Reclaiming Us

by Richard, Nicole

  “Forget it, just forget I ever asked.” I had to turn away, if I didn’t, she would see me break. This whole separation thing was fucking with me—bad.

  Everything that happened in the last thirty minutes hit me square in the heart. Maybe I should let her go. Let her do her thing, and if, by chance, she came back to me then . . .

  Am I man enough to take that chance?

  “RJ, will you look at me please?” She spoke softly as she attempted to turn my cheek toward her. “Babe.” She tried again, but I fought it. “RJ! Look at me.” I gave in. “I love you. I would love to be your wife one day. We haven’t even . . . you know.” She cleared her throat and made those big eyes, expecting me to know exactly what it was she was trying to say.

  “We haven’t what?” I wanted to watch her squirm for a bit. “Had sex? Is that what you were trying to say?”

  She nodded.

  “Exactly! And that is why we need to wait. I know you’re nervous, hell if I’m being honest, I am, too. What if . . .” Irritated that I was setting myself up for major disappointment, I clipped. “You know what? Forget it.” She retreated back a bit. “Sorry,” I whispered. “Maybe we should head back. I’d hate for your parents to worry.”

  “RJ, stop it! Will you please talk to me?” she pleaded.

  “There’s nothing to talk about. I was being stupid, forget I said anything.” I looked at her, silently willing her to drop it. Her eyes fluttered closed, and when she opened them again, a slow smile curled her lips. “Can I drive us back?” I asked, knowing that she was okay with this conversation coming to an end.

  We swapped seats and RJ drove us back to his house, which I was okay with. It was almost midnight, and despite the fact that I was eighteen and a high school graduate, I still turned into a pumpkin when the clock struck twelve. I hated that I should get going, especially after leaving the conversation like we did.

  I inched my hand to rest on RJ’s thigh, and when he didn’t move a muscle, I began overanalyzing the situation. My brows pulled together, and my gaze flitted from one end of the windshield to the other. Normally, he would have grabbed my hand and kissed it, or at least held onto it. He would’ve said he loved me, but this time there was nothing. My mind shot off a million and one questions, but landed on the most important. Why had he even asked me to marry him? He didn’t even have a ring, so I didn’t really know if he was even serious. That was what I told myself when I started to wonder why I hadn’t automatically said yes.

  I turned our conversation over, examining it from different angles. There was fear of the unknown clear in the depths of his eyes. How had I not seen before how much my going away to college was bothering him when I was going through the same thing? The worry and not knowing was creeping into my daily thoughts, too. We needed to find a way to push the unease aside, otherwise it would be all we talked or thought about. Once it got closer, we could figure it out then.

  I reached up and raked my fingers through his hair, and his eyelids closed for a brief second. When he opened them again, he grabbed my wrist and kissed my knuckles like he always did.

  “I love you, babe.”

  I hated that I hesitated my response. “Love you, too.”

  RJ grabbed the back of my head and pulled me close to his chest. “I’m sorry, Addie. I don’t know what came over me earlier, but I do know that I don’t want to waste any more time on being afraid of the future. I want this to be the best summer you have.” His words were sincere, and his expression hopeful. How could I say no to that?

  “I was hoping for that, too. Let’s not worry too much about what happens next until we get there?”

  “I can do that.”

  In the following two weeks, RJ and I found a comfortable medium. Hanging out at each other’s houses and taking long drives to the outskirts of town temporarily pushed all the nervous tension aside. We truly enjoyed spending our time together.

  Or was it that those little devils wore me so thin that I didn’t have too much time to worry.

  I loved my job, and I loved working with children, but as each day came to a close, I felt it deep in my bones how much they sucked the life out of me.

  Walking into my bedroom a little after six, I trudged my overworked body straight toward my bed and plopped down face first. I didn’t even bother to remove my shoes first.

  Twenty‑some seven‑and eight‑year-olds will do that to a person. When did kids start having so much energy? They ran around and talked my ears off, as if they were high on Pixy Stixs and Red Bull All. Day. Long. Of course, they weren’t, but that was what it felt like. If being a summer leader was a test for the career path I had chosen, I could only hope I was making the right decision.

