Deepest Desire

by Weston Parker

  A soft cry left my lips, and I turned to walk back toward the stairs. I didn't want him to see me.

  "Grace." His voice stopped me in my tracks, but I didn't turn. I couldn't. Him seeing me crumble was too much. It wasn't fair to either of us that his father stepped in between us, but it was for the best. He was in lust, and I was in love, and no matter how I put the puzzle pieces together, I was in danger. "Turn around, kitten."

  "No," I whispered and walked toward the stairs, forcing myself to jog down toward the first floor. Fuck me for coming up to the library on my day off. I didn't stop running until I was out of the building and standing at the light, waiting to cross the street. I made it to the other side when a strong hand wrapped around my upper arm and pulled me back.

  "You've forgotten how to listen." His voice caused my body to tingle.

  I turned and pulled my arm from him. "Leave me alone. Touch me again, and I'll scream. I swear to God I will." Pushing him away was my only option. He flinched when I did, which left me worried, but I held my tongue.

  "I like the way you scream." His eyes moved across me as he licked at the side of his mouth and glanced around. "I never was very good with rules. You?"

  He turned his steely gaze back to me, and I reached out and touched his chest softly. "Please don't do this. Your father scared the shit out of me."

  "And if it had been anyone but my father," he moved closer, his hand moving over my hip and resting on the top of my ass, "I would have killed him for getting anywhere near you."

  "Erik." I gripped his t-shirt as a million emotions raced through me. "We can't be anything. Not even friends."

  "I understand that." He squeezed my rear and moved back as my hand dropped. "Doesn't mean that I don't want to try."

  "I don't." I wrapped my arms around myself.

  "Is your event tonight?" He glanced back at the library and then toward me. "You need a date?"

  I laughed. "Yes, the event is tonight, and no. The last thing I would want is for your Dad to find out that you went against him. I don't know much about him, but I've imagined you beaten and bloody for the last few weeks. Nothing hurts me worse than to think you're hurt."

  "Because you love me." He reached out and touched the side of my face, his expression softening.

  "Yes. You know that I love you." I cupped his hand and turned my face a little, kissing the soft flesh of his palm. A dark bruise above his wrist caught my attention and my heart almost stopped. “What is this?”

  He ignored me. "Then maybe we run." He slipped his hand into my hair. "After your event tonight. We get the fuck outta here."

  "What?" I took a shaky breath as the world seemed a little bit brighter. "You can't do that. You're all your father has left."

  "I know, and it's suffocating." He glanced around, and I noticed another bruise on his throat. "I need to take care of a few things this afternoon, but if I show up tonight, will you go with me?"

  "Where?" My stomach sickened. He’d been beaten? Over me. Was he serious about leaving? Would he really give up everything for me? For us?

  "I don't care where." He moved closer, leaning down and brushing his lips against mine. "Wear something horribly tacky tonight, so I can smile. It's been a long two weeks without you."

  I laughed and lifted to my toes, wrapping my arms around him as carefully as I could. I’d ask more later or leave it alone. He was raised in a different world. "And you're not scared of what might happen?"

  "Yes, kitten. I'm terrified, but I've never felt more alive than I do when I'm with you. I'm not willing to give that up. Not now. Not ever." He kissed me again, pressing his tongue deep into my mouth and running his hands up and down my back slowly, methodically.

  I whined when he pulled back. "I don't want you to go. Things change when you're away."

  "Not this time." He tucked his hands into his pockets and turned to walk back across the street, pausing to glance back. "Grace."

  "What?" I tried to memorize the moment. The way the sunlight touched his hair, the softness of his voice, the taste of him still lingering on my lips.

  "If we stay here and I continue to do what I do," he glanced around, “be who I am... and I could get my father to understand that you and I are a forever thing, would you support that? Support me?"

  "Of course I would." I took a step toward him but paused as his expression tightened.

  "And you wouldn't go against me in anything I might have to do in the syndicate?"

  "Never. I understand your situation."

