Mistrust

by Margaret McHeyzer

  Reece laughs and shakes his head. “I think it’s cute,” he says shyly.

  Sam kicks me under the table discreetly—which is actually really obvious to everyone—and tilts her head toward Reece. ‘Stop it,’ I mouth to her. “How come your older brother wants to hang out with you?” I ask. Suddenly I feel my entire face turn red, heat is rolling off me as I realize exactly what I said. “Crap, sorry, that sounded so bad. I didn’t mean it like that.”

  Reece is chuckling as his eyes widen in surprise. “I can’t believe you said that. Anything else you want to insult? You may as well get it out of the way now while you’re still on a roll.”

  “She’s got a case of foot in mouth syndrome,” Sam interjects happily.

  “Shut up,” I playfully snap.

  “Please, go on. Maybe she doesn’t like the jeans I’m wearing today, or the t-shirt. Should I have styled my hair on the side?” Reece flips at his hair, teasing me further.

  “Dude,” Miles says walking back to the table with a tray full of food, having caught Reece playing with his hair.

  Sam and I look at each other and burst into laughter. “Great, now you’ve given my brother ammunition for the next three months.”

  Miles picks up a fry and throws it at Reece. “They weren’t the ones playing with their hair. And even if they were, they’re chicks, it’s what they’re supposed to do.”

  “Sexist much?” Sam says.

  “Nah, not like that. You misunderstood what I was saying.”

  “Dude, these two are a force to be reckoned with. Don’t argue with them, you won’t win,” Reece points to us.

  “I misunderstood what you were saying?” Sam turns her body toward Miles in order to continue this with him. He watches her and smirks to himself. “How can I misunderstand a sexist comment?”

  Miles chuckles and I smile too. “You went and did it now, brother,” Reece says in an ‘oh shit’ tone.

  “I’m just saying, girls can do that kind of stuff all the time but guys really can’t or don’t. It’s not typical guy behavior.” He shoves a fry into his mouth and winks at me. He can obviously see Sam’s trying to goad him, and clearly he’s okay with it. “Reece, is this what you have to put up with at school? All this ‘girl power’ crap?”

  I can’t help but laugh. Miles has Sam worked out, and now he’s giving it right back to her, making her work even harder.

  “Crap?” Sam shrieks. “Seriously?”

  “Next thing you know they’re going to want equal pay too.” Miles keeps eating his fries, one by one. Reece is shoveling his burger in his mouth and Sam realizes exactly what’s going on. I finish my burger and watch the amusing sparring match between Sam and Miles.

  “I’m tired of you,” Sam says casually to Miles.

  And that’s all the four of us need to laugh. “Your brother’s having a great time teasing Sam.” I sip some of my soda.

  “He likes to talk shit; he’s harmless.” Reece polishes off his burger then lifts his soda to finish that too. I look over to Sam and Miles and they’re having an easy conversation with each other. I’m surprised because usually guys who are in their twenties aren’t so easy to get on with. They’d usually think girls our age are beneath them and not really worth their time unless they’re hoping to get laid.

  Suddenly reality hits hard. The thought of Miles trying to chat up Sam for sex smacks me in the face like a bolt of lightning. “Your brother’s not going to get laid,” I say to Reece as I turn to face him.

  Reece’s face drops, and his eyebrows knit tightly together. “What?” I look to Miles and Sam, then back to Reece. It takes Reece a couple of seconds, before his eyes tell me he finally understands what I’m saying. “First, she’s jail bait, second, he has a girlfriend he’s been dating for like two years, and third, the only reason he’s here is because I saw you and wanted to spend time with you.”

  I stare at Reece, trying to find words. But I’m afraid the only thing I can do is blink at him. “Huh,” I puff. The words aren’t forming, I don’t actually comprehend what he’s saying.

  “Is ‘huh’ all you can say?”

  My blinks increase, as does the white noise in my head. “Um.” A barrage of questions surges through me; suddenly I’m tripping over my own tongue.

  “Now it’s ‘um.’ Maybe by the time the sun goes down, I might get a complete sentence,” Reece teases me.