  The sound of knuckles rapping on my bedroom door had me barely lifting my head.

  “So, how was your day?” RJ walked toward the bed, bent to kiss my head, and placed a bag of M&M’s at my side. “A special treat for my special girl,” he whispered in my ear.

  This man definitely knew his way to my heart. RJ took a seat at my desk and watched me with a silly grin plastered across his handsome face. Luck was definitely on my side the day RJ asked me to be his girl.

  “I’m tired,” I whined and face-planted my mattress again. The bed dipped, and when I looked up, RJ was sitting next to me with his hand under my shirt, softly dragging his fingers the length of my spine.

  “Hmm, that feels good.” I closed my eyes and savored the relaxing feeling.

  “Did you want to pass on our date tonight?”

  Honestly, I completely forgot he was taking me out. All I wanted was a hot shower, my favorite pillow and blanket, and to cuddle up next to my boyfriend.

  “Why don’t we stay in, cuddle up on the couch, and watch a movie?” He looked at me strangely. “My parents are going out tonight.” He traded in his pinched eyebrows for a cocky smile and kissed me.

  “Sounds good. Did you want me to go and grab us something to eat?”

  “Nope. My mom already made a pot of spaghetti. We just have to heat up the garlic bread.” I yawned.

  “Perfect. Why don’t you go and take a shower, and I’ll go and find something for us to watch?”

  It took some effort before I was able to slide my tired body off my bed. My knees hit the floor first, and I lay my cheek on the mattress so I could look over at my handsome boyfriend. His thick dark hair was shaved on the sides and a little longer on the top, and his eyes were the color of melted chocolate. My favorite part about RJ was the way he smirked gave a full-on beaming smile.

  “I wish it were okay for you to come take a shower with me. I’m so tired.” I sighed in an overly dramatic fashion before finishing my thought, “I bet it would feel heavenly to have your hands moving the soapy washcloth—”

  He coughed, and his eyes just about bulged out of his eye sockets. “Shit, Addie Mae.” RJ raked his fingers through his hair. “You can’t say shit like that, babe. You know your dad wouldn’t hesitate to blow a shotgun bullet through my ass if he just so happened to catch us.”

  I laughed at my stupidity and nodded, dragging my cheek against the mattress. “He would.” I laughed again. “But I’m just soooo tired,” I continued to whine like a six-year-old.

  RJ hopped off the bed, hoisted me up slowly by my waist, and held onto me until I was standing upright. “Go take your shower. I’ll wait for you in the living room.”

  If this were what real adult life was going to be like—I quit. Heck, I didn’t even want to start. I refused to be an adult.

  Twenty minutes and one hot shower later, everything we needed for our date‑night‑in was perfectly set in the living room. Two plates of spaghetti with garlic bread sat side by side on the coffee table. My pillow and blanket waited at the end of the couch for us to cuddle in, and American Gangster was cued on Netflix.

  “Hope you don’t mind the movie I chose.” I shrugged and sat next to him. “I have a feeling you won’t be awake long enough to care anyway.”

  “Yeah
, you’re probably right.” I yawned again, and then kissed his cheek. “Thank you for getting dinner ready. It looks delicious.”

  “You’re welcome. Besides, what are boyfriends for?”

  “Hmm, I could think of a few things . . .”

  RJ held my chin. “Behave,” he scolded, but his playful smirk reassured me he was half‑joking.

  While the movie played in the background, we ate and talked about our day.

  “Bring your plate closer,” I stated after a moment of comfortable silence. When he didn’t move, I added, “Please,” and batted my eyelashes.

  “What are you up to?” He chuckled and held his plate between us.

  “Here.” I twirled some spaghetti onto my fork and slurped a noodle. I moved the fork closer to him, hoping he would catch the hint, and he did.

  At the end of our slurping, we didn’t meet in a kiss, but shortly after, RJ made sure to let me know I was his Lady. I fluffed my pillow, opened my blanket, and got cozy with RJ on the couch. He squeezed me close, pulling my back against his chest. It didn’t take long for my eyes to close and my mind to wander; fantasizing what it would be like if we were married.

