by Tanya Mindo
“What do you play?” Yui asks, her hands clasped together.
The room feels alive, and everyone seems to be having fun. Some students shoot glances at her. Her heart throbs.
“I… I don’t play instruments.”
Yui’s eyes gleam with delight. “Oh, so it’s you!”
Zoe points a finger to herself, confused. “Me?”
“Yeah. You sing, right?”
She wants to say no, but it will make her look stupid. Why would she be there if she knows nothing about music?
Zoe licks her bottom lip and nods slowly.
“Me too. This is perfect. We usually play Japanese songs,” Yui says giddily. “If you join us, Miyu and I can sing local songs, while you can sing foreign ones.”
Her breathing quickens. “I’m not sure I’m good enough to perform.”
“Huh?”
“I don’t have professional experience.”
“It’s okay. We’re all amateurs. You can sing for us now then we’ll see.”
“W-What? What now?”
Yui’s eyes sparkle, whereas Zoe’s blood rushes through her veins. How can she sing in front of strangers without any practice? Her mind instantly turns blank, and she can’t think of any song she can perform.
Kaito and Zhi Ming approach them.
“How’s it going?” Kaito asks.
“I’m asking her to sing for us,” Yui replies.
Zoe shuffles her feet. Suddenly, another student calls Yui so she excuses herself for a bit.
“So, you’re gonna do it?” Zhi Ming asks.
Zoe glances at Kaito who is merely looking at her. Her lips press into a thin line.
“No. How can I do that in front of all of these people?” she mumbles nervously.
Zhi Ming adjusts his eyeglasses. “Why not?”
“I can’t just… Jump into this.”
“Actually, you can,” Kaito says. “You’re overthinking this. You’re just going to sing.”
She scowls. “It’s not easy. I’ve never done it.”
“Zoe—”
“Can I make this decision on my own?” she snaps.
Kaito rubs the back of his neck then lowers his eyes. Zhi Ming gulps, his face wrinkling up.
Zoe squeezes her eyes shut for a second. She didn’t mean to raise her voice.
“Kaito, I mean—”
“I only want you to have fun, Zoe. But you’re right, I was out of line,” he says flatly. “It's up to you, Zoe. It’s always up to you in the end.”
Kaito turns around and walks away from them. He starts speaking to other guitar players. Zoe just watches him contritely, her chest tightening.
“I didn’t mean to...” she whispers to herself. “Did I disappoint him?”
Zhi Ming chews his lips, unable to lie. “Think about it for now. You don’t have to decide today.”
Zhi Ming and Zoe study at the library. However, Zoe can’t focus since she’s bothered about the music club. It might be her last chance to join an extracurricular activity.
She also can’t take Kaito out of her mind. She got angry because she hated feeling like she was being pushed around once more. But Kaito meant well. And in her heart, she also wants to do it.
Zoe is just afraid.
And though she isn’t feeling bad about speaking her mind, she knows that she could have put it in a better way.
She grunts, folding her hands on her lap.
I made things worse.
Around 3:45 PM, Zoe leaves the library. Zhi Ming stays to write his paper.
When she arrives at the gate, only Kaito is standing there. He’s leaning on the wall next to the stairs and is using his phone.
Awesome. This is just great.
She takes a deep breath and strides toward him.
“Hi.”
“Hey,” he responds without looking up.
Her heart sinks. She doesn’t want Kaito to dislike her. She shoves her hands into her pockets, pondering what topic to bring up to break the silence.
“I… I was just with Zhi Ming at the library.”
No answer.
“W-Why isn’t Zhi Ming friends with Marie and the others?”
“Zhi Ming doesn’t like to go out. We only became friends because we’re both staying in Mitaka. They don’t even have a class with him because Zhi Ming takes almost all of his classes in Hongo.”
“Ah… I see.”
Think of something.
But she runs out of anything to say for the first time since they became friends.
“Kaito! Zoe!” Marie yells. They turn to look at her.
Marie is wearing a purple dress that emphasizes her tiny waist, a black coat that went perfectly with her dress, and a gray sling bag. She looks sophisticated and feminine.
“Where are the others?” Marie asks as she removes her ponytail and shakes out her hair.
Zoe is glad that she isn’t alone with Kaito anymore.
“They’re on their way,” Kaito replies, his eyes still on his phone.
Zoe and Marie engage in small talk while Kaito just stands there, watching students pass by the gates.
Zoe occasionally throws glances at him. After they shopped at Don Quijote, Kaito has refrained from speaking with her. Zoe dreads that she might have added fuel to the fire.
A few minutes later, Taylor, Jesse, and Naoki arrive, and they embark on the train going to Shibuya. They have to switch to the JR Chuo Line going to Hachioji.
