Blackness Within (The Blackness Series Book 5)

by Norma Jeanne Karlsson

  “I’ll do that,” I say through a chuckle.

  “Here’s your tea.” Finn offers me my glass.

  “Thanks.”

  He smiles down at me before Kieran clears his throat and brings our attention to him.

  “You did good, Natasha. Know that,” he orders with a roughness to his voice I can’t quite place.

  “Thank you, Kieran,” I respond softly, feeling a little shy at his compliment.

  He steps into my space and tips my chin up with a rough calloused finger before whispering, “Know that.”

  Tears fill my eyes as I nod. His murky blues soften and he pulls me in for a rough hug next to his sleeping baby. He’s not as big as most of the men in this strange family, but there’s a strength and fierceness to his grasp that shows me he may be the most powerful.

  He lets me go when Sully calls out, “Grey?” in a concerned voice.

  “All good, cuz,” Kieran replies for me with a confident smirk on his lips.

  Kieran leaves us and joins his wife. I’m guessing she’s his wife by the way his gaze lingers on her with pure adoration.

  “You okay?” Sully asks stepping in front of me.

  “I’m fine, Sully. How are you?”

  “Good.”

  We both stand in silence after that until Blake comes over and nudges my shoulder.

  “You gonna stand in the same spot all day, Tosh?” he prods me.

  “Let’s mingle,” I beam at my brother. “See you later, Sully.”

  “Yeah…uh…see you later,” he stumbles around his words as Blake and I move into the mass of people filling the gigantic space.

  I’m introduced to parents and brothers from families that meld into one. I need a map to keep track of everyone. Sully’s parents are polite and genuinely happy that I’m here. His mom, Maggie, wrapped me in a bone-crushing hug when Finn introduced us. It felt amazing to have that kind of comfort from a mother. Stephen O’Sullivan is quiet while we chat. The man is absolutely stunning. I don’t know how old he is, but he could easily pass as Sully’s brother. Then his brothers saunter up and I’m dumbstruck.

  “Hugh,” he introduces with his hand out.

  “Natasha.”

  He takes my hand gently in his palm, staring down at me with the same chocolate eyes I dream about. When he releases me, the other brother steps in.

  “Collin. It’s nice to meet you, Natasha,” he purrs and my knees tremble a little.

  “Knock it off you two,” Maggie snaps and the guys immediately obey.

  “Are you triplets?” I ask, feeling stupid for not knowing.

  “Nah,” Collin answers. “Hugh’s the baby and I’m the middle.”

  “I had them too close together,” Maggie informs me, her milk chocolate eyes soft as she speaks about her boys. “They all look exactly alike, but there’s a year between each of them.”

  I nod as I catch Sully’s gaze across the room. He smiles at me, but not his full-blown smile. Maybe he doesn’t want me talking to his family.

  I chat to the O’Sullivans for just a minute or so longer until more family enters and I make a quick exit, excusing myself politely.

  There’s so much love in this room I try to steal just a little for myself as I walk over to the floor to ceiling windows that frame the enormous limestone fireplace.

  I look out at the pool where a few people are splashing around and others that are lounging with drinks and lazy smiles.

  “Natasha?”

  “Hey, Cara. This is some moving away party,” I say through a broad smile at the young woman.

  “This family doesn’t know how to do small,” she says through a smirk.

  “How are you?” she asks uncomfortably.

  “I’m doin’ okay.”

  Her green eyes move around my face, searching for something before she releases a shaky breath.

  “I was taken when I was seven,” she whispers.

  My face falls and I take a step toward her. She puts up a hand to halt my progression and I do. This is obviously difficult for her.

  “It took me a decade to escape. I always thought I was alone in life. No one cared about where I was or what was happening to me. Someone somewhere must have been watching because my family found me. They didn’t even know I existed and they still found me.”

  She pauses for a moment considering her words carefully.

