Purgatorium

by J. H. Carnathan

  Once my mind is back on track, I look over to Madi. She looks at me, fronting a soft smile in my direction. “Honey?” she says with concern.

  “What’s wrong?” I respond to her with a dry mouth.

  “Are you hot or something? You are sweating pretty hard.”

  I look in the rearview mirror at my glowing forehead, noticing that the hot flashes had never gone away.

  The th

  snow pelts harder against the window. I turn on my high beams to try to see the road more clearly. The lights illuminate the Valkyrie right in front of the car. I jerk the steering wheel over to the left, driving past the off-ramp for the rest stop. Madi breathes a sigh of relief as we keep moving. I know I have cheated the course again. The Valkyrie will soon appear once more. I hear a distant “beep, beep, beep” sound.

  WEDNESDAY

  Uriel

  I jolt upright in bed to the sound of my alarm. I sense something is different with the back of my neck and face. I feel my head and realize my hair has gotten longer—it can almost touch my shoulder—and I have a full beard.

  Why is it that each day my hair is growing to the extreme?

  A bright light shines through the curtains. The light beats down on my eyelids, making it hard for me to see.

  Out of the corner of my left eye, I am shocked to see that there seems to be another body under the covers next to me. I carefully lift up the blanket and sheet.

  I scramble out of bed and run to the other side of the room, covering my genitals with my hands.

  A familiar looking man sits up from the other side of the bed and, noticing me, shouts, “Ahh!”

  It’s Uriel!

  After a moment, his face grows calm. He gets up out of the bed, completely naked. He imitates me and covers his crotch, grinning at the situation he just put us in.

  “Good morning, Gucci!” Uriel sings. “Today will be your awakening.”

  Uriel walks over to the window and peeks through the curtain, out the window.

  “Summer is the season of lustful behaviors and lurid imaginations to starving artists. Hollywood weather! Look at where you are, Gucci. Heaven only wishes it could be this extravagant! You best hurry and see it in the light before it’s too late.”

  The light? The sun is out! I can’t remember the last time I even saw the sun. I have been so consumed by darkened clouds and hazardous weather that it never dawned on me where the sun went all this time. I never thought this place couldn’t consume anything so pure, like the nonexistent water.

  I stand in the corner, as far away from Uriel as I can get, still covering my crotch. I peek my head out the window, but before I can see any glimpse of the sun, it is gone. I watch as a dark shadow covers over it.

  What just happened?

  “It’s an eclipse, Gucci. Every Wednesday it comes along, shadowing over the light and letting the night last for the remainder of the day.”

  Figures, is all I can think. Being so close and yet…

  I stop thinking and glare at the window, hoping to see the hourglass reflecting off of it, but once again it’s gone. I quell my thoughts on the matter for now.

  “Which in retrospect seems fitting to dress up to the nines and hit the town,” says Uriel.

  He nimbly rushes past me and into my closet. I can hear him searching through the racks of suits.

  “So, I presume that you’re still mad about me running you over? I was trying to prove a point, Gucci,” Uriel says from inside the closet.

  Uriel walks out wearing a tuxedo but in bare feet. His bowtie is stylishly untied. He notices me looking down at his shoeless feet.

  “I like my feet to feel free from tight spaces.” Uriel turns and looks at his reflection in the closet mirror. “Hmmm…something’s missing.” He reaches inside the tuxedo jacket pocket, takes out a King of diamonds card, and peaks it above the pocket’s brim.

  I stare at the card, wondering what the meaning is of having it in our jacket pockets.

  Thus far I have seen a total of eight cards. Five equaling up to be a royal flush and the other three are a suit of Kings. But what’s the significance?

  I think for a hard minute as Uriel decides on which sunglasses to wear from my cabinet drawer. Suddenly an idea sparks in my head, making me think of the card game from my past.

  My hand! The first hand I had was the King of clubs and diamonds. My second being the Ten, Queen, King, Ace of hearts and the King of spades. The Jack in my pocket was the one I used to cheat with. Unlike an eclipse, this place doesn’t shadow over my life, it just gives the worst details from it.