  “You’re right about one thing.” Miles says to Reece. I look over to Miles. “She really is pretty, little bro, but not sure what you said to her to get her to go quiet.” He winks at me and gives me a goofy smile.

  Sam kicks me under the table again, and I look at her. “Stop kicking me or you’ll give me a damn bruise,” I snap at her.

  “I’m going to get key lime pie, want a piece?” Sam offers as she looks at me.

  “Hell yeah, I want a piece.”

  “Be back in a minute.” She stands and Miles stands too. “Where are you going?” Sam casts a watchful eye over Miles.

  “These places are filled with crazy people, I’m coming along to make sure you’re safe.”

  “Hmm,” Sam huffs. “Fine.” She walks off and Miles walks alongside her. I watch them leave and I’m guessing he said something funny because she turns to him and smiles.

  “I like your brother.” I push my trash to the side and bring my soda closer to me. “He’s nice. What does he do?”

  “He recently enlisted. He’s due to leave in a couple of weeks so he’s been spending time with all of us before he goes.”

  “Why didn’t you bring your little brother with you then, considering this is a fair and little kids love it here.”

  “Luke was supposed to come, but he was running a fever last night and this morning. So we came, and Miles said he’ll take Luke somewhere when he gets better.”

  “That’s gotta suck for Luke.”

  A moment of quiet falls over us, it’s awkward and tense. I can feel Reece’s eyes on mine, and I know he’s desperate to talk to me about those photos. “Dakota, how are you holding up?” The question takes me by surprise, it’s almost as if he knows about that night, and what happened to me.

  “Wh-what?” I stutter, trying my hardest not to give anything away. “What do you mean?” There’s a scratch to my voice, a clear caution and uncertainty.

  “Levi and Lindsey,” he breathes in a small restrained tone.

  “They’re a couple now, and I’m happy for them.” I don’t dare look over to Reece, because I know he’ll see the hurt rolling off me.

  “It sounds like you’re real happy,” he says sarcastically.

  “Truthfully, I really don’t care.” I look at him, and notice his intense gaze locked on mine. “I wish they’d leave me alone.”

  “What are they doing?”

  “More what they’re saying than anything else. It doesn’t matter, summer vacation is here and by the time school starts back up again, they’ll be so immersed in each other that no one else will exist.” I shrug my shoulders, pick the rubbish up and start toying with it attempting to distract myself from this conversation.

  “What really happened? All I have is Levi’s side of the story, and what he’s saying isn’t very nice.”

  My eyes flash to his and I see he genuinely wants to know, which makes me think, maybe it wasn’t Reece who drugged then assaulted me. “It doesn’t matter. It’s all in the past now, where it deserves to stay.”

  Reece huffs and turns on the bench seat so his body is directly facing mine. “This pisses me off so much,” he grunts. “Because I know something’s happened. You’ve changed so much. You’re quieter and more timid then before. You dress differently and you’re entire personality is different.” I look down at what I’m wearing, questioning my wardrobe choice of jeans and a t-shirt. “Something’s happened, and it’s so damn obvious to me.”

  “It’s nothing,” I try to say, but my throat constricts because I hate lying, and especially to someone who’s fighting so hard to know t
he truth. “Just leave it all alone, Reece.”

  He drags his hands through his hair, then down over his face. Reece lets out a huff before focusing his gaze away from me. “One day, Dakota, I hope I can prove to you that you can trust me.”

  “Hey, here’s your key lime pie,” Sam interrupts, smiling at me. But her smile is tight and her brown eyes are suspicious of the conversation she walked in on. I give her a small nod, silently telling her I’m okay.

  “What are we doing, little bro? Accompanying these two lovely ladies, or are we going to try to win Luke one of those giant stuffed dogs?” Miles asks Reece.

  “Um. What are you two doing after you finish those?” Reece asks looking between Sam and myself.

  “We’re going to check out some of the sideshows too,” Sam happily reveals, smiling. “We can all go together.”

  I roll my eyes as I shovel in forkfuls of the pie. “Then I might grab another soda, and when you’re done, we’ll head off.” Miles claps a hand to Reece’s back. “Want anything?”

  Reece picks his soda up and notices he’s finished it all. “I’ll get a soda too. Hang on, I’ll come with ya. Do you want anything?” he asks Sam and myself. Both of us shake our heads.