  “Helping to save you was good for me. Shannon’s been training me for two and a half years now, but that was the first time I used any skills. I felt powerful…in control. It’s not that I don’t feel that every day, but that night was different. Better. I’m sorry that something that was traumatic for you was good for me. That’s not why I came to talk to you,” she grumbles at herself and then continues.“I just…I wanted…I just wanted to say,” she whispers and rocks on her heels, “I’m here if you ever wanna talk about it.”

  “Cara, what you did for me, for us, was simply amazing. Thank you for having the courage to come that night. It took guts to do what you did. And thank you for sharing with me. I’m so sorry you went through that. If you ever wanna talk about it, I’m here. Okay?” I offer genuinely.

  She was gone a decade and no one knew. No one knew! I’m nauseous at the thought and feeling really stupid for feeling sorry for myself. She survived God knows what for more than half her life and then pulled herself up, battled to become the strong young woman before me. I’m in awe. I’m inspired.

  “I’m gonna hug you,” she warns before throwing her arms around my neck.

  Cara’s a lot taller than I am, but she feels smaller in this moment. She feels like the little girl that was taken, seeking comfort. I pull her close and hold her to me fiercely, this brave, brave girl.

  “Cara?” a concerned male voice breaks our moment.

  She stands up straight and offers me a sweet smile before turning to face one of the teenagers always with her.

  “I’m good, Sawyer,” she assures the inky-haired boy.

  Well, I can’t call him a boy. He’s well over six feet, broad in the shoulders, narrow in the waist and kind in the ebony eyes. He’ll break some hearts.

  “I’m Sawyer Cooper,” he introduces himself with a hand out.

  “Natasha Reynolds.”

  He pulls Cara under his arm in a proprietary move that warms my heart. She’s loved like she should be.

  “Are you two excited about the big move?”

  “Be happier if Cara hadn’t decided to live in the dorms,” he huffs.

  She rolls her eyes at me and elbows him in the ribs.

  “I wanna have the college experience.”

  “Dorms will definitely be an experience,” he grumbles.

  “You don’t have to live in the dorms with me. I’ve told you guys that,” she growls.

  This is obviously not the first conversation about this.

  “I think living in the dorms is a good way to meet people, branch out,” I add my two cents.

  “See,” Cara agrees.

  “Whatever,” Sawyer dismisses us both, clearly unhappy with the idea.

  “Dating is easier too,” I point out.

  “My thoughts exactly,” she says accusingly to Sawyer.

  “Just makin’ my job harder,” he responds harshly.

  “The protector, huh? I had one of those. Well, I still have one of those,” I say through a grin.

  “Keepin’ her safe until my brother gets back.”

  “Sawyer,” Cara growls.

  “I didn’t know you had any other brothers,” I say confused.

  I know Nick and Kat Cooper have three teenage sons they adopted plus a toddler and another on the way. I didn’t know there was another Cooper brother out in the world.

  “Jake’s been gone a while. He’ll be back soon,” Sawyer assures me.

  “No, he won’t,” Cara scoffs before pulling out of Sawyer’s grasp. “I’m only movin’ to Lawrence so if you wanna talk or grab coffee some time…I’d like that.”

  �
�Give me your number and we’ll set a date next week sometime,” I reply encouragingly.

  She types her number in my phone and then hands it back to me before drifting into the crowd. The other Cooper brothers, Dane and Cole, swoop in on her a few beats later. She’s never alone.

  “She’s pissed at me,” Sawyer admits, running a hand over his short messy hair.

  “It’s hard bein’ protected all the time.”

  “We can’t help it. To be honest, we’re getting worse.”

  “How’s that?”

  “We’re worried about college. I’m mean, look at her. Dudes are all over her in high school. College is gonna be ten times worse.”

  “It’s good for a girl to get some attention. Don’t you think?”

  “Uh, no,” he scoffs. “She had enough attention before we got her.”

  I can tell he regrets it as soon as he says it. He’s carrying her secrets.

  “Then it’s time she gets the right kind of attention. She deserves to feel good. Don’t make her feel bad for wanting that.”

  His dark eyes lock on mine and his brow furrows before he snorts.

