Embracing the Dawn

by Jeannie Levig

  Jinx’s expression softened. “I’m open to that,” she said quietly. Then humor sparked in her eyes. She dropped her gaze to Pete. “I mean, we have to make it work. We have a puppy together.”

  E. J. smiled. “Are you hungry?”

  “Starving,” Jinx said.

  E. J. busied herself heating the manicotti she had picked up on her way home and tossing the salad, while Jinx took Pete outside and then fed him. They talked while they ate at the small breakfast table in the kitchen—E. J. had only used the dining room for a couple of dinner parties she had hosted for work. Jinx filled E. J. in on the gossip at Canine Complete, gave her an update on Reggie and Sparkle’s upcoming anniversary party, and Trisha’s new boyfriend, while E. J. shared her concerns about the ongoing sexual harassment suit and her hope that she was correct in her suspicion that Mandy and Russ might be thinking about moving in together. Somewhere in the course of the meal, she realized being with Jinx felt just as right here in her space as it did in Jinx’s. She hoped Jinx felt the same way. “So, what do you think?” she asked.

  “About what?”

  “About being here, at my place? I mean, other than what you’ve already said about the money.”

  Jinx leaned across the table and took E. J.’s hand. “I like being wherever you are.”

  E. J. warmed at the thought. “Oh, the things you say.” She bent forward and kissed her. “I’m serious, though. Do you like it?”

  Jinx looked surprised. “It’s great. Beautiful, and yes, I like it better because you’re here with me.” She paused. “But I don’t feel you much in it.”

  “What do you mean?” E. J. asked, running her thumb over Jinx’s knuckles.

  “It’s beautiful, but it’s like it’s for show, like no one actually lives here. Or, at least, not you. I didn’t feel you at all in the living room, except for the one picture. A little bit in the bedroom and bathroom.”

  E. J. laughed. “After earlier, that will most likely change. I think I left half my soul in the bedroom and bathroom tonight. But I’ll feel you in there with me from now on, too.”

  Jinx grinned and brought E. J.’s hand to her lips. “Maybe we can add some feeling to the rest of the place while I’m here,” she said with a suggestive lilt. “Make it ours.”

  E. J. smiled. They could. And it would be fun. But deep down, she knew this wasn’t their place, nor was Jinx’s rental theirs. Their place was still in the making, as they were still in the making. The concept startled E. J. What was she thinking? Were she and Jinx becoming a they? A we? A couple? “I’d like that,” was all she said.

  As she loaded the dishwasher, she imagined Jinx moving through the condo, maybe hanging up some clothes for the weekend, putting some toiletries in the bathroom, getting Pete settled in his bed. If it had been anyone but Jinx, it would have felt invasive, even suffocating. Even she and Rhonda had spent what time they had shared in Rhonda’s home, so E. J. could leave whenever she needed space. And yet, it felt so natural for Jinx to be there. E. J. knew, however, they weren’t fully there.

  There were still things in the way, the biggest of all being honest with her children. They were grown adults with lives of their own. They were in New York, seeing plays and staying in hotels. They had their own lovers. They wouldn’t care if their mother was gay. Mandy probably never would have, and Jacob had Tiffany. He had overcome his emotional trauma enough to fall in love and be in a healthy and happy marriage. Surely, he could accept the same for her by now. The reasoning was sound.

  What about the prison sentence, though? The bank robbery? The fact that the woman his mother wanted to be with was his wife’s aunt, an aunt that his wife’s mother had rejected long ago. But his wife’s mother had rejected her, not his wife. E. J. squeezed her eyes shut. It was all so screwed up. She just needed to do it and—what had Jinx said—let everything be what it is and everyone be who they are.

  There were still things of Jinx’s standing between them as well, though—like Val. Yes, E. J. knew of her, but she didn’t know much about her, about Jinx’s relationship with her, the elements of it that made Jinx hesitant to discuss it.

  Soft music invited E. J. out of her swirling thoughts. It was the tinkling of the higher register of a piano. It was familiar. What was it—the introduction to the theme from Ice Castles? At first, she thought Jinx had figured out the stereo system and was setting a romantic mood, which brought a smile to her lips, but then she heard the slightest hesitation in the music, as though the pianist forgot the next hand position for the briefest instant. Jinx is playing the piano?

