I haven’t had sex with him.

  Mrs. Walker enters the room, and everyone goes quiet. She starts talking about the book we’ve studied but her voice becomes a persistent hum in the background. Nothing holds my attention because the only thought drumming through my mind is the way Levi is acting toward me. I try and not look over in his direction, but I can feel his intense gaze boring into me.

  I’m fighting myself, because as much as I know I shouldn’t look, I almost can’t stop myself. As the class continues, the frustration builds and my hands become clammy. A nervous knot in my stomach grows. I can feel my shattered nerves, tension building to a point where I think I’m about to lose my mind.

  Suddenly everything starts blurring as my throat closes and I can barely breathe. Sweat snakes down my damp skin, creating an uncomfortable sensation. “Damn,” I whisper, lifting
the hem of my t-shirt to wipe away the moisture gathering at my temples. Everything inside me begins to seize. Panic is rapidly rising and choking every one of my senses. “What’s happening?” I mumble and try to stand from seat.

  “Miss Bennett, sit back down,” I vaguely make out Mrs. Walker yelling from the front of the class.

  “I’m not feeling well . . .” Crap, my legs go completely weak and wobbly as the room spins in every direction.

  “Miss Bennett?”

  “Dakota,” someone calls in a desperate voice.

  “I . . .”

  “Dakota.” A warm hand gently strokes my face. “Can you hear me?” Blinking my eyes open, the first face I see is Reece. He’s holding me against his chest with one arm, and his other hand is slowly stroking down my cheek.

  “What happened?” I try to sit up but Reece holds me even tighter to his chest.

  “Don’t try to move,” he orders me. “You passed out, Dakota. You stood up and started swaying, mumbled something, and collapsed.”

  “Did I?” I ask as I look around to see all my classmates’ faces staring back at me, not even trying to hide the whispering behind their hands.

  “You did. I noticed how you were unsteady on your feet and got to you just as you collapsed.”

  “You did?” Reece comforts me by smiling. “Thank you.”

  “Any time.”

  “Dakota, can you stand?” Mrs. Walker asks.

  “I think so.”

  “You need to go to the nurse. Reece, can you help Dakota?” Mrs. Walker asks him.

  “Yes, Ma’am.” Reece moves me away, and jumps to his feet. “Here, take my hand.” He stretches his arm down and offers me his hand so I can pull myself up.

  “Thank you,” I say and turn to grab my books and clear my desk.

  “Here you go.” Mrs. Walker holds out a slip for us to take to the nurse.

  Reece and I leave and he grabs my books. “I can carry them,” I say while we slowly walk down the hall.

  “I’ll take them.”

  “Thanks.” I pull my hair out of the now messy ponytail and fix it. “I’ll stop off at my locker first so I can get my bag.”

  “Okay.” We walk in an awkward silence until we get to my locker. “So.”

  “So.” I say the same time Reece says it.

  “What happened back there?” He points toward the classroom. “Are you okay?”

  “I forgot to have breakfast,” I lie. I’m not going to tell him I got so wound up that I pushed myself to breaking point and passed out. Because if I say I panicked, then a whole new line of questioning opens up, and I don’t want those questions to be asked.

  “Can I ask you something else?”

  “Um, sure.”

  “Why did you and Levi break up?”

  Sighing, I figure I may as well tell him the real reason, because the way Levi’s been acting toward me, I dare say he would’ve told Reece whatever he wanted. “Because I wasn’t ready to have sex with him.”

  “What?”

  “We were supposed to have sex after the prom, but then I . . .” I stop myself in time before I confess the truth to him. Reece is easy to talk to, which means it’s even easier for me to slip up and tell him exactly what happened.

  “You what?” he pushes me to finish what I started.

  “I felt sick and I went home. But, besides the fact I left, I’d told him on our way to the prom how I wasn’t ready. I thought he understood and accepted it, but I guess not.” I shrug my shoulders and look down at the floor in the corridor.

  “Hang on a minute.” He stops walking and reaches out to grab my elbow so I stop walking too. I’ve been jumpy and jittery when people have come close to me, but I’m strangely okay with Reece’s touch. “You’re telling me Levi broke up with you because you wouldn’t have sex with him.”

  “That’s exactly what I’m saying.” I nod.

  “His attitude toward you sucks, Dakota.”

  “I don’t know what to say or do. He’s being a jerk.”

  “You say and do nothing. He doesn’t deserve you. You should be with someone who appreciates and respects you. And if you’re not ready to have sex, then he should accept how you’re feeling. Not go around telling all us of how you’re . . .” Reece stops talking, obviously he too started saying something I shouldn’t really know.

  “I’m what, Reece?”

  He looks away from me, and I feel like a knife has been plunged into my heart. “Nothing,” he says in a small voice. The knife gets twisted and I feel so sick at the thought of what reasons Levi might be giving about our break up. My heartbreak must be completely obvious to Reece, because his shoulders tense up and he takes a step closer to me. In an innocent move, he engulfs me in a hug. “I’m sorry, Dakota.”

