Reclaiming Us

by Richard, Nicole

  “I need to get changed. We should head home.” I barely got out before looking away from him. If I didn’t, I was sure the tears would start to fall. I didn’t want him thinking I didn’t want to be with him. Hating myself for thinking it, my reasons were of the selfish kind.

  Was it wrong to dream that if, or when, RJ proposed to me again, it would be a romantic gesture and for no other reason than because he wanted to spend his life with me?

  Yes, RJ always put me first, but I needed this. I wanted it to be right. And this wasn’t it.

  I scooted off the bed and got dressed, neither of us saying a word. The tension was thick as he led me out of the room and then stopped at the reception desk to make my next appointment. His hand remained on the small of my back the whole time, but it didn’t hold the same comforting feeling as it did an hour ago.

  We drove home in the exact same stifling silence as we drove to the doctor. Sound barely filtered out of the radio, not nearly loud enough to drown out my worry. I rested my head against my clasped hands that were pressed to the window. Not once did I look in RJ’s direction. I couldn’t bear to see the pain or worry on his face. I knew how much this was killing him inside, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him why I hadn’t given him an answer.

  He pulled into my driveway, and I didn’t wait for him to come around and open my door. Tears pricked behind my eyes, and I kept my head down, not wanting him to see how upset I was.

  “Addie . . .” I didn’t turn to face him, and I didn’t stop walking.

  “I’m going to take a shower.”

  “Addie, will you just stop and listen to me! You’re doing it again. You’re running, but this time I won’t let you.” She scoffed quietly. “You know what, babe, go and have your shower. Wash away all that hurt and pain and negativity from our past that we cannot change.” I wrapped my arms around her from behind and pressed a kiss on the top of her head. “I know you’re scared, but things are different. There’s no reason we should hold back anymore.” I stepped away from her and allowed her to walk away.

  Playing back to the moment those two words slipped, my heart plummeted to the cold floor. She avoided my eyes, and with the lack of a response, I knew she was refusing my proposal—again. That was twice. No. That was completely unacceptable. Addie was pregnant with two of my babies, and I wanted . . . no I needed for her to be my wife. This would not work if she wasn’t. I refused to do the separate house, co‑parenting bullshit. When those babies were born, she would have my last name. We would be one family.

  I heard the shower turn on and walked to the kitchen. I needed some time to myself. I had no idea how my mind was going to take the news my heart was on the verge of delivering. I grabbed two beers and made my way out back.

  Sitting on the top porch step, I let my mind run free. Anything and everything I could have possibly thought of I did, but not a single thought excluded Addie. The two of us lazily playing with our children, her belly swollen with another baby on the way, my ring on her finger. I wanted this life with Addie, and I refused to take it at a snail’s pace any longer. Too much time had already been wasted.

  I drank my beer and analyzed every reason why she would need time to think about accepting my proposal. Was it because I didn’t give her a ring?

  The ring that was burning a fucking hole in my pocket? The ring I had been carrying around for a week while I tried to find the right time for perfect? Was she still hell bent on that bullshit excuse that we hadn’t been back together long? Well, too late for that, she was pregnant with my children.

  I took a few deep breaths as I finished off my first beer and opened the second one. I was halfway through it when I heard the door open and close behind me. Without looking, I patted the space next to me in silent invitation. Not that she ever needed one to be close to me.

  “Babe,” I pacified when she didn’t move.

  She eventually sat next to me, filling the small space, and for a good minute or two, she was quiet. She fidgeted, wringing her hands. Every so many seconds, she swallowed hard and nervously nibbled her bottom lip.

  “Addie, this is me. You have nothing to be nervous about. You can tell me what’s got your mind so jumbled.”

  Silence.

  She tucked her hair behind her ear. “Why do you want to marry me?” She spoke low, as if she were almost afraid to ask.

  “Excuse me?” I shifted, leaning my elbow on my thigh and my chin against my fist before turning to face her. Her eyes were a mixture of sadness and longing. Her lips were pulled into a side smile.

  I brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, needing to feel her. “Are you really expecting me to answer that?” My knuckle grazed her cheek, and she closed her eyes. A pained look crossed her face, and I questioned myself, asking why this was so difficult for her.

  “Why?” Her posture stiffened. “Why do you want to marry me?”

  “Scoot over here,” I said, guiding her to the step right in front of me. This way I could hold her and explain exactly what she needed to hear.

  Encasing her in strong legs and arms, I began, “First and foremost, the easiest and obvious answer is because I love you. You’re mine; you always have been.” Then my mind drew a blank. One of the few times I needed my senses to cooperate, and they failed me. “I’m kind of at a loss here, babe. Being put on the spot is not that easy for me.” I rested my chin atop her head. Trying to formulate into words all the reasons why we should be husband and wife brought me to the conclusion . . .

  “It’s no secret I’ve always wanted you to be my wife . . . not once has that changed.”

  “But, why?”

  “Remember the first time I showed up at one of your football games?”

  She nodded, and even though I couldn’t see her face, I could hear the smile in her voice. “I couldn’t forget if I tried.”