  She moved to the kitchen doorway and peered into the living room.

  Jinx sat at the piano, her back to E. J., her hands moving carefully over the keys, as though she was remembering the positions. Those hands that made such sweet love to E. J., that were so gentle with Pete, were now making the loveliest music on a piano that had been played maybe twice by a hired musician at a catered dinner party.

  E. J. leaned against the doorjamb and watched, mesmerized.

  Soon, Jinx seemed lost in the music, not even looking at the keys. Her fingers appeared to glide as she played under the soft illumination of a single lamp.

  E. J. closed her eyes and listened as the verse moved into the bridge. She had always loved that song, but hearing it now, knowing Jinx was playing it…How did she know how to play the piano? She listened as the song went on, and its slightly haunting quality drew her in. She let it pull her, coax her across the room to stand behind Jinx. She wanted to touch her but was afraid if she did, Jinx would stop. At length, she brushed her knuckles across the back of Jinx’s neck, beneath her hair.

  Jinx leaned into her caress but kept playing.

  E. J. slipped onto the bench beside her, her heart swelling with the crescendo, her gaze fixed on Jinx’s hands. She, too, was lost. She rested her head on Jinx’s shoulder.

  As the remnants of the final notes reverberated in the quiet all around them, they sat together in the stillness, neither one moving. Finally, Jinx lifted her fingers from the keys.

  “That was beautiful,” E. J. said, her tone hushed. “Where did you learn to play?”

  Jinx rested a hand on E. J.’s thigh. “It’s the one thing I can patently thank Nora for. She insisted both Andi and I take lessons. I never let her know I liked them because if she knew, she probably would have made me stop.”

  E. J. smiled at the cleverness of the little girl Jinx had been. “And you’ve remembered all these years?”

  “There was a piano in the facility where I served most of my sentence. They let me play it because I accompanied all the Christmas programs and talent shows and played for the different religious services every week. It was a good trade.” Jinx traced the silk seam of E. J.’s pajama pants. “It probably saved my sanity quite a few times to be able to drift away with the music. It wasn’t a piano like this, though.” She touched the keyboard reverently with her other hand. “And they hardly ever tuned it.”

  E. J. found herself without words. She tried to imagine this gentle soul, sitting at a raggedy old piano, playing beautiful music in the midst of a prison. She tried to reconcile that image with the things Jinx had said to Pablo about what life in prison could be like and the change that had come over Jinx in that moment. She tried to integrate both with the woman she sat beside, now, the woman who touched her so deeply, the woman with whom—yes—she had fallen in love.

  She sighed. “Take me to bed,” she whispered. “I want to fall asleep in your arms.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Jinx opened her eyes to the gray pre-dawn light through the huge plate glass window of E. J.’s bedroom. She still woke at that time out of habit, from so many years of being rousted from her bunk for showers and mess. On the inside, she’d caught the sunrise occasionally, depending on its timing and if she was on an early, outside work detail, but once she’d gotten out and she continued to wake up so early regularly, she made a point of watching the miracle of another beginnin
g much more often. She especially liked the few times she and E. J. had shared the experience, because she couldn’t help but feel that E. J. represented Jinx’s own dawn, the opportunity to start fresh, to leave yesterday behind.

  She rested her head in the crook of her arm and allowed the pinks, purples, and blues to wash over her, their fluid swirls bathing her, cleansing her of lingering mistakes and remaining guilt. With every sunrise, with every new day, came vast possibilities to experience things she never had before and to reclaim emotions she’d once thought gone forever. She’d let go of a lot over the years, forgiven herself for many things, but there was still Andrea. What did I do?

  According to Tiffany, Andrea said Jinx wasn’t welcome in the family because she was a criminal and had chosen prison, but whatever happened between them took place long before that. Jinx was learning family didn’t have to be those she was related to by blood. Reggie and Sparkle were her family, Trisha, and now—maybe even—E. J. She could hope. And she also had Tiffany, but she couldn’t let go of Andrea—of Andi. And even if Andrea never wanted anything with her again, if she just knew what she’d done and could forgive herself for that like she had so many other things, maybe she could move on. Although, maybe she could let it go anyway, with enough new chances. As the skyline began to glow with shades of golds, oranges, and yellows, she let herself hope this might be the day of her full redemption at long last. If not…Well, there was always tomorrow’s dawn.

