Personal Experiences

by Tracy Lee

  As I walked out in the kitchen, all heads jerked my way. Everyone looked like zombies. Faces were pale, eyelids rimmed with red and it looked like they were moving in slow motion.

  I grumbled, "Mornin' ya'll…Babe, can you take me home, I'm still not feeling well."

  "Sure, just let me get my things." TJ mumbled back, I think he was still drunk.

  "Rach…Lils, call me later, love ya Curt … Bear."

  "K babe…bye, Elle" I heard from Rach and Lilly.

  "Love you Elle, feel better" Curt said.

  "Bitch" Bear groaned.

  This was his normal greeting or farewell. If he didn't call you a Bitch or a Mother-fucker, you weren't a friend of his.

  I slept the whole way home. Hearing the truck door slammed, I figured we were home. I heard the passenger door open and I felt TJ grab me up in his arms. I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. My step mom, Mona of course opened the door.

  My momma passed away when I was four. She was in a car accident and my daddy had never been the same, because the love my momma and daddy shared would never be replaced; she got to go and forget him, he didn't get that option. When my momma died, half of daddy died too. The other half belonged to me. He was the other love of my life. My daddy, Maxwell Winston Harper III was a doctor and he loved what he did. He was the town's general practitioner. He had seen everything from small items lodged in kid's nostrils to delivering babies. He had never practiced anywhere else.

  When I was ten, daddy thought I needed a female figure in my life, this is where Mona came in, but Mona isn't a female figure, she's nothing but white fuckin' trashed dressed up in my daddy's money.

  "Mornin' Trevor, I see my golden child was up to her old ways." Mona knew me well because this was a summer routine for me, but they didn't worry too much because they knew that TJ McHale was a gentleman. He would never do anything that would bring shame to the Harper name. My family was "sixth generation Richland Harper's. This meant that we "Harpa's" had a reputation to uphold. Mona was a trophy wife who hung out at the golf course, ate red meat and drank red wine. Of course she was sensible about it. She only got drunk behind closed doors. She'd try to pick fights with daddy about why he didn't want to be around her anymore and that she was lonely. She'd even give him ultimatums and he would remind her drunk ass that she's the one who signed the pre-nup and that if she decided to "go out and get it somewhere else" she wouldn't get a cent. So she'd shut her white trash mouth, grab another bottle of wine and drink until she passed out. In public, they were the perfect Georgian husband and wife. That's because they were Harper's. No one looked down on a Harper.

  My step-momma's hatred for me was so bad she reeked of it. Jealousy oozed out of every pore on her body. If my daddy wasn't at work, he was with me and that chapped her ass. She was waiting for the day when I wouldn't be around; leaving for college meant she would have my dad all to herself. But what she didn't realize was that he still wasn't planning on wasting his time with her. No one was gonna pull the wool over Maxwell Winston Harper III's eyes. He didn't love her, she was nothing to him other than a companion to lay beside in bed.

  TJ carried me to the bottom of the stairs that led up to my bedroom where my father waited, taking one look at me he quickly became concerned.

  "Trevor" My daddy greeted with a nod of his head

  "Mr. Harper" TJ nodded back.

  With his left eyebrow raised he inquired "Elle, you feelin ok?"

  "I'm fine daddy, I just think I have a stomach flu on top of… well…I think I might have had one too many cocktails last night."

  Knowing I was underage, daddy pretended not to hear the last part, but yet, I didn't lie just so if anything would happen, he would know what he was dealing with. I was never one to experiment with drugs, they always scared me. Growing up with a doctor in the house I had heard stories and that was all I needed to know about that subject, besides I had a strong head on my shoulders and knew what I wanted in life and wasn't stupid enough to risk any of it. I also was never one who gave into peer-pressure. I had to have some type of control when it came to situations and if I couldn't, I didn't participate or partake. My daddy knew this and trusted me to make the right decisions. He knew my friends and their families as well. He knew kids were gonna be kids and have a good time but he also appreciated that we knew when to stop having a good time.

  "Sweetie, why don't you go and lay down and I will have Clara make you some chicken soup, something lite on your stomach."

