by Shane Morgan
He grasps my arms and turns me to face him again. “Maybe he was never there to begin with.”
I sigh, considering this. Could he be right?
“I’m going to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with yourself.”
I nod. “Okay.”
After a brief pause, he asks me, “What do you really want?”
My breathing stops for a moment. I get a prickly sensation at the back of my neck and butterflies start to swarm madly in my stomach. I stare into his eyes and find my voice. “I want you to kiss me again.”
He says nothing more, only pushes into me and plants his lips on mine. I slide my hands behind him and caress his back. The next thing I know, Daegan is lowering me down on his bed. He climbs on top of me, touching me, kissing me, consuming all of me.
He wants me.
My breathing intensifies when he moves his lips from my mouth and kisses my neck. It ignites the flames under my skin. I start to unbutton his shirt. He pulls it out of his pants. The firmness of his chest and stomach makes me tremble.
He’s so damn hot!
Daegan traces my cheekbone until his lips find mine again, and then I feel his strong hands slide down my legs, pulling up my dress. His fingers stroke my skin, exciting me.
A light moan escapes me. It seems to have scared him because suddenly he’s pulling himself away from me. I reach my hands around his back, trying to make him stay. But he won’t. He moves his hands away from my legs and pries his lips off of mine, going over to the other side of the bed.
He steadies his breathing while he lies flat on his back and stares up at the white ceiling. A part of me is disappointed and another side understands.
I touch his shoulder and he finally looks at me. For a long time we just lie there, gazing at each other. He has this yearning in his eyes. Like I’m not here and he’s waiting for me. And I think I know why.
It’s the inevitable, that as soon as we start to explore what we’re feeling, it’ll possibly have to come to an end.
Daegan drives me home around the time that he expects his father to return. As he pulls up outside my house, my insides collapse when I see Milo sitting on my porch steps, waiting for me, worry plastered over his face.
This is going to be tough.
Milo pushes to his feet when he sees us. He glides a hand through his hair, seemingly bewildered.
Daegan starts to say something. “I’ll stay until—”
“Actually, I don’t want there to be an argument so…” I lift a brow and hint at the fact that I want to speak to Milo without him here.
He spins his head away from me, appearing upset. Then he tightens his grip on the steering wheel. “Fine. See you.”
My heart wants to explain, to say that I’m not choosing Milo over him, but my mind wants me to let this go, to let him go, too. It won’t work, so why pursue anything?
Releasing a sharp breath, I turn and climb out of the car. Daegan drives off right after.
I twirl and start up the entrance towards Milo. The least I can do is be honest with him.
He meets me halfway, handing me my studded clutch, which I left on the table in the auditorium.
He sticks his hands inside his pants pocket and gives me a onceover before he speaks. “I thought maybe you felt sick and went home. I was worried. But then I heard his date was looking for him and I thought it seemed too coincidental.” He pauses for a moment before he adds, “So I guess Daegan Stone was the one I had to be careful of, not Alex.”
“Milo, I—”
“Why did you go to prom with me?” he cuts me off. “Why did you even bother coming up to me that day? Why didn’t you just let us go on the way we were?”
“Because at that time,” I answer in a near whisper, “I still had my eight-year-old crush on you.”
His head goes up and down slowly. “And then?”
“Then Daegan happened. Then singing happened. And I’ve been trying to piece my thoughts together to understand how my feelings for you managed to disappear after I held on to them for so long.”
Milo steps closer. He takes his hands out of his pockets and cups my cheek. This would be the time to feel a jolt of electricity, but it’s not there.
I feel… nothing.
He leans in and kisses my lips. I drop my hands to my sides and clench my fists. Again, I feel nothing… only guilt. Milo is finally kissing me after so long, but he’s not Daegan and that makes me feel horrible.
When he pulls away, I can tell that he’s offended by my reaction, or lack thereof.
He laughs short and wipes his thumb across his bottom lip. “I guess I should have done something a while ago, huh? It’s not like I didn’t feel the same way about you.”
“I’m sorry,” I murmur.
“No, don’t be.” He brushes my strands behind my ears. “Maybe it’s for the best. I mean, we won’t be able to see each other much after graduation, and by the time I get to New York this fall, you’ll be a global star—too busy to hang out.” He grins.
Faintly, I smile. “Hey, who knows? Maybe they’ll hate my music and I’ll be dropped from the label and have to go back to my original plan of being a songwriter and guitarist.”
“No they won’t.” He touches my arm. “They’ll love you. Because you’re Aurora Lawrence: the girl who shines inside and out. The girl who everybody loves.”
I glance down at my heels as realization shoots through me—I have to let that part of my life go once and for all, because now I see that it really was the ten-year-old me that was holding on to the ten-year-old him.
That was the year my world shattered and I was trying to keep everything else intact. But I am older now and I’m no longer afraid.
“I’ll see you then,” he says calm and even, stepping past me.
“See you,” I say to his back.