Zoe remains quiet the entire ride, while the gang excitedly talks about what happened in a class Taylor and Jesse attended. The Professor yelled at one student who was sleeping. And snoring.
She laughs with them, but her mind still wanders. She mulls over what she could have done wrong, and if she made it worse by declining the club invitation.
She’s aware that Kaito doesn’t have to talk to her all the time. That he has his own stuff to deal with. But she can’t help but agonize over the silence.
She only gets her mind off it when they arrive at Naoki’s residence.
It is a traditional Japanese residence with a garden and a koi pond in the middle. Cherry blossom trees stand tall close to the pond, surrounding it like a wall, their pink buds reflecting on the water. Zoe only read about traditional houses where the samurai used to live. She has never imagined that she could see them up close, let alone stay in it.
“This is amazing. It’s like little Kyoto!” Jesse exclaims.
“It’s so quiet, man. You don’t have ghosts living here, do you?” Taylor jokes.
“Shut up,” Kaito says.
Naoki shakes his head and leads the way to the veranda. They stop at the entryway in front of the entrance.
“This is the genkan. Leave your shoes here, and grab your indoor guest slippers,” Naoki instructs, stacking his shoes to the shelf. He steps on the raised level of the floor that is made of tatami. They do as they were told and follow Naoki. He slides the door open to a room which they guess is the dining hall.
“Tadaima,” Naoki greets.
A middle-aged lady in a white dress gets up from the floor. She is pale and thin, her skin radiating a light glow. She strongly resembles Naoki. The table is already set up for them.
“Okairi,” she greets back, then she smiles at Naoki’s friends.
They all bow their heads.
“Shitsureishimasu,” Kaito says.
Everyone repeats the same phrase except for Zoe. She couldn’t pick it up right away. She scowls at herself.
Naoki’s mother smiles. “Douzo. I prepared dinner for all of you.”
Taylor, Zoe, and Marie gape. Jesse simply smiles. It’s as if a big boulder was lifted from their shoulders.
Naoki’s mother laughs.
“We lived in LA with Naoki,” she says, shooting a glance at Naoki. “Didn’t you tell them?”
He shrugs nonchalantly.
“We’ve been friends with you for a year, but you never said anything,” Taylor says, shaking his head.
“I didn’t think it was necessary,” Naoki answers.
His mother gestures to them to sit on the floor, so they do. Zoe sits beside Jesse. She carefully observes Kaito as he takes the seat next to Naoki, hoping that he’ll even look at her.
They are sitting across each other, but he doesn’t even throw her a glance.
She doesn’t know what to make of it. Maybe she just got used to having Kaito so close to her. Maybe she’s not used to him being distant. Or is he even being distant? Is she the only person thinking that something has changed?
Everyone is happily chatting. Meanwhile, Zoe wants to laugh at herself. She is being silly. Kaito took care of her because she was new to Japan. She should be thankful instead of acting like a brat. Now that she’s adjusted, he doesn’t need to stick close to her anymore.
Zoe fiddles with her necklace, blood pounding in her ears.
Oh no.
It sinks into her that she has the tendency to get attached to people who take care of her, and it drives her insane.
This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. I can’t be like this anymore.
Zoe is so lost in her thoughts that she recklessly sips her scorching tea. It burns her tongue. She panics and drops the cup, spilling tea on her top and her left arm. The burning sensation makes her wince in pain.
“Are you okay?” Jesse exclaims.
Zoe grimaces. “Y-Yes, I’m sorry!”
This wouldn’t have happened if she paid attention. If she stopped overthinking her place in Kaito’s life like an idiot.
Why am I so stupid? Why can’t I take care of myself?
“Don’t apologize, Zoe,” Marie says, then she swiftly hands her handkerchief to Zoe. Zoe wipes the tea on her arm. It stings.
Naoki immediately walks out of the room to get the ointment. Meanwhile, Naoki’s Mom comes with their dinner. She puts the tray on the table and also leaves the room. She comes back with a cool compress to ease the pain.
“Thank you... I’m sorry,” she says once more, then she pats her arm with the compress.
Zoe deliberately avoids Kaito’s gaze the entire time. She doesn’t want to see his expression. It scares her that she’ll be able to confirm that he doesn’t care that much about her.
As soon as Naoki comes back, she excuses herself and goes to the washroom. She washes her arm with running water.
She stares at herself in the mirror, then she takes a deep breath.
This is my fault. I should stop this before I ruin my first trip with everyone.
She changes into a new shirt and quietly enters the dining hall. Her arm still hurts and is bright red, although it feels a lot better after applying the ointment.
“Are you okay?” Marie asks.
Zoe nods. “Yeah, sorry about that.”
“It was an accident,” she replies with a reassuring smile.