  The moment Reece and Miles leave, Sam leans over and says, “Whatever was going on, it looked intense. You okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m okay. He was asking about Levi and said he hopes one day I’ll trust him enough to tell him.”

  “I gotta say, I think he’s all right. I don’t know, Dakota, I don’t think he did that to you,” she whispers as she tilts her head slightly so no one can hear us. “I’ve got a good feeling about him.”

  I shrug my shoulders and crinkle my nose. “I don’t know anymore, Sam. You’re the only person, other than Mom and Dad I trust.”

  “I’m not saying you should fully trust him, just cut him some slack. I really don’t think he’s the one who hurt you.”

  “I s’pose.”

  “Ladies, are you ready to head off?” Miles asks as he and Reece both come back to the table.

  Reece looks at the half eaten key lime pie on my plate and says, “Not good?”

  “It was, I’m just so stuffed.”

  “Then you’re ready? Unless of course you’ve changed your mind?” Reece’s voice is overshadowed by sadness. It seems as though he really wants us to continue on with them.

  “You ready?” Sam asks looking at me. I nod and stand from the bench seat, grabbing my trash. “Let’s go.”

  I grab her trash too and go to take it to the bin. “Here, let me.” Reece holds out his hands to take them. A big, friendly grin easily sprawls across his face. We head off to the side shows. Reece spots a giant stuffed dog and heads straight for it. “We have to win this for Luke,” he says as he turns to Miles.

  It’s a shooting game where there are ducks going across a makeshift pond, and you have to use a carnival gun to shoot at them.

  “You need to shoot six ducks,” the carny says as he takes Miles’ money.

  “Six, you can do this one,” Reece says to Miles.

  “Nah, not me.” He holds his hands up in resignation and steps back chuckling. “C’mon, Dakota, give it a go.”

  I look to Reece who offers me the gun, then at Miles, whose gentle smile is encouraging me to have a go. “I’ve never been interested in this game before,” I admit.

  “Well it’s not for you, it’s for my brother, so you better get interested in it,” Miles says and softly shoves me toward the game.

  “You can do this, just pretend they’re Levi and Lindsey,” Sam says and laughs at her own joke.

  I grab the gun, and look over my shoulder at Sam. Reece chuckles too, but he puts his hand up to his face to cover the snickering. “Come on, Dakota.”

  I take a breath in, line the gun up with a duck, and shoot. The first one falls over. “YAY!” I scream in excitement as I jump up and down on the spot. “Oh my God, I got it!”

  “Five more to go,” the carny guy says, in a bored monotone.

  “How many shots do I have?”

  “Ten in total.”

  Suddenly I get really nervous, because this is for Reece’s brother, and if I don’t get them, they’ve wasted their money. “Here, you better do it.” I turn around and offer the gun to Miles and Reece who are standing next to each other.

  “No way, you’re having too much fun.” Reece shakes his head.

  “Here.” I thrust the gun toward Miles and he takes a step back. I look to Sam who also shakes her head. “I won’t get them. Someone take it, please.”

  Reece steps up to me, and turns me around so we’re facing the stupid ducks. “Have faith in yourself, Dakota.” He guides me so I’ve got aim on the ducks. “If you don’t have faith in yourself, no one else ever will either.”

  I squint as I look down the barrel and take aim. Stopping for a second, I tilt my head toward Reece, trying to catch his attention. But he’s not looking at me.

  The next nine shots see me lose . . . spectacularly. But I had so much fun trying. “I’m sorry I lost,” I say to Reece and Miles.

  “Did you have fun doing it?” Reece asks. I nod and smile at him, because even though I didn’t manage to shoot down six ducks, I still shot down four. And every time I got a duck, I screamed and surprised myself. “Good, because you looked like you were having a ball.”

  Miles comes up to the game, pays the attendant and shoots six ducks, all in a damn row. “Seriously?” I say as I flail my arms frustrated at myself.

  “Hey, you did well.” Reece moves so he’s standing beside me to my right, as Sam’s on my left.

  Miles wins the stuffed toy for his brother, and we head on to the next game.

