by West, T J
He couldn’t be more right. I can’t believe how much our lives have changed just in these past few months. Signing on with June was the best Goddamn thing that has ever happened to us. I am finally going to be able to take care of my mother so she can quit her job and I can buy her a huge house to live in. She deserves this and I can’t wait to tell her the good news.
“Hate to say it, but you really do smell,” Jason coughs, then laughs along with Lucky. I roll my eyes and give him the finger. Jason usually isn’t upfront with anything; most of the time he’s quiet and keeps to himself. “What did you do last night that you couldn’t have gone out with us?”
What did I do last night? I got to kiss the most gorgeous girl ever, leading to a woody that lasted all night. “Drank, got drunk, listened to Christmas music,” I end with a shrug.
“Christmas music?” Lucky chuckles.
“It’s ‘tis the season, bro,” I grin. “Gonna hit the shower,” because I really do fucking reek.
I RACED HOME THE SECOND I left Danny’s apartment. The paparazzi were on me while I was heading out to my car asking crazy questions about why I was there, do I have a relationship with Danny? They were endless, harassing questions that I tried very hard to ignore. How long was I going to be in the spotlight and how much longer till they find out about my past as a stripper? Knowing my baggage will be put out on display makes me very uneasy. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it.
I am not even sure I can handle this precarious position with Danny and Wayne. How am I going to separate my emotions? Trying to be just a friend to Danny while having such strong feelings for him at the same time, while I pretend to be in a relationship with Wayne, who I can’t really stand? When Danny and I are together we have this magnetic force that automatically drives us to each others lips. It’s so powerful and overwhelmingly mind-blowing, I just want to hang onto him for the rest of my life. Before Danny crashed through my self protective shield, I did everything I could to keep myself from breaking my code of not getting too close to anyone. When Danny came along I let my guard down. I welcomed the uninvited gravitational pull that he had on me and granted our desperate vibe to taste one another. How he devoured my lips and sucked on my tongue; I could feel his need to take me to another world and he did and it stopped time. He was so intense I couldn’t get enough of him. Still, I had to end it. My mission was, and is, to get him to open up to me. Kissing, driving our bodies to oblivion is not how he needs to heal. As much as I wanted to take things further, one thing was true - I cannot be with him while he is holding onto this anger with Faith, his father and the hurt of his childhood. He’s only hurting himself by continuing this rage and grudge. I know I had to get out of there quick before I lost all self control.
I am glad to know I hadn’t been followed home by those picture taking lunatics. I wish they would go to hell and leave me alone. Unfortunately my wish was a lost cause. They will continue to hound me for any kind of story just to make a buck. Wretched bastards.
“There you are! I was worried about you. You never go out.” I had just walked inside my apartment when Melody frantically jumps up from the couch and pulls me in for a hug.
I chuckle from her sudden paranoia. She is right though, I never go out. I’ve never been one to hang out with anyone on a late Friday night. I am super boring. “What are you doing home?” I ask, as I put my purse down and walk toward my bedroom.
“Eh, boring night with a boring guy.” We both climb inside my bed covers and turn on our sides so we are facing one another. “So, where were ya?”
“Oh….just went to see a friend,” I answer in a nonchalant way. I can tell Melody is not going to buy my answer.
“Ha! A friend?” She pushes me on the shoulder. “Sister, come on, tell me who he is!”
I bury my face in my pillow and groan. “Danny Jay.”
“Who’s he?”
“The guy from JINKS. Faith’s boyfriend, Lucky, is the lead singer in the band. They just came back from touring the country.”
She shrugs. “Never heard of ‘em.”
I blink a couple times, shocked. “What? They’re just like one of the hottest new bands out there! You went and saw them at the King’s Fate concert.”
She waves her hand in front of her face, “Oh, well I never make it to the opening.”
My voice hitches. “The girl who is hooked on Rock-n-Roll and goes to every concert, doesn’t know who JINKS is?”
“They must be new then?” She looks pensive like she is trying to remember if she has heard their songs before.