Naoki’s mother prepared sushi rolls, okonomiyaki, yakitori, and tonkatsu. Among them, the okonomiyaki is Zoe’s favorite. It is flavorful and creamy. Naoki’s Mom also brings out bottles of sake. Everyone cheers except Zoe.
She finds it a bit strange. She has never tasted alcohol, and honestly, she doesn’t think that it will be that good. She has seen people suffering from hangovers. Most of them vomit their intestines out. What is so special about it?
Naoki pours everyone a drink and shoots a look at her. “Do you want some?”
“Uh, no, thanks,” she refuses politely.
“You sure?” Jesse asks. “You’re safe here.”
She purses her lips. “It’s not that... Well… I just don’t really get why people drink.”
They all pause and stare at her.
Taylor grins and takes a sip from his cup. “That’s fair. For me, I don’t drink because I like the taste. It could be bitter sometimes, and the hangover is terrible. One time, I got so drunk that I woke up on my friend’s couch. I puked right on his carpet.”
Marie sneers at him.
“Sorry… But it’s the truth. I cleaned it up, don’t judge me.” Taylor crosses his arms. “I guess I drink for the company.”
“Same here,” Marie admits. “It’s a social norm. Canadians love their beer.”
“Don’t Filipino women drink?” Jesse asks Zoe.
“Oh, we do,” Zoe answers. “I mean, they do. But I… I haven’t tried it. I’m still stuck in the stone age, I suppose. Everything’s new to me.”
“You’re so innocent,” Jesse comments. “Not in a bad way.”
“I’m not that innocent,” she says, a flush crossing her cheeks. “I’m just… Inexperienced.”
“Do you want to try it?” Taylor asks, raising the bottle as an invitation. Kaito elbows him lightly.
“I’ll pass,” Zoe says. “Maybe next time.”
“Then that’s okay. It’s your choice. No pressure,” Naoki says.
“Just let us know if you want to,” Taylor adds, grinning. “We openly invite you, but we’re not going to force it on you.”
She nods with a small smile. This is exactly why she enjoys hanging out with them.
Naoki’s mother walks out the door and returns with a chocolate cake, three candles on top.
“Okaa-san! I specifically said no cake,” Naoki cries, his cheeks reddening. Zoe chuckles at his reaction. To make Naoki even more embarrassed, his mother turns the lights off and lights the candles.
“Is it okay if we sing together for Naoki?” she giggles.
“Okaa-san!” he protests, but everyone scoots next to him and begins singing while clapping their hands. Naoki pouts and folds his arms. Kaito and Taylor tease him and poke his sides, then he also begins to laugh.
Zoe is having fun. She secretly scolds herself for being worried about her friendship with Kaito when she has everyone. Kaito is their friend, too. He is supposed to treat everyone equally. What was up with her?
Naoki’s Mom takes the girls to their room, while Naoki leads the boys to theirs. The beddings are already prepared when they arrive. Three futons lay on the floor with one pillow and a thick blanket for each.
“We have three bathrooms in the house. Feel free to use the toiletries and let me know if you need anything else,” Naoki’s Mom says, smiling happily. She seems cheerful after successfully celebrating Naoki’s birthday.
“Have a good night, girls.”
“Thank you, Suzuki-san,” they reply in chorus, then Naoki’s Mom leaves.
Zoe’s arm still hurts, but it is just a first-degree burn so it will fade in a few days. She only hopes that it wouldn’t leave a scar.
The three girls are preparing their stuff when they hear a knock on the door. Zoe opens it, and Naoki, Kaito, and Taylor stand there grinning at them.
“Come on out. Party isn’t over,” Taylor beams.
“What? I thought that was it,” Jesse says, yawning.
Taylor clicks his tongue. “We only had two bottles. That can’t be it.”
“And we were partying with my Mom. That can’t be it,” Naoki utters.
“Where are we going?” Zoe asks.
Kaito glances at her arm. She notices it and drops her gaze.
“Naoki said there’s a cliff overlooking the city nearby,” Kaito answers. “We should check it out.”
Zoe can’t hide her excitement. She squeals. The girls instantly grab their coats and head outside.
Naoki’s neighborhood appears old-fashioned since it is close to the mountains, reminding Zoe of the feudal era in Japan that she had only seen in movies. It’s as if they were propelled back in time.
The gang walks on the cold pavement surrounded by enormous trees, the sound of leaves swooshing relaxing their nerves. There is nobody in sight, and the moon and the stars illuminate the area.
The sidewalk is a bit narrow, so they have to walk by twos. Taylor and Marie walk side by side and then Jesse and Naoki. Kaito is incredibly taller than Zoe, and her legs are short, so she expects to be left out.
But Kaito slows down and walks next to her. She is surprised, yet s
he conceals her expression by looking forward, pretending that it doesn’t matter.