Color Her Red

by Crystal Shaw

  “Ma’am, you’re pregnant?” He restrains his smile and tries to remain professional.

  “I don’t know, I think I might be.” I let myself smile. “I need a pregnancy test.”

  “I’ll be right back.” He leaves before I can protest. I want to go with him. Is he really going to go buy one?

  I tie up the trash bag and push it down. I pick myself up again and scurry to the bathroom. I brush my teeth and wash my face hurriedly. I look at my self in the mirror. Please, please let me be pregnant.

  I remember the conversation about a week after he proposed; it was the first time we discussed children. “I want to marry you, spend my life with only you Emma.” He was so devotedly amorous, kissing me, his hot breath on my neck.

  “What about children?” I was so naïve, of course he wanted children, he was just being a romantic prince. He silently laughed with his nose resting on mine and gently kissed my top lip and then the bottom one.

  “Of course, if you’d like to have children, we’ll have children. Plural?” I giggled at his response as joy spread through my body. I was going to have a husband and children. I nodded my head and buried my arms in my chest as he embraced me.

  We started trying a month before the wedding, we didn’t care if I was a month along by the wedding, and you wouldn’t be able to tell anyway. I was thrilled; the excitement of having a child overwhelmed me. He would be such a great dad, he has a tough exterior, but the Thomas I know is caring and gentle, and I couldn’t wait to be a mother. Our children would want for nothing. I spent hours with Kate coming up with potential baby names and researching their meanings.

  But it was all for naught. Every time I saw the negative, I couldn’t help but to weep. I didn’t know why I couldn’t get pregnant. I wanted to give him a baby so bad. He has given me the world, and all he has ever asked from me was to give him a baby and I couldn’t do it. We used ovulation tests and when that didn’t work we decided to see a specialist. They said we should keep trying. Pregnancies take time. It’s so hard to believe, given that both of us were surprises to our families.

  The doctors said the stress might be why we have been having difficulty. Stress? What did I know about stress until just a few days ago?

  I hear someone outside the door.

  “Emma, I have what you requested, they were available at the front office.” Michael is back, outside the bathroom door.

  “That was quick.” I go to the bathroom door and grab a small bag from his hands. “Thank you so much.”

  “Good Luck Emma,” he nods and walks down the hall.

  COME ON PEE. I always have to pee. The one time I need a stream and I can’t muster up a drop. Concentrate. You can pee. You can do this. I laugh. What is wrong with me? Apparently I don’t work well under stress.

  Finally. I put it on the counter. I can’t look. I sit back on the toilet. Just wait a minute, just a single minute. It’s agonizing. I hold my breath and rock. I can’t stand it any longer. I pick it up. Two lines. I chirp and start jumping up and down. I silently scream. I can’t believe it; I’m pregnant. I run out of the bathroom and straight into Michael almost pushing him over.

  “Where is he?” I can’t contain my excitement.

  “He’s in the study, upstairs.” The smile returns to his face and he hesitates to say something, and then he speaks. “I’m so happy for the both of you.” He nods at me as I run towards the stairs. I swing on the railing and barrel down the hall. I halt myself outside his door and knock lightly.

  “Yes?” He is stern in his response.

  I open the door. He’s on the phone so he holds up a finger. I find a chair in the corner and take a seat.

  “Are you sure? … That fucking bitch.” My mood drops immediately. I think about turning around, but he motions for me to remain seated before I have the chance to leave.

  “Make sure this gets out into the press. … Call Joshua Barker. Tell him I want to prosecute her to the full extent of the law. … Thank you.” He slams the phone down and closes his eyes. His anger dissipates as I squirm in the chair.

  “What was that about?” I ask under my breath. I don’t want to know. I have such fantastic, wonderful, blissful news. I don’t want him to be bogged down with whatever that was.

  “Apparently, Elizabeth was the source for the article.” His voice is low and full of regret. I gasp.

  “You’re not serious?” I can’t hide the shock in my voice. I’ve known her ever since I started seeing Thomas, she was even at our wedding.

  He nods, “She did. Michael just confirmed it was the publisher, it didn’t cost quite as much as we thought it would to release their source.”

