Color Her Red

by Crystal Shaw

  Chapter 12

  The remaining days of our vacation were amazing and entirely comforting. It meant the world to me to see my mother and how happy she was for the two of us, correction, three of us. I was sad to see her go, but I was grateful to have a couple more days alone with Thomas. Those days were spent carelessly lounging on the white sand, catching the warm glow of the sun on our skin. Thomas has pampered me to no end, romantic candle-lit dinners and strolls on the beach as the sun sets on the dark aquamarines of the ocean. I’d grown accustom to resting my head on his chest listening to various boy and girl names roll off his tongue, gauging whether or not the name is worthy. The sweet smell of his skin and the soft hum of his voice comforted me. I didn’t want to leave, but we had no choice, reality put an end to my serene escape.

  As we packed our bags, we were interrupted with yet another magazine article. Apparently someone in the restaurant sold a story that we were pregnant. My heart dropped. Thomas thinks it was the overly attentive waiter, but honestly it could have been anyone, given how loudly his mother yelled our news. Damn his mother and her huge mouth. I cried for almost an hour and only stopped when Kate called me. I had planned on telling her in person; this wasn’t something that I thought qualified as an acceptable conversation over the phone. It was agonizing to hold it from her. The last two days I refused to take her call; I couldn’t handle hearing her voice and not being able to tell her, I blamed my absence on the reception. She was, of course, overjoyed and ecstatic, a little pissed that she found out from an article. I refused to let Thomas comment on the story, I didn’t give a damn what PR was telling him on the other end of the phone. It’s not supposed to be known yet; we still haven’t seen a doctor.

  Other than that small hiccup, the vacation was wonderful. I wish we could stay here forever.

  “We’ll be home soon baby.” Thomas’ eyes are the softest blue and they are full of happiness. I smile at him and give him a small peck as I settle back down into the seat of the plane. I have mixed feelings about going home. I can’t wait to see the doctor; I want her to say it out loud, “Congratulations, you’re pregnant!” I feel a warm bliss over my body thinking about it. And then my thoughts change. She is still out there somewhere. And she may know that I’m pregnant. I wonder if that will send her away, maybe she’ll leave us alone, but the darkened thought that the news may cause her to do something much worse haunts me in the silent moments. We don’t talk about her, he doesn’t want me to worry, but I do worry, I sicken just thinking about it. The last time I was home, she was there and that knowledge chills me to the core. We can’t hide away forever. It’s our home and it will be our baby’s home. We have to go back, I don’t know if I am ready though.

  “Did you make the appointment with Dr. Kenz?” I ask Thomas as Michael carries the last two remaining bags and heaves them into the back of the plane. I need a pleasant distraction, and thinking about seeing my doctor does the trick. Dr. Kenz has been my OB/GYN since I started seeing Thomas. Thomas insisted that I see a doctor that he approved; apparently my doctor at the time was not good enough for him. Luckily for me, Dr. Kenz is a kind and professional doctor with a sweet demeanor. She has a way to make the uncomfortable seem normal and relaxed. My first visit with her was the most awkward visit I have ever had in my life though; I made sure I trimmed up down there for the occasion, I don’t know if that’s normal or not, and she commented on it. I hope Thomas appreciates your landscaping. Looking back on it I laugh, but I was mortified at the time.

  “As soon as we land she’ll see us. The appointment is at ten but she knows we’re flying, so if we’re late that won’t be a problem.” I nod my head and rest back into the seat cushion. My body feels anxious; I don’t know if it’s the flying, the pregnancy, or the fact that we’re going home. I take a deep breath and try to relax my breathing only to look up and see Red-hot-for-my-husband is back. She reminds us of the escape routes with a huge smile and practically passes out at the sight of Thomas’ smile. Kill me now.

  MY HEELS ECHO as they click on the bright white tiles. The sparsely decorated hall seems much longer than it ever did before. Dr. Kenz’s office is all the way at the end; I focus on her door and my breathing. Thomas holds my hand tightly and pulls it to his lips for a small kiss on my knuckles. He is nothing but smiles; ever since we landed he’s been this way. I slept in and out during the flight. We returned to brutal cold New York and I made half of an effort to get back on the plane.

