by West, T J
Things were super hard for Melody. She didn’t know how to be a parent to a ten year old; she never asked for it and never wanted to have children of her own. Yet she managed, bringing me up the best she knew how. She took on bartending and got occasional singing gigs to support us, but the money never came flowing in. I saw the frustration, the tantrums and many nights of her crying, wondering how she was going to put food on the table or how she was going to pay for a new pair of shoes for me. Seeing how hard it was on her made me feel very guilty. I thought about it daily, how she had given up her dreams to raise and support me. I promised myself that someday I would help pay her back..
Unfortunately her dreams got cut altogether. I was in college, getting a degree in interior designing. Our parents left money for me in their will and they had placed restrictions on it that I could only use it for college. Going to school was always something I wanted to do. I loved designing and couldn’t wait to make a living out of it. But things got cut short for me too. Melody damaged her hand while cutting limes at work. Her hand slipped and the knife sliced into her palm - the hand that used to play the guitar. The owner of the bar couldn’t help pay for her hospital bills or therapy so I had to leave college and get a job.
I didn’t have any experience in anything, nor had I ever worked before, so I did the unthinkable - I began stripping. I don’t know what that makes me as a person, but I was only twenty-one, I had to do what I felt was right to help my sister and to pay those horrible medical bills. I was desperate. I found an ad in the help wanted section, asking for new, inexperienced dancers. I knew what I was getting myself into. Our parents insurance was not enough. We were drowning and the only choice I thought could bring in the dough was taking off my clothes for drunk, dirty old men who had money I seriously needed.
The money was fantastic. After four degrading years I was able to pay most of Melody’s medical bills and other things that were important, we were finally back on our feet. However, I couldn’t take it anymore. Every shift I felt dirty and used. I hated being gawked at, whistled at, and men were always trying to grab my tits. It wasn’t right. Even though I had bodyguards walking me to my car, or pushing the men out the door when they mistreated me - I still couldn’t take it. Six months ago I left behind friends, employees and a job I’ll never miss, because I found a new place that has treated me with respect and most importantly like family.
While working at the strip club I was able to get Melody and myself a nice condo to rent downtown. The Hard Rock condos are very pricey, but the owner was a multimillionaire who I knew from the strip club; he gave me a really good deal. It was good knowing that not all men from the days of me stripping were nasty old men. Once in awhile they would just come in the club to talk, release their stress from the week, and I was there to listen. So being a stripper wasn’t horrible all the time. Anyhow, I was so very lucky to land such a great place for me and Melody. It was a one bedroom condo, so Melody let me have the bed while she slept on the sofa bed. The place was already filled with furniture, dishes, TV’s, everything we needed. Although we did buy a few pieces; such as bright colored pillows to brighten up the drab gray walls and the black leather couch. It was a bachelor pad waiting for a woman’s touch.
Since my sister’s accident she hasn’t worked or put any effort into trying to get a job again. I’ve become the sole bread winner, the one who’s in charge of the money. It was fine in the beginning, but now it’s gotten a little out of hand. Melody changed after the accident; depression, denial has hit her hard. Not being able to play her guitar anymore, it’s totally understandable, yet at the same time I feel like I’m ten years older than her now, instead of the other way around. She’s turned into a teenager; going to concerts almost every weekend, partying and blocking out her loss, all the while leaving me to all the responsibilities. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m tired of doing everything myself. I give her a weekly allowance, which she spends on her motorcycle and the concerts she goes to. I feel all my hard work is going into the gutter. I just wish she would get some help and move on. However, I love my sister and will continue to support her no matter what. I just hope it doesn’t last forever.
I’m about ready to go to work when I notice a few unopened, unpaid bills laying on the kitchen table. Once again Melody has forgotten to pay them. I’ve been extremely busy with work so I’ve asked her to help out by paying a few bills for me, since even getting online to do it is becoming a hassle for me.
I pick up the electricity bill. “Have you paid these yet?” I turn toward her.
She’s getting a cup of coffee. “Uh….forgot,” she shrugs then takes a sip of her coffee.
She really doesn’t seem to care and it’s so frustrating for me. “Melody!” I snap.