  He had asked, but I think it was more out of fear of possibly losing me than because he was ready. Still, I could picture a future with him. Each and every day, I would come home and have this wonderful man loving on me. His gentle touches, the way he tucked strands of hair behind my ears, the little kisses he pressed to the back of my head. These are the things I am going to miss. I completely ignored the movie and concentrated on his touch.

  “Babe, why don’t I carry to your bed? You’re exhausted,” he whispered close to my ear.

  Keeping my eyes closed, I shook my head against the crook of his arm. “No, this feels too good.”

  RJ sighed. “You’re tired. You should go to bed and rest. We can do something tomorrow night.”

  He maneuvered himself out from behind me, and next thing I knew, he was scooping me up in his arms and carrying me to my room. When he moved to put me down, though, I kept my arms locked around his neck, pulling him onto the bed with me.

  “What are you doing?” Panic with a hint of desperation was clear in his voice. I scooted back a little, making room for the both of us to be comfortable and pulled his neck close to mine until our lips met.

  After breathing a moan into my mouth, he pulled my hips closer to his. I could feel him swelling below the waist as he gently rocked into me, devouring our kiss. His warm hand roamed the length of my thigh.

  “Babe,” I pleaded.

  “Not yet. Let me kiss you.”

  I threw my head back against the pillow. “Will you at least touch me then?” I coerced and huffed. That was so unlike me.

  His movements were painstakingly slow, but eventually he gave me what I wanted, sliding his hand into my shorts until his palm caressed my mound and shortly thereafter two of his fingers made their way into me.

  “Ahh . . . ” I squeezed his bicep with a death grip while his fingers slowly moved in and out of me, rotating lazy circles with his thumb over my clit. My hips bucked, our kiss became desperate, and two minutes later, I was gone. I rode the wave of my orgasm on his hand.

  “You are so damn sexy, you know that?” He licked his fingers then swiftly righted my shorts. I internally cringed every time he did that. Wasn’t that gross? He always looked so . . . satisfied when he did it, though.

  “When you do that to me I do.” I giggled and let my eyes flutter closed, reveling in the euphoric state he put me in.

  “Oh, fu—” RJ whisper-shouted as my mother’s laugh sounded downstairs. He jumped off the bed and paced for two seconds before looking down and adjusting his painful-looking erection. I propped myself up on my elbows.

  “Relax. Act normal, she’s probably had three drinks too many anyway.” My eyes darted to the window and then back to him. “You could always sneak out the window.”

  RJ glanced at his bare feet and then to the window. “Good idea.” He closed the distance between us and kissed me hard. “Think they noticed my truck out front?”

  “You parked across the street, right?”

  He nodded.

  “Addilyn?” I ignored my mother’s voice and hoped by doing so she would think I was sleeping.

  “Right!” He kissed me one more time before climbing out my bedroom window. After his feet touched the ground, he leaned back in, and I crawled across my mattress for another kiss. “I’ll call you tomorrow. Night, and I love you.” He rushed.

  “Goodnight, babe. I love you, too.”

  RJ shut the window. By the time my mom cracked open the door, the only thing she saw was me pretending to be asleep, alone. “Shh, Eric, she’s asleep.”

  RJ knew better than to pop his horn when picking me up, but tonight he did it anyway. Daddy always pointed out that a gentleman would come to the door and pick up his lady. Thankfully, my parents were out on a date.

  As soon as I turned the key locking the deadbolt, I ran to his truck where he had the door already open for me

  “Hey.” I hopped in and gave him what I thought would be a quick kiss. Rather than pulling away, RJ wrapped his hand around my neck and pulled me closer, taking my mouth deep and humming while his tongue swirled with mine. He always had a way of making me forget—everything. I grabbed onto the top of his thigh, needing to erase any distance between us and squeezed. He had no idea that soon I’d give in. Relaxing into his touch, my body knew it was slowly losing the battle. Everything in me knew without a doubt RJ would be my first and only to bring it the ultimate pleasure. Most importantly—my heart agreed.