Milo waves feebly when he reaches his car on the other side of the street. He hops inside then he drives off. I let out a long breath before I turn around and walk up the porch, quietly entering my house.
Aunt Leah is fast asleep on the couch. The TV’s on low and she has her cellphone nearby on the coffee table.
Tiptoeing over, I kiss her on the forehead, pausing when I spot the picture frame of my parents that she’s clutching in her arms. I guess because it’s my senior prom she misses them more than ever and wishes they were here to see me tonight.
Sighing, I turn the TV off and head up to my room.
I’m unable to fall asleep with thoughts of Daegan circulating around in my head. I wish I could start something with him and make it work because honestly, I like him as much as he likes me, and I was ready to give him my heart, and more, on that bed earlier tonight.
33.
My life has been one hectic ride since that performance at the Heat Room. I can’t believe with all that’s going on I still managed to fit studying into my schedule, much less end up doing well on finals.
It’s been a week since my friends and I have graduated high school. We’re now on the verge of separating. It’s scary how fast time goes by when you don’t want it to.
I’m at the House of Blues in Cleveland. My showcase kicks off in a few minutes, and I’m nervous as hell. I can’t believe that I’ve been given the opportunity to grace the same stage as so many awesome musicians before me. That’s as exhilarating as Slash’s solos in Guns N’ Roses’ ‘November Rain’.
Emma, Aunt Leah, Alex, Drew, and Chris are sitting in the audience along with their families. Luke’s backstage with me, trying to keep me calm. The one person that can do that easily isn’t here tonight, and that’s my fault.
I haven’t spoken to Daegan since the night of the prom, and he’s been avoiding me, too. I know he thinks I’m still strung up on Milo, but it’s probably for the best that I don’t give him any hope.
Alan says the summer tour will kick off in New York, and then we have stops in Michigan, Illinois, Texas, California, and then Washington. It’ll be fall before I return to
Seville, and even then I’ll be busy working on my debut album.
A relationship just won’t work.
“You ready for this, kiddo?” Luke asks, coming over to my chair.
I nod and spring to my feet, clutching my guitar. “As ready as I can be.”
He walks with me to the door. “Look, I know they already decided on ‘Break Free’ for tonight, but you sure you want to sing that one?”
Confused, I stop and glance back at him. “Why? You don’t think people will take to it?”
“No, no. Don’t get fussy now. I just thought that love song, ‘If You Stay’, would leave more of a mark. Sounds like the kind of songs you should be singing. But hey, what do I know?”
He pats my arm. I consider his words until I hear the MC, getting ready to introduce me.
I wrote that song after Daegan kissed me on my cheek. He’s always saying I could connect with the audience when I sing emotional songs like that. I wonder…
“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage a new artist making her official debut here at the House of Blues: Aurora Law.”
The audience applauds. I step into the spotlight and in front of the microphone stand.
I don’t know why, but I actually peer around the large yet intimate room, looking for Daegan. Feeling silly, I relax my nerves to say something before I get into the performance. “Thank you so much for coming out this evening. I’m very excited about sharing my music with you and I hope it’ll reach your hearts.”
I’m about to play the opening melodies of ‘Break Free’ when he enters. It’s a wonder how I see him so easily in the dimly lit room. Then again, I have always been able to find him. My heart just knows where to look.
Emma waves him over to her table with her parents. I can’t control the joy I feel, seeing him here on this special night.
A smile makes its way to my lips. I close my eyes for a beat then exhale deeply as I open them, starting ‘If You Stay’ instead. Through this song, he’ll understand my feelings for him, because this time around I truly mean the words.
I can’t get over your eyes
The touch of your hand or the way…
…that you smile
Don’t mean to make you feel sad
But know that in time everything…
…will be fine
You fight to break down all my walls
Forgive me if I… make it so hard….
Love me when I’m crazy
Hold me when I’m crying
Tell me that you need me
Baby, please don’t leave me
But if I take a step back
Know it’s for a reason
So promise that you’ll be here
If you stay, I’ll know where I belong
You help me face all my fears
I’m swept up in love…
…and all I feel is this peace
It’s like I’m high as the clouds
Now the voices inside…
…they don’t scream out so loud
I know that it’s hard for you to see
Forgive me if I… don’t make it so easy
Love me when I’m crazy
Hold me when I’m crying
Tell me that you need me
Baby, please don’t leave me
If I take a step back
Know it’s for a reason
So promise that you’ll be here
‘Cause if you stay, I’ll know where I belong
And if there’s nothing left… but memories
That’s enough, it’s still real… ohhh
Cause as long as love remains… for you and me
Oh it’s enough, you’ll see…
Love me when I’m crazy…
Come hold me when I’m crying…
Tell me that you need me
Baby, please don’t leave me
And if I take a step back
Know it’s for a reason
So promise that you’ll be here
‘Cause if you stay, I’ll know where I belong
Ohh… oh…
If you stay, I’ll know where I belong
If you stay, I’ll know where I belong
In your heart, I hope I’ll have a home
When I end on the mellow note, there’s nothing but silence. Then that’s quickly shattered by a massive round of applause and soul-shaking cheers. I step away from the microphone and bow, unable to contain my smile or the single tear that streams down my cheek.