  He gives my hand a squeeze as he opens the door. Lindsey immediately greets us, a freckled receptionist with her curly chestnut locks pulled into a tight ponytail.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Grant, Dr. Kenz is ready for you.” She smiles warmly and walks us to a small familiar room in the back.

  Thomas helps me take off my coat and lays it along with his over the back of a chair in the all white room.

  “Welcome back to the States you two.” Dr. Kenz slips into the room carrying a folder. Just seeing her allows me to give out a small, relieved breath. She has a way about her that puts me at ease. “How was your flight?”

  “It took forever, other than that it was just fine.” Thomas is sociable with Dr. Kenz. He smiles at her, waiting for instruction.

  “You know the routine.” She looks at me with her eyebrows raised and signals for me to prep for her prodding.

  “Panties too?” I ask with a shy grin.

  “Yes, please.” She nods professionally as she puts on gloves.

  Thomas takes a seat close to the bed as I slip under the thin sheet. I set my feet in the cold, metal holsters, keeping my knees touching, and wait for further instruction.

  “Today, I want to determine the due date, if possible.” She says as she preps a monitor and rather long wand. “Thomas said you are a few days late and took a pregnancy test?”

  “Yes, but I was looking at my calendar and my last period was really short and light.” Thomas looks at me quizzically, this is news to him, but he stays quiet.

  “Oh, did you take a test then?”

  “I didn’t think much of it. I was dealing with my book… it was a little stressful.”

  “What about your period before that?”

  “Normal, on time, heavy.” I sigh back in the bed and look at the ceiling, “cramps like usual.” The doctor laughs; she knows how much I hate my period, but then again who likes their period? On birth control, I had practically no period and zero cramps; it was glorious. My period came back with a vengeance when I stopped taking the pills.

  “All right, I’m ready when you are Mrs. Grant.” Thomas reaches for my hand I hold onto him tight. Please let me be pregnant with a healthy baby. All eyes are on the monitor as she prods me. She readjusts the wand a few times, checking with me to make sure I’m comfortable. Amongst the black, there is a small flutter of white. Dr. Kenz smiles and I feel a warm surge of happiness run through my body.

  “Do you see that you two?” She points at the screen, the small white fluttering. Thomas squeezes my hand.

  “Is that our baby?” he asks. I stare at the screen mesmerized and feel the small pricks at the back of my eyes.

  “That’s a heartbeat. A very strong and steady heartbeat.” Thomas kisses me on the cheek, I turn to him with tears in my eyes and he kisses me hard on the lips.

  “Congratulations, I’d say you are about ten weeks along.” My cheeks hurt from my smile. I wipe the tears away as Dr. Kenz continues to point out features on the screen, head, arms, legs feet. My baby is bundled up into a little curved circle, with a white fluttering heartbeat. Thomas kisses me again and moves his hand to my belly. I’ve never been so happy in my life.

  Thomas holds my waist as we exit the hospital. Michael exits the car and moves to open the door. He looks expectantly at Thomas as we walk closer.

  “Ten weeks,” there is pride in Thomas’ voice.

  “Congratulations you two,” Michael smiles warmly, the same smile when I told him I thought I was pregnant. I can’t help but to reach up and
give him a hug before I slide into the car.

  I feel warm, full of peace and happiness, as I nuzzle next to my husband. He kisses my hair and runs his hand down the curve of my waist and then to my belly. As we start to move, I slowly get a chill.

  “Where are we going now?” I look up at Thomas’ blue eyes as the car moves and from the corner of my eye I see Michael look at us in the rearview mirror.

  “Home,” Thomas looks at me with concern. “Is there somewhere else you wanted to go?” I shift uncomfortably in my seat. I don’t know how to explain how I feel. I don’t even know what exactly I am feeling, anxious, a little terrified. Thomas calms me before I can respond.

