We Were Us

by Heather Diemer

  I gasped at his erection pressing against me. This only spurred him on. He pulled at the strings that tied my suit top on until it fell away freeing my breasts. His left hand traveled up the side of my body until he cupped me and massaged gently, his right hand still holding me to him. I stopped kissing him and looked him square in the eyes. Longing flashed over his face, probably mirroring my own expression. I bit my bottom lip between my teeth and slipped my hand beneath the waistband of his short and took hold of him, sliding my hands up and down his hard shaft. He looked hungrily down at me and kissed me hard again.

  He groaned in protest when I released him, but I quickly hopped up and wrapped my legs around his waist and squeezed against him. I felt him smile against my lips and I smiled back at him and kissed him again.

  He started walking toward the opposite side of the river. With his long strides, it didn’t take long. I knew where we were. The shadow of the massive willow tree engulfed us and soon my back was pressed up against its smooth trunk. The water stayed deep where he walked so it almost covered my shoulders.

  Josh started kissing me again, but now that I was wedged against the tree, his hands were free to roam my body. And roam they did. He started at my breasts and cupped and squeezed them both. He then moved down slowly taking in every inch of me then grabbing my ass. He untied each side of the bottoms of my suit until it fell away. I’d need a new suit I thought to myself. All thoughts were quickly erased when Josh slid his hand over my thighs and between my legs. I let out a soft moan causing Josh to kiss me harder and pull me down against his ready and waiting member.

  I pushed him away from me and tried to pull his shorts off, but they stuck to him. We both struggled until finally they fell away. Josh pushed me up against the tree trunk again and simultaneously pulled me down so he entered me full on. I cried out his name and clung to his neck but he pushed me up guiding my hands above my head.

  “Hold on to the tree,” he whispered. I did what he said and grasped the tree with both hands. He stood firm against the bottom of the river, placed both hands on either side of my hips, and began to thrust into me. The cool water lapped against my skin igniting my senses. I could feel each thrust, the sound of the water in time with them cut through the silence around us. I threw my head back allowing Josh access to my neck. He took it and trailed kisses down to my collarbone gently sucking at my tender skin. I moaned again and Josh pumped harder against me. I gripped the tree as I felt my body building toward its release until I came hard around him. I let go and wrapped my arms around him. He still pounded into me so I kissed his neck up to his ear and licked it. I felt his body tense and he pulled my hips against his and held me there. I felt his own release inside me. He let me go and we floated out into the water.

  I found footing and stopped myself. Josh did the same and walked over to me. He took my face in both of his hands and locked his blue eyes onto my green.

  “That was amazing.” And he kissed me.

  It was amazing and completely unexpected. I wasn’t sure what to think about what we’d just done. I mean, I wasn’t a virgin, I’d had a short fling with a guy at school. But it was nothing compared to what I’d just experienced with Josh.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  I just nodded. I was still processing everything. We’d just had sex in the river. Against a willow tree. All I wanted was to lie next to him and for him to hold me. But we were in a river. Naked. Oh god. I looked around but our respective swim suits were missing. I knew I had shorts and a t-shirt on the bank I could wear, Josh on the other hand, had showed up in his trunks and the Dodger shirt.

  “Do you have pants?” I blurted. After all of that, I was worried about him having pants?

  Josh laughed.

  “I do. I have a pair of old jeans in the truck.”

  “Okay.”

  “Is that what you’re thinking about right now? My pants?”

  He still held my face loosely in his hands so I leaned into his palms as I laughed.

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  “Come on. Let’s get dry.”

  We waded out of the river. I stayed back and watched the evening sun bounce off the glistening water that rolled off his backside. Damn, he had a nice ass.

  “Here.” He threw his towel at me. I wrapped it around myself and walked up to his truck. I gathered the clothes I’d folded on the ground and slipped into my shorts and tank top. I looked up and Josh to find him staring at me.

  I blushed as he watched me get dressed. I was just glad I didn’t do the hopping on one leg thing I usually did when I would get dressed.

  “Hey,” I said.

  “Hey,” he replied.

  I walked up to his truck and into his arms.

  “What are you doing to me?” I asked into his neck.

  “Me? It’s you who is doing the things.”

  “That doesn’t even make sense.” I kissed his neck again.

  “Keep doing that and I’ll be ready for round two,” he said.

  It was a hot day, but cold heat exploded through my body. Just the thought of having Josh again was enough to make me shiver with desire. I looked him in the eyes, searching them. All I saw as intensity.

  I almost kissed him again, but before I could he leaned in and whispered something in my ear. Something I’d rarely heard and never sincerely experienced.

  “I love you.”

  I stilled. Frozen. He’d said those words again, this time with no ‘I think’ before them. Walls I didn’t know I’d built crashed around me. I held on to Josh. I pulled him against me in a fierce embrace. Tears spilled over my cheeks but I doubted he would notice because we were both still wet from the river.

  No one had ever said those words to me like that before. I don’t ever remember hearing them from my mom, and my dad whispered them hurriedly when Linda wasn’t around. Josh said them loud and to me, to my heart. Granted, we were alone at the moment, but I have no doubt he’d proclaim his love for me publicly if given the chance.

