The Secret Son

by Joan Kilby

  Finally, Alex finished by repeating Robert’s sincere wish not to hurt Linda and his children. “He chose you and Will over me. Whatever his mistakes, faults or weaknesses, he loves you very, very much.”

  So much that he’d sacrificed Alex to do what he thought he needed to do to hang onto Linda and Will. Was that love, or cowardice? Emma wasn’t about to judge. Robert had faced a huge dilemma—fight Alex’s mother for visitation rights and possibly lose Linda and Will. Or let Alex go. There was no clear-cut moral right path here, only making the best of a bad situation. Someone had had to pay and that person was Alex. Emma’s eyes filled.

  “I don’t know what to say,” Linda said. “Except that a few things I’ve always wondered about have clicked into place. Tell me, what did you hope to gain by coming to Cherry Lake unannounced and uninvited?”

  Emma bit her lip. It wasn’t like Linda to sound so harsh.

  “I wanted answers myself. And I wanted to see for myself that he was all right,” Alex replied. “I don’t know what made me think he might not be, whether it was my mother’s untimely death or just a hunch, I don’t know.” His head dropped and his voice became almost inaudible. “I hate to think my presence was what triggered the heart attack.”

  “No.” Linda was very definite about that. “He’s had high blood pressure and high cholesterol for years. His father had the same thing. It was his stubborn refusal to believe in his own mortality that prevented him from looking after his health and getting treatment. I love that man dearly but he has no one to blame but himself.”

  Alex’s shoulders, his whole body, sagged in relief. “Thank you.”

  “Thank you for telling me.” Linda touched his shoulder. “Forgive me if I’m not jumping up and down with joy to learn Robert has a son I never knew about. You’re a lovely guy but I need time to process. It’s a shock on top of a shock.” She frowned, thinking. “I’m not going to tell the children or the rest of the family. That’s Robert’s job.”

  “I understand.” Alex rose. “What can I do to help? Is there anything back at the orchard that needs doing?”

  “That’s good of you. Ask Will. I don’t know what he’s said to the pickers, if anything.” Alex started to move off but Linda reached out. “Alex? Thank you for your efforts to resuscitate him. This must be a very difficult time for you, too. I—we’re here for you.”

  “Thanks,” Alex said, his voice gruff and he strode across the room to talk to Will.

  Emma drifted after him. Checking her watch, she was amazed to see it was barely ten a.m. It felt like days had passed since she’d looked out at the lake and seen Robert stiffen and slump forward in the boat.

  Her phone pinged and she fished it out of her pocket. A message had come in from Jackson Realty from Robert’s partner, Steve Mathers. Robert and Steve shared listings and covered for each other when they were out of the office.

  “Robert’s off fishing this morning,” Steve had texted. “Thought you’d like to know the good news. The other buyer dropped out. Your offer on the Sweet Street property has been accepted.”

  Hopefully some time very soon she would be thrilled by the news. Right now she was too numb to feel very much. Anyway, if Robert didn’t pull through she wouldn’t be able to follow through. Mechanically she typed in a reply. “Thanks, Steve. Good to know.”

  Her fingers hesitated over the keys. Steve should be told Robert wasn’t going to be in to the office tomorrow. She didn’t want to bother Linda with this. “Robert’s had a heart attack. I’m at Polson hospital now. Will let you know more when he comes out of surgery.”

  When she looked up, Alex had returned. “I’m going back to Cherry Lake. Will took off in a hurry and left the pickers out in the orchard. I told him I’d pick up the full bins and wait until the packers had finished processing what was picked and then lock up.”

  “It must be hard for you to stick around here.” She gestured vaguely at Linda and the other Jacksons scattered around the waiting room.

  His face twisted, confirming her assessment. “I’m better keeping busy. Are you going to stay?”

  “Yes. I want to be here when Robert comes out of surgery.” She pulled on the shredded tissue in her hands. “Do you mind?”

  “Do what you need to do.” He touched her cheek, his gaze softening. “Have I told you how awesome last night was?”