  “Was she involved with the news, the leaked photos?” I move my knees to my chest, saddened by the memory.

  “No, no. She didn’t have anything to do with that.”

  “Why would she do something like that?”

  He exhales a long breath. “After she came into my office and showed me the video, the clip of the news broadcast, we worked out all of the public relations bullshit and I tried to call you again. It was the fourth time. I didn’t bother to keep leaving messages, I knew you were deliberately not answering.” He looks at me with sorrowful yet angered eyes and my stomach knots. I feel awful reminded of the pain that I caused him. “I was pissed Emma. I was really fucking pissed. As I was getting ready to leave, she said something to the effect of ‘If you can’t get ahold of your wife tonight, you have my number, you can always get ahold of me.’ And I lost it.”

  “She made a pass at you?” I’m disgusted, I feel a wave of nausea and I have to lean back in my seat and concentrate on my breathing to contain it.

  “Yes, and I fired her instantly. The company replaced her with Margaret Keller, I’ve worked with her before, when Elizabeth was away.”

  “So she wrote that story?” I am confused and upset. I had no idea that any of this had happened.

  “She didn’t write it. The magazine editor called to get a comment and she fabricated the story. I’m not sure what all we can charge her with, but I want her to burn at the stake. I’m going to make sure she’s never hired again.” His lips are in a hard-pressed line; he’s fuming.

  “I’m glad you didn’t take her up on her offer.” I smile a bit and try to make light, but my smile doesn’t reach my eyes.

  “I will take you throwing objects at my head over another woman, any day.” I can’t help but to smile and he grins in response.

  “So what do you need?” Oh crap, I can’t tell him now. I bite my lip. I don’t want to tell him now. I can’t, not when he is in such a horrible mood. My brightened spirits are completely gone. I stutter to respond.

  “Is everything alright?” He looks so concerned that it makes me laugh. I wonder if he is going to make that face every time the baby cries.

  “What’s so funny?” He is amused by my sudden outburst. I can’t help but to laugh.

  “Nothing, nothing.” I’m still smiling; apparently my happiness is not badly wounded from Elizabeth’s betrayal.

  “You came in here to tell me something, what is it?” He has a huge grin on his face; my giddiness is infectious.

  I feel my cheeks start to hurt from my smile. I run my hands around the polished wood. I can’t help but to keep smiling. He looks at me with his head tilted. He’s curious. He licks his lips.

  “Emma, sweetheart, what is it?”

  “Thomas, I think I’m pregnant.” I can’t believe I said it. It just spilled out. I didn’t want to say it; the words escaped my lips without permission. Tears swell in my eyes. He looks up from his desk and his blue eyes meet my gaze. His face looks soft and a bit in shock.

  “Pregnant,” he sits up straight in his chair and looks at me from head to toe and then his eyes meet mine again, “you’re pregnant?”

  I nod with a small smile.

  He gets up so quickly that he knocks the chair over. He doesn’t look back. His beautiful smile makes his eyes squint as he holds me.
He kisses me quickly, small kisses on my lips and face and then he moves to my belly. I laugh.

  He looks up at me with big blue eyes, “We’re going to have a baby?”

  “Yes!” I can hardly breathe; I’m so elated. He jumps up and grabs my waist lifting me into the air and kisses me hard on my lips. He drops me into him and holds me tight.

  “We’re going to have a baby, Thomas.” I give his nose a nudge with mine and smile.

  “I’m so happy, Emma.” He closes his eyes and kisses me holding me in his embrace. “I’m so happy.”

  I DRY OFF, stepping out of the shower onto the cold floor tiles. We spent the rest of the afternoon on the beach, not doing much of anything, just soaking in the sun and pushing the hot sand around with our feet. I thought about wading in the water and body surfing but I settled on relaxing, enjoying my new glow. Thomas stayed with me, holding my hand and kissing me every so often. I kept looking down at my flat tummy. I smiled knowing I would have a baby bump soon. We discussed baby names; the thought makes me smile. We didn’t agree on anything yet, but we have plenty of time.