I laugh, “Uh, yeah, they are so hot and so good!” Danny is extremely hot. I get all gooey inside when I think about how we were just making out on his couch. Man, I so wish he wasn’t so messed up, I would dive inside his pants in a heart beat. My body wants him - I want him to be my first.
“So….you’re getting it on with a rocker huh? Sweet!”
“We’ll...we’re not exactly getting it on. I mean we’ve kissed and stuff, but that’s it.”
Melody gasps and props herself up onto her elbow. “You haven’t slept with him yet?” I shake my head no. “Well, what’s holding you up, girl?”
I too, prop myself up and sit against my pillows, bringing my knees up to my chest. “I don’t know him, Mel, come on!” She has no idea how being a virgin for so long can scare the crap out of someone. I never thought I would still be one at my age, but I have always been scared of letting myself get too far with a man. Up until now. Danny. The thought of him makes me want to drop my pants..
“So what?” She scoffs. “You don’t need to know him.”
I chuckle without humor. “I’m not you! I’m not going to sleep with just anyone or everyone, Mel,” I laugh
She sits herself up against the pillows as well and wraps her arm around my shoulders. “It’s time you start living and letting your hair down,” she squeezes me. “You’re always so uptight. You never have any fun.”
“I have to work a lot. I don’t have time for fun,” I explain.
“It’s because of me,” she mutters sadly.
“Mel - “
She unhooks her arm from my shoulder and instead lays her head down onto it. “No, it’s true,” she states. “For so long you have become the older sister, the responsible one. You took on a horrible profession that I am so fucking glad you’re not doing anymore and you’re still pulling us together by working too many Goddamn hours at that hotel; all the while I’m still doing nothing.”
My poor sister. I hate when she talks crap about herself. I know I’ve been hard on her about getting her life together again, but maybe she’s just not ready yet?
I grab for her hand, lacing our fingers together. “You raised me. I’m not going to complain about that.”
“Please, I barely raised you,” she argues. “You were already perfect when I came back home. I had nothing to do with who you are today. I fed you and kept a roof over our heads, but you have always been the responsible one. The good daughter and sister.”
This time I turn myself around so I can face her. “Will you please stop talking as if you had nothing to do with my childhood.” I grab both of her hands and look straight into her eyes. “Mel...you dropped your career for me. You made a home for me, when I had no one else. You loved me enough to come back for me. The least I could do was help you in return when you got hurt.”
“Yeah, stripping.” She looks down into her hands
“I had no choice,” I firmly argue. I wish I could have found something better for myself, but it was the only way to make big bucks in such a short amount of time; the bills were piling high and they weren’t going to disappear. “But look at us now,” I add. “We’re doing great. Yes, of course it’s hard being the only one bringing in the money, but…..I understand, its my turn.”
“Thank you,” she whispers, then pulls me in for another hug.
We get situated underneath my covers again and lay in silence. I’m almost drifting off to sle
ep when I hear Melody sniffing. “Mel, why are you crying?” She usually doesn’t show her vulnerable side; her crying is rare.
I lay on my side to see her wiping her cheeks. “I don’t know how to get it back….my passion,” she chokes out. “I fucking loved singing, but after the accident I haven’t been able to get it back. I want it so bad.” She’s so stuck in her rut of partying and spontaneous adventures, she has no idea how to get out of it. I wish I could help her, but she needs to figure this out on her own. I lace our fingers once again to let her know I am here for her. I close my eyes, thinking Melody is going to fall asleep with me when she blurts out, “You need to sleep with him. Get rid of that virginity already.”
I start laughing because Melody is so blunt and outspoken; the total opposite of me. Once my laughter dies down I say, “I love you Mel.”
“Love you too, sister.”
The week has flown by. Work has been busy and very hectic, I haven’t had any time to myself. Let alone look at any of my texts. Danny has been texting me and I haven’t gotten back to him. I’ve been too tired to do anything.
