by Tanya Mindo
Zoe slightly grins. “Perhaps…”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Kaito mutters. “You’re taking steps, alright? That’s what matters.”
“Thank you,” she replies with a toothy smile. Kaito just knows what to say to make Zoe loosen up.
He’s right, I’m just stressing myself out for nonsense reasons.
The group decides to stop by Don Quijote to purchase additional snacks and drinks. It is Zoe’s first time to enter the store, and once again, it fascinates her.
The shop sells food, cosmetics, toiletries, and other necessities. It has almost everything for a cheaper price. Her mouth gapes as she walks along the aisles. Kaito watches Zoe from behind, finding her exuberance infectious. Her eyes flicker everywhere, and they reflect the lights that illuminate Don Quijote.
All of a sudden, the place feels brand new to Kaito, as if he also starts seeing it in a different light. He always visits Don Quijote, and he has never seen it more than just a normal store. However, seeing Zoe delighted for being there makes him oddly ecstatic. Like it’s a magical place.
Truthfully, her enthusiasm for everything has consistently affected Kaito. He doesn’t know what to make of it.
The rest of the group proceeds to the cashier. Kaito steps out of Don Quijote, and Marie follows him.
“You’re watching her,” Marie whispers.
Kaito clears his throat and jams his hands in his back pockets, his gaze still on Zoe.
“I’m not.”
Marie chuckles. “Oh, please.”
Kaito turns his head away.
“Do you like Zoe?”
He scoffs. “What? No. What are you saying?”
“You’re different around her. You’ve always been like an older brother to everyone, but it’s not like that with Zoe. It’s more than that.”
Marie grins, then she looks up at Kaito. They stare at each other. Marie presses her lips together.
“Don’t lie to yourself.”
He doesn’t respond. He doesn’t know what to say. His eyes dart back to Zoe who is now laughing about something with Taylor. Jesse and Naoki approach Marie and Kaito carrying bags of chips. A few seconds later, Zoe and Taylor also arrive with bottles of soda.
It’s nothing.
His urge to be protective of Zoe is nothing. She just reminds him of his sister. A sister he hasn’t seen for twelve years.
Marie couldn’t be right, he tells himself.
Jesse lays a huge red blanket for everyone to sit on. There are a few groups of friends and families at the Inokashira Park, but it isn’t too crowded. They place all the snacks at the corners of the sheet to avoid it being blown away by the wind.
Jesse and Taylor sit next to each other, while Zoe takes the spot on Jesse’s left. Looking up, she notices Kaito hesitate.
Marie’s words ring in his head. Instead of sitting beside Zoe, he walks and takes the spot next to Naoki. It is Marie who sits close to Zoe.
Contentment tiptoes into Zoe’s heart. The gigantic cherry blossom trees in full bloom stand high blocking the sunlight. When the wind blows, the pink clouds stuck in clusters around the branches fall slowly. Zoe touches one. It is soft.
“It’s so pretty,” she mumbles under her breath.
Jesse distributes the plastic cups for drinks, while Naoki takes out the chips, cookies, and gyoza. Zoe opens the package of chocolate chip cookies and grabs one. The others start eating as well.
“Now I know why Japanese anime always show the cherry blossom season. It draws out a different feeling,” Jesse utters.
“They symbolize renewal and new beginnings,” Naoki states. “It’s also about the beauty and transience of life. These flowers only last around ten to fourteen days.”
“Cool,” Taylor says, chewing a chip. “So poetic.”
“Carpe diem,” Marie says, then she raises her cup. The others raise theirs and everyone drinks.
Naoki clears his throat and with a low tone, he says, “Ah… Anyway, it’s my birthday tomorrow. You’re all invited to come to my house.”
Jesse chortles. “You sound so shy. Do you really want us to come?”
Naoki blushes. “Well, I mean, it’s up to you.”
They all laugh.
“Awesome. We just celebrated Kaito’s and now it’s Naoki’s,” Taylor says.
Zoe looks at Kaito. “When is your birthday?”
“March 27,” he replies.
It was the day before they met. She drops her gaze, wincing.
I was one day late.
“Do we have to bring anything?” Marie asks Naoki.
“Nah, Okaa-san will take care of it. Just come. You should also stay the night. It’s Friday so there should be no problem.”
Zoe gapes, and it doesn’t escape everyone’s notice. They chuckle at her reaction, and her cheeks flush.
“What is it, Zoe?” Marie asks.
“No… It’s just… Uh…”
She is too shy to admit the truth. She glances at Kaito who slightly nods at her. They are all waiting for her to say something.
Zoe mumbles, “It’s my first time… A sleepover, I mean.”
Everyone starts laughing. Zoe presses her hands on her cheeks.
“Really?” Jesse asks, eyes wide.
