When To Fear The Living

by B. L. Brunnemer

  "These are figure skates." He began as he quickly got to work on the laces on his black hockey skates. "Those are easier to learn in than hockey. Let me get my skates on, and I'll show you how to do yours," Asher said as he began to explain what he was doing. I watched, impressed as Asher loosened and tightened the laces on his skates before he put them on. After he pulled them on and got them right, he got to his feet on the ice. Asher turned and knelt in front of me. He took a skate and showed me in detail what he was doing. But he did it so fast that I just nodded along. When my skates were on, he looked up at me. "Got it?" He asked. I burst out laughing.

  "Not a bit," I admitted. He chuckled, shook his head and he got up. He held out his hands to me.

  "That's okay, it takes practice. Let's get you on your feet," Asher said. I put my hands in his and stood up. It was weird, the ice felt hard and soft at the same time. My feet instantly wanted to go forward. I slid into Asher, he stopped me easily with his body even as he got his feet out of the way of my skates. I held on to his arms with a death grip. His hands went to my waist. "Bend your knees. That will give you more control of where your weight is going." I did as he said and felt the change.

  "Oh, okay. That's not so bad," I said in a tense voice. Asher chuckled.

  "Now, you're going to walk as you do normally," He instructed as he skated back until there was an arm's length between us.

  "Seriously? Just walk?" I asked, doubtfully. He smiled down at me, his eyes bright as he nodded.

  "Well, a march really. It's to get you used to the feel of the blades and ice." He said, I held on tight to his hands and started marching. It was strange, weird, and cool at the same time. If I started to slip, Asher kept me standing, If I began to go too fast, he stopped me. When I was more comfortable on the ice, Asher let go and backed up more. "Now you're going to glide. Instead of picking up your feet, you're going to push back with your feet a little." I eyed the distance between us with doubt. Then I did as he said. Instead of falling on my face, it felt like I was flying. Very slowly, yeah, but still flying. It was pretty cool. As I closed in on Asher, he skated backwards, always staying in within arms-reach of me. We continued like that for a few minutes.

  "When did you learn to skate?" I asked when I was sure I wasn't going to fall on my butt.

  "For a while, I played every sport I could when I was a kid," He said, his eyes watching me carefully as he skated backwards. "Hockey in the winter, football or sometimes soccer in the fall, and baseball in the spring."

  "But you don't play hockey or soccer anymore?" I asked as I pushed off a little harder. I started to pick up speed.

  "Nope. Ally, we're going to turn to the right," He said. "Lean your body weight just a bit toward the right and lean forward a little." I carefully followed his instructions. I turned, he turned with me only backwards, it was impressive. When I finished turning I straightened automatically.

  "So, why don't you play hockey anymore?" I asked absently. He sighed.

  "Dad decided I should focus on football more," He admitted. "He said there was no point in playing a sport that wouldn't get me into college." I stopped skating to look at him.

  "You're fucking kidding, right?" I asked. He shook his head, I continued, "As if that's the only way to get into college!" I snapped. I wobbled on the ice. Asher was there instantly, his hands steading me.

  "Careful," He warned me.

  "That just pisses me off," I muttered as I found my footing again. I met his eyes. "Ash, your grades rival Miles' grades. You don't need football to get into college!" He fought back a grin.

  "I know that, Ally," He said, his voice was amused. "But it would help with the cost."

  I huffed, "Yeah, if you went to a college that offered it." I pointed out bitterly. His eyes narrowed on me.

  "What are you talking about?" He asked. I shot him a 'you know what I'm talking about' look.

  "Culinary school," I told him. "They don't have football teams." He sighed.

  "Ally..."

  "Don't Ally me," I snapped. "You love cooking, Ash. You know you do. So, why don't you admit it? You want to go to culinary school." He looked over my head at the lake behind me, his eyes unfocused.

  "It's not that easy-"

  "I never said it was," I countered. He looked down and met my eyes. "But you know what you want. So, why don't you go after it?" I asked quietly. His eyes were rough as he looked at me.

  "Is that what you do?" He whispered. "See what you want and go for it?"

