Watergirl

by Juliann Whicker

  “Hey.” I looked around and saw my clothes, neatly folded on top of a dresser. They were easy to spot in the otherwise white and blue space as my neons dangled over the pile. I fingered my cheek where it throbbed slightly then felt my heart race as I remembered Cole.

  “I treated your face last night,” he said, still bent over the book. “It should be fine. We’ll know I’m wrong if you turn blue. You can change in the bathroom then go to the kitchen. Everything’s laid out on the counter for breakfast.”

  “Your dad still isn’t here?”

  He shook his head slightly.

  “Oliver?”

  He glanced up at me then. “No. Oliver hasn’t been with us since he came back after the break. Disappointed?”

  I shook my head. “Seeing him is always awkward. What are you reading?” I leaned over him until the blanket barely covered my bare legs. Being closer to a book written in a language I’d never seen before didn’t exactly help, but being closer to Sean’s ear… I pulled back while I felt my cheeks burn.

  “I’m trying to find out what it was, not only that, what you are.”

  “What I am?”

  His eyebrows were drawn over his blue eyes, making them look shadowy and mysterious. Gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous.

  “Someone who’s bound to a body of water, someone who can cause the kiss of madness to herself, that sort of thing.”

  “Oh. So, what have you found out?”

  He sighed and frowned at the book, no longer letting me feast on the sculpted symmetry of his face. I needed help. “I’ll probably find more in the archives I keep in my…” he nodded to the bed, or beneath the bed to the mysterious watery depths it hid.

  “Oh. I guess that makes sense.” Not really. I still didn’t get the ‘there are different kinds of books’ thing.

  Finally, I made myself get out of bed. I really had to pee and then stare in the mirror at my reflection, studying the angry red line that crossed my cheek. Oh yeah. I was hot. My hair… wow, so bad. Half stuck to my head, half shooting out in different directions. Kind of amazing, really. I could have taken a shower but I felt like I’d had too much of that wet stuff already that week. I settled for leaving the bathroom for the kitchen where there were no mirrors.

  The rest of the morning was awkward, me eating in Sean’s huge kitchen while he read books, not really looking at me. Every time I thought of something to say, a question to ask, I’d fumble, feeling stupid and flustered. Later when Sean drove me to work, Sheila saw us together.

  After waking up in Sean’s bed, work was normal which was weird. Sheila kept asking about my boyfriend, like she still couldn’t believe I’d managed to catch such a hottie. I wished she’d stop talking about it so I could stop thinking about it.

  When I got home from work, my dad wasn’t home, so I knew that he was in the studio, through the block from my house. Instead of crashing on my bed and drowning in music, I pulled on some leggings and a t-shirt under my parka to go break some boards.

  I forgot how hard it was. I knew how to do this stuff in my head, but I couldn’t do karate like I’d used to do it. Seriously frustrating. My dad seemed glad to see me, but he had his serious Sensei face on, so who knew.

  I didn’t have any lake effects other than a cough, well, and the welt on my cheek, thanks to Sean. For my dad, I came up with a lame story about skewering myself on Flop’s antennae when I tried to get something that fell behind her radio. I wasn’t sure if he believed me. The whole time he kept frowning at my cheek, like he couldn’t stop looking at it. Seriously fun times.

  Being obsessed with Oliver was one thing. I’d gotten used to it, accepted it, but this thing with Sean, wasn’t the same. It didn’t eat at me the same way, attacking my brain and nervous system, instead it took up residence in my stomach and chest. It made me mad. Sean didn’t need another girl dizzy about him, one more cookie making adoring fan. Sean didn’t need anything, anyone, and certainly not me. I had to do more karate, get serious about colleges and my future as a composer. My future as a composer. It was ridiculous and yet, I had to do something; I might as well shoot for something improbable yet incredible before settling down to be a CPA, or better yet, manager of the grocery store.

  Monday morning, Sean pulled up at my house before I’d finished breakfast. My dad frowned at me but didn’t say anything while I grabbed my books and shoved them into my bag.