  Clara was our full time cook. She would come in at six-thirty in the morning, make breakfast then make some type of salad for lunch; she made the best chicken salad, it was to die for. Rotisserie chicken with cranberries and raisons and diced up walnuts. Just enough mayo to wet it but you could still taste the spices that the chickens were basted in. She would start dinner and be gone by five-thirty every day besides Sunday and Monday. Clara was as cute as a button. White hair, short and always pulled back in a ponytail at the nape of her neck. She was short, five foot at best and a little stocky. She always dressed so professionally to be in the kitchen all day. I had known her all my life. She began working for us before my momma passed. Sometimes, when I was younger, I would go in the kitchen and she would give me a cookie that had just cooled down from the oven with a big glass of milk and would tell me stories about my momma and daddy while she cooked dinner. That's how I found out about how much they were in love.

  "Trevor, will you please help Elle up to her room while I go speak with Clara."

  "Yes Sir, Mr. Harper."

  "Thank you, Son."

  Helping me up the stairs, I felt that I was going to get sick again so I asked TJ just to drop me off at the restroom that attached to my bedroom and he could go on home. He seemed a little concerned and asked if it would be ok if he could stay a moment just to make sure I was going to be ok. I didn't want him to hear or see me puking up whatever was left in my system so I just told him I was fine and I was going to probably go back to sleep and that I would call him later.

  Being disappointed but understanding, he dropped me off at the restroom and went downstairs to leave. I continued to be sick three or four more times, by this time I had lost count. I crawled to my bed and went to sleep.

  I remember waking up looking at the clock and seeing that it said three twenty-one, noticing the light was on, I swiftly closed my eyes and went back to sleep.

  What seemed like hours later, I opened my eyes once again. I felt weak, very weak. I was barely able to open my eyes, I saw daddy sitting over me with my wrist in my hand and he was taking my pulse. I asked him what time it was but don't remember him responding because I fell back to sleep.

  Lying in bed, I heard what sounded like chimes ringing. Keeping my eyes closed, I just listened to the sounds, listening closer it hit me that they weren't chimes ringing, that was an alarm going off beep…beep…beep… man, was it time to get up already. I reached around to shut off my alarm.

  "Put yo' arm back down, Sweetie."

  Surprised at the bizarre voice, I peeked through slits that were my eyes and looked around concerned "what the hell" was what I heard come out of my mouth.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I caught the sight of a tall African American nurse doing something with the IV pole beside me. She was light skinned with the most beautiful complexion I had ever seen. The sides of her hair were pulled back in a barrette on top of her head and her scrubs were aqua.

  "I take it ya don't know where ya at?"

  "Ummmm, a hospital?"

  "why of course, a'hospital, ya rememba why yo' here?"

  "Ummmm no" I replied beginning to panic. Hearing the machine beeping, I took it she was also aware of my panic attack

  "It's ok…calm down… Imma explain. First off, my name is Keisha. I'm yo' daytime nurse, I will be here til seven tonight. I just was gettin here, I thought I'd go over yo' notes when I noticed yo' bag of fluids was empty so I changed'em and now…here we are. You were admitted by Dr. Harper,
your daddy right? Well, you's were brought in because ya couldn't keep not a lick of nothin down and were severely dehydrated. Honey, yo' daddy is a mess worryin over you. It says, in your chart that Dr. Robbins is ya attending physician and he has ordered some more tests run but fo'now they is waiting on yo'blood work."

  Grabbing my wrist she looked at her watch while she counted my pulse. "Do ya know what today is?"

  Looking at Keisha like I'd been transported to the Twilight Zone, mouth dropped opened and eyes as wide as they could go, which wasn't very far at this point in time, I just shook my head while I listened to the machine beside me beep double time.

  Resting my hand back under the sheets she began tucking the hospital bed sheet in around me making me as comfortable as possible, thinking this would diminish my anxiety. "Today is Wednesday; yo' parents brought you's in on Sunday."

  Thinking back the party was on Friday night, which meant I had been asleep for…three, no maybe four days.

  "Holy shit, what the fuck is wrong with me." I whispered out loud instead of in my head.

  "Won't be long baby girl, we'll be a'findin out."

  "My parents-"

  "are in da cafe, yo 'momma finally pulled yo' daddy away to force him to eat sumthin."

