Reclaiming Us

by Richard, Nicole

  I nodded in agreement, but my heart had a new heaviness to it as we lay there, wrapped up in each other under the Georgia stars.

  When I got the call from the Air Force recruiter notifying me I was on schedule to take my ASVAB test, to say I was thrilled was an understatement. Everything was falling into place. I was finally going to be doing something that was honorable, worthwhile and the best part—Ty would be right there with me.

  I did everything right, or so I thought. The first thing I did when I woke was say a little prayer. My mother did her best, teaching AJ and me about the power of prayer and today would be the perfect day to start.

  But as I trudged out of the MEPES facility after sitting behind that damn computer for the last three hours, I was in a piss-poor mood.

  I tanked.

  So, instead of celebrating, I sat in my truck, wondering what in the fuck I was supposed to do. Reminding myself that I was a failure made me want to run my fist into the wall, but my rational side told me to reach for my phone instead.

  Me: I tanked. WTF do I do now?

  I hung my head low and allowed defeat to settle in. My ASVAB score didn’t meet the minimum requirements.

  “Take some time, study, and in a month’s time you come back and see me, and we’ll see where you’re at.” My recruiter’s words were on constant replay in my mind.

  What the hell do I do now?

  Sitting in my truck, I debated driving to the closest bookstore to buy the damn study guide the recruiter had suggested. But what good would a book do if I was a fucking academic disgrace?

  If I had been honest and confided in Addie from the very beginning, I bet she could have helped me study and whipped my ass into shape. But, of course, my pride got in the way, and I was the only one who would suffer because of it. Thinking about it, how the hell did a beautiful and brainy girl like her fall for a dumb shit like me? What a fucking embarrassment I turned out to be.

  She’s too good for me.

  My phone buzzed with an incoming text.

  Ty: Shit, dude. I thought you had it! What happened?

  “Yeah, your guess is as good as mine.”

  Me: Not sure, man. This screws all our plans.

  Ty: Don’t stress. I’ll help you study.

  I tossed my phone onto the seat beside me. It was easy for him to say; his score had been off the damn charts. Ty was another one that had it easy when it came to books.

  Sinking lower in my seat, I watched my hands turn white while gripping the steering wheel. Would I only ever be a labor boy for my father’s construction company?

  Even my brother AJ was smart enough that our parents had him working on contracts and dealing directly with the contractors already. Forget this pity party. I needed a beer. I jammed the key in the ignition and pulled out of my parking spot. I cut a right out of the lot, heading to Liquor Lou’s. It was a shitty little shack of a liquor store, but as long as the person looked to be over twenty‑one, they wouldn’t ask for ID.

  Thirty minutes later, I had a cold six‑pack tucked behind my seat as I pulled up to the spot we all hung out at. There was no way I could go home and stare at the walls. I would much rather beat myself up about what a fuckup I was while I got drunk out in the sun. I couldn’t even think about calling Addie to tell her what happened. God, she would be so disappointed in me. She would see me for what I was really was.

  A failure.

  I grabbed the beer, jumped from the cab of my truck, and walked the short distance to the dock. The sun beamed from high in the sky and beads of sweat formed on my scalp, but I didn’t care. I popped the top from a beer bottle and made sure to enjoy every last drop.

  “Now what the fuck am I going to do?” I cursed to the single cloud that was shaping out to look more and more like a dragon.

  As the air shifted the cloud to the left, the dragon started to look a lot like a fat man’s face. Unexpectedly, a hand clapped me on my shoulder, startling me into spit-spraying my beer in front of me.

  “What the fuck . . .” I scoffed.

  A bottle of Jack came into view, followed by Ty as he sat next to me. The first minute or two, he sat there silent and stared out at the water. Then, he rose the bottle to his lips, took a swig, and handed it to me.

  His silence was starting to creep me out. When I took a long pull of the whiskey, I had to tamp down the cringe. It burned like a motherfucker gliding down my throat.

  “You all right?” I questioned.

  He answered with a barely there nod.