  She smiled wanly. “You don’t need to. I was there.” He started to leave and she grabbed for his hand. “He’ll be all right.”

  “I know.” Alex turned and walked away quickly and out the door.

  Neither of them knew anything of the sort, of course. Minutes stretched into hours as the silent group waited, some sitting, some pacing. The likelihood of a positive outcome seemed to fade as time passed. Emma had no idea how long a heart operation took. The longer it was, the more serious, was all she could figure.

  The Jacksons had split up into two groups, the cousins bunching together and the older generation in another cluster. Carrie arrived, having come straight from a photography shoot, and Jess greeted her with a long rocking hug. Nate roved between the two groups, keeping everyone’s spirits up, rallying them all to think positive thoughts for Robert’s recovery.

  Emma buried her face in her hands. Whatever Robert’s faults he’d always been good to her. That’s what she had to remember. But it had rocked everything she believed about the Jacksons as a role model of a solid, loving family. Yes, Robert had been around but he’d also kept an enormous secret for thirty years. Linda was staying strong and loyal now but what about afterward, when the drama was over? Could their marriage survive?

  *

  Alex found the pickers sitting in the grass, taking a break. The flatbed was loaded with overfull bins. All their sacks were full, too. When they saw him come down the lane between the trees riding the tractor, they got up one by one and dusted off their pants.

  “Picking’s over for today, folks,” he said, getting down from the tractor. “There’s been a family emergency. You can head to the festival early, or do whatever you like.”

  Despite the clamor of questions, he wouldn’t tell them anything more. Linda or Will would inform them when the time came, when they knew the outcome of Robert’s surgery. Every time he thought about his father lying on the operating table he was pierced with pain. Had he found his father only to lose him? Why hadn’t he responded to his dad reaching out? He’d thought there would be plenty of time, only for there to be no time at all.

  The pickers piled on to the flatbed and he ferried them and the bins back to the processing shed. Jens helped him unload the cherries into the hopper and then the young Swede left to join his backpacker friends going into town. Alex stuck around to see that all the cherries were processed. As the packed boxes mounted up he carried them into the cold room for storage. He wasn’t familiar enough with the ordering process to know where they were to be sent so he would have to leave that part to Will.

  He thought back to his conversation with Linda. She hadn’t outright rejected him because she was a nice person. But she hadn’t exactly welcomed him with open arms, either. And why should she? He was the shameful secret her husband had never told her of in thirty years of marriage. Would his presence really affect the standing of the whole Jackson family in the community? Robert seemed to think so. Alex hated to think he would cause trouble to the family he’d already grown to care about.

  He set another stack of boxes on the growing pile, his breath visible in the refrigerated room. Goose bumps rose on his arms and he rubbed them as he went out and shut the door. Waiting for more boxes he walked down the processing line, watching the workers sort the cherries.

  “What happens to the rejects?” he shouted over the noise of the machinery to a woman in a hairnet and blue smock.

  “Commercial jam or compost,” she shouted back and gestured over her shoulder at two large bins against the shed wall.

  Depending on whether they were just malformed or actually rotten, he surmised.
Seeing that the container below the conveyor belt for collecting the jam cherries was nearly full, he emptied it and replaced it with another container.

  With nothing to do for a few minutes he made himself a cup of coffee. Well, he’d got what he came to Cherry Lake for. He’d met his father and learned about his own past. Robert wasn’t okay but at least he was surrounded by family who loved and cared for him. He wasn’t going to die alone.

  Alex should now do what Robert wanted in the first place and go back to Seattle. Maybe his father would visit. Alex could meet him half way in Spokane sometimes. They could get to know each other gradually. Linda was right. It hadn’t been too smart to lob in out of the blue and expect to be embraced with open arms. He wasn’t an impulsive person nor did he want to be. Acting on impulse without thinking things through invariably led to problems. Like the idea of giving up his job and moving to Cherry Lake. Doing something so drastic would be dumb.