  I was looking into his eyes as I answered. "If I know what I want? Yeah. If not, I hold off until I know," I admitted. He looked away from me with a strained look on his face.

  "I'll think about," He muttered.

  "Think about it because you want to. Not because I'm telling you to, Superman," I said, my voice soft. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, his eyes were clear as he looked back down at me.

  "I know," He said. I gave him a smile.

  "Good. Now, how the hell do I stop by myself on these things?" I asked dryly. He chuckled. He went back to teaching me how to skate. After a while, he was able to move to skate beside me. We talked about the guys, Rory, school, anything that wasn't my stalker. Asher got my mind off things for a good hour.

  "Okay, I think I've got-" My left foot slipped out from under me, I landed on my butt. Pain shot down my leg, and my butt was instantly freezing. I chuckled as Asher laughed. He came back to me and helped me to my feet. "Ow. Well, I thought I had it," I grumbled as he pulled me to my feet. Asher held my arms tight and pulled me in to keep me standing. Vanilla and cinnamon tickled my nose as I looked up to meet those ocean wave eyes. His smile was warm.

  "You're doing pretty well for your first time," He said. My heart slammed in my chest as my lower stomach fluttered. My eyes went to his lips, those soft, perfect lips. I wondered again what kissing him would be like. His fingers gently brushed the hair from my forehead, making me look up and meet his warm eyes. The world disappeared, I should move, I should... Asher's eyes moved to my lips. My skin tingled, my pulse raced. Was he...? Butterflies went crazy in my stomach. His eyes met mine as his fingertips brushed my cheek. Pain shot through my face. I hissed as I pulled away from his hand. "Shit, Ally!" My face throbbed with my pulse. It hurt enough that I had to close my eyes.

  "Ow, ow, ow." I chirped.

  "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." Asher's voice was strained.

  "I know, but damn that hurt," I muttered. When I managed to open my eyes, they were watering. His face was dark as he watched me.

  "Come on, I'll take you home," He offered. I nodded. He helped me to the bench. I managed to get my skates off without cutting myself, a victory in my opinion. We were walking back to the truck when he broke the silence. "What are your plans for the rest of the day?"

  "Um, stay home, play with Hades, the usual hiding out thing," I admitted. He frowned.

  "Don't let this guy stop you from living your life," He said pointedly. I opened the truck door and climbed in.

  "It's not that, really," I told him. "I'm going to try one of those wards to keep the dead out today." Asher's gaze snapped to me.

  "You are?"

  "Yeah, Miles' Graduate students came through," I said. "Serena says they're the real deal." His eyes ran over me.

  "Is it safe to try?" He asked as he started the truck.

  "Yeah, it's paint, and a drop of blood," I explained, "Nothing too crazy." He took a deep breath and let it out. I smiled to myself. "Don't worry. Serena said it should work. She would have warned me if it was going to backfire." At least I hoped she would. His shoulders relaxed.

  "Yeah, that's true," He said quietly as he drove me home. "I'm still going to worry, Ally."

  "I know," I admitted quietly. "But you can worry a bit less."

  "I guess," He sighed.

  "So, where did you get the skates?" I asked, cheerfully. He grinned.

  "I rented yours at a shop in town," He admitted. "I already knew your shoe size, so it was
n't hard."

  I gave him a smile. "Thank you, Ash."

  "You're welcome, Ally," He said quietly. "I just wish I didn't hurt you." I waved my hand dismissively.

  "Eh, it's done. No point in worrying about it," I told him. He gave me a small smile then looked back onto the road. "What are your plans today?" I asked, curious. He sighed.

  "Cleaning the house, laundry, my usual Sunday." He groused.

  "Why don't you get your sister to help?" I asked as he pulled onto my street.

  "I've tried," He reminded me. I got a wicked idea. I felt that chill run down my neck like a fingertip, a ghost was waiting for me outside the house. I ignored it for now.

  "Ash, you control the money from your Dad, right?" I asked smirking at him.

  Asher parked then looked over at me suspiciously, "Yeah."

  "Then why don't you give her an allowance?" I offered with a big smile. "No chores, no spending money." Asher thought about it for a minute before bursting out laughing.

  "Oh, that would be great," He said still laughing.