She wraps her arm around my shoulders, and squeezes me; like this is no big deal to her. “Sorry, Harm, I forgot...I’ll deal with it right now.”
I shake my head without looking at her and scold her, “Please do, because the electricity is due tomorrow and if we don’t - “
She raises her voice at me in frustration; childlike, “I said I’ll pay it!” I hate when Melody gets snappy with me. She’s been living under a rock if she hasn’t realized what I’ve done to help her out. She’s been so careless it’s scares me. Melody sighs, puts her coffee cup down and gives me a hug. Another thing I don’t like is her kissing up to me every time I give her a responsibility. “I’m sorry, alright? I just got up and I’m exhausted and grumpy.”
We go through this all the time, it’s like a broken record. “I’ve gotta go to work,” I mutter. I go grab my purse and check my face in the mirror one more time before I open the front door.
“Don’t you wanna hear about the King's Fate concert?”
I see her in the reflection of the living room mirror; she has her hands on her hips. She’s dying to tell me about her trip, yet I don’t have it in me to listen. Plus I’m running late for work. “No, I don’t.”
“Party pooper,” she crosses her arms.
I whip around, “Well someone around here has to make money to pay the bills, so no I can’t listen to another one of your concert hookup stories,” I bluntly state. It’s true though. She’s always giving me the same stories about how she got to go backstage to meet the band and how she hooked up with the one of the bandmates. It’s like she’s reliving her twenties again or something and she’s not even forty yet! Although I did take away her chance at “living it up” when she actually was in her twenties. What is the fascination with hooking up with a different band member every week?
“Oh, but doll, it was fantastic!” She exclaims.
I open the door. “Bye, Mel!”
“You’re no fun!”
“See ya!” I close the door behind me and head off to work. It’s going to be a very long day.
I jump in my old beat up Saturn and make it to work a few minutes early. I immediately go get a cup of coffee and check on my list of things that need to be done. We have a small promotional party for a law firm that Helene, Faith’s mother, and I are setting up. We have a banquet room at the hotel for special occasions so word is getting around town that we put on the best parties, which is helping the hotel become popular - and giving me more work. I really do enjoy helping Helene with the parties; from table settings, to decorations, it’s been so fun. Not the job I expected to have.
Since Faith has been on tour with lead singer, boyfriend Lucky, from JINKS, I’ve moved up to assistant manager. I got a nice bump in my salary, which may not be as much as I used to make as a stripper, yet it’s a nice number and it pays the bills and I get to keep my clothes on - I am so not complaining. I was shocked that Faith even had the confidence in me so soon for the position in the first place. I didn’t come here looking to be anything other than a housekeeper. I don’t have experience in management so when she told me I was not housekeeper material and instead I was going to help her mother as a party planner, I was overjoyed. Now I’m a party planner p
lus an assistant manager. I couldn’t be more happy. A respectful job.
I was sitting in the coffee lounge, drinking my coffee and going over my list when Helene finds me. “I just got a call from Faith. They’ll be here in a couple days! Oh, how I have missed her,” she exclaims gleefully. Helene is a classy woman. Her black hair is cut into a cute bob, with bangs that frame her oval face to perfection. She’s got amazing blue eyes that remind me of Faith and a voice that is sweet, soft, yet holds a firm tone when she’s in manager mode. When I first met her I fell in love with her stamina. She made everything seem so amazing and exciting; I held onto every word she ever taught me and followed her around as if she was the Queen of England. I admire her and look up to her.
Helene is wearing a simple black dress that ends at the tips of her knees, a gorgeous necklace with chunky teal stones, teal stone earrings, bracelets and teal stiletto heels. I love her style. I bought a few dresses of my own so I could blend in with the classy, elegant style of the hotel. Being a stripper previously I didn’t own any beautiful dresses, only underwear. Wearing my sheath, patterned dress I feel more at home now than I ever did at the club.
“I bet she’ll be happy to be back,” I say without much enthusiasm. I should be ecstatic she’s coming home, but I’m just afraid -
Helene cuts off my thoughts. “Harmony, what’s troubling you?” She drags a chair from the table, comes by my side and sits close to me.