  I walk out of the bathroom patting my hair dry. Thomas is relaxed on the bed with his laptop next to him, staring up at me.

  “So tonight, I’d like to have dinner with my parents.” Thomas looks at me, not so much asking if I’m all right with the arrangements he’s made, he’s telling me.

  “I didn’t know your family was in Bora Bora.” I’m in shock. We haven’t seen his parents since this past summer when we spent a week with them at their vacation home in St. Bart’s. I didn’t expect to see them again until Christmas.

  “They weren’t. They’re flying in now.” He looks up from the computer smiling. “I wanted to tell them the news. Your mother’s on her way too.” My eyes widen.

  “Thomas, we haven’t seen a doctor yet.” The sound of my voice worries him and his smile fades. He looks crushed. “I just don’t want to jinx it.” He hesitates and looks at me. “We shouldn’t tell anyone until we are at least three months along. I don’t want to get everyone’s hopes up, just in case…” My voice trails off and I feel my stomach knot at the unwelcomed thought.

  “We don’t have to tell them then.” His face is kind and understanding, but his body has sunken into itself. “If you want to wait, then we can wait.”

  “Thank you Thomas.” I kiss him and turn towards the closet. “So how much time do I have to get ready? And where are we going?” I want to change the subject immediately.

  “I think another two hours.” He sighs. He must have put them on the jet. I can tell I’ve let him down; I don’t like putting a damper on his plans, it makes me feel guilty. “What would you like to eat?”

  “Anything and everything, I’m starving.” I search in the bag for something to wear and I feel Thomas hurry across the room to be beside me. He grabs my waist pulling me up to him and kisses my cheek.

  “That’s because you’re pregnant.” His eyes have lit up again. I smile back at him as he gives me another kiss.

  IT’S A SHORT WALK to La Villa Mahana. Thomas has his arm around my waist keeping the soft chiffon fabric from blowing in the wind. He gives me soft butterfly kisses on my neck as we walk to the front doors. I can’t help but smile. A nice gentleman holds the door open as we walk in and Thomas composes himself taking my hand in his.

  “Emma, sweetheart, you’re glowing.” I see my mom stand; her voice echoes across the room. Thomas releases my hand and I move through the tables gracefully and quickly hug her. I can’t believe my mom is here. I’m overwhelmed with happiness. I feel his hand on my lower back as I release her. He embraces my mom as I move to the other side of the table. His parents are getting up from their chairs.

  “How are you my Dear?” His father’s arms embrace me with a forceful hug; his cologne smells fresh and cool. His mom kisses me on the cheek and then gently smudges her lipstick off with her thumb making me stand while everyone watches. I silently giggle while Thomas watches, amused.

  The five of us take our seats; I’m sandwiched between my mom and Thomas. Before I can enjoy the fact that we’re all together for the first time since the wedding, Thomas’ mother begins.

  “Thomas, please tell me you didn’t invite us out hear to discuss the debauchery on the news last week.” She takes a sip of water, not taking her eyes off Thomas. “I’d like to think that I’ve raised my son to be a better man.”

  Her rant makes my heart sink. Bitch. Who would bring that bullshit up? She’s a hard woman to love. It’s her tone and her rough edges that make us all feel awkward. I’d forgotten all about that nightmare, and now she has brought it back up. I nervously grab my napkin and smooth it in my lap, staring hard at the white charger in my immediate sight. I’m sure my glow has darkened.

  Thomas still hasn’t responded. I see the light in his eyes dim. His dad stares at his mother with a look of contempt. He looks pissed, but says nothing. He has never objected to his wife’s bitchy tendencies. Thomas has a close bond with his father, not so much with his mother, as evidenced by her constant gabs. My mom begins to speak, no doubt to defend Thomas, but Thomas clears his throat halting her. She glances at Thomas and then to her glass of water, letting out a small polite curl to her lips.