  “I was so damn nervous that night. I had noticed you the second day the school year started, and it took me almost three months to approach you.” I shook my head, chuckling at how weak in the knees this girl had made me even back then. “I knew, from that moment on, that if you gave me the time of day or spoke one word to me, I would be done. You would always be the one.”

  “I was so nervous to talk to you, too.” She rested her hand on my thigh. “I had liked you for a while, but I never thought one of the school’s heartthrobs would ever look at me.”

  “Seriously?” I laughed a bit at that. “You’re beautiful, babe. Not to mention ridiculously smart and sweet. Do you have any idea how many guys wanted to ask you out?” She looked over her shoulder at me, and I could pretty much see the word “bullshit” hanging off the tip of her tongue. “I’m serious. I caught so much hell from AJ’s teammates because quite a few of them had their eyes on you.”

  “I never noticed.”

  “And thank God for that. I would have gladly beaten every single one of their asses to get to you first. It’s not only that. It’s all the little things, too. The first time you let me kiss you; I knew bubble gum would always be my favorite flavor. Or the first time I let you drive my truck in the school parking lot . . .” She hung her head, embarrassed with where this was going.

  “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

  “Nope. That was pretty epic, you backing into that dude’s pickup, only to deny—”

  “I did not back into him, he reversed into me!” she stubbornly pleaded her case, her cheeks turning that same shade of red.

  “No way, babe.” I laughed again. “No one was in his truck.”

  “Oh, whatever.”

  “Then there’s when I rile you up, and you call me an ‘ass’.”

  “Ass.”

  I grinned. “Exactly. It’s all the little things, but my favorite would have to be the way your eyes gloss over and turn to sapphires when we’re about to make love.” I stood and reached into my right pocket. I had hoped for the right time to do this, maybe take her out to dinner and make a big ordeal out of it. I had
hoped wrong. This was the perfect moment.

  I moved to the step below her and knelt on bended knee, my fist turned up, resting on her thigh, I forged on. “The night we first made love, before we even got our tattoos . . .” I released the tight grip of my hand. Addie’s eyes were so intent on mine that she was oblivious to the diamond searing a hole in my open palm. “We made a promise, Addie—”

  “If you’re going to love me—promise me it’s forever.” She swallowed her breath. “I could never forget those words you asked me to promise you.”

  Addie’s eyes followed mine as they shifted to my open palm. Her breath hitched, and a half second later, tears full of love fell from her beautiful blue eyes.

  “It’s not because of the babies?” she asked. “In the doctor’s office, when you asked me, it wasn’t because I’m pregnant?”

  I shook my head. Though, I shouldn’t have been surprised she thought that. There was no other woman I would want to share any of this with. There never was another woman I would’ve have shared this with.

  “I love you.” I caressed the side of her face, and she leaned into my touch. “I’ve always loved you, even if there weren’t any babies in your belly, I would still love you and want you to be my wife. We’re a family, and I want nothing more than for our babies to know that their mommy and daddy love them, but only because they loved each other first.” I held the ring suspended at the tip of her ring finger. “Addie, will you be my wife?”

  She bit at her bottom lip, trying to smile as her tears fell freely. “Yes, I love you, RJ, and I would love to be your wife.” I slid the ring onto her finger and made sure it was secure before holding Addie’s face between my hands, bringing her to stand with me.

  “On one condition.”

  By her words, I should have been concerned or freaking out, but I wasn’t. I had my girl, and she agreed to be my wife. “Anything.”

  “Can we have a small wedding? Just you, me, and the officiant?”

  “On one condition?” I mimicked.

  Addie raised one eyebrow and smiled. “And what would that be?”

  “You move in with me today. No more waiting. We start moving your stuff in and officially become a family.”

  “RJ.” She pressed her forehead to my chest, and this time I didn’t force her to agree. I needed to know if she would come willingly, but if she fought me on it, then I would haul her by her pretty ass and love her into submission. “Okay, we start being a family . . . starting today.” Looking up at me, she smiled the brightest smile I had ever seen. “I love you.”

  “And I love you.” With my hand secure to the back of her neck and my arm around her waist, I pulled her close to me and kissed her with everything in me. Grateful for this moment. Grateful for her. Grateful that we had finally made good on our promise.

  Two weeks later . . .

  “We did it. I married her.” I spoke quietly, not that it mattered. No one was around for at least a quarter mile, except for Addie who was at the Crenshaw’s cottage. Lilly’s parents had gifted us a few nights there to spend our honeymoon.

  The distinct smell of honeysuckle filled the early summer night air. I talked to my best friend, bringing him up to speed with the last couple of weeks. “We’re having twins. Did you know that?” I took a long pull from my beer and asked myself how we were going to manage two infants at once. If it were up to me, Addie would stay at home and be a full‑time mom, which was something we definitely needed to discuss. I already knew it probably wasn’t something she would want to do since she loved teaching, but it was still worth it to ask.

  So many questions and concerns hit me from every direction. Was Addie scared? Was she ready? Would she be able to carry to term and deliver our children safely? I didn’t think she would survive it a second time if something were to ever happen to either or both of our children, and honestly, neither would I.