  “Hey, Sean,” I said as cheerfully as was humanly possible, you know, without actually being cheerful. Luckily I had the advantage of being human.

  “How are you?” he asked without pulling out. I knew my dad was watching out the window.

  “Fine. Had a good weekend. You? I think you should drive before my dad comes outside and offers to show you his gun case.”

  He pulled out, but kept glancing at me with a frown. “Your breathing is raspy.”

  Unfortunately I took that moment to hack glamorously into my arm.

  “I told you to call me if you got worse.”

  “Why? Is there something about your ability to fight colds that I don’t know about? I can make myself herbal tea. How was your weekend?”

  He frowned at me but didn’t say anything. I wanted to ask him if he’d found anything, but I didn’t want to talk to him any more than I had to, not when I had to fight from staring at his beautiful sculpted cheekbones and the profile of his nose. Ugh.

  Finally we were in school and I practically vaulted out of his car as soon as he’d mostly come to a stop.

  “Thanks for the ride, Sean. See you later.”

  I dashed into the school, sliding on ice which pulled my amazingly sore thighs from all the badly done karate I did. Torture. At my locker I had a mini mental breakdown while I let myself analyze our conversation. Had I sounded completely enraptured? I’d sounded normal, right? I hadn’t thrown myself at him and confessed my love, or gone on about how I hadn’t stopped thinking about him and listening to his album over and over again all weekend when he asked me how it had gone. Small victories.

  “How’s it going, Vee? I heard you were in the dojo Saturday,” Cole said, draping an arm over my shoulder.

  When I looked up at him he blinked a few times, pulling away from me then absently rubbed his arm where it had been bloodied from the monster.

  “You went back to the lake?” He frowned.

  I absently touched my cheek, feeling the welt. “Yeah. How’s your arm?”

  He shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets and backing off.

  “Fine. Later,” he said, turning on his heels.

  Did I look that bad? My welt didn’t really hurt. Mostly felt numb and weird under my fingers.

  “How was your weekend?” Flop asked beside me, yanking her locker door open with uncharacteristic force. “Don’t tell me. If it was good, I don’t want to hear it. If it was bad, I have no sympathy left for other people.”

  “What’s up, Flop?”

  She shook her head at her locker like it had caused her major disappointment. “I’m breaking up with Logan.”

  “What happened? What did he do? Did he hurt you?”

  She raised her eyebrow at me. “Ha. I almost wish he’d done that, or something. All he does is whatever anyone else says, and he’s all, ‘yeah, awesome’, instead of having his own opinion. The one thing we all have, is our opinions. Like Sean. He wouldn’t think something because you told him to.”

  “Let’s not talk about him.”

  “Why not? What’s up, and what happened to your face?”

  I shook my head, pushing away her hand. “Nothing.”

  She folded her arms over her chest and leaned on her locker. “Did he do that to you?”

  “No! I fell scraped it on the ice or something, I don’t really know because it was dark, and he…” I shook my head. “I think I might…”

  She tapped her foot impatiently while I turned and grabbed all my books from my locker, not worrying about whether they were the right ones for my class.

  �
��What?” she asked, grabbing my arm so I had to tow her along with me.

  “You know that thing that’s the opposite of hate? More than like? That thing at the end of all those beach movies?”

  She gasped and let go of my arm before she hurried to catch up to me. “So, you’re obsessed?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Worse. In love.”

  “But, isn’t that good?”

  I slowed down my pace, not wanting to get to class that soon.

  “No. It’s exactly the same thing every other girl feels for him. It’s exactly what he’s trying to stay away from by dating me.” I shook my head and took a deep breath, clutching my books to my chest. “I’ll just ignore it. Maybe it will go away. I want to bake him cookies, Flop, the kind he likes. I want to look cute.”

  “You do look cute. You haven’t worn a skirt to school since fall.”

  “My legs are cold, even in tights.”

  “Do you do layers? I think three layers of thin tights is warmer than one pair of regular leggings. Maybe he feels the same about you.”