  “Quit fucking with me. What the hell, dude.” I seriously debated shoving him off the dock if he didn’t start talking.

  My elbow came up, and he answered in a monotone voice, “This changes everything.”

  I nodded and took another shot. “It does,” I agreed.

  Tyler and I had this part of our lives mapped out since we were nine. There was never any doubt that we wanted to do this together, but now, with me not getting a score necessary for enlistment, there was no way the Air Force would take me and I wasn’t interested going into a different branch.

  “I leave in exactly one week,” he said, still staring straight ahead. I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

  “When did you find out?”

  The feeling that something was lodged in my throat came on strong. It meant nothing that we didn’t share DNA; we were brothers. How the fuck was I going to handle being separated from my girl and my best friend? After being surrounded by the best people for so long, how would I survive once they moved on?

  “My recruiter called a couple of weeks ago. I was waiting until you took your test, hoped like hell we would head out together.”

  Taking into consideration what this all meant, I let the weight of his words sink in. Without having a passing score, this was most likely the end of the road. He would be off touring the world, gaining new experiences, protecting our country—all without me.

  “I guess we have a change of plans then, huh?” I drank the last of my beer then stood. Ty followed and finally looked at me.

  “I’m gonna fucking miss you, bro.” Ty grabbed my shoulder.

  “Yeah, me, too.”

  “Want one?” Addie held a blue M&M close to my lips. Blue was usually the only one she ever offered me. She said the green ones were her favorite regardless if they all tasted the same.

  “Can I have a green one?” I asked, but my words fell flat. I hadn’t said much in the last two hours that she’d been here. The damn guilt of not confiding in Addie made it that much harder to even appreciate that she sat content in my arms. My mind constantly wandered most of the night, the computer screen with my poor test score running through my mind like a movie reel. By that point, I had no idea as to what the show we were watching was even about.

  The sound of the doorbell chiming pulled me from my self‑wallowing pity party. Puzzled, I looked over at Addie, but she just shrugged. “You weren’t expecting anyone?” Addie asked while sitting up.

  “No. You’re already here. I have no idea who it is.” I got up to go check who was at the front door.

  The second the door opened, Lilly walked in with Tyler on her heels.

  “What’s up, fucker?” Tyler laughed and playfully backhanded my shoulder, inviting himself in. “You two are seriously just sitting around watching television on a Saturday night?” Tyler chuckled. “Geezh, you two are like a freaking old married couple.”

  “Your point?” We were like an old married couple while Tyler and Lilly was the hip and adventurous married couple.

  “You need to get out more, dude. Summer isn’t gonna last forever. We gotta make the best of it.” He clapped my shoulder, and his words stung—hard. Everyone had a plan, all of them but me. They were all headed for bigger and better things while I was the one who was getting left behind.

  Not wanting to ruin the mood, I shook off the thoughts, walked over to the pool table, and leaned against it. Lilly had already made herself comfortable on the couch next to Ad
die, talking some girly shit.

  “There’s a carnival on Tybee Island. We came by to see if you guys wanted to check it out?”

  “Why didn’t you call?” I asked him.

  “I did. You never answered.” He lowered his voice. “Besides, I wanted to check and make sure you were okay after today. You tell her?” Ty jerked his chin in Addie’s direction.

  I shook my head then sighed slowly and crossed one ankle over the other. “I’m cool. It’ll probably hit me like a ton of bricks when everyone’s gone, but I’ll deal.”

  When I came home this afternoon, I couldn’t find the balls to tell Addie about failing the damn test, and I didn’t want to take the chance of her overhearing our conversation.

  “Hey, babe.”

  “Yes.”

  “Wanna head over to the carnival on Tybee Island?”

  “I’d love to.” Her smile shined and that alone calmed me.

  “All right then.” I clapped my hands. “Let’s get out of here.”

  After leaving my mom a note telling her I would be out and giving Addie a few minutes to freshen up, we were ready to leave.

  “You gonna drive or you want to hop in with us?” Ty asked.

  “We’ll follow you guys.”