  “I love you too, Josh,” I said.

  I meant it. I did love him. We’d been friends for years, but it was more than that now. I felt safe with Josh. He made me feel wanted and beautiful, two things no one had ever made me feel before. No one except Andrew. I sighed heavily in Josh’s arms.

  “What is it?” he asked.

  “Nothing,” I said quickly. How could I explain Andrew to Josh? How was I going to explain Josh to Andrew? I had been friends with Josh for years, so we just made sense together. We could figure out the logistics of our relationship later. Right now, I wasn’t worried about leaving at the end of the summer. Right now, all I cared about was the two of us together and what we had just done in the river.

  Josh’s arms tightened around me so I squeezed him a little tighter as well. I didn’t want to move, I wanted to stay in this moment forever.

  “I’m assuming you didn’t tell me to meet you here so we could do that?” he asked, breaking the magicalness of the moment.

  “No, not really.”

  Josh laughed at me then.

  “It was good. Don’t get me wrong. The best I’ve ever had.”

  “Wait, you’re not a virgin.”

  “Josh. Seriously. That’s not why I need to talk to you either.”

  “I’m just messing with you. I’m not either.”

  I did a double take at his last comment, but chose to ignore it in light of what I really needed to tell him.

  “What is it?” he asked.

  “I ran into the mayor again. He was forceful with me and threatened me.”

  “Did he touch you?” Josh grabbed my arm and looked me over. His eyes had grown dark and anger played across his face.

  “Yes.” I looked down at my bare feet. “He grabbed the back of my shirt and held me against him while he threatened me.”

  He lifted my chin so I had to look at his face.

  “What did he say?” His voice was flat and hard. He was serious.

  “He s
aid that I needed to hand over the drugs or someone would get hurt. Actually, he said ‘Get me what’s mine and no one will get hurt.’” I sighed before continuing. “He said that I couldn’t really call the police because no one would believe me.”

  It was Josh’s turn to sigh. “He’s probably right. We have no proof of his involvement in any of this.”

  “I know.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Josh and I were sitting on the couch staring mindlessly at the TV. I’d had the bright idea to introduce him to the Lord of the Rings, but neither of us had the mindset to actually pay attention to the movie. We both knew why he was here. Ever since our ‘river event’ as I liked to think of it, we haven’t been able to hang out like we used to. Last night I tried just watching a TV show but I was so distracted by, well, everything about him, I didn’t remember what we watched. We ended up making out on the couch for two hours.

  The next night was the same way. We were in our usual position, I seated at one end of the couch with his head in my lap, and his body stretched out over the length of the couch. Josh wasn’t watching the movie at all. He was either staring intently at me, distracting me, or his eyes were closed like he was trying to think of what to say or do to me next. I was about to shut off the movie and say something to him, but he beat me too it.

  “Jenna,” Josh said.

  “Yeah,” I whispered back. I’m not sure why I whispered.

  “What are we doing?”

  “Watching a movie?” I offered.

  “No I mean us. What are we doing?”

  “Spending time together?” Every answer came out like a question.

  “What else?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Where are we going?”

  I had been waiting for this conversation. I hadn’t kept my feelings about staying here long term a secret. He knew I was going to leave at the end of the summer. But neither of us had denied strong feelings for each other, and our admission of love had me questioning everything at this point.

  “You tell me.”

  “Well you’re leaving at the end of the summer and might not be coming back,”

  I thought about this. He was right. I wasn’t sure what my plans were for next summer. What if I had a job, or needed to take summer classes? What if my mom got out of jail?

  “I don’t really have any plans. I could come back. It depends on a lot of things,”

  Josh popped up off my lap leaving my hands empty. His hair was slicked to one side where I’d brushed it back and stuck out at odd ends on the other side where his head had been against my lap.

  “Jenna, I’m in love with you. I want you for more than the summer. Can’t you give me that?”

  “Like quit school?”

  “No, I would never ask that of you. But would you move here if I waited for you?”

  Words left me. My mouth hung open and my eyes went blank. Josh had just told me he’d wait for me. Weren’t girls supposed to be the ones to go all gooey eyed and wait for their man to make a decision? I just didn’t know what to say.

  “Um, I don’t know Josh. That’s a huge step to think about,” I said, finally.

  “Why?” he asked.

  “I want to finish school. And you know my history with this town. I don’t want to live here,”

  “Where do you want to live?”

  “I hadn’t really thought about that,” I said.

  “Then think about here,”

  “Why can’t you think about living somewhere else?” he said after a brief pause.

  “I can’t leave my mom here alone,” he scoffed

  “She’s a grown woman; I think she’ll be fine.”

  “We’re all each other has.”

  “I don’t want to live here for the rest of my life Josh.”

  I’d all but made up my mind. Small town living wasn’t for me. I wasn’t one to sit at home all day while my husband worked the fields. I wanted to be a guidance counselor in a school, and with only one school system in this area, there wasn’t much of a place for me.

  We sat in silence for a while. I wasn’t sure if we were done talking and if I could resume watching the movie. Josh had to be lost since we hadn’t been paying much attention to it.