  “She hasn’t been spotted around the house or the office the entire week, Emma.” He sighs deep, a deep frown on his face. “It’s difficult to track her. She has no phone, credit cards, no address.” He moves his hand to my face, caressing my skin gently, making me close my eyes.

  “Don’t worry. She is probably long gone, but just in case, I’m keeping security tight.” I open my eyes to see his soft blue comforting eyes on me. He kisses the tip of my nose. “I don’t want you to think about it.” I nod my head in his chest taking in his scent and letting out a long exhale. He lifts my chin up and kisses me tenderly on my lips.

  “Promise me you won’t worry.” His eyes are sincere and they are looking deep into me, begging me.

  “I promise,” I almost whisper the words. I give him a small kiss and rest my head back on his shoulder. He’ll keep me safe. I rest my hand on my tummy. He’ll keep us safe.

  Chapter 13

  I finally feel a sense of relief. I can sleep in my own bed without worrying and without having unwanted images of her invade my dreams. The first night back was the worst. Thomas made two men stay outside the bedroom door all night while I slept. I woke screaming from a horrific nightmare that made my body tremble and weaken, I couldn’t remember what it was though. Thomas had to dart across the room to get to me. He was in his chair in the corner of the room, his eyes were bloodshot; he hadn’t been able to sleep. Now he holds me in bed every night, his arms wrapped tightly around my body, pushing me into his chest. His touch is comforting and needed. I can sleep, knowing he’s holding me, once again protecting me from myself, and better yet, he sleeps knowing I’m safe in his arms.

  The next day I went to see him in his office, every blonde looked like her, the fucking psychopath haunting me. I had to calm myself and remember that the security team was with me always and that she hadn’t been anywhere near our home or his office for over a week. Yesterday I finally went out for lunch with my editor, and the blondes didn’t startle me. I was at ease and finally felt as though everything was fine and there was no need for me to worry. “She’s probably long gone.” That’s what Thomas says, and I was just starting to believe it.

  We’ve been back for four days now and life is normal, well almost normal. My world is full of tiny baby clothes, shoes, and swaddling cloths. I’ve been researching how to be the best mother I can, starting immediately. Thomas has hired a trainer to come to the house to show me how to do yoga to keep the baby healthy and make birthing easier. I hope it works; truthfully I’m terrified about giving birth. It’s the ripping and pushing that makes me feel like I might not be able to handle it. I told Thomas to just knock me out and wake me up when our little one is out. I’ve also signed up for pregnancy classes and massages. The last one was Thomas’ idea and I found it difficult to object.

  Kate was ecstatic when I told her that, of course, she would be the godmother. I’d held that little tidbit from her; I had to wait to tell her in person. Her reaction was worth the wait; she was ecstatic. The pompom-loaded cheerleader was back in full force, screaming so loudly that it deafened the audience, the security team still following us, the other shoppers in the mall, and my poor ears that were way too close to her mouth.

  “Are you serious?” She grabbed me, wrapping me tightly in her arms and slamming the bags in her hands into my back, “I’m so happy, Emma!” She kept thanking me over and over again. I smiled at the thought that when the terrible two’s roll around, I can remind her that not only did she want to be godmother, but she also thanked me profusely for the title.

  Her eyes watered up, “I’m going to give this baby whatever she wants regardless of what Thomas says. If she wants candy, she’s getting candy. If she wants a princess racecar, she’s getting one. Tell your control freak of a husband, that I love him dearly, but I love this baby more and she will have anything and everything that she wants.”

  “She?” I laughed, I was definitely not going to repeat that message to Thomas, she can do that and she can receive the brunt of his response herself.

  “You’re having a girl Emma, I have a sense for this kind of thing.” She wiped her eyes and started moving frantically around the store. “We have so much to do.”

  She just dropped me off at the house after spending four hours in the baby department at Saks. The sight of miniature clothes and shoes made both of us insanely elated. I’m folding the newly purchased baby clothes into little piles and organize them in the old guest room closet. I didn’t let her buy anything pink, it’s all neutral until the doctor confirms Kate’s belief that I am, in fact, having a girl. Rose helped me bring up the outrageous number of bags before she left for the weekend. She attempted to take the clothes from me, so she could fold them, but I wanted to do it. She gave me a warm smile and caved, letting me clean the soon-to-be baby’s room.