  “You’re pretty fuckin’ cool, Natasha,” he compliments.

  “You’re pretty cool too.”

  “Glad you’re okay. Should’ve said that earlier.”

  “Thanks, Sawyer. You’d better get back to your party. Good luck at school.”

  “I’m sure I’ll see you around.”

  He gifts me a wide grin before ambling off into the crowd. I like Sawyer.

  Strong arms wrap around my waist from behind and I stiffen while whipping my head around to find warm dark chocolate eyes. I spin in his arms and gaze up into his chiseled face, waiting to see why he’s holding me.

  A few beats later, Sully pulls me in for a tight hug and I settle my cheek against his chest. I take in a deep breath of his woodsy musk and let it cleanse my lungs. He buries his face in my hair and inhales deeply in return. Then he sets me away from, running his fingertips down my arms before interlacing our hands.

  Tugging lightly, he pulls me with him. I follow. Curious.

  After backing away, never leaving my gaze, he lets go of my left hand and pivots while remaining in possession of my right. His strides quicken until we reach the backdoor where he pushes past members of his family without a second glance.

  He guides me around the pool, beyond the spot where we shared our kiss, all the way to the back of their property, only stopping under a broadly stretched maple tree.

  He’s still in front of me when we stop. Sully drops my hand and interlaces his fingers behind his head, his broad shoulders tense beneath a pale blue polo shirt.

  I wait.

  He releases a ragged breath before turning to face me. His features are hard, weary.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispers and my heart stops at the conviction his quiet words project.

  Pain.

  O’Sullivan

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper, attempting to make those two words as big as they can be.

  “Sully—”

  I cut her off with a finger against her perfect crimson lips.

  “Please, let me say this.”

  She nods and I begrudgingly drop my hand from her mouth.

  “I have a list of shit I’m sorry for. A list so long I don’t know where it begins and ends. Watching you with my family made me want to do this once we were alone. But watching you with Cara…holding my sister, I knew I needed to give you this apology now.”

  I clear my throat and straighten my shoulders before unleashing.

  “The first time I saw you, it was your body that made me want you. I could barely remember your name, but I knew the curve from your back to your hip so well I could identify it in a lineup. The second time I saw you were leaning over Kid, offering her ice chips and I didn’t notice your ass. I saw care in your face for the woman that means everything to me. The third time I saw you, you were in pain and forcing yourself to be strong. The fourth time it was your red-rimmed puffy grey eyes that drew me in. They haven’t let me go.

  “I treated you like shit the first time. I treated you like shit the second time. I treated you like shit the third time. And I treated you worst of all the fourth time. You didn’t deserve it. You deserved to be respected and treated like the treasure you are. So, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t see it the first time. I’m sorry the first time I laid eyes on you, I didn’t see the piece of gold sitting before me. I should have scooped you up and worshipped you.”

  Tears are rolling down her cheeks, her haunting grey eyes locked intently upon mine.

  “I’ll be your friend, Grey. I owe you my friendship. I owe you kindness. I owe you all the things I stole from you by bein’ a coward. I’m not that man anymore. These are only words and I don’t expect you to believe me. But I swear, when it comes to you, I’m a different man. I’m gonna spend as much time with you as I can to show you. So you can see, I’m worthy,” I finish emphatically.

  “I don’t know what to say,” she says through a tiny sob.

  “Don’t say anything. But please let me hold you,” I request through a ragged breath.

  Natasha nods once and I pounce. I gather as much of her body in my arms as I can and crush her to me. She’s trembling and sobbing silently as I lower us to the grass, arranging her in my lap. She curls into my chest and I squeeze her as hard as I can without causing her harm. Never again will I cause this woman harm.

  Her body is still soft, but not as full as it once was. Her time away has taken a toll. I want back what I lost. I want back what I ran off. I want back the chance to make her mine. I want back every single thing.

  After a long while of stroking her back over her white sundress, her breathing evens out. Slowly, she tips her head back and looks at me through long wet lashes.

  “That’s the best apology I’ve ever heard. Thank you, Sully.”