  “Umm.” He hummed as he pulled away. “You ready?”

  “Of course.” I knew my eyes were twinkling at the sight of him. We buckled up and headed out. First stop, food. There was no way we could go all night partying on an empty stomach.

  Surprisingly, there wasn’t a long line for the drive through. RJ pulled right up, ordered into the mic box, and within minutes, we were on our way.

  “I can’t believe we’re halfway through the summer already.” He looked at me and covered up his worried eyes with a wink and that sexy smirk.

  “I can’t believe it either, but I know I want to enjoy every last minute of it with you.” I clasped my nervous hands and hid them between my thighs.

  We bounced around the cab of the truck until the ground under us evened out and we came to a stop on the far eastern side of the Crenshaw property. The side Lilly gave us permission to use. Shifting the truck into park, RJ unbuckled his seatbelt and then pressed the button to release mine as well.

  “Thank you,” I whispered. “I love that you’re always a gentleman.”

  “I guess my mama taught AJ and me right.” He winked and then pushed open his door before grabbing the white paper sack.

  “It’s nice out. Let’s eat in the bed of the truck.”

  I scooted my butt across the bench seat and hopped down, careful not to drop the drinks in my hands. By the time I rounded the back of the truck, RJ already had the tailgate down and was pulling our food from the bag. He turned, and before I could stop him, he hoisted me onto the tailgate. The sudden movement jostled the drinks and spilled root beer on my thighs.

  “Shit, Addie. I’m sorry.” By the look in his eyes, I knew he wasn’t really all that sorry. When he bent and licked a line of soda from my skin, I realized he wasn’t sorry at all.

  A tiny whimper escaped as his tongue inched higher up my thigh and closer to my sweet spot. So many different feelings were rushing through me at once, and when he gripped my waist, I carefully leaned back on my palms in a silent invitation. The anticipation was brutal. Need shot through my body, my eyelids fluttered closed, and my head fell back. All my senses were heightened, ready, and counting on him to take this further. He nipped and kissed me over my soaked panties.

  When the soft tip of RJ’s nose ran slowly up my center and he inhaled an audible breath, a throaty sound passed his lips, and I bit down ha
rd on my bottom lip. Before I could lock my hands in his hair and pull him into me, he stood, righted my dress, and grabbed the paper sack. “Let’s eat. I’m starved.”

  Locked in place, trying to calm my libido down, I stared with frustrated eyes at the jackass I loved and hated in that second. The bastard had the nerve to chuckle.

  I scoffed softly. “What the hell was that?” I sat up straight, my legs dangling off the tailgate.

  “What was what?” His signature cocky smirk pulled at the corner of his lips while he feigned ignorance.

  “You are such an ass sometimes, you know that?” I tossed a fry at him.

  He chuckled again and hopped up on the tailgate, barely leaving an inch between us.

  “Awhh, come on, babe. Don’t be like that.” He gently shoulder bumped me. “In due time. This”—he snuck his hand under my dress, ghosting his thumb right where I wanted him— “is all mine.”

  With the way the night was headed, it was a good thing I told my parents I was sleeping over at Lilly’s house. I hated having to tell them a little white lie, but as much as they loved RJ, there was no way they’d allow me to stay out all night with him—eighteen or not.

  She was so mad that I had stopped, but she would have been more upset if someone had walked up on us and saw exactly where my mouth had been heading. We ate in relative silence, her stewing over the frustration that was clear as day on her face and me waiting for my cue from Tyler. I crumpled the paper that had been wrapped around my sandwich and tossed it in the bag, as Addie let out what could have possibly been her hundredth heavy sigh.

  “Babe, don’t be like that.” I bit back my smile.

  “Don’t be like what?” She answered back. She must have heard the faint sound of bass and fiddles playing, because suddenly I’d lost all her attention. My phone buzzed with a text, most likely Ty letting me know it was time to party, but I changed my mind. I would much rather spend the time with Addie—alone.