  “I left the blinds open for you,” E. J. murmured in her morning voice Jinx loved so much.

  Jinx smiled and pulled her gaze from the window to study E. J. “Thank you.” She kissed the tip of E. J.’s nose.

  Pete squirmed between them, tucked in the curve of E. J.’s tummy beneath the covers. He wriggled his way up until his nose poked out from the blankets.

  “Why is it when you’re not with us, Pete sleeps in his bed all night, but when you’re here, he finds his way into ours?” Jinx asked.

  “I have no idea,” E. J. said, petting Pete’s head. “But I’ll think about it while you take him out.” She gave Jinx a sleepy but guilty grin.

  When Jinx returned, she found E. J. sitting up in bed, sipping a cup of coffee. A glass of apple juice sat on the nightstand. Jinx eased onto the mattress beside her and rested her head on E. J.’s lap. She nuzzled her cheek into the softness of E. J.’s silk pajamas.

  E. J. combed her fingers through Jinx’s hair. “Everything go okay downstairs?” she asked lazily.

  “Pete did great, but your doorman looked at us funny.”

  E. J. paused. “That’s probably because you’re barefoot and your shirt’s on inside-out.”

  Jinx looked down at herself. “Oh. That could explain it.”

  E. J. chuckled.

  In the comfortable quiet that followed, Jinx noticed a grouping of three small framed paintings arranged on the wall beside the bathroom doorway. She hadn’t noticed them the night before. She hadn’t noticed anything in E. J.’s bedroom the night before, except E. J. She took them in as she enjoyed E. J.’s gentle stroke of her nape. The largest was of a sleeping woman with the sun’s rays spilling across her face and golden blond hair. Two smaller ones showed the same woman half draped in a sheet, sitting on the edge of a tub and seated at a dressing table in a robe, looking directly at the artist from her reflection in the mirror. “How do your kids not know you’re gay?” Jinx asked, genuinely perplexed. “You have pictures of women all over your house.”

  E. J. laughed softly. “They hardly ever come here. When Mandy and I get together, we usually go out to eat or to a play or movie, and Jacob hasn’t lived in Sacramento since he went off to college. I’ve almost always gone to see him wherever he’s living.” She went back to playing with Jinx’s hair. “I don’t think either one of them has ever been in this bedroom. Besides, you can get away with a lot in the name of art.”

  Jinx closed her eyes and felt herself slip away into E. J.’s touch. As much as she could lose herself in making love to E. J., she could just as easily stay right there forever under her nurturing caress.

  “Jinx,” E. J. said after a while. “I want to tell you something. I feel a little awkward doing it, though.”

  “Hmm?” Jinx tried to focus on E. J.’s words rather than her fingers.

  “I want to tell you something.” E. J. shifted slightly beneath Jinx’s head. “Are you listening?”

  Jinx opened her eyes and eased out of E. J.’s lap. She sat up. “Yes,” she said with an effort to focus. “I’m listening.” She made eye contact.

  “Today’s my birthday.”

  Jinx’s eyes widened. “No way. Why didn’t you tell me? I would have brought you a present.”

  E. J. smiled and brushed her fingertips across Jinx’s cheek. “You’re my present. You being here, in my bed, in my house. You playing the piano for me last night.” She ran her thumb over Jinx’s lower lip. “Maybe meeting my friends later?”

  Jinx sucked the tip into her mouth. “Anything,” she said when she’d released it. “It’s your birthday. Sparkle says on your birthday, you get anything you want.”

  “Anything, huh?” E. J. pressed back into the pillows and let Pete plop into her lap. “I’ll have to think about that.”

  “I wish you’d told me ahead of time, though, so I could have brought you a real present.” Jinx climbed off the bed and retrieved her duffle from the walk-in closet.

  “What are you doing?” E. J. asked.