  “All right then.” Ty smacked Lilly on the ass. “Come on, woman, up you go.” She glared back at him, and he laughed.

  “See ya out there.”

  It took us close to forty‑five minutes to drive out to Tybee Island and find a parking space.

  “Babe, you ready for some fun?” I turned to look at Addie and the sparkle in her eyes lightened the weight of today. As long as I knew I had her, everything would be okay.

  “I am. I want some cotton candy, and ooh, can we ride the Ferris wheel first? Please?”

  “You got it.” I’d do anything to make her happy.

  From the parking lot, I could smell the distinct combination that made a carnival complete. Corn dogs, cotton candy, and popcorn were the staple scents. Music and screaming patrons boomed from one of the rides as the cage flipped and twirled, only to hang suspended in mid-air. Addie stood next to me, all but vibrating with excitement and happiness. She loved this sort of thing, always had.

  Ty and I paid the entrance fees, and I quietly scoffed at the price. I almost forgot that they charged an arm and a leg to get into these damn things, but if it meant I got to see the bright smile on Addie Mae’s face, it was well worth the money.

  “So, where to?” Ty asked, laying a lazy arm around Lilly’s shoulders.

  “Let’s ride something first. I’d hate to stuff myself and barf it out five minutes later,” Lilly replied.

  “Perfect! What about the Ferris wheel? But I’m dying for some cotton candy.”

  “Whatever you want.” I slipped my hand into hers.

  “What color, babe—purple, pink, or blue?” RJ asked as we stood in front of the candy wagon.

  There were only three colors, but the color of cotton candy was important, everyone knew that. “What flavors are they?” The attendant looked at me as if I were crazy.

  “Sugar . . . sugar . . . and sugar, sweetness.” Her smile was so wide and fake it almost cracked, and her eyes flicked to the line of twenty people behind me.

  “Pink, please.”

  RJ paid the mean woman, and we made our way toward the Ferris wheel.

  “What was her problem?” I tore off a piece of pink fluff and ate it, loving the way it melted against my tongue.

  “What do you think, babe, she’s working in a cotton candy wagon.” He didn’t need to say more.

  He chuckled at me the entire time we were standing in line for the ride, probably because I wouldn’t stand still and bouncing from one foot to the other in tune to the loud music. My cheeks started to ache from the silly grin I had plastered on my face.

  “Want some?” I held a piece of cotton candy to his lips.

  “Hmm, sweet, just like you—my favorite.” He made a show of licking and smacking his lips. The color in his eyes grew a shade darker, and I wondered how much time we would have alone all the way up in the clouds.

  At the last minute, Tyler and Lilly opted out of the ride and decided they wanted to walk around and check the place out.

  Once we got closer, RJ’s smile faded and his mouth pinched into a hard line. I tried to catch his eyes, but he was far away somewhere else, somewhere that he didn’t appear to be happy about. I tugged on his arm, but he didn’t budge. I tugged a second time and whispered harshly, “RJ, what are you growling at?” The scowl on his face should have been explanation enough.

  “That ticket operator has been staring at you, and it’s pissing me off.” He kept his eyes locked on the middle‑aged creepy looking man with the even grosser beer gut.

  I squeezed his hand. “I didn’t even notice,” I answered honestly.

  “Well, I’ve been watching him for the last five minutes, and if he knows what’s good for him, he better quit.”

  “Hey.” I turned his cheek to look at me. “Are you really mad because some old guy is looking at me? Have you looked in the mirror today, babe? Honestly, RJ, some days I don’t get you.” I reached up on my tippy toes and gave him a reassuring kiss as I laughed a bit at his ridiculous jealousy.

  “Ticket,” the ride operator barked with his hand held out.

  RJ slapped our tickets into his hand while he held his snarl on his lips. Before passing the operator, he laced our fingers together and led me to a basket farthest to the right. We got in, and he pulled me close. The warmth from his body enclosed around me made me feel all kinds of fuzzy feelings inside. This would never get old.