  “Did you girls have fun?” Mom asks when she comes to pick us up. “Who’s that?” Her keen eye goes to Miles who’s standing by the curb.

  “That’s Miles Hendricks,” I answer as I wave to him.

  “Reece’s brother? Boy, he’s grown. I haven’t seen him in years. Where’s Reece?”

  “He’s gone to the bathroom,” Sam answers.

  “Oh right. Who’s that stuffed dog for?” Mom pulls away and heads toward home.

  “Luke. He’s sick, so they won him a toy to make him feel better.”

  “They’re good kids, those three. I remember when I first met his mother, I thought she was a new-age hippy type. As it turns out, I was right, she is a new age-hippy type, but so nice and generous. Anyway, I’ve spent the day packing everything we need for our camping trip and we still need a few things, so tomorrow I’m going to the mall to get them. Do you girls want to come too?”

  I look behind me to Sam and she eagerly nods. “Sure thing,” I say.

  “Oh crap,” Sam huffs. “Taylor’s coming over tomorrow. We were going to hang and go for a swim.”

  Mom lets out a small sigh and takes her hand off the steering to rub her chin. “Right, well I’m not leaving you two on your own. What time is he coming over?”

  “He said about ten. Is that okay with you, Mom?”

  “No, ten’s too early. Tell him to come over at lunchtime, that way we can go to the mall and be back in time for lunch. Tell Taylor to bring an appetite.” Mom smiles at Sam through the rear-view mirror.

  “I’ll text him now.”

  We get home and I take a shower. The weather’s been steadily getting hotter, and today is no exception. When I get out of the shower I go to Sam’s room. “Hey, can you do me a favor?”

  “Always,” she replies as she sits up in bed. “What is it?”

  “Can you check my phone, see if there’s anything there.” I scrunch up my nose, and draw my eyebrows together. “If there is, don’t tell me.” Grabbing the hair tie I have around my wrist, I gather my long hair and put it in a ponytail. “No actually, do tell me.” I huff a deep breath. “No, don’t tell me.” God, I feel ill. My stomach contracts in anticipation of what Sam’s going to find.

  She’s got my phone in her hands, and she’s powering it up. We
both wait, our breathing ragged. Sam’s slim shoulders shake as she scrolls through whatever she’s seeing on with my phone.

  “Crap,” I mumble. Frozen with terrified fear, I simply wait for Sam.

  “There’s nothing here.” Her eyes are down, glued to the screen of my phone. “There are a few messages from Sophie saying she’d love to hang out. And one from Reece, he messaged this afternoon after we left the fair, here I’ll read it.

  ‘Hey Dakota, thanks for letting us hang out today. Maybe we can do it again.’

  She looks up at me and her kind eyes find mine. “See,” she says. “He’s alright.”

  “I must admit, I’m kinda comfortable around him. But nowhere near enough to say he wasn’t the one who . . .” my voice trails off, refusing to say the word. “You know.” Sam nods as she looks at me. “Maybe, when we get back from camping, then we can all hang out. You know, me, you, Taylor and Reece.”

  “Yay,” Sam happily exclaims while she drops my phone on her bed and claps her hands together. “You called him Taylor, not Calvin.”

  “Thank you, Sam. You’ve made this whole thing less stressful for me.”

  “I can’t imagine it’s a pleasant experience for anyone.” She screws her nose and mouth up as she says the word ‘pleasant.’ “I’m sure there are people out there who don’t have any support. You have me, and if and when you let them in, Mom and Dad too.”

  Shaking my head, I stand and start pacing in frustration. “You know I can’t, it’s too late. Weeks have passed and I’ve had loads of opportunities to tell them and haven’t. Now, if I say something, I’m going to look like a liar. I should’ve told them the night it happened.”

  “Yes, you’re right. You should’ve,” Sam agrees. Her voice isn’t harsh and scolding, more like sympathetic with understanding. “But I’m sure they’d prefer to hear it from you, rather than hearing it from someone else. Secrets always have a way of blowing up.”

  So many emotions hit me at once, Sam sings the same tune all the time and she’s right, I know it. “Just stop it,” I bark toward her. Annoyance is bubbling under my surface, I’m overwhelmed by everything.