After sleeping like the dead, I wake up to the aroma of bacon and pancakes. My stomach is on high alert and is uncontrollably growling. Melody is kickass at cooking breakfast. Right after we eat and catch up on some Downton Abbey I get another text from Danny. I look over at Melody and she has fallen asleep again. This show always puts her to sleep.
I grin that stupid grin again when I glance at my text. “Hey, u alive?”
“Hey urself. yeah, sorry. it’s been a really crazy week. what’s up?” I respond back.
I bite my lip waiting for another response. “No prob. Glad you’re okay.” Aw so sweet. “I have some good news ive been wanting to tell you. We got invited to b on Ellen!”
I gasp and cover my mouth, not wanting to wake up Mel. “OMG! Ellen as in Ellen Degeneres?”
“The 1 n only!”
I am so excited for them and couldn’t be more happy. “WOW! Congrats! Thats amazing!”
“Thanx. Were pretty stoked! Hey, u wanna go check out an apartment with me 2day?”
Shivers run up my spine from his invitation. I have to remember to focus on the friendship and not wanting to jump his bones. “Um, what time?”
“Now?”
Now? I so want to see him now, he’s all I ever think about these days, but I have to think of something to make him jealous. Wayne has it etched in my head that this will work. I will kill him if it doesn’t. “I have to go to Wayne’s first, but i’ll b there soon” Crap, I hate being a liar! I wait for a couple minutes, which seems like ten, for him to respond back. He’s taking too long so I text him again. “U there?”
“C u in a few” He sends me the location of the apartment and I add it to my maps and head into the shower.
However, I am still not feeling any better after I get out. I call Wayne to tell him I can no longer do this to Danny. “I can’t do this Wayne, I just can’t!” I’m in my bathroom looking at myself in the mirror. I do not like who is reflecting back.
“Has he opened up to you or not?”
“Yes, but - “
“Then it’s working,” he interjects.
I keep my eyes focused on my reflection, scowling. “What if this backfires on me?”
“I told ya not to worry about it, babe.”
“I know….but I like him….a lot.”
“Have you two…..?” He ends his question without finishing it off and I know exactly what he means. God, so embarrassing.
“No, but you have no idea how hard it is for me to push him away. I don’t want to hurt him.”
I hear him opening up a loud bag of something, it’s distracting. “Keep doin’ what you’re doin’ and things will fall into place.” Then he starts to chomp down on something - chips perhaps? Sounds gross. “Babe, I’m serious.”
“He’s ready to kill you, you know?”
“That’s what friends are for - to kill one another. I can handle Danny, don’t worry,” sounding confident. God help me if this idea of his gets me into trouble, I’ll rip him apart. “Hey, meet us for rehearsal on Wednesday?” He asks, with another loud chomp.
“Sure,” I answer. “Maybe I’ll bring my sister. She’s never heard of you, so I bet she would love to meet you.”
“Oh yeah? Right on!”
We tell each other goodbye and I finish getting ready.
Melody is still sleeping by the time I’m ready, so I leave her a note and head out the door. I take my time going to this new complex Danny wants to show me because, supposedly I’m at Wayne’s place for something. I check my surroundings to see if there are any paparazzi following me, but thank goodness there are not. Maybe I am finally not that interesting to them anymore? One can only hope.
As I park in front of the complex, I notice Danny is standing against the building with his legs and arms crossed, and a sexy grin to follow. Damn, he looks delicious. He’s wearing faded blue jeans, black boots and a long sleeved gray/blue t-shirt that has me drooling. I especially love seeing that chain hanging from his belt loop; he’s a rocker from head to toe. Of course, just as I get out of my car I hear the snapping of a camera. I knew it was too good to be true.
Danny takes me by the hand and guides us inside the building. It’s a stunning complex; warm, rich colors such as reds, browns and oranges accentuate the inside entrance. We’re greeted by a doorman and a security guard by the elevator. I can see one of the reasons why Danny chose this place. The cameras will have to wait outside.