  We both ignored the operator when he came around one more time, making sure everyone’s doors were secure. Seconds later we inched up, up, up, and away. My body tensed, I squeezed every muscle in excitement and hummed in tune with the loud background music.

  It didn’t dawn on me until we were almost to the very top when RJ’s hand clenched the top of my thigh that he might be afraid of heights.

  “Babe?” I covered his hand with mine. “Are you okay?” His face was a sheet of white.

  “I’m fine,” he forced.

  “You don’t look it.”

  At that point, we were suspended from what I would have guessed was about two hundred feet above ground. I peeled his hand off my thigh and locked my fingers with his. He held my hand with a clammy death grip, and it kind of grossed me out, but I didn’t pull away. He needed my strength for once.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were afraid of heights?” I rubbed the length of his forearm, trying to offer him comfort.

  “Honestly? I didn’t realize it until I saw how far away the ground was. I can’t believe I never rode one of these things before.”

  RJ swallowed hard, squeezed his eyes shut, and turned his face into my neck. “Hmm, this is nice.” His breath tickled my ear, and I giggled nervously.

  “You’re crazy.”

  “Only for you. Just don’t move, and I’ll be fine.” He pressed his lips to my neck, sucking and kissing gently.

  We sat like that for the remainder of the ride—I enjoyed the ride and RJ endured it.

  The second the ride stopped, he grabbed my hand and hauled ass down the short metal stairs. Once his feet hit the hard-packed dirt, he hunched over, placed his hands on his knees, and heaved in a heavy breath. I stood back, hoping he wasn’t about to get sick and waited for him to straighten out.

  “Okay. I’m good. What’s next?”

  “You okay, man? You look sick?” Tyler walked up behind us and clapped RJ’s back.

  “Yeah, too much sugar.” He covered up.

  I didn’t want to embarrass him, so I left it alone.

  “You guys riding anymore rides?” Ty asked, and RJ shook his head in haste. “Wanna shoot some hoops instead?”

  “Oh, Lord. Here they go.” Lilly groaned, and we all ended up laughing.

  So many sounds clouded my senses. Bells dinged, lights flashed, and
Lilly and I stood to the side watching the boys show off and making fools of themselves. They were determined to one up the other and see who could get the most baskets. After five attempts, RJ got two and Tyler got one. They both sucked, and of course, Lilly and I found it hilarious.

  “All right, boys, time to quit trying to stroke your egos,” Lilly said, linking her arm with Tyler’s. “It’s obvious that neither of you have a career in the NBA.” Three booths away, people were throwing baseballs at milk cans and RJ shook his head—baseball was reserved for both of our brothers.

  We strolled hand in hand, enjoying each other. No expectations, no thoughts about what the future held, just us. The row of games came to an end and another row of fun started.

  A woman painted matching butterflies on the cheeks of what looked like twin sisters, a cartoonist drew a caricature of a cute couple, and a woman straddled her chair while getting a tramp-stamp henna tattoo.

  “Oh my gosh, you guys! We should get couples tattoos.” I squealed, looking first at RJ and then turning my hopeful smile to Lilly and Tyler.

  “Like these here?” Tyler asked, pointing to the henna tattoo artist.

  I shook my head. “Nope.” I popped. “The real kind.”

  “You’re serious?” RJ asked with wide eyes and a playful smirk.

  “Dead.” I clucked my tongue.

  RJ’s lips met my ear. “Careful with that tongue, babe.” Then winked. “Well, then. Let’s get the heck out of here.”

  “Are we getting matching tattoos, too?” Lilly asked Tyler.

  “Whatever you want, baby. I’m down for anything,” Tyler agreed.

  I didn’t ask questions when RJ told Tyler and Lilly to follow him. As he drove, my nerves bubbled. It was my idea, but the idea was spur of the moment. Now that I’d had some time to think about it, I wasn’t so sure anymore. What the heck did I get myself into? I hoped my parents wouldn’t be upset with me for doing something so ridiculously off-the-wall careless.

  “Hey. We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, you know.” His words were gentle as he kissed my hand and helped me out of the truck.