  I look around the room, thinking about how it will look as the nursery. It’s spacious and close to the master. Plenty of room for everything the baby will need, and then some. There are still a few boxes that need to be cleared out, but other than that, it’s empty. I decide I’ll make one of the two large bay windows a reading nook. I saw an adorable set up online with cute shelves attached to the wall and floor pillows everywhere. There are built-ins on the far wall that will need to be taken down, but that shouldn’t be too difficult. The walls are a cool cream. We want to wait to paint until we know what the sex will be: a little Thomas or a little Emma. The thought delights me. The doctor said in another month or two we should know. I can’t wait to find out.

  I put the last pair of yellow booties on the shelf. They’re adorable, one of many gifts from Kate. I rub my thumb along the soft laces. Happiness overwhelms me. I turn to take in the room, it doesn’t look much like a nursery yet, but it’s getting there. I do my best to fold the stiff gift bags and neatly place them into the largest basket. So many gifts already, everyone has been so kind and supportive. It warms my heart as I let out a small sigh and allow myself to be consumed by happiness.

  My smile vanishes as I hear a loud bang and then another, quickly one after the other. Every hair on my body stands upright as my skin freezes. I scramble to the ground and frantically pick up my phone. I hear the front door slam hard. No, no, she’s here. I’m temporarily immobilized. I don’t know if I can speak quietly enough, I don’t want to make noise, I don’t want her to hear me and know where I am. I back myself into the closet and text the last person on my phone: Kate.

  I heard gunshots. She’s in the house. Call 911.

  Staring at my phone I attempt to copy the text with my shaking hands so I can send it to Thomas, but it’s too late; I can hear her in the hallway. My body stills. I should have moved. I should have gone to the panic room. Regret and stupidity wash over me, draining the blood from my face. I’m trapped in the room with no escape as I hear her walk up the stairs. I tremble; fear weighs my legs, holding them motionless.

  I hear her footsteps move into the room. My back is against the wall of the closet and I am huddled, terrified. I pray she doesn’t see me but the door to the closet is slightly open. I know if she takes a few more steps she’ll see me. Silent tears fall down my face as I listen to the calculated footsteps creep further into the room.

  “What are those?” A low seething voice whispers.

  My heart stops. She knows I�
��m here.

  No, no she can’t be here.

  I can’t breath. I know she’s just feet into the room, but I can’t see her through the crack just yet. Fear has taken hold of me. I try to raise my arms but they are motionless, frozen with fear. My phone vibrates in my hand making me drop it, I don’t see who’s calling. It’s too late. I swallow hard and breathe in haphazardly. Just breathe. I lower my arms to my side and open the door wider, stepping out slightly.

  She has a nasty scowl on her face. Her blonde hair looks greasy and unkempt. Her face is pale and her eyes are sunken in. Her lips are chapped. She looked so beautiful in the photos, but in person… she looks ghostly and gaunt.

  “Did you think having his baby would make him want to keep you?” She takes a step towards me and I unconsciously take a step back, hitting the door with my back. She’s close to the door leaving me no option to run, the realization petrifies me. I have no choice but to stand here and wait for help. There’s nowhere for me to go, no way for me to escape.

  “I’m not quite sure what to do about your condition.”

  I’m so frightened. I feel my lips shaking. I don’t know if I should respond. How can I respond to that?

  “Thomas never said he wanted a child.” She looks at me in the eyes reaching into her waistband she pulls out a gun and moves its weight between her right and left hands. Her right index finger slips around the hole in the barrel of the gun.

  “He’s happy. He wants the baby.” My voice is low and I stutter the words. Please, don’t hurt my baby. Tears run down my cheeks as the horrific thoughts creep into my mind. “Please don’t hurt me. Please don’t hurt my baby.” My lower lip shakes helplessly as I make my plea. My eyes are filled with tears blurring my vision, but I can see her face. She squints her eyes and leans into me, taking another step.