  His warm embrace feels right. There’s nothing creepy or wrong about his arms around me. Considering everything I’ve been through, I’m surprised at myself for being able to accept his touch and not freak out.

  Reece lets go and takes a step back from us. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” He runs his hands through his sandy hair. His brown eyes find mine, and I can see the apology screaming at me.

  “It’s okay, don’t worry about it.” We continue toward the nurse’s office in an awkward silence. When we get there, the nurse takes my slip from the teacher, and sits me down while she reads the note.

  “I’ll go back to class,” Reece says in a strained and hesitant voice.

  “Yeah, okay. See you at lunch.”

  “Lunch . . . right. See ya.”

  I watch his retreating back leave the office, and suddenly loneliness overtakes me.

  Walking toward the cafeteria, I spot Mariah and Lindsey ahead of me. They haven’t noticed me yet and they appear to be oblivious to everyone around them. They’re talking, pointing, laughing and carrying on. I can’t help but wonder if this is how I come across too? Do I walk like them, with an air of superiority? Do I discreetly point at others and giggle behind my hand all the while saying mean and hurtful things?

  God, I hope not.

  When I get into the cafeteria, Jordan and Aaron are already sitting at our table. Lindsey and Mariah join them, quickly followed by me.

  “Hi everyone,” I say while sitting down on a spare chair.

  “Oh my God, I heard you passed out. Are you okay?” Jordan asks as she leans over the table to give my hand a light squeeze.

  “Yeah, I didn’t eat breakfast and I kind of just . . . well, you know.” This story is much easier to tell then the actual truth.

  “Hey, how are you feeling?” Reece folds his tall body into the seat next to mine.

  “Yeah, good. Just needed to eat. The nurse gave me some juice and a couple of cookies and I felt fine so she sent me back to class.”

  “But you’re okay, right?”

  There’s an unusual concern coming from Reece. It’s quite intense. I bring my arm up and lean my head down, essentially creating a barrier blocking out everyone else at the table. “I’m okay.” I take a deep breath and narrow my eyes in question. “Are you okay? You seem kinda weird.”

  “Yeah, I mean it’s nothing. Just making sure you’re okay and it wasn’t anything serious.”

  “Are you trying to say something, Reece?” I caught the tail end of some conversations behind me, and they seemed to be quite interested in why I’d passed out in English.

  “What are you doing here?” I hear Levi boom over everyone else at the table.

  Blinking a few times, and taking several deep breaths, I slowly turn to find Levi standing on the opposite side of the table, his hands on his hips leering down at me. “I’m talking to Reece, and if you don’t like it, you can leave,” spurts uncontrollably out of my mouth.

  “You don’t get it, do you, Dakota? This area . . .” He does a circular movement with his finger than places his fists back on his hips, “ . . . is for people I like. And I don’t like you.”

  I look over at the girls, who are quietly nibblin
g on their lunch with their eyes downcast. They’re listening, though not saying anything. “So you’re saying you have a problem with me?”

  “That’s exactly what I’m saying.” He gives me a fake smile while narrowing his eyes at me.

  “Hey, man. What’s your problem?” Reece stands and puts his fists on the table in an obviously aggressive move. “She always sits here, just like she’s always sat in English class. Just leave her alone. You’re being a dick.”

  “Are you two going out now? Figures. Well, good luck with that.” Levi’s looking at Reece but points to me when he says ‘that.’ “She’s like a dead fish.”

  “You’re a damn jerk, Levi. What the hell did I see in you to begin with?”

  “You mean, what did I see in you?”

  “Leave it alone, Levi. You’re acting like a real prick,” Reece says to him.

  “Whatever. You’re all a bunch of losers.” Levi turns his back to us, and looks over at Lindsey. He motions for her to go to him, and she stands and obediently follows. “Let’s go,” he says as he slings his arm over her shoulder.

  I can hear her giggling as they walk away.

  “What the hell?” I say, looking at someone who was supposed to be my one of my best friends, walk off with my ex-boyfriend who’s turned out to be nothing but a jerk.

  “Don’t worry about it.” Reece sits back down and I watch Levi nuzzle into Lindsey’s neck. “She’s made no secret of the fact she’d go out with him if you two ever broke up.”

  “She said she’d have sex with him because she thought he’s hot, but I honestly thought she was kidding. I never, in a million years, believed she’d actually do it.” With a shake of my head, I look down at my lunch, confused and completely astonished. “I really can’t believe she’s gone with him.”

  “Don’t worry about them.”

  “It’ll be easier if I find somewhere else to sit at lunch. This is going to get crazy, and besides, I can’t handle looking at them together.”

  “Why? Is it because you still love him?” Reece questions me.

  I look blankly at him. I know my face is void of any emotions, because frankly, I don’t feel anything toward Levi, except he’s not the person I thought he was. Lindsey on the other hand, she’s hurt me more than Levi ever could have. “I’m more upset at Lindsey than Levi. She’s supposed to be one of my best friends.” Standing I grab my lunch and smile weakly at Reece. “I need some air.” Turning away from Reece, I walk out of the cafeteria and head toward the library.