  “Well,” Jinx said, unzipping the bag. “Sometimes, in my vast travels, I carry with me an extra birthday present.” She pulled out the flat package she’d wrapped the day before. “You know, just in case one of the many people I visit is having a birthday.” She held it out.

  E. J.’s jaw went slack. “How did you know?”

  “I didn’t,” Jinx said, feigning innocence. “I told you, it’s just an extra. Something generic. Hopefully, you’ll like it. I don’t even remember what it is.”

  E. J. grinned at her and took the gift. “You’re sneaky.”

  “No more than you, little Miss Don’t-tell-me-it’s-your-birthday-till-the-day-of.” Jinx took a long swallow of the juice from the nightstand, then lay on the bed beside E. J. again. “Are you going to open it?”

  Excitement flashed in E. J.’s eyes. “Yes.” She looked at the present, twirled the twisty ribbon, and ran her hand over the bright purple Happy Birthday paper.

  Jinx blew out an exaggerated sigh. “While it’s still your birthday?”

  E. J. laughed and tore into the present. As soon as its front was visible, she stilled and her expression went soft. “Oh, Jinx.” She lifted out the framed sketch of herself, Jinx, and Pete that Jinx had asked Pablo for and examined it in the morning light. A slow smile made its way across her lips and lit her face. “It’s amazing. And perfect. And so very sweet.”

  Jinx felt herself blush. “I guess it’s really more from Pablo, since he’s the one with the talent. He drew you from his draft sketches, the ones he did that first day you two met,” she said, liking the joy in E. J.’s response. “But Pete and I had to sit for it, and I got the frame.”

  E. J. lowered the picture and took Jinx’s face between her palms. “And you thought of it. And you brought it to me. And you always know just the perfect thing to say or do to make me smile.” She kissed Jinx, slow and deep, urging her down onto the mattress.

  *

  “So, how did you know it was my birthday?” E. J. asked Jinx as they walked along the sun-dappled jogging path beside the river.

  “I didn’t know,” Jinx said. “I told you—”

  E. J. cut her off with a playful, warning glance.

  “Tiffany told me.”

  “Ah, I can tell I’m going to have to keep tabs on you two. Otherwise, all my mystery will be gone.” E. J. paused. “Seriously, though, why’d you ask her and not me?”

  “I didn’t. She just mentioned it. Something about wanting to do something for your birthday, but she and Jacob already h
ad plans.” Jinx unhooked Pete from his leash and picked up a stick. “Watch this.” She threw it. “We’ve been working on fetch,” she added proudly.

  Pete raced after it. He followed it, slowed, then dashed off into the woods behind the path.

  “Hey, come back here,” Jinx called. “Stay! Come! Stop!” She ran after him and disappeared among the trees.

  E. J. laughed and waited. She wondered about Tiffany saying they had wanted to do something for her birthday, about whose idea it had been. She was touched but couldn’t imagine a better day than the one she was having—and it was barely half over.

  “E. J.?” someone called.

  She turned to see Gwen and Taylor jogging around the curve in the path, Gwen looking fresh and bouncy, Taylor, winded and sweaty.

  They trotted up to E. J.

  “Since when do you jog?” E. J. asked Taylor.

  “Since she broke up with her boyfriend and needed a project.” Taylor hooked a thumb at Gwen, panting.

  E. J. looked at Gwen. “So, what? Things didn’t work out between you and Richard, so you thought you’d kill Taylor?”

  Gwen shrugged. “I thought it’d be good for her. Build up her stamina before she gets too old.”

  “Hello,” Taylor said, looking over E. J.’s shoulder. “Hot woman with cute puppy, twelve o’clock.”

  E. J. turned, knowing what she would find. “Very. On both counts.”

  Jinx trudged back onto the path with Pete, once again, on his leash.

  Taylor flashed her a grin. “You ladies don’t mind, do you?” she asked E. J. and Gwen.

  “Not at all,” E. J. said, feeling a little evil.

  Gwen rolled her eyes. “You might want to check a mirror before you get too confident.”

  “No worries, Lady Gwen,” Taylor said, her tone cocky. “Look, she’s already coming over.”

  Jinx stepped up beside E. J., Pete in tow.

  Taylor opened her mouth, the spark in her eyes indicating something flirty was on the way.