“How can you tell?” I ask shyly.
“I’ve come to know that look,” she grins. “Tell me.”
I look down, shaking my head. “It’s silly.”
“Nothing is silly coming from you.” She’s so sweet and caring. I miss having a mother in my life, someone I can go to and talk about my feelings with.
Her kind eyes make me feel at ease. “Well...will I be demoted, do you think, when Faith gets back?”
“Demoted?” Helene throws her head back and laughs. She grabs my chin, leans into me and smiles. “Oh, honey no! Faith and I think you are a wonderful addition to the family, of course you won’t be demoted.”
I whisper, “Family?”
“Yes...family,” she says happily. Wow...family. I never thought I would ever hear that word again. I feel myself tear up, she just made me so happy! “Now, cheer up that beautiful face, we have a small party we need to host later on.”
The party went without a hitch, but afterwards I was super tired and ready to go home.
All day I thought about what Helene told me - Faith was coming home, so that meant the entire band will be too. Danny will be home. I’ve kept quiet about him this entire time, not wanting to tell anyone about what went on two days before he left for tour. I’ll never forget the first time I met him. I found him passed out in the middle of the hotel lobby. He was a mess and smelled horrible. I immediately ran over to Faith and Lucky telling them about Danny. I don’t know why, but I stayed along with them as they dragged him up into Faith’s suite. Somehow I felt compelled to stay in the room with him. He looked as if he needed someone to take care of him. He drank so much I didn’t want him throwing up all over himself and on the furniture, or God forbid, die from alcohol poisoning. Slim and Wayne were in the suite with me, both had their eyes on me for a long while, making me uncomfortable. I should be used to the gawking, but these guys were not just any guys, they were JINKS. I didn’t really know them and shouldn’t see them as anything special, but the room was quiet and the air became stuffy as they stared at me. I had to ask them to leave and promised them I would report back to them if anything happened. Wayne gave me his cell number and kissed the back of my hand. I thought the jester was very sweet, but I had a feeling he was just a player and did this with all the women he encountered.
Faith texted me, giving me permission to use her bed and pj’s. I did just that. I took a shower, got dressed for bed and checked on Danny one more time. He was still passed out cold, yet I couldn’t stop looking at him. I made my way in front of him, sat on the coffee table and just…..gazed at him. There was something about him that was haunting me. What drove him to drink so much? I remember seeing him take one shot after another with a deep scowl on his face throughout the entire dinner. He seemed angry, hurt and very lonely. Why would he do this to himself and what caused it? I have always been a caregiver by nature and wanted to heal him, help him with his demons. I don’t understand why I wanted to help him, I don’t even know the guy. We’ve never met each other before; this was the first night I laid eyes on him. He was so good looking, I don’t think I’ve ever been drawn to anyone before - not like this. Sleeping, he looked so at peace, I wanted to curl up beside him and hold him close. I wanted to glide my fingers through that awesome fohawk of his and make whatever pain he had buried inside disappear. Is it so insane that I felt something for him without even knowing who he was? It is insane. I’m insane. Maybe I’ll think differently once he’s awake? Maybe it was a family trait to be so attracted to rockstars.
I felt even more drawn to him the next morning. I borrowed a pair of yoga pants and t-shirt from Faith’s dresser. I noticed Danny stirring while I came into the living room to check on him. I quickly gathered a glass of water and some Motrin. He was definitely going to need it. Although he looked horrible, I still found him extremely hot for someone who almost drank himself to death. He was scratching his dark bearded scruff when I brought over the water and pills. He rubbed his eyes, not aware that I was near him. I placed the items on the table in front of him and told him who I was. He didn’t respond, but took the pills and drank the entire glass without a breath in between. I wasn’t sure if I should say anything, afraid I would set him off or something. I sat down across from him, leaned on my knees and explained to him what happened the previous night. He looked me up and down, slowly, as if I were some kind of an illusion. His eyes were blue, glassy and the lids were heavy. Heaven’s me, but his eyes were so beautiful, I felt myself almost blushing. I couldn’t stop gazing at them. He must have felt like shit and here I was getting my caffeine-fix through his eyes. Man, I really needed to get out of there pronto! I quickly left and hadn’t seen him since...until the night of the hotel opening party that is....a whole other story that makes me melt every time I think about it.