Danny keeps hold of my hand as we hoist up the many stories. I won’t even ask him how much this place is going to cost him, however I have a feeling Danny and the others are going to get a nice chunk of money soon, if they haven’t received it already. Being top on the charts with their newest song, Shattered, it must have been a shock to them; it’s amazing how fast they rose to the top in such a short amount of time.
The elevator stops and opens right at the apartment entryway. Holy Moly! What a total surprise! I feel like I’m walking inside some kind of movie set! Yeah, this place is going to cost him some megabucks!
I’m speechless as Danny guides me to the kitchen and the living room. It’s such a beautiful apartment. The light from the windows show off a certain masculinity throughout the place, I can actually see Danny living here. It will certainly need a woman's touch someday - not by me of course - well maybe me? Hopefully me? I am moving way too fast for my own good. I have to get back on track. Think, friendship, think - “So, what do you think?” Danny snaps me out of my bizarre thoughts. “I can totally picture this rad entertainment set right here.” He moves around the living room like a little boy in a toy shop, pointing to all the areas his stuff can be placed at. He puts a smile on my face from his enthusiasm, he’s so cute. “Huge flat screen TV, and recliner chairs, right there. It will be epic,” he exclaims.
“It’s unbelievable. I love it.”
“Thanks, yeah it’s damn perfect,” he smiles. Then he swiftly takes me by the hand again. “Let me show you the bedroom.” He leads me through a long hallway with a half bathroom on the left side and an office on the other. Straight ahead I see a balcony and other tall buildings, but what I wasn’t expecting was the amazing view that is coming from every angle of the room.
I gasp and immediately smile. “Wow!” Two enormous, ceiling to floor windows are on the left of me; straight from that view is the ballpark - Petco Park, and in the far distance is the Coronado Bridge. In front of me is one long, sliding glass door that leads out onto the balcony, and on the right of me, another set of matching windows.
“Fucking sweet right?” I turn my head to see Danny beaming. He has every right to be, this place is incredible.
“That view!” I quickly walk out onto the balcony and experience the most amazing breeze. “Oh, my God!”
“It’s what sold me,” he leans onto the railing. “Can you imagine this at night, seeing the city lights, sunsets, Petco Park, the ocean?�
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I lean onto the balcony as well. “It’s beautiful,” I say. The cool wind is blowing through my hair and the sun is beating down onto my face. I love it. I could totally live on this balcony.
As I smile and take in the stunning sight, we stand together in silence. That is until I notice Danny’s eyes burning a hole in the side of my head. “You’re beautiful,” he softly states.
My smile evaporates and suddenly I am back to feeling like a total fake and a liar. I back away from the railing and walk back inside, crossing my arms over my chest. “Danny - “ As I turn around I gasp. I am now face to face with him; so close I can see the tiny lines around his eyes.
He grabs me by the hips and pulls me straight into his chest. My arms are no longer crossed; my barrier is gone and my tits are smashed right into him. His voice is throaty, low and his eyes are intense. The room is now exploding with sexual desire. “I can picture us lying on a massive California King bed, making love all fucking night. Nothing but naked skin on top of naked skin, with our legs wrapped around each other like braided rope. Can you imagine that? Because I want it so bad, Harmony,” he cups my face. “I want you so damn bad,” he seductively whispers in my ear.
I am breathing hard and I can feel my panties becoming wet. My legs shake uncontrollably. I want him just as badly, but I can’t do this. I have to push him away…..again. “I can’t,” I squeak out.
I try to get out of his grip, but he’s too strong and keeps a hold on my hips. My arms automatically go around his waist, pressing my hands hard against his back. “You want more answers? I’ll give them to you. I’ll talk and you listen, right?” He turns the tip of my chin toward his face and plants a light kiss onto my lips. I suck in a breath because my body is betraying my head. That one simple little kiss gets me riled up. He continues, “Let me prove to you that I am who you want. Who you need.” You are who I want and need. He plants one more kiss on my quivering lips and I suddenly want to forget about everything and let him have his way with me.
However, I have to take a step back and refocus on why I am not allowing us to get closer. “I want to listen,” I whisper.