  She leans up and places a long soft kiss on my cheek before settling her cheek against my shoulder. I kiss her platinum hair a few times and then gaze out across the yard.

  Blake is standing at the edge of the patio studying us. His arms are across his chest and his brow is furrowed. He thinks I’ve hurt her again.

  I shake my head no at him and smile, conveying all is well. He watches us for a few beats before turning and moving back into my house. I don’t know if he understood or is going to get reinforcements. I guess I’ll find out.

  I continue to brush my hand up and down Natasha’s back while my other hand holds her hip. My eyes move around the pool until they find a pair of emerald eyes. Kid’s watching me, pride beaming from her.

  Kellerman yanks her down onto a lounger and a mega-watt smile slices across her face. I chuckle at my sister. The woman that taught me I’m worthy. The woman that showed me what it is to work for something after blackness has taken you over.

  “We should get back to the party,” I mutter into Natasha’s hair.

  “’Kay.”

  I help her to her feet and lead her back to my crazy family. The people that don’t go together, but can’t live without each other.

  “Natasha!” Sawyer hollers from the pool, waving like mad.

  I drop my hand from the small of her back and let her go. Before she moves away, she grasps my forearm and squeezes. Then she heads over to the poolside to see what the goofy teenagers want.

  I can do friendship with a woman. Kid’s my best friend. Kat Cooper is my friend. Quinn is my friend. I know how to draw that line. I don’t want to be friends with Natasha. I can’t push her beyond that though. I have to show her. I have to convince her I’m worth risking her heart one last time. Because if she does, I’ll never let it go.

  “Dinner?” I ask, holding a takeout bag from my fingers as Natasha opens the door holding back a snarling Zeus. He sees me and stops his threats, approaching me for a pet on the head.

  “Uh…sure,” she replies, opening the door with a scrunched nose and furrowed brow.

 
“Blake texted he was gonna be late and wanted me to provide you much needed sustenance.”

  I move to their small breakfast bar and pull out five containers of Chinese.

  “Is the rest of your crew comin’ too?”

  She eyes the amount of food with large grey eyes.

  “Just you and me.”

  “You must be hungry,” she says through a snort.

  She fusses a little with her messy bun and slides her hands down her rumpled tank top before fidgeting with her yoga shorts. She’s nervous.

  “Any luck on the job front?”

  “I talked to my former head nurse this morning. She thinks I should be able to get my job back. I’m shocked since I quit over the phone with no notice. I’m not complaining though. I need to get back into it.”

  She floats around the kitchen as she talks, pulling down plates and glasses. She sets the bar while I dish up the food. I grab some iced tea for both of us as she sets out chopsticks. We move around the tiny space as though we’ve lived together for decades.

  “So moving day sucked?” Natasha asks before plunging a fork full of chow mein in her mouth.

  “It wasn’t fun. Kav cried like a little bitch and Cal puked,” I joke.

  “And what did you do? Sob into your ’N Sync pillow?”

  “Hey,” I feign offense. “Backstreet Boys. Get it straight.”

  “Sorry.” She puts her hands up before snickering lightly.

  “It was just a hard day, you know? Only havin’ Cara for two and a half years and now she’s already gone. It was a shitty day. Kid’s bummed and proud. The guys and I are just bummed. If she wasn’t so hell bent on livin’ in the dorms, we’d feel better.”

  “It’ll be good for her. She can obviously handle herself and I don’t think the Cooper brothers are gonna offer her much space. I talked to Sawyer a little on Saturday about it.”

  “Cole and Dane too, from what I hear.”

  “I just pointed out that Cara havin’ a normal college experience will be good for her. She hasn’t had normal yet from the sounds of it. They can protect her and give her breathing room. Then they dragged me in the pool,” she grumbles with a smirk on her lips along with a little soy sauce.

  I reach out and swipe it away before licking my finger clean. Her grey eyes stare at me, shocked. Then she raises a napkin and waves it in the air to signal there are other means by which to remove sauce from one’s mouth. Whatever.