  "You can do it," I pointed out. He nodded still chuckling

  "Oh, that's going to be a fun conversation," He said, smiling.

  "Thanks for taking me ice skating," I said. He met my eyes.

  "Anytime, Ally girl," His voice was soft in the cab of the truck. I pulled my eyes from his to look at the ghost on the lawn.

  "It looks like the dead are getting impatient," I told him. "There's a ghost on the lawn." I opened the door and slipped out. "I'll see you tomorrow, Ash."

  "Be careful. I'll wait until you’re inside," He called. I winked at him before closing the door. I turned and met the dead woman. She had to be around her mid-twenties. She looked chic in a pair of men's trousers and white silk blouse, her hair was perfectly curled, her make-up perfect. She looked perfect, except for the blood staining the white blouse between her breasts. I was grateful I was still far enough away not to feel that.

  "And you are?" I asked politely. The woman stepped forward. With every step she took, I felt the blade dig deeper into her chest. Damn, that hurt.

  "I'm Marian Carter," She said in a confident voice. Her memories peeked through my barriers. Her husband had killed her when he found out she had been cheating on him, with a woman. Wow.

  "Your husband was a dick," I pointed out. She smiled.

  "Yes, he was," She agreed.

  "Are you ready?" I asked gently. She nodded. I focused on her and how she wanted to move on. Her husband was dead now, and she knew he wouldn’t hurt anyone ever again. I focused on her need. That golden thread reached out and wrapped around her wrist. Then I dropped down to my center. It was as easy as breathing even with Marian along. This time before we reached my center, I focused on the Veil and where I wanted to be in it. This time when we landed, we were in the Veil, not my center. I gave a small laugh, that would make these trips a lot faster. I let go of Marian as she looked around. She spotted the small plants that had sprouted. She knelt and examined them.

  "They need water," Marian informed me. "They're surviving, but without water, it won't be long."

  "You like flowers?" I asked gently. Marian smiled at the plants.

  "I loved my garden," She admitted. "I had the best flowers in town back in the thirties." She got to her feet and looked around. "This place needs a lot of work." I looked around. The trees were still charcoal, the ground still dry and cracked. She was right.

  "The more souls I cross, the more the balance is restored," I explained. She nodded as she looked up at the sky with a small smile on her face.

  "What happens after this?" She asked.

  "I don't know," I admitted. She looked at me with fear in her eyes. "I only know what happens here." She looked around the Veil again.

  "What about God?" She asked in a thick voice, "Any news on that?" I watched her walk to the edge of the cliff and look down into oblivion. I stepped closer in case she lost her balance.

  "I don't know," I told her. "I haven't crossed." Her shoulders were tense as she crossed her arms over her chest. "What's wrong Marian? You want to move on, don't you?" She nodded. "I can't make you cross. It's your decision. Move on, or be unmade." I stepped up next to her waiting. Her body was rigid as tears fell down her face.

  "I'm scared," She whispered. My chest ached at the pain in her voice. "If God exists is he going to punish me for...." She swallowed hard. "For..."

  I realized what she was afraid of, "For being gay?" I asked gently. She nodded, tears still falling down her face. "I don't know if there's a God. But I can't see him punishing someone for something they have no control over."

  "That's not what the priests say," She whispered, her voice shaking. "If I'm going to be punished for it I'd rather be unmade."

  "Marian. If God existed, would he punish someone for being blonde?" I asked matter-of-factly. She looked up away from the abyss and met my eyes.

  "No," She whispered. I reached out and wiped the tears from her face.

  "Then why would he punish you for this?" I asked gently. She blinked. "You have no control over who you're attracted to." She shook her head and opened her mouth. "If God made man in his image, then he designed some of us different. And God doesn't make mistakes, right?" She looked out into the abyss again. Come on Marian, you can do this. "Do you really want to be unmade because of what a priest said?"

  "No."

  "Then make the decision to move on. And if there's punishment, look God in the eye and ask him why he created you this way if he was only going to punish you for it. Then tell him how fucked up it is," I said, my voice hard. Marian's amber eyes met mine. Determination grew in them as she nodded. I took her hand and walked her away from the ledge. A gold ball of light floated down from the Way. I held her shaking hand as it formed a door and opened. A woman was waiting across the threshold. Her face was beautiful, her milk chocolate skin shining in the sun behind her. Her dark eyes met Marian's, tears filled her eyes as she smiled. Marian took deep breaths.