  "I'm glad. You wouldn't ask me to choose you over it, right?" He tilted his head to the side, stealing my heart again for the millionth time. I honestly didn't even hear the question he asked too terribly well.

  "I'd do anything you wanted me to, Erik. As long as you were mine." I reached out, and he did too, gripping my hand for a moment. "I love you. I've said that already."

  He nodded. "Let me try things with my old man one more time, and if not..."

  "I'll have a bag packed tonight. Whatever happens, just promise that we'll be together."

  "I promise."

  I stood there and watched him walk across the street as the wind blew all around me. He wasn't going to leave his father's side, though it was a wonderful pipe dream. And even if he did find the courage to leave, would his Dad really allow him to?

  No. Not the man I met a few weeks back. The syndicate was his life, and he expected Erik to feel the same way.

  My stomach turned, and I reached down and rubbed it softly. Maybe something I'd eaten? Maybe the situation facing us. Something had me feeling like shit all of a sudden. I sat down at an empty table outside of the diner and closed my eyes, breathing in deeply and working hard not to let my worries consume the beauty of the moment.

  No matter what happened, one thing was obvious... Erik wanted me in his life.

  And chances are, even though he didn't spell it out, he loved me too.

  Chapter 23

  Erik

  I walked away from her knowing I was a dead man. My father hadn't let up on me since I walked into his house two weeks before, beating people's asses and screaming like a ten-year-old boy who got his feelings hurt.

  Grace had no clue the pain I endured that night.

  It was the way we operated. Had anyone else tried to swing their cock around my father, they'd have found it cut off. I just got a good reminder who was in charge.

  The ride over to Nate's place was far too short, and I found myself tense and itching for a good fight as I walked up the stairs and banged on the door. I could pop the lock in a matter of seconds, but to find him and Jenna fucking on the couch would have darkened my mood even further.

  I was going to get Nate's opinion and then head out to the mansion. Time to try my Dad one more time. I knew he loved me. Maybe if I reasoned with him instead of throwing punches and swinging my gun around he would hear me.

  Doubtful, but then again, I was ready to hit the road. Even if it was just for a few months. I had to feel Grace in the bed beside me. Thoughts of her consumed me, and I was starving for her touch. It was a sickness I wasn't going to get over anytime soon. My old man had to understand that. Surely he felt that way about my mother when she was alive.

  "Come in." Nate's voice lifted from under the door.

  I walked in to find him and Cole on the couch, the sports news on and both of them drinking beer. What the fuck?

  "I can come back another time." I turned on my heel to leave.

  "Hey. Get in here, Erik. Fuck. Where you been?" He got up and popped me in the side playfully.

  I yelped through I tried to stifle it. My old man had broken three of my ribs in the process of teaching me a lesson. "Keep your hands to yourself, bitch."

  "What the fuck?" Cole leaned forward and studied me. "You alright?"

  I flipped him off and walked to the kitchen to get myself a beer. Nate followed me, watching me closely. "What the hell happened? You just up and disappear for two weeks?"

 
"I was in the hospital for most of it." I popped the top. "And don't ask me anything else. I'm not talking with you around my father's favorite bitch."

  "It's not like that." Cole walked around the corner. "Your father asked me to trail you because he was worried. I did, and maybe I was wrong for trying to take things into my own hands, okay?"

  "No, fucker. Not okay." Anger boiled in my belly, and Nate moved between us again.

  "Hey." He put his hand softly on my chest. "Cole's a good guy. He's not after you, man. I promise."

  "He speaks the truth, Erik. You just remind me of my little brother, man. Excuse the fuck outta me for trying to help save you from heartache."

  "I can take care of myself, mother fucker." I hit my chest hard and stifled a groan. "You're not my goddamn nanny. Got it?"

  "Yep." He turned and walked back to the living room as I turned my attention on Nate.

  "I'm going to talk to Lucien to see if he's reconsidered where Grace is concerned. If he won’t..." I wrapped an arm around Nate's shoulders and leaned close, pressing my forehead to his shoulder, "I'm leaving."