  The unease of not having all the answers was almost too much to bear, but I took a deep breath and pushed it out slowly. I’d never tell her, but I was freaking the fuck out.

  “You’ll be fine. Grow a pair, you pussy.”

  I chuckled at the thought of Ty’s voice. “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” I answered. “I’m worried about her, that’s all.” I continued to sit there in the quiet.

  Lots of good times were had down at this dock. Whether the four of us were drinking or hanging out listening to music or trying to make out with our girlfriends. “Dude, I’m worried about Lilly. She left town, said she couldn’t take it anymore. I’m not sure how I can help her. I’m at a loss here.”

  “I got her.” And somehow, I knew he would.

  From the left and out of nowhere, a strong gust of wind blew past, cooling the sweat on my neck from the humid night. I looked around, wondering what in the hell happened. In the last thirty minutes or so, not so much as a branch had swayed.

  I jumped off the tailgate and stared out at nothing, thinking about Tyler and how different things would be if he were still alive. I’d still have my best friend, Lilly would still have her husband, and the four of us would raise our families and grow old together. I had no idea tears started to fall until I felt the sting on my cheeks. I swiped the back of my hand across the side of my eyes, sniffling. Somehow, it felt like he was there with me.

  I held my bottle up. “I love you, brother.” My body crumbled to the hard ground. Carrying the weight of the last few months, I sat there with my head in my hands and allowed myself to cry. When the last tear fell, I would move forward with the awareness that one day everything would work out. How could it not? Ty always had my back.

  Garnering control, I picked myself up from the ground and turned to head back to my wife. Only, when I slammed the tailgate and said wife screeched, I about jumped out of my own skin.

  “Oh my god!” Her hand gripped her throat.

  “Shit.” I rushed to her side and pulled her into my arms. “I’m sorry, babe, are you okay?” I combed my hand through her messy hair. “Shh, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  She nodded against my chest and mumbled, “I know. I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to sneak up on you. I thought you knew I was standing there.”

  “It’s okay,” I wrapped her in my arms and held her, her touch always bringing me the calm I needed. “Did you rest okay?”

  She nodded then a cheeky smile pulled at the corner of her lips. “I did. You wore me out.”

  “I did, but if my memory serves me correctly, you were all for it. You didn’t complain. Not once.”

  “I’ll never complain when you love me.”

  We stood there wrapped up in each other when she inhaled deep and hummed as she exhaled. “The honeysuckle is so fragrant, smells so sweet.”

  “It does, but you’re sweeter.”

  “You know you really don’t need to try to sweet talk me with pick‑up lines anymore, you’ve already well and truly gotten me.”

  “Who said anything about pick‑up lines? You really are sweet.”

  We laughed a little, and when Addie turned in my arms, I leaned against the side of my truck. Her back was pressed against my front and my arms were wrapped around the top of her shoulders.

  “Why are you out here all by yourself?”

  “I needed some air. A lot has happened in the last few weeks, and I just needed some time to take it all in.” I kissed the top of her head, hoping she took my words at face value and not read too much into it.

  “I know what you mean.” She paused and let out a deep sigh. “RJ?”

  “Yeah, babe?”

  “I’m a little worried.”

  “About?”

  “We got married without saying a word to my parents. My mother is going to freak. I can hear her now. ‘Addilyn, how could you? You’re my only daughter . . . who else am I going to plan a wedding for?’” She mocked. “She’s going to be moping for weeks.”

  “Babe.” I cleared my throat. She was not going to be happy about this, “They already know.”

&
nbsp; “Excuse me?” she asked, and she pulled out of my arms so she could face me. “How would they—”

  I pressed my finger to her lips. “I told them. Well, I asked them actually.” I dropped my fingers. “Do you honestly think I would marry you and not ask your father for his blessing first?” She stared at me wide eyed, not saying a word. “Babe, I am not that man. I love your mom and dad like they were my own, and there was no way I would have done this without your parents’ approval.”

  Her breath hitched. “But what if they had said no?”

  I chuckled softly. “Do you think they would really deny me the honor of marrying the girl of my dreams?” She shook her head. “Addie, they said themselves it was inevitable.”

  “But my mother was so nervous when we told them we were back together.”

  “She was . . . but she knew. She told me herself she knew this day was bound to happen. She did say she was happy for us. She didn’t like the idea that we weren’t having a big shindig, but she understood. And she made me promise that we would let them throw us a proper wedding after our baby was born.” She took in a sharp breath.

  “You didn’t..You told them I was pregnant?” She pressed her hand to her forehead, trying to rub out the tension.

  I grabbed her wrist. “Seriously? You really think I would give that kind of information away without you there with me?” I softened my tone. “I think they suspect, but I don’t know for sure. Your dad was pretty quick to give his blessing, though.”

  “There is no way they know.”

  “Even if they have an idea, they would never guess twins.”

  She pulled back a bit, the look of love fighting to shine through her tear filled eyes. “You promise you didn’t tell them?”

  I shook my head, and my eyes traveled to her trembling mouth. I eased her nerves with a soft kiss. The taste of salty tears mingled with her sweet bubble gum taste. “Thank you. I really wanted to tell them together. . . and since they already know we’re married—”