I’d enjoyed watching JINKS perform. I’ve never heard their music before, so watching them perform for the first time was amazing. I loved every single song they sang. Lucky was outstanding and definitely belonged up on stage. My eyes kept gliding over to Danny. I was stuck in the back of the crowd eyeing his every move, feeling the intense vibrations of the guitar; his fingers skimmed along those strings, they were made for him. I could tell he was meant to be a rockstar, and it intensified my connection with him. I don’t know why I felt this overpowering connection between us, maybe it was from the night I took care of him, or the way he made the women feel while he played his instrument? The power was there and it scared me.
After JINKS took a break I went to the bar and got myself a drink. I struck up a conversation with the bartender, trying to get Danny off my mind, but it was useless. He was now embedded inside my head. Just as I was about to turn away, Wayne stepped into my space. He had a look in his eyes, almost as if he was afraid to speak to me. I found that awfully weird and really cute. He definitely was cute…...okay, not cute….HOT. Another set of bright, blue eyes and dark, black hair that covered part of his left eye; he was a rocker inside and out. He knew he was a Greek God and could have any woman his heart desired, yet there he was, right in front of me, asking me out on a date. His lip biting was such a turn on I couldn’t turn him down. He pumped his fist in the air and told me I wasn’t going to regret it. I certainly hope not. Maybe it wasn’t the smartest move I’ve ever made, the band was going to leave on tour and I just agreed to go out with one of the members. I’ve never been good at dating. In fact, I’ve always hated going out and being perfect for someone who I didn’t know. I drank the rest of my martini and felt a little lighter; drunk. I heard the DJ strike up t
he music and I instantly started dancing back to the dance floor.
It was as if there was an electric current between us; I could feel Danny in the room watching me and I hated to admit it….I absolutely loved it. I pretended I hadn’t noticed him in that dark corner and that thrilled me for some reason. I threw my hands in the air and danced to my heart’s content, spinning around without a care in the world, not worrying what I looked like to others. I was having fun and giving Danny a show without even feeling like I was stripping. I was being myself and living life to the fullest. As if I was struck by lightning I sensed his presence. I felt his hands on the tips of my hips, causing me to jolt. This was not happening. No way would Danny Jay be grinding me from behind, making my legs quiver and my panties wet. He had the best moves and took me for a ride I’ll never forget. In an instant my hands moved onto his, enduring the smooth lining of his knuckles and the warmth they carried. I could feel his breath on the side of my neck as our hands moved slowly up toward my breasts; just like that he squeezed them. Not in a million years would I ever allow a man I didn’t know touch me that way. It was a rude, disgusting manner that would usually make me turn around and smack the asshole. However, with Danny…..I freaking craved it and wanted more from him. I arched my back and pressed into his hands. One lick on my neck and I was a goner. Without hesitation I whipped around, slammed our chests together and went in for the kill; we kissed as if our lives depended on it, I never wanted it to end. What he brought out of me was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I’ve never been kissed the way he kissed me, it was unreal. One minute we’re on the dance floor engaging each others mouths and the next he was dragging me to an area near the restrooms. My back was against the wall, I was breathing excessively hard, while his intense stare got me weak in the knees. I wanted more of him, but he wasn’t quick to having me again. He kept gazing at my lips, moving his eyes up to mine, furrowing his brows. I felt like time was in slow motion until he connected our lips once again. He raised my arms above my head, wrapped one of his hands around my wrists and refused to let me touch him as he kissed the life out of me. I wanted to touch him, grab his ass, but instead I felt his erection line up against my stomach - heavens me, he was nice and hard. I dont’ know where the animal came from, but I wanted to attack him. Not in my wildest dreams did I picture myself actually doing this with anyone. I’ve never been insanely attracted to anyone until Danny. I had always thought there was something wrong with me because I never gave myself to anyone before. Here I was, twenty-six years old…….still a virgin….. through and through. But in this moment I wanted to have him. I wanted to give my body to Danny Jay. For the very first time I ached to have someone inside me.