  "Alma," Marian whispered. Alma nodded, Marian lost all doubt. She dropped my hand, then ran into her love's arms and kissed her passionately. Wow. The door slammed shut then turned into two balls of light and shot up into the Way. I smiled this time. Thunder rolled through the Veil. Something wet hit me, I touched my face, it was rain. I laughed as rain fell from the Way as if it had been holding back for centuries. I was soaked in an instant. I looked up and smiled at it. Then I took a deep breath and pulled myself out.

  I opened my eyes to the physical world. Thankfully, I wasn't actually soaked. Otherwise, I'd be in trouble. I felt under my nose and for the first time since this started, I didn't have a nose bleed. Sweet. I turned and waved to Asher that I was fine before heading inside.

  The house was quiet. Suddenly starving, I made a sandwich as I thought about Marian and Alma. An interracial couple in the US, in the thirties, had been risky. For that couple to be two women would have been extremely so, Marian and Alma had guts, I couldn't help but admire them. I smiled to myself as I put carrots on my plate. I took my plate upstairs to my room. I sat in my chair eating as I looked over the report about voodoo symbols. But I couldn't focus, I was seeing Asher while we stood on the ice. Was he going to kiss me? Would he have, if he hadn't touched my bruises? My heart jumped at the idea. But was that what he was going to do? And what was with that look before Winter Formal? I covered my face and made a frustrated growl into my hands. Then, of course, there was Miles. I already almost kissed him. Now I almost kissed Asher? I was cursing myself when my phone rang. It was Jake.

  "Hey."

  "Hey sweetness, how are you feeling?" Jake asked cheerfully.

  "Fine, except my face feels like pureed meat," I admitted.

  "Does it look that bad?"

  "Hold on, I'll send a pic," I told him. I pulled my phone back and took a good picture then sent it to him.

  "Damn Lexie. That's bad." He pointed out.

  "Yep and it feels about as good as it looks," I grumbled. "
So, how'd it go with Derrick last night?"

  "Do you really want to know?" He asked impishly. I smiled.

  "Hell yeah, tell me," I demanded as I got up to lay down on my bed. Hades was forced to scoot over or be laid on.

  "Are you sure?" He teased.

  "Jake, if you don't tell me what happened last night then I won't tell you what happened today," I threatened. He gasped dramatically.

  "I'll tell, I'll tell," He assured me quickly. "We went for a walk, and Derrick was really quiet. You know, not like Derrick." I smiled. "So, I asked him what was wrong. He turned and just told me he liked me." I fought of a giggle as he continued. "I was so stunned all I said was 'huh,'" Jake admitted. I bit back a laugh.

  "What happened next?" I asked practically giddy.

  "He kissed me." He said. I giggled. "He just up and kissed me." Jake's voice sounded stunned.

  "And, how was it?" I asked when I could stop giggling. He chuckled.

  "Amazing," He admitted, still sounding stunned. "He can really kiss." I snickered.

  "So, what happened next?"

  "Uh-uh. I'm not telling," Jake stated.

  "What? Come on." I begged. "I gotta live vicariously through someone."

  "Let's just say we... got touchy," He hedged.

  "You did not sleep with him last night!" I said shocked.

  "I'm not that easy, sweetie," He assured me. "We just made out." My mouth closed.

  "Good, take it slow. Enjoy it," I told him. He snickered.

  "Oh, I intend to," He said with a sly voice. I chuckled.

  "So, I take it you're dating. Did you tell the others?" I asked as I stroked Hades’ sleeping head.

  "Not yet, he's coming over to talk about it today."

  "Uh-huh," I said in a knowing voice.

  "Lexie!" Jake's voice was embarrassed. I loved it. I just snickered. "So, what happened with you today?" He asked. I groaned painfully.

  "Asher took me ice skating," I mumbled.

  "How sweet," He said.

  "And I almost kissed him," I admitted. He started laughing. "Shut up Jake."