  "That's not my momma, that's my step mom, who technically is nothing to me."

  "Ohhhh" Keisha breathed with her lips forming the perfect "O".

  "It's ok, you wouldn't have known, as a matter of fact I have no clue what she's doing here."

  "well to tell you's da' truth, I had neva seen her befoe."

  There ya go, the truth had been set free, even though she lined her lips but kept them closed and hid her crazy like the good Harper she acted to be, her neglect was her give away. I bet the Richland Gazette would be happy to run a whole article on it; I could see the byline:

  Saddened by the admittance of her only step daughter, Elleny Harper to the hospital for reasons unknown Mrs. Mona Harper had yet to step foot in her room to even deliver a bouquet of flowers.

  "Well, well my princess decided she needed lots of beauty sleep did she, I seem to disagree with her on the subject though."

  I heard my daddy's cheery, yet concerned voice coming in the hospital room before I saw him. As per his profession, he headed straight to my chart to check out any updated notes that were added while he was out as he set his coffee down and went over them precisely.

  "Can I eat?"

  Daddy raised his head and looked at Keisha with one eyebrow raised, "and she's hungry? I'm flabbergasted!"

  This got a tiny giggle out of Keisha as she got set to leave the room, "It's yo' call doc."

  "Toast, tea…un-sweet and bland."

  "Daddy!"

  "Don't daddy me, I want to see if it will stay down before you start pigging out."

  I rolled my eyes and mentally agreed, I did not want to hurl anymore.

  Getting a little toast in my stomach had me feeling stronger, now the hard part was upon us; we had to see if it stayed down. Having had eaten two hours ago; so far, so good. Just as the nurse had come in my room to offer me some Jell-O, the doctor came in.

  "Good Afternoon, Ms. Harper, I'm Dr. Robbins, I see you ate some solid food several hours ago and have kept that down so far. How are you feeling?"

  I looked at Dr. Robbins and didn't know if I should answer him truthfully saying: Actually doc, I feel like a John Deere ran me over, came back around, tied me to the bumper and dragged me twenty miles down the road, then left me for the wild hogs to find and finish me off.

  Instead I just smiled and offered a "better than I did." The doctor walked to the side of my bed and pulled the chair up beside me with a manila folder in his hands and began to flip through the pile of papers that were there. "Well, we have run some tests Ms. Harper and everything on your blood work looks good. All your levels appear to be normal but ah…one. Ms. Harper, ummm, if you don't mind, I, ah…would like to ask you…ah one personal question though; ummmm…would you consider yourself an alcoholic?"

  Baffled, I asked "I'm sorry, could you repeat the question? I don't think I heard you correctly. For some strange reason, I thought you just asked me if I was an alcoholic."

  "Ummmm yes…yes I did Ms. Harper. I asked if you were an alcoholic, see, when your father brought you in on Sunday he had given us a forty-eight hour history on your behavior; what you did, where you were and who you were with and disclosed that you had been at a party and had consumed an excessive amount of alcohol. For this reasoning and for the safety of your baby, I need to know if we should really be contemplating getting you into a rehab program."

  After I heard the word "baby" I didn't hear anything else, other than the monitor next to me going triple the speed it normally should've been going.

  "ummmm, I'm sorry, are ya'll giving me something that would affect my comprehension, because I just thought I heard you say "my baby".

  "Ah, Ms. Harper, I did say your… ummmm… your baby. You're pregnant, a little over eight weeks."

  My whole life flashed before my eyes, no more parties, no more friends, who would want to hang around someone with a kid? I sure as fuck didn't want to and I was the one finding out I had the kid!

  Somewhere in the back of my mind I remembered about my pills…my birth control pills. I began laughing hysterically, threw my head back in fact and then looked back at the doctor.

  "I am so sorry Dr. Robbins, there has been a terrible mix up. Me being pregnant…it's not possible."

  As he began flipping page after page to look at the results and the name on the chart he asked "Oh…and how's that? If you'd like I can order a sonogram and we can see the baby."

  "See Doctor, I am on birth control pills, have been since I was thirteen. I have had irregular periods all my life, so Dr. Harper refills my prescription every six months and I NEVER miss a pill. That's how it is not possible".