  Uriel walks out, modeling me his aviator sunglasses. “Your sinful deeds hide in plain sight. At times even peeking through.” He points at the heart of the playing card, poking out of his jacket pocket. “You know what a green heart means? When a love turns sour. Things to think about,” he says. “I can tell you one thing not to do is run away from them. Or at least wait till Sunday before you feel the need for a merry jog.”

  Uriel smoothly walks past me, showing off his sense of style and swagger, leaving me with thoughts of insecurity.

  “Your turn, Gucci.” Smoke seems to be coming out of my closet as I look to Uriel, wondering what he just did.

  Doing my best to keep away from him, I carefully walk around and peer into the closet. All my suits are being burned in the far corner. There is nothing left but another tuxedo.

  “Aren’t you tired of wearing the same freaking clothes?” Uriel says. “Day in and out? Not this time. I left something new in there for you.”

  Uriel pushes me into the closet. The lights come on.

  “We’re rich beyond our wildest dreams!” Uriel says. “Who needs paper to tell us otherwise! But, as the saying goes, if you have it, why not spend it?”

  Uriel walks in behind me, takes my hand, and looks at my watch: 3:10. The player piano starts to play “The Light in the Piazza.”

  “This depressing music is going to have to go.” Uriel takes out a cassette tape in his pocket. “This is my own little personal mix tape from me to you. I know it’s not the same stuff you like to listen to over and over again, but I feel like it fits the moments of the day.”

  He puts it in a boombox that is installed in the wall. “Now this is my jam!” He walks out of the closet and into the living room. I hear the piano stop and the boombox start to play Madonna’s “Like a Virgin.”

  I come out of the closet, dressed in the tuxedo, and try to fix my bowtie. I walk across the living room to the bathroom doorway and look in the mirror. Gazing at my now long hair, I push it back off the shoulder of my tuxedo jacket.

  Uriel, looking on from behind, says, “Well, that just won’t do, sweetie.”

  He walks into the bathroom, takes out the Brylcreem, puts some in my hair, and combs it back. Uriel says in a soft tone, “If you don’t love yourself first then all you will have is yourself.”

  He finds a beard trimmer in the medicine cabinet and, while trimming my beard, starts singing, “Ooh ooh, this is it, this is it.”

  He moves his face within inches of me and sings, “Hoo! Like a virgin. Touched for the very first time, Like a virgin! When your heart beats next to mine!” Uriel then reaches into my jacket pocket, pulls out a hair tie, and ties my hair back into a ponytail. “Now you are the real deal, Gucci.”

  I look in the mirror and realize that Uriel and I look almost exactly alike. But then I also see that my reflection, moving independently again, is trying to tie my bowtie.

  “Only a few days left,” says Uriel. “You must hurry up and find your demon before it’s too late. Have you at least found your token yet? Anything that was given to you out of kindness? Any ideas in that big head of yours?”

  I look down and see my tie is on straight, while in the mirror, I see that my reflection is a true image of me again. Slightly unnerved by seein
g my reflection, as well as Uriel’s unexpected presence, I breathe in deeply, shutting my eyes tightly and trying to pull myself together.

  I open my eyes and see Uriel twisting his ring nervously. I start to remember the flask, matchbook, watch, Polaroid camera, and how they are all somehow related to me. All this makes me wonder what Uriel’s ring means to me?

  Uriel walks over to one of the bookshelves. On the top shelf is a bottle of 10-year-old Lagavulin and a set of glass tumblers. He takes two glasses, uncorks the bottle, and pours them each one-third full. Then he walks over to me with both glasses and hands me one. Uriel proudly raises his glass.

  “Here’s to us heartbreakers and soul takers. One night is all we got, let it go, and never stop.” Uriel clinks his glass against mine and throws his drink back in one swallow. He then walks into the bedroom and comes back out holding up a red dress, smiling at me. “Do you think this dress makes me look fat?”