  I shook my head. “Impossible. We’re not even the same species.”

  I blinked at my lapse but she only looked sympathetic. “I guess I know what you mean, but still, maybe you should tell him how you feel and…”

  I grabbed her arm in a death grip. “No.”

  “Okay, okay. You can let go of me,” she said then rubbed her arm where I’d gripped her too tight.

  “Sorry, just… Trust me. It’s better if I keep all of this to myself. He’s a senior, so he’s going away to college anyway.”

  She looked at me and I felt queasy.

  “Are you okay? You look kind of pale.”

  I nodded. “I’ll be fine. I just need to sit down. Class is good for that, right? See you later.”

  When I passed out in class, no one noticed because we were watching a movie. I only noticed because of the panic when I couldn’t breathe, when my lungs closed up and I started hyperventilating and then nothing until I woke to the droning of the guy onscreen. I might have fallen asleep like a normal person if it weren’t for the panic.

  It wasn’t as bad as the headache when I stepped out of the dark room into the florescent lit hall. I closed my eyes, feeling dizzy and trying to stay on my feet. Maybe I wasn’t as well after the lake thing as I’d thought. I squinted my way to the nurse’s office, then spent the next two hours trying not to die from the agony every time light pierced my eyes and went straight into my brain.

  By lunch everything was fine, normal enough that I didn’t feel like I needed to tell Sean about any of it when he sat next to me.

  “You don’t have to sit by me,” I said.

  He ignored me as he bit into his bagel sandwich. “I don’t have to do anything,” he said after he’d finished his bite. I liked the way he didn’t talk with food in his mouth. Tuba did that sometimes, which was fine because he was my friend, but still gross.

  “So, Sean,” Flop said from my other side. “Don’t you think Gen looks cute today?”

  I stared at her. Her big, gray blue eyes looked innocent to the untrained observer.

  “No. Gen’s not a cute type.”

  Oh, thanks. I scowled at him. “No? And what type am I, exactly?” Wait. Maybe I didn’t want to know.

  He took his time looking at me while he ate, his brows lowering over his piercing blue eyes. “Gen’s her own type.” He said this to Flop in spite of still staring at me. “You’re cute. She’s more…distinctive.”

  Okay. I was officially going to die. I stabbed my salad with my fork, refusing to allow his words to affect me in any way even as my stomach twisted.

  “I agree,” Junie said, leaning forward. “Gen’s beauty is sophisticated and subtle. What do you think, Tuba?”

  Tuba shrugged and ate a fry. “I think Gen’s cute.”

  I got up as my stomach twisted harder. I mumbled something as I left, bolting for the restroom. When I got there, I had trouble breathing normally. I couldn’t let this happen to me just because I happened to talk to Sean. It wasn’t like I’d expected a different answer. I stared at my reflection, hating the features that were not sophisticated, cute, or anything else. Distinctive, yeah, especially with the red line down my cheek.

  I moaned and leaned against the porcelain, trying to breathe, to ignore the ache in my chest. When I was sure I wouldn’t pass out, I stood up. In the mirror I thought I saw someone walk behind me. When I turned around, Sharky stood there with a furious expression on her face.

  “You.” Her voice was a flat, menacing sound that made me edge towards the door. “It’s all your fault!”

  “You shouldn’t have tried to trip me. You know about karma; what goes around…”

  “It was a stupid argument. I wanted him to stop talking to you, to go back to how it was when he pretended you didn’t exist, but he said no. He wasn’t going to let anyone else choose his friends. I broke up with him. I was sure he would change his mind, and then she took my place.”

  “Cole’s with someone? Who?”

  She glared at me as she shook her blond hair so it whacked herself in the face. “Don’t pretend you don’t know.”

  “I’m not pretending anything, but whatever. I don’t care who Cole’s hooking up with. His life is none of my business. We used to be friends, but we’re not anymore. Not really. I’m sorry you guys didn’t work out, but that happens.”

  “You’re sorry?” She was in my face, looking pretty insane when a freshman walked in, completely oblivious to everything.