  "No." He cupped the back of my head and held me in place. "You know that abandoning the syndicate is the wrong answer. Your father will come after you like hell opened up, Erik. You're all he has. And he won't stop until you and Grace pay for your bullshit."

  "I can't do this without her. I dream about her, think about her." I pulled back and let out a long groan. "I'm losing my mind, dude."

  "That's love," Cole called from the other room.

  I walked around Nate and stopped at the edge of the room, watching the cocky bastard. "Stay outta my shit."

  "I'm just saying. You're right to run away with her. It's not like you're going to sit around and watch her be with some other chump." He shrugged and took a sip of his beer as he watched me. "You might want to tell her about Thomas though, Erik. That hit’s coming soon."

  "How do you know this?"

  He moved to the edge of the couch. "If I trusted you, I would explain, but I don't, so take my word for it."

  "That's it." I moved across the room and grabbed him by the shirt, pulling him up and popping him in the face twice. I don't know why I hated the fucker so much, but I did.

  "Erik. Fuck." Nate pulled me back as Cole popped me once in the side. I crumbled to the ground with a scream of agony.

  "The hit is tonight. I heard your father talk about it with Kane. I'm a slick mother fucker, Erik, and when your turn comes to run the syndicate, I want one thing." He knelt beside me.

  "What?" I barked and cupped my side. There was no way my father was calling out the hit on Grace's brother the night I was heading out of town.

  "Freedom." He stood up and walked toward the kitchen.

  "Didn't you ask for this, you idiot?" I rolled over as Nate helped me up.

  "He needs to belong to someone powerful for a time, but that time will end soon." Nate moved back and reached out to pat the side of my face. "You alright? You look ill."

  I pulled my gun from the back of my jeans and let a round off toward the kitchen. "You'll get nothing from me, Cole. Stay away from my family, or I'll put a bullet in your head."

  "Not happening yet, but when my slate is clean... I'll disappear, and you'll never hear from me again." He walked back toward the living room, pausing. "You want me to prove my loyalty right now? I'll kill the frat boy for you."

  "No. It's my fucking hit. I'll do it, and then I'm getting the hell out of here."

  "No, you're not." Nate gripped my shoulder. "I'm not letting you make that mistake."

  "Try and stop me." I turned and walked to the door, limping due to the pressure in my chest. My rib had to be poking into my lungs.

  "Erik," Nate called after me as I walked out and slammed the door behind me. What the fuck was my best friend doing in bed with a cop? Was Cole a good guy or a bad guy? Did I care? No. I'd figure his shit out later. He was a mystery I didn't care to unravel just yet.

  ***

  "Erik. What happened?" Grace walked toward me as I moved out of the shadows at her library event. She looked like an angel in her white dress and sparkly heels.

  "You look good enough to eat." I licked at the side of my mouth and smiled at her as my heart sank.

  "Answer me." She reached up and brushed her fingertips by the side of my face.

  "I got into a fight with a hammer?" I smiled and flinched. My lip was busted from getting in my father's face again. One thing I wasn't willing to do was strike back. Not ever.

  "I don't like it." She moved into my arms and let out a frightened sound. "Did you talk to him?"

  I looked down at her and touched her cheek before kissing her softly a few times. "Yeah. He's not willing to let me go. Not ever."

  She glanced down, her expression growing sad. "Okay. I understand. Just be careful, okay?" She looked back up and touched my chest. "And if you ever get a chance to come back to the library-"

  "Hush, kitten. We're not through." I cupped the side of her throat and leaned down, kissing her more fully though it hurt like fuck to do it. I pulled back and enjoyed the look of ecstasy on her beautiful face. "We'll leave when you're done with your event. I don't know how long I have or how far we'll get, but I want to spend as many days with you as I can."

  "No." She shook her head. "I'm not going."

  "What?" A host of emotions raced through me. She was trying to protect me. "Yes, you are."

  "No." She took a step back and shook her head. "Please leave. I'm not going to be the reason you keep getting hurt." Tears swam in her eyes.