“Thank you,” I say. “Thank you so much.”
Luke hugs me when I return backstage. “You okay?” he asks.
I nod with a grateful smile. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. Thank you.”
He waves me off.
Alan bursts through the door. “That was wonderful. A surprise, but wonderful,” he raves. “You didn’t tell me you were going to change the song.”
I flick over to Luke. He grins knowingly. Everyone comes into the room shortly after, laughing and praising me. I look over their shoulders and see Daegan by the door, hesitant to enter.
After hugging Aunt Leah and my friends, I make my way to him.
“Hey, thanks for coming,” I say.
Nonchalant, he shrugs. “Cool song.”
“Thanks,” I smile up at him. “Someone very special inspired the lyrics.”
Daegan stares at me as if he’s amazed. His gloomy eyes glide over my face until they finally land on my lips.
I go to say something when Aunt Leah comes over, hauling me off by the elbow. “Let’s go outside and interact with your new fans,” she enthuses. “Everyone’s captivated by you.”
I slant and look behind at Daegan, wanting him to come with me. He does, but he keeps his distance.
The people I meet throughout the night are so kind and encouraging. They want to know when my music will be available in stores, which I direct to Alan whenever they ask. I have so much fun talking to music lovers of various ages that I can’t wait to go on that summer tour now. It’s a great feeling, being able to perform for an audience and give them a good experience. I love it.
As the evening progresses, I grow tired and try to slip away around back to get my guitar and head out. I also want to talk to Daegan before he leaves. He catches my eye. I nod him towards backstage.
“You really were incredible out there,” he says when he comes in behind me.
I pick up my guitar off the couch and meet his gaze, blushing. “Thanks. I’m glad you’re here. It kinda gave me a boost.”
He cocks his head to the side, curious. “A boost? Really? Wouldn’t you rather Milo had been here?”
A tense air develops in between us. After a moment, I release a long breath then decide to be honest with him. He deserves that. “Daegan, Milo and I aren’t together. We never were and I didn’t let it happen when he wanted it to.”
He straightens, surprised. “But I thought… on prom night—”
“I was finally honest with myself,” I cut him off. “That night I found the strength to let go of something I was stupidly holding on to for so long.”
“So you’re not seeing him?” he confirms.
I shake my head as I reply, “No.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me?”
“Daegan—”
“I’ve been going through hell the past couple of days, hurting, thinking you were with him when you weren’t. Why’d you let me believe that you chose him that night?” He edges closer to me, looking me dead in the eye.
I drop my eyes to the floor for a second. When I glance back up to meet his piercing gaze, my heart skips a beat. I’m shaken by the passion in his eyes.
“I’ll be leaving soon,” I tell him.
He scoffs. “So what?”
“So we’ll be far away from each other for a long time, and when I do come back to Seville, you’ll be in Columbus.”
Daegan grasps my shoulder, filling the little distance left between us. “Aurora, I’m not asking for forever. I’m aski
ng for here and now, that feeling in any moment we get to be together.”
“But—”
“Do you want to be with me?” he asks. There’s no hesitation or fear in his tone.
My voice comes out in a near whisper as I answer, “Yes.” I lower my guitar next to the chair. “Yes. God, yes I want to be with you. I want to be with you so bad it hurts.”
He shoves his mouth on mine, kissing me hard and with more lust than ever. I lock my fingers around his neck, squeezing into his chest. Daegan tightens his grip on me, as if his life depended on it.
The kiss slows to a stop when Emma walks into the room, everyone else not far behind.
“Whoa,” she giggles. “Get a room.”
“Oh, I knew it,” Chris breaks in. “I knew there was something else between you and Daegan Stone.”
“I don’t think we’ve met,” Aunt Leah says, coming over to him. I know she wants to drill him and I’m not ready to bring up the truth about the accident and about David.
“We’re going for a walk,” I blurt out, pulling Daegan away from them towards the door.
I catch sight of Alex as we walk out of the room. He doesn’t seem to be as devastated as I’d feared, but there’s still a disconsolate look on his face. My heart relaxes a little when he smiles at us, understanding.
I scurry outside House of Blues with Daegan and we stroll in the warm night air, entangled in each other’s arms. The sky is perfect tonight, filled with glistening stars.
Daegan hugs me from behind as we wander down the sidewalk. He kisses me on the cheek and whispers at my ear, “Thank you for singing to me, and you don’t have to worry, I’ll stay.” He sings the words in his deep voice. I can’t help my laughter.
We continue down the sidewalk, hand in hand, Daegan acting sillier than I’ve ever seen him before, dancing and singing my song to me.
If you stay, I’ll know where I belong…
34.