  She smiled brightly at both of us and proceeded to carefully apply lipstick that was too dark for her pale skin tone. At least, that’s what Flop would have said. With the witness, Sharky didn’t have anything else to say, so I got out of there without it coming to violence.

  Once out of the bathroom, I shook my head as I straightened my shirt and smoothed down the skirt that was cute, even if I wasn’t. I couldn’t let stuff make me crazy like Sharky, particularly when it was someone I’d never had any illusions about.

  Over the next week, I had one other breathing episode, or not breathing anyway, and two massive headaches, but other than that, I’d come up with a formula. Stay busy, stay with people, talk to other people instead of Sean. That’s how I managed it. I talked Sean into driving Flop to and from school with me. It was great. I kept the subjects on school stuff so that no one would get personal, and usually that worked. I started studying in the library with a group, so Sean and I weren’t in the kitchen alone. Fridays, date nights I filled with exciting things, like group bowling or group ice skating, nothing alone, nothing where we could talk and get closer, nothing where I’d have to remember how to breathe again. The rest of my time I filled with school stuff and karate.

  It worked because of Flop, because she wasn’t with Logan, and I explained to Sean over and over again how hard it was to be single with a bunch of dating people, not that we were really dating. No, it didn’t really make sense, but I didn’t want to stop seeing Sean, not when he still sometimes gave me hugs, even with Flop there.

  The only thing I allowed myself was going to the swim meets. I always had a tight excuse afterwards in case Sean caught me, so I wouldn’t have to go somewhere alone with him, or worse, with the swim team.

  Watching Sean swim was amazing, breathtaking. I wasn’t the only one who went to the meets just to watch him. The other fan girls glared at me until it was obvious that I made no claim, that I was only there as an observer even if I did devour him as thoroughly as they did.

  Days, weeks, winter passed, slowly as ice took to thaw. I avoided Oliver because every time I saw him I felt the obsession swallow me and then, closely following, this bizarre and irrational guilt. It was way worse than how I felt about lying to my dad. It was worse than pretty much everything. At the same time I struggled to balance love with obsession, the urge to go to the lake grew at the same rate the scar on my face disappeared. It astonished me how many things I could need simultaneously, well
, it would have if I thought about it, but I made it a point to do my homework instead of thinking.

  It was on the last swim meet, finals, whatever they called them when I sat high up on the bleachers behind a group that I could duck behind any time I felt like Sean or someone else might look up. While I waited for Sean to show up, one of his fans came up to me and sat down, staring at me curiously. The tips of her hair were dyed pink. Her shirt read, ‘Keep Calm, Here comes Sean,’ with an outline of a very buff swimmer at the top.

  “I don’t know what we’re going to do now that it’s over. Next season won’t be nearly so good without The Captain.” I nodded. “So, I wondered if you’d like a shirt.” She changed from forlorn to perky in a scary short amount of time while she unslung her backpack and pulled out a stack of t-s.

  I stared at the hello-kitty stickers on her nails before I read the slogan, ‘Sean, Sean, he’s all brawn’.

  “Most people aren’t interested in getting a shirt at the very last meet, but I can tell that you’re dedicated.”

  I blinked at her. “How much are they?”

  Her beam increased twenty-five percent.

  I glanced over at the pool while she told me the details and got a clear view of Sean diving off the side into the water. I inhaled sharply which shut up kitty-nails as she stared at him in a way that made me want to… something not nice.

  He swam beautifully and was halfway through his laps when the people in front of me stood up so that I couldn’t see. Kitty-nails grabbed my arm and stood up, pulling me with her. I watched, breathless as he swam, beating out the other swimmers, pushing hard, muscles straining, body arcing, until at last he made the final lap and came out of the water in a rush.

  Kitty-nails was screaming his name beside me, jumping up and down while still gripping my arm. I sort-of had to jump up and down with her or risk tumbling down the bleachers. Honestly, I was screaming too, the rush of seeing him win totally swallowing the fear I had that he’d look up and see me. Naturally, he looked up and saw me.