  "Hmmmmm that's odd. Well, was there a chance you were on antibiotics anytime during the month of May or June?"

  Thinking back through the times when I had been sick, which wasn't very many so it was pretty easy, I did remember back at the beginning of June when I had a sinus infection and daddy put me on antibiotics. Then the senior skip weekend at the lake popped in my head. Holy shit on a stick! I said to myself, that weekend was actually a week after I finished the last dose of medicine.

  Seeing the smile leave my face gradually; Dr. Robbins knew that I now comprehended everything he had said to me. Meanwhile, I was realizing that mine and TJ's lives were totally fucked. I pictured our futures. Me standing out in the back yard of our home, a run-down old shack, hanging out to dry hand-washed ratty old clothes. Wearing a stained, cigarette burned, old housecoat, barefoot and pregnant…again; thanks to another cocktail of sinus infection, antibiotic and birth control pills, with a kid on my hip, three other kids fighting and chasing each other around me while screaming and crying. TJ sitting up on the back porch in overalls with a cigarette hanging off his lip and a beer in his hand, screaming at me how I had fucked up his whole life, how he hated me and wished he never met me.

  This couldn't be happening to me. No, this was a bad dream. I was still sleeping and I was going to wake up any moment now and be back in my pink room which was messy because of all the boxes, clothes and princess shit all over the floor. Yep, I would wake up and go back to packing again for college. That's when it hit me. Christ, college. I was supposed to be leaving for college in a week. I was getting the fuck out of Richland and beginning my life. So was TJ. He had a scholarship, he couldn't turn that down; He had waited his whole life and worked his ass off for this opportunity. Coaches from all over the United States were trying to recruit him. There was no way he was missing his chance, I wasn't going to let him.

  "Harper…Ms. Harper" my name caught my attention and I turned to Dr. Robbins. "Ms. Harper, I see you have a lot to think about. If you have any questions I will be here all evening, please let your nurse know and they can have me paged."

&nbs
p; He knew what was going through my mind. "Ms. Harper, the state of Georgia prohibits abortion, unless the health of the mother is at risk or the fetus is not viable…I'm sorry."

  I nodded my head with tears in my eyes and waited for him to leave for my breakdown to commence.

  My mind was going a thousand miles a minute, so many things were running through my mind. What do I do? Where do I go? Do I keep it? Do I get rid of it? There were two questions that I already knew the answers to; One: No one was going to know about this. Two: TJ was definitely not finding out about this, he was not going to ruin his life because of my fuck up. I didn't even realize tears were still streaming down my face.

  Staring at the wall, my head was in a haze. I heard the door burst open as my father surged through to come to a halt a second later. Lifting my head I looked in his eyes and I knew he knew. I can't do anything. I can't cry anymore, I can't speak, I just stared into his eyes. He slowly walked over to me like I had a knife to my throat and one false move meant the end of the line for me. He gently sat on the corner of the bed.

  "Elle-"

  "Don't!" I cried. Hearing the harshness in my tone and wishing I wouldn't take my anger out on him, I cleared my throat and whispered. "Please daddy, don't. I know, trust me I know."

  "Oh Elleny, my dear sweet baby…I wasn't going to say anything negative. Baby, we will work it out. But please, Darlin'; I can't lose the other half of my heart."

  I grabbed my daddy by the lapel of his shirt and laid my head on his shoulder and just sobbed into his chest. I felt like I was nine again, falling off my bike, scraping my knee, I would run straight to him and he would hug me so tight I couldn't breathe, tell me it was going to be ok, then he'd wash up my boo-boo, put a bandage on it and it would all be ok. My daddy knew what to do.

  "I just cannot believe the shame that this is going to bring on this family!"

  I looked up to see Mona standing there in her cream colored chiffon blouse that was crocheted in the back but tied in the front, peach colored capris and six inch gold open-toed stiletto heeled sandals. Her blonde hair was teased big with a gold butterfly barrette on the right side of her head, six inch gold hoop earrings hung from her ears and the ten karat baguette diamond tennis bracelet daddy gave her at her fortieth birthday party two years ago dangled from her wrist.