  "Grace. This is the life I chose to live. It's the-"

  "No. It isn't." She reached up and blotted her eyes. "You're stuck in that life because of being born to a monster. Nothing is going to change that." She took a deep breath and shook her head. "Goodbye, Erik. Take care of yourself."

  She turned and walked into a large group of people, her attention gone from me completely. There wasn't anything else to say. She'd given up on us because she wanted to save me, but her dismissal left me standing alone, the darkness around me growing thick.

  My father had done this. He'd threatened her and me in a way that left her strong enough to turn away from me. I had half a mind to walk across the floor and snatch her pretty ass up, carry her outside and put her in the car myself.

  But what good would it do?

  My phone buzzed. Kane. The hit on Thomas was activated.

  "Of course it is," I mumbled and turned, walking back down the stairs and out the front of the library. Grace was right to turn away from me. She needed to stay strong because I couldn't do it.

  I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called Cole, hating myself as the phone rang.

  "Erik. Where are you? You need me?" He sounded on edge, as if he'd already claimed me as a brother. What was it with this fucking guy?

  "Yeah. I'm going to do the hit on Thomas. I need Grace there to see it."

  "Hmm... so she'll hate you?"

  "Exactly. She trusts you. Get her there." I dropped the call and jogged to my bike as my insides burned in agony. I'd planned on letting her brother go and taking the hit on my own head to spare her from the loss of someone she loved, but things never quite worked out the way I planned.

  My world was too much for her, and as of late, it had become almost too much for me. I drove the bike around to the other side of campus and got off, spotting Kane in the distance. I made my way over to him through the crowd of drunk college kids.

  "You look like shit." He patted my shoulder. "Still suffering from your last ass beating."

  I growled and looked down at him. "Say one more thing about it, and I'll cut off your dick and watch you choke to death on it."

  He shivered. "I was kidding man. Shit."

  "Don't. I'm not in the mood." I turned and let my eyes run across the lawn, spotting Thomas in the middle of a group of good looking girls. He was a player alright. I had no doubt that Grace knew nothing of the nasty games he played with gi
rls, tying them up and taking his time to enjoy watching them come unglued. I'd learned a thing or two about the bastard over the last few weeks, each thing giving me more of a reason to pull the trigger.

  In the past, I needed no reason at all.

  Fuck Grace for making me love her.

  "Alright. You doing it or am I up?" Kane moved across the yard with me as a cold wind blew past us.

  "Me. I need to do it. Tell him Grace is in his bedroom and she's upset." I walked away, knowing that Kane would get the guy upstairs in no time. And if I knew anything about Cole... he would have Grace in the right spot as well.

  I walked up the stairs, ignoring the odd stares I got. I was the only mother fucker in black, and everyone else was wearing a white sheet as a toga. Nothing mattered. Hell, getting caught didn't matter much either. Maybe that was another option.

  After finding the right room, I walked to the window and picked up the picture of Thomas and Grace sitting on his desk. She looked so happy, so young and full of life.

  "Grace?"

  I turned at the sound of Thomas' voice and lifted my gun. "No, but she'll be here soon."

  "Oh no." He made a run for the door, but Kane closed it and stood in front of it. "Please. I have the money coming on Tuesday next week. I promise. I'll give you anything if you can just hold off. Please."

  "Why would steal from the mafia, Thomas? How fucking stupid are you?" I moved a few steps closer, wanting to beat the kid’s ass and send him home. Grace was the only woman I could see in my future, and that meant her little brother was mine too. Fuck her for being so right for me.

  "I didn't know. I didn't." He stopped mid-sentence and paled. "Wait. Why is my sister coming here? She didn't do anything. She has nothing to do with this." He turned and started to swing at Kane.

  I moved up behind him and locked my arms around him. "Get something from the closet, and we'll tie his hands up."

  "No. Please. Not my sister. She didn't do anything. This was all me. Please." He thrashed about until Kane walked back and together we got his hands tied behind his back.