  “What if I came with you after the summer was over?” he said.

  “What about your mom?” I questioned.

  “I don’t know. I never thought I could leave her, but now I’m thinking about it.”

  “What about your job?”

  Josh sat up quickly and stared at me. His mouth was set in a hard line.

  “You are making a lot of excuses as to why we shouldn’t be together in the future Jenna.”

  He was right, but I didn’t want to be stuck in a town where no one liked me and where I wasn’t wanted. I didn’t want to take him away from his mom either. I didn’t know what to say, so I just stared back at him and kept my thoughts to myself.

  “Why are you staring at me?” Josh asked interrupting my thoughts.

  “Umm…” My phone rang at that moment. Really? I glanced at the caller ID. If Andrew ever had perfect timing, it was now. I ignored it. It wasn’t a good time.

  “Who was that?” Josh asked. He looked at me sideways like he knew who was calling me.

  “No one,” I lied.

  “Boyfriend from college?” This was the first time Andrew had called while I was with Josh. Josh and I hadn’t even talked about the possibility of me having a relationship in Brookhaven. Actually, we hadn’t even talked about Brookhaven at all until now.

  I looked down at the phone in my hands, not saying anything. I heard Josh sigh and shift on the couch away from me.

  “So you have a boyfriend?” I really didn’t want to answer this. So I leaned over to him and kissed him instead.

  “There are way funner things we could be doing with our mouths than talking,” I said between kisses.

  “Is funner a word?”

  “Stop talking,” I said and pushed him on the couch. “This couch needs more action, its ugly,”

  I straddled Josh’s lap and allowed him to remove my shirt. I took his off too. We stared at each other for a moment but before my conscious mind could take over, he devoured me with a kiss. Josh’s hands traveled up my back and unhooked with my bra strap. Andrew was all but forgotten until my phone rang again.

  “Do you need to get that?” Josh said. He was irritated. He gently pushed me off of his lap and back onto the couch.

  “Um, no. No I don’t.”

  I turned my phone to vibrate and threw in on the floor but it immediately started ringing again.

  “Seriously just answer your phone.”

  I snatched it up off the floor where it had fallen.

  “It stopped.” It started again. Damn it. Josh just looks at me and waved his hand at me.

  “Hello?” I said a little exasperated.

  “Jenna! What are you doing?” It was Andrew, he always seemed to call at inopportune moments. Like right now while I was making out with Josh.

  “I’m just hanging out, watching a movie,” I laughed nervously.

  “That’s it?” He sounded like he didn’t believe me.

  “Um, yeah. There isn’t much to do in this town,”

  “I see,” he sounded as though he didn’t believe me.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Working.”

  “That’s it?” I countered.

  Andrew laughed. He had a great laugh. It was deep and smooth like the roll of a drum. The kind of laugh that when you heard it, you just couldn’t help but laugh along, or at least smile. “Yes Jen, that’s all. Summer is boring and you’re the only girl I have eyes for if that’s what you’re hinting at,”

  “That’s not it at all.” I think my voice rose a couple of octaves, I hoped not because that would give everything away.

  I didn’t know why I had been ignoring Andrew’s phone calls all summer. He really did call at bad times, and I felt weir
d talking to him in front of Josh.

  “Okay,” he said after a beat “well I was worried some studly farm boy had stolen your heart” I glanced over at Josh with that comment. Had Josh stolen my heart?

  Nervous laughter again.

  “Yeah, well I have to go, it’s late. I’ll call you later,” I said too quickly.

  “But wait we just started talking.” I could tell he was getting a little suspicious.

  “Yeah well, I’m just busy,”

  “Busy doing what?”

  “Watching a movie?” I obviously wasn’t busy. “Haven’t we already established that?”

  I looked at Josh again and he had his arms folded across his chest, his eyes squinted at me questioningly. I looked away from him and down at my feet.

  “I see.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Yeah,” he repeated.

  “Well, have a good rest of the summer,” I said

  “Yeah, you too,” he said and with that, I hung up.

  I dropped my arms to my side and released the breath I didn’t even know I was holding. I turned back to Josh; he sat upright on the couch with his arms folded and raised his eyebrows at me. We just stared at each other for a moment

  “I should go,” he said finally and made to get up off the couch.

  “Wait, you don’t have to leave.” I rushed over to him and pushed him back on the couch and sat next to him. “Don’t go.”

  “Who was that on the phone?” he asked like he was accusing me of some heinous crime.

  I sighed. I had done a lot of sighing.

  “It’s no one you need to worry about.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to divulge into who Andrew was and what he meant to me.

  “Okay,” he said simply, but he looked past me and squared his jaw. I wanted to know what he was thinking.

  Josh stood up from the couch and threw his shirt back on. He walked past me to the door handing me mine along the way. I followed him.

  “Where are you going?” I thought we had established that I wanted him to stay.

  “The phone call was kind of a mood killer. I should just go. I have to work tomorrow anyway.”

  “Josh,” I whined.

  “Jenna, I made my feelings for you clear the other day at the river, and I thought you did too, but now I’m not so sure. You need to figure things out.”