  What about Emma? He’d only known her a week but it felt like forever. He left the shed and walked into the orchard. Blue sky peeked through the leafy branches, bare now of their fruit. He could picture her laughing down at him from her perch. She was unlike any woman he’d ever known. Crazy as it seemed, she suited him. She touched something in him that he hadn’t felt since childhood—optimism. A less cynical approach to life. A love of community and the natural world. Of home and family. Of one special person to trust and…love.

  Yes, it was only a week since they’d met and maybe this was infatuation but it was an infatuation such as he’d never experienced before. He wasn’t given to romanticism. But he truly believed that what he felt for her could grow into something much, much deeper—if he allowed himself.

  Would she come with him to Seattle? Did he dare ask her to leave her home and everyone she loved? To give up her grandparents’ house? It was only a day’s drive from Seattle to Cherry Lake. Totally doable, in his opinion, but only if Emma was willing.

  His phone rang. Emma, with news of his father. “Hey,” he said, his heart pounding.

  “He’s out of the operating theater and into recovery.” She was trying to be matter-of-fact but he could hear the tears in her voice, the shaky joy. “It’ll be another hour or so before he wakes up from the anesthetic and a bit longer before anyone can see him.”

  “That’s great. Really great.” Alex’s eyes closed on a strength-draining tide of relief. “I’ll be here until all the cherries are processed and packed away, another hour or two. Then I’ll be back.”

  “I’ll let Will know. I’m sure he’ll be grateful.”

  “I was glad of something to do to keep busy.”

  “We’re going now to get a quick bite to eat.” There was a pause. “Are you okay? That must have been a difficult conversation to have with Linda. She wasn’t very warm.”

  “It’s okay. I understand. I’ve had time to think about things. Robert’s right. I don’t belong here. I’m going back to Seattle.”

  “Oh.” It was a small, forlorn sound.

  “I want you to come with me.”

  “What?” She laughed in disbelief. “That’s crazy. My job, my apartment…”

  “I know I’m asking a lot but you and I, we have something special.”

  There was a long pause. “Alex, don’t say stuff you don’t mean. I always knew you were leaving from the very first.”

  He kicked the dirt. Crap. He couldn’t pour out his heart over the phone. He needed to see her, to look into her eyes and convince her how much he cared and how badly he wanted her in his life. Needed her. “Look, we’ll talk when I get there, okay?”

  “Sure.” She was trying to sound cheerful but he could hear the strain in her voice. “Don’t sweat it, okay? Your life is back there in Seattle. This was just an interlude.”

  “Emma, you don’t understand. I’m only going now to give Robert and Linda some space—”

  “Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you, in all the drama, my offer on the house was accepted.”

  “Great news,” he said dully. “Congratulations.”

  “I’ve got to go.” In the background he heard a hubbub of voices, chattering loudly with relief and excitement.

  “We’ll talk later. I’ll explain.”

  “Sure, no worries. Bye now.”

  Alex hung up, frustrated. What an idiot he was to say anything over the phone. He paced the shed, willing the cherries to move faster on their conveyor belts. The processors’ nimble fingers moved swiftly but not fast enough for him. Emma had the wrong impression. She didn’t believe he really wanted to be with her. She thought he was letting her down easily. He couldn’t have screwed that up worse if he’d tried.

  Finally the processing and packing was finished, the workers went home and he could lock up the shed.

  He jumped in his car and drove south around the lake to Polson. Once at the hospital, he went directly to the waiting room where the family had kept watch. The cousins, aunts and uncles were all still there but not Linda, Will or the girls. The atmosphere, while still subdued, was a lot more relaxed than when he’d left in the morning.

  “Where’s Linda?” he asked Brett, the first person he encountered.

  Brett nodded at the door on the opposite wall. “She and the kids are with Robert. The nurse is only letting in immediate family. He’s going to be okay.”

  “That’s great.” Alex scanned the room. “Where’s Emma?”

  “She took off right after lunch. I don’t know where she went.”

  Damn. He wanted to go find her. But first he had to see Robert, to say goodbye. He wanted to let Linda know he was going, too.