  “It’s not too much to think that your son and his wife just wanted to enjoy their families’ company, is it?” His face is soft but his eyes are like daggers, warning her to watch her step. He’s supported his family since he was twenty-four, his mom had no problem accepting the house and ungodly amounts of money; she continues to ask for anything and everything that she wants, always wanting more and more. Even with everything he’s given them, she remains cold to him at times. I don’t know why, sometimes I think she’s resentful; she feels entitled. Not that she ever did anything for him. She has an uncanny ability to guilt him into giving her more. Tonight, Thomas is not in the mood for her games; he won’t tolerate it.

  I scoot myself uncomfortably in my seat. Thomas’ demeanor changes, he can see I’m upset. He quickly changes the subject. “I’m very happy you’re all here.” He smiles as his eyes reach everyone and then land on his mother. His chest expands as he breathes in. “I hope you had a nice flight.”

  The waiter graciously interrupts the dismal mood. “Hello Mr. Grant,” he politely bows his head and begins handing out dinner menus, “could I start you and your guests off with a bottle of wine or champagne? We have an excellent variety.”

  “Yes, a bottle of wine please, do you-” Thomas looks at me, and pauses.

  I can’t drink wine; I’ve already had too much alcohol as it is. The thought saddens me. What have I done to my baby? I feel my throat close and try to let out a small cough to clear it. I can’t think about it right now, not in front of our family. My hand reaches for my glass of water and I take a sip with my eyes on Thomas. He has paused too long; he’s giving it away. I raise my eyebrows at him as I drink. Fuck. It’s so obvious.

  His eyes stay on me but he speaks to the waiter, “a bottle of whatever you would suggest.” The waiter hesitates, looking at me, before nodding politely. When I put the glass down I feel my mom’s hand on mine. Her eyes are glossy and promising; she’s trying too hard to keep her mouth from forming an all out grin.

  “Emma, sweetheart, is there something you want to tell us?” Her eyes and voice are both hopeful. I part my mouth but I don’t know if I want to say it out loud. I’m so afraid of jinxing it. We’ve been waiting so long and we haven’t even seen a doctor yet. I pause and toy with the napkin on the table. They already know; there is no point in denying it.

  “We haven’t been to the doctor’s yet but-” I speak hesitantly as Thomas’ hand moves to my shoulder. I can feel his soft eyes on me; I can feel his happiness. Before I can continue, my mom starts to cry, letting out small whimpers of joy.

  “You’re pregnant?” His mother launches out of her chair throwing her napkin to the floor. The entire restaurant is gawking. Could she have said it any louder? She heads for
me and embraces me while I’m still sitting; I have to take a second look, she has tears coming down her face.

  “I’m going to be a grandmother.” She gasps releasing me. I hadn’t expected her to act so excited. She holds out her arms to Thomas and he accepts. I stand to hug his father who gives me a small peck on the cheek. I can hear applause erupt from the audience in the restaurant. My cheeks flare as I blush.

  “Well done you two. I’m very happy for you.” He pats my back as he hugs me. When he releases me he looks down at my flat abdomen. “Not too far along yet?” I stutter to get a response out.

  “We just found out this morning.” Thomas answers for me eagerly. His Dad gives me another embrace and again kisses me on the cheek. His mom is still holding onto him, refusing to let him go.

  “I’m so happy for you!” She repeats over and over. I am grateful that she is so kind to him. He never told his parents that we were trying to have a baby. He scowled when I asked if he had. I have an uneasy feeling that his mother never wanted him to marry me. It’s almost a certainty, but I push that thought aside. There is no doubt that she’s overjoyed we are having a baby, and I am gratified knowing that she’s happy for us.

  Once again everyone takes their seats, smiling and crying tears of joy. Finally, I’m able to take my mother’s hand. She’s shifted in her chair so that she’s facing me. She keeps kissing me on the cheek and crying. Neither of us can speak for a solid moment. When she can finally speak, she holds my hand tenderly in hers and says, “You are going to make such a great mother,” before letting out more sobs of happiness. I must get my emotions from my mother.

  Once things have calmed and the food has been served, Thomas leans into me, and quietly whispers, “I thought you weren’t going to tell them?” I can’t help but to smack him playfully under the table hitting his leg with the back of my hand. He smiles and leans in to me to give me a kiss. I stare into his caring, teasing blue eyes. His light is back and so is my glow.