“Yeah… I kinda lived an uninteresting teenage life.”
“Hey, why are you so embarrassed about it? It’s cool.” Taylor gives a dismissive wave of his hand. “It’s not too late.”
Marie grabs Zoe’s hand, giving it a light squeeze. “Stay the night with us, okay?”
Zoe beams and nods happily.
Jesse raises her cup. “Alright! Cheers to new beginnings.”
They all follow suit.
“And sleepovers,” Zoe adds.
Three hours later, when they are all full and tired of talking about the most random things, they decide to call it a day. Jesse folds and keeps her blanket, while the rest pick up trash.
The sun has set, and most of the families have also gone home. After they finish cleaning up, they leave the park.
Kaito and Zoe need to take their bicycles from the parking lot, so they walk with the group up to the intersection going to Kichijoji station.
With Marie’s observation bothering him, Kaito remembers the moment he watched Zoe at that exact intersection.
Did I do the right thing? he wonders.
“We’ll see you guys tomorrow,” Jesse says.
“Bye everyone, be careful on your way home,” Zoe says, waving her hand.
Marie and the others also bid goodbye before crossing the street. She and Kaito walk to the parking lot.
Kaito is unusually quiet. He’s always been difficult to read, but Zoe feels that he’s acting cold toward her. She wonders whether she did or said something wrong, but she can’t recall anything at all.
He avoided sitting beside her, and he didn't look nor speak to her the entire Hanami, except when she asked him about his birthday. She wants to ask him if he’s okay. She wants to offer him help like he’s always done for her, but knowing Kaito, it’s less likely for him to admit anything. She fears that he’ll only shut her out.
Meanwhile, what Marie said is stuck in Kaito’s head. He tries to avert his gaze from Zoe as much as possible, and he also keeps his mouth shut the entire ride home. He plans to tell her that he’s just tired if she asks.
Thankfully, she doesn’t. He does notice her taking glimpses at him, but she never says anything which is good, but also bad because he can’t tell what she’s thinking.
They reach the front gates of the international residence.
Without looking at her, Kaito says, “I’m going in. Good night.”
“Uh, okay. Good night.”
And then he cycles away.
Zoe wanted to talk more, but Kaito obviously didn’t feel like it. It frustrated her that she couldn’t be helpful. He’s been there for her ever since the start of the program. She wishes to be the same.
Still, she does
n’t want to pry.
Kaito parks his bicycle and climbs up to his room, a heavy feeling creeping in his chest. He hangs his jacket on the desk chair then collapses on the floor, legs crossed.
What Marie has said shouldn’t trouble him, but it does. He starts to become wary of his actions toward Zoe. This isn’t like him.
Zoe cares too much about what people think of her, so his distant attitude during the Hanami and the ride home might have made her anxious.
His stomach hardens.
Though less likely because Zoe isn’t an idiot, he hopes that she didn’t notice.
He grabs his wallet out of his pocket and flips it open. He stares at a worn-out photo of him and his sister.
He was nine and Nanako was six when their parents separated. His father stayed with him in the Philippines, while his Japanese mother took Nanako back to Japan. Her mother filed divorce soon after, and Kaito never saw them again.
Kaito arrived in Tokyo with a desire to search for his mother and sister, but he failed. He visited his mother’s old home in Yokohama; however, a new family had resided in the house. They had no idea where Itou Haruka was. Nobody knew who and where they were.
Kaito approached the municipal offices and even asked help from the police, but the only answer he got was that there were thousands of Itou Haruka in Japan. It was a common female Japanese name after all.
Kaito didn’t have anything else. He didn’t even have a photo because his father had thrown them all away. Without enough resources, it was almost impossible to find his family among the thousands of people in Tokyo. Not to mention that there was a possibility that they had moved somewhere out of the city.
Kaito’s hope eventually died out.
And it still hurts him not knowing where they are. It hurts that she never looked back. Kaito is still her child.
He shakes his head in disbelief.
What am I thinking?
He doesn’t want anyone to take a piece of him. Not anymore.
Because even though he grew up without his mother and his sister, they already took pieces of him. And he will forever be slightly broken.
He only wants to finish this program and go home.
Kaito throws his wallet to his desk, groaning. There’s nothing more to what he feels for Zoe.
She just reminds him of his imouto, Nanako.
Zoe leaves Seth a message that night, but he doesn’t respond even when the next morning arrives.
She feels guilty as she recalls how the conversation went on, though she plans to hold her ground. She sends a message to Elle. She doesn’t reply as well.
It is 8 AM. She is done preparing her outfit for the day and her sleepover garments. She is exhilarated. Everything’s going too fast. Despite her issues with Seth, she is having the best time of her life.