  With a quick glance over his shoulder, he slipped through the door Brett had indicated and found himself in a long white corridor. At the far end was a nurses’ station. Halfway, another corridor branched off the first. An orderly was pushing a trolley laden with green linen and turned down the second corridor sign posted Intensive Care Unit.

  Alex walked swiftly, reaching the second corridor before any nurses spotted him. He glanced into each room he passed. Patients, mostly sleeping, were hooked up to tubes and machines, sometimes ventilators. The sound of voices drew him to a room ahead on the right. Linda was seated next to Robert, holding his hand. Will, Taylor and Jodi stood in a tight cluster around the bed. He didn’t realize until he saw his father lying there, just how badly he’d needed to see for himself that Robert was alive.

  “Alex,” Robert croaked groggily, his throat no doubt raw from being intubated. Linda, Will, Taylor and Jodi all turned to look at him standing in the doorway.

  “Glad to see you came through okay.” He jammed his hands in his pockets and glanced around the group. “Sorry to intrude. I just wanted to tell you all goodbye. I’m heading back to Seattle this afternoon. Will, I won’t be around tomorrow.”

  “That’s okay, we’ve got a new group of pickers arriving.” Will frowned. “But I’ll be sorry to see you go.”

  Alex nodded, not trusting his voice. Will was talking about his help in the orchard, that’s all.

  Linda rose and came toward him. “Are you sure?” she asked in a low voice. “I didn’t mean to drive you away.”

  “I know.” His heart was heavy but he knew what he had to do. “It’s for the best. I’ll be in touch with Robert in time. Maybe you could let me know how he’s doing until he’s well enough to do it himself.”

  “Mom,” Taylor called. “Dad’s getting agitated. Can you come here?”

  “Alex,” Robert rasped. “Want to…talk…Alex.”

  He was still under the influence of the anesthetic, Alex realized. He might say something he didn’t want to. “Not now. Wait until you’re better.”

  “Don’t go.” Robert’s eyes filled. He reached out a hand. “Come here. Son.”

  “What?” Jodi whispered to Taylor. Frowning, Will shushed her.

  Alex walked forward and took his father’s hand, surprised by how strong Robert’s grip was, even after what he’d been through. “You don’t
have to do this,” he said softly.

  “Just had the biggest wake-up call of my life.” Robert shut his eyes briefly as if gathering strength. When he opened them, his gaze was full of pain, but lucid. “You’re my son. I want you to be part of our family.”

  Alex’s eyes filmed over. Blindly, he nodded. “I would be honored. As long as it’s okay with the others.”

  He glanced at Linda who gave a slight nod. Then to his half-siblings. They all looked shell-shocked, especially Will. Had his mind gone directly to birth dates, too?

  Haltingly, Robert went on, “I’ll explain…later. I’m sorry, Alex. Sorry, Linda—” A sob escaped him. He struggled to sit up and reach for her. “I love you so much. Forgive me.”

  “Don’t, sweetheart. Lie down. It’s going to be okay.” Linda smoothed his forehead, gently forcing him back onto the pillow. “Alex told me everything. I understand. It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay.”

  A stern-faced nurse in green scrubs bustled into the room. “Time’s up, folks. Let’s let our patient get some rest.”

  They left the room in a silent group. Once outside, Linda explained to her children in a few succinct sentences how their father had come to have Alex. Alex hung back a few paces. They were going to need time to process. They might never accept him. It would hurt but he had to be prepared for that eventuality and learn to live with it.

  The Jacksons went around the corner into the main corridor and came to a halt outside the waiting room. Then they turned to Alex. Linda started to speak.

  His heart pounding in his chest, he held up a hand. “It’s my turn to apologize for coming here under false pretences. You were warm and welcoming and made me feel part of the family even though I was a stranger. For that I will always be incredibly grateful. I’m not going to intrude on your lives. No one else needs to know about my relationship with Robert. Emma knows but she won’t say anything if I ask her not to. The very last thing I want is to cause you trouble or distress.” He took a big breath. “So, I guess it’s goodbye.”