  I can’t tell if he’s being serious. I remember waking up next to him in my bed and feeling disgusted. This angel seems to be more on the loosey-goosey side. Uriel sees me getting uncomfortable as my watch beeps.

  5 Minutes

  “I kid,” Uriel says to me, laughing a little. “But let’s get serious. What are you waiting for? The hoe-neys are awaiting! Let’s get on it!” Uriel opens the door to the hallway and walks out. I follow him. He walks directly across to the waitress’ door, still holding the red dress, and knocks six times.

  “I don’t feel like getting a popsicle stuck up my butt today.” Uriel laughs. “I’m still recovering from last time. Remember that night?” I look at him with no recollection and not really ever wanting to know. “Hey, I barely remember it too. Our little secret.” He winks at me. “Jokes. I kid. But not really. Just did.”

  Just then, the waitress opens her door. She looks at Uriel and then at me. She and I lock eyes, and nods to me. I now remember the pistol that I left for her to keep safe. I smile, happy she is still alive and that I can trust her. Uriel throws the dress in her face. “You are going to look so fetching! But who does your makeup? It’s terrible! I will see you later, Gucci. Gotta fix this catastrophe here.”

  He pushes her back inside, the dress still half-covering her face, and closes the door behind him. I just stand there, perplexed by everything that just happened.

  As I walk to the elevator, it automatically opens up. I step inside and ready my hand to press the L button, but then stop myself as an idea starts formulating in my head. I think about the telescope on the roof and that I am all alone.

  I look at my watch: 7:20. Okay, I have four and a half minutes to make it to the roof and back down to my car. I can do this. I press the button leading to the roof.

  The elevator opens and I run across to the telescope, unscrew the top scope, look inside the main cylinder, and see a small piece of cloth, folded in on itself. I carefully reach my fingers in and pull the cloth out.

  It reads, “A face to call home.”

  I feel the cloth. It is wrapped around something circular and hard. I unfold it. Inside, I am surprised to find a ring. It looks just like the ring that Uriel wears.

  Why is it hidden in here? Maybe I put it in here for some reason. I must have known that I would have looked through this scope. It could be my token that they said I needed. I must have hid it so my demon wouldn’t get its hands on it. I rewrap the ring with its cloth and stick it back in the scope. It’s been safe here so far, better make it stay that way.

  I look at my watch and realize it’s 9:30. I go to the ledge and think, I did this before. If I jump it will raise too many questions. My demon will trace it back to this rooftop and find my token. I run back to the elevator and press the L button. Nothing happens. I continue pressing and still nothing. No, no, no, no…this can’t be happening!

  I run out and look around the rooftop for a secondary option. Racing to the opposite side of the roof, I see the door to the staircase. I guess I’ll have to make a run for it. I quickly dash to the door and read the door sign. It reads Level 7. Six levels isn’t that bad, I think.

  I open the door and peer down from the wooden banister. The spiral staircase, I see, is curved inward. The drop down is too far to tell. I look over to count each of the marble stoned steps and count six. How ironic once again.

  I take a breath and walk to the very first step. I lift my leg and take off down the stairwell. But every sharp loop I make gets me no closer to seeing the Level 5 sign. The stairs blur below me as I feel a surge of adrenaline. The steady thump of my footsteps echoes throughout the stairwell. Every new row I come across just leads to another set of rows.

  I am now five rows deep and still no sign. I push myself to keep going as I feel a bead of sweat roll down my forehead. The only thing stopping me from getting to the bottom is time, I think. I get to row 6 and finally see the Level 5 sign. I continue running, making my way around the loop.

  Six levels, six steps, and I stay in room 6, I relay to myself. 666, the mark of the devil. What if this place isn’t some kind of purgatory. What if this place is something else? I wonder. I try not to think about if I am actually in hell or not. Too much to really deal with at the moment to find out this was all for nothing.

  I make my way down another six rows and get to Level 4. My watch goes off.