Zoe eats a quick breakfast before taking a shower. She throws intermittent glances at her phone as she dries her hair. There are still no replies from both Elle and Seth. The only messages she gets are from her parents enjoying their vacation. She’s glad that they are not too fixated on her anymore.
Before she cycles out of the residence, her eyes search for Kaito, but he's nowhere to be found. She doesn’t know his schedule. She only wants to confirm that everything’s cool between them.
Zoe eats lunch with Zhi Ming after her Japanese class. She made a few mistakes during the quiz, but she was getting better. The language is difficult because of the grammar and writing system, yet she welcomes the challenge. After all, studying is her forte.
Zhi Ming enjoys his curry, while Zoe savors her bowl of miso ramen. The aroma of mixed spices teases her nostrils, and every sip is glorious. She wonders how cafeteria food can taste that fine.
“Have you seen Kaito?” Zoe asks, trying to sound as casual as she can.
“Yes, our classes were at the same building.”
“Oh,” she utters. “Why didn’t he come with you for lunch?”
“He didn’t say anything. Why? Were you supposed to meet up?”
She blinks rapidly and takes another sip of the broth. “No, not really. I was just wondering.”
Zoe fumbles through her pocket and takes another glimpse of her phone. Seth and Elle haven’t even viewed her text messages. She chews her lips.
Okay, this is weird.
She types another message for both of them asking what’s up. Midterms are supposed to be over, plus it is atypical for Elle not to answer right away. She feels a knot in her belly, but disregards it right away.
No, it’s fine. It’s nothing.
“So, have you thought about joining the music club?”
Zoe looks up. “The what?”
“The music club. The one Kaito and I talked to you about. Applications are now open.” Zhi Ming drinks his tea.
Zoe blows out of her cheeks. “I haven’t thought about it… I’m unsure if I’m good enough to perform in front of a crowd.”
“Ah, why don’t you check it out first? You don’t have to join right away.”
They clean up their table and return the utensils.
“Will that be okay?”
“Yeah, of course.”
Zhi Ming steps out of the cafeteria, and she follows him.
“Wanna go now?”
She shoots a look at her watch. It is only 1:30 PM. Naoki asks them to meet in front of the Komaba Todaimae station by 4 PM.
“Now?”
“Yeah, are you busy?”
She shrugs nervously. “No, but I’m not ready.”
“No one’s ever ready,” he says. “Come on, maybe Kaito’s there.”
Knowing Kaito might be there plays a part in convincing her to go.
Zhi Ming strodes excitedly. Meanwhile, Zoe’s knees wobble with every step, her heart thumping wildly at the thought of joining the club and performing in front of people.
She has never done it before, but thinking about it makes her thrilled. As if she can actually be someone else.
Chapter Ten
Zhi Ming takes Zoe to a classroom on the third floor of the KOMCEE building. Vibrant music escapes the walls, sending Zoe’s mind into a frenzy. It was a combination of guitar, drums, piano, and singing. Her stomach churns as they stand in front of the door.
“What’s wrong?” Zhi Ming asks, frowning.
“I… I don’t think I can do it,” she whispers, staring at her feet. “I’ve never joined any clubs and I’m not a good enough singer—”
The door suddenly slides open, and Kaito appears carrying a guitar on his left hand, a strap on his right shoulder. He cocks his head to the side.
“What are you guys doing here?”
He stares at Zoe, and her cheeks turn hot.
“I brought her here so she could check the club out,” Zhi Ming replies nonchalantly.
Zoe peeks through the door. Most of the students inside are Japanese, so it intimidates her more. How will she communicate?
“But I’m… Well—sorry, I think I’ll head out first,” she stammers, taking a few steps back. Zhi Ming grabs her wrist, and it doesn’t escape Kaito’s notice. He pokes his tongue on his cheek.
“Nope, you should go inside at least. There’s nothing to lose,” Zhi Ming coaxes softly.
A Japanese girl with a pixie cut hairstyle approaches them. She speaks to Kaito in Japanese before looking at Zoe and Zhi Ming.
“Hi, are you joining the club?” she asks Zoe, a bright smile on her face. “I’m Yui.”
Yui’s accent is strong but easy to understand. Zoe is relieved.
“I’m Zoe. And ah, no… We’re just looking around,” Zoe answers.
Zhi Ming lets go of her wrist and leers at her. She half-shrugs.
“Then why are you still standing there? Come inside.” Yui opens the door widely for them. Without a word, Kaito steps aside.
Zoe reluctantly crosses the threshold together with Zhi Ming.
Kaito and Zhi Ming walk to the corner of the room and talk. Meanwhile, Zoe’s eyes travel. The club r
oom appears neat with the walls painted white and the chairs properly arranged at the back of the room. At least ten musical instruments are playing all at the same time.