  10 Minutes

  I feel a coldness running up the stairwell. I need to hurry. I keep running down, making my way closer to the bottom, when I notice the banister turning slowly into ice. While keeping my pace, I put my hand on the railing. It instantly turns into ice. An ice sticker shoots out of the railing and into my hand.

  I yank my hand away and examine the hard icicle stuck through my palm. I yank it out and watch the whole railing being wrapped around the ice stickers. It sprouts out like some kind of ice-covered thorn bush.

  My heart is now pounding to the beat of my feet racing over the hard marbled ground. My sweat begins to freeze over my forehead, causing my hair to cling to it as my throat aches for air. The frozen rush of cold wind passes my face as each step slowly starts turning into ice.

  My muscles stretch, pushing harder, I can see below me that running will soon not be an option. The ice stickers suddenly sprout out from underneath me. I continue to run, stumbling over the stickers that litter my path. I sprint past the Level 3 sign and bolt my legs down the next loop. The ice stickers are poking out faster behind me. I continue running until I feel myself start to slip. I slow my pace as a sticker suddenly pokes through my left foot.

  My leg begins to stumble as my body feels like it is about to cave in towards the marble floor. I put more force on my right leg, making it to where I won’t fall on my face. I regain control and spring back up, dodging left and right all of the ice stickers that keep sprouting out around me. The walls begin to get iced over too as icicles push their way out.

  I swerve just barely missing them, and try remembering what Raphael taught me. I raise my bloody hand and look through the hole in my palm. I think of the coffee shop and first seeing Madi. My palm starts regenerating and in a matter of seconds, it’s back to normal. I do the same thing to my foot, healing it to what it once was.

  I quickly make my way down to Level 2. Just when I am thinking I’m almost there, I see the rest of the stairwell is completely frozen. The steps have turned into an ice-covered slip-n-slide going all the way down to the ground floor. My legs slip out from under me and my back hits the icy surface. My body starts sliding down at a fast rate, hitting every wall I come across along with every ice sticker that launches out in front of me.

  I feel like I am back on the reapers frozen grid. The ice stickers bring an unimaginable pain to my body, each one sticking either to my back or shoulders. If I can take control of my body doing this, then running on the back of a reaper’s grid would be a piece of cake.

  The cleats retract out of both my shoes. I dig into the ice, giving me
a chance to slow down and regain control.They must have detected the icy terrain that I am in. I’m really starting to love these shoes.

  I hear the screeching sound of the reapers echoing through the top of the stairwell. I look up and see snow falling slowly down around me. The iced-covered stairwell and the droplets of snow make it almost seem beautiful in my eyes. I quickly regain focus and dig my cleats into the icy slope. In one quick motion, I push my body up with my arms and tuck my feet up under me. Then I bring up one foot at a time until I am in a standing position.

  Once I have taken off, I keep my knees bent, my arms loose and extended, my feet planted on the icy surface, and my torso leaned forward to lower my center of gravity. I grab the rail to steer me as I slide my way passed Level 1. I am almost there to the lobby, just six staircases more to go.

  I soon feel exhilarated as I slide my way through every slippery turn and frozen staircase. Big ice stickers push out of the walls blocking my path in front of me. I gain momentum and swiftly dodge, leap, dip, hurdle, and dive each icicle that gets into my path. I keep my posture under control as I see the last set of staircases below. As I turn the corner, I notice the lobby door has been frozen over.

  All of a sudden, an ice sticker punches out of the wall next to me. It stabs deep into my ribcage and gets stuck. The velocity of which I was sliding was enough to break off the core piece of the ice sticker that’s still imbedded in me. I shake off the pain as the whole left side of my chest is blood red.

  I let go of the railing and brace myself for impact. My body collides with the door, shattering it instantly. I go flying across the room with my feet still in motion, not missing a step. A smile comes across my face, wishing I could do it again. I look down at the left side of my chest and see that my small amount of happiness was just enough to heal my wounds. My watch beeps, bringing my focus back to the reality of the situation.

  15 Minutes

  I run out the front door of the apartment building and look across the street.