When To Fear The Living

by B. L. Brunnemer

  "Oh, honey," He said as he started getting control of himself again. "You're not going to make it, you need to tell someone how you feel."

  "Oh yeah? Who?" I asked pointedly.

  "Well, you know me. I like the tall, lean ones. So, I say Miles." He reminded me. I snorted. "You can't exactly tell Zeke. He's taken."

  "I know," I grumbled.

  "What are you waiting for?" He asked. I sighed.

  "First, what if it goes wrong? We don't exactly have years of friendship on our side." I reminded him.

  "What if it goes right?" He countered. I smiled at that. If it went right? It'd be fucking amazing.

  "If it went wrong I could lose all of them." I tried again to make him understand what scared me. "I wouldn't be able to hang out with them anymore. I'd lose them all." Jake sighed.

  "Okay, yeah. I get it," He grumbled. "But Lexie, I don't think you have to worry about that. These guys love you."

  "I know and I love them. I just..." I took a shaky breath. "I can't lose them. Not over a stupid crush."

  "I get it. I don't like it. But I get it," He admitted.

  "So, when are you going to take Derrick on a date?" I asked in my cutesy voice.

  "Next Friday," He admitted. "Though we have to be careful around here, small towns aren't always great for gay couples." An idea hit me.

  "Oh! Oh!" I said, suddenly excited "Lisa Cantrail and her girlfriend!"

  "What?"

  "There's a lesbian couple here at our school that are still hiding it from their parents. You guys can double date and be each other's cover," I explained.

  "That would be perfect!" He said instantly. "Do you have her number?"

  "No, but I can get it from Asher later. He's at work right now." I promised him. We gossiped and talked until Derrick showed up at Jake’s house for their talk. As Jake and I said our goodbyes, I sent my love and congratulations to Derrick too. I didn't bother getting up as I pulled the box of supplies I'd gathered onto the bed. I was planning on trying the symbols on some large smooth river rocks. I thought I might be able to place them around the house so Tara wouldn't see. It was the best I had been able to come up with. I pulled my paint out of the box and opened the white paint, then I followed the diagram. The symbol was like an asterisk, with forked ends. I finished painting and blew on the paint to dry it. I finished two more rocks when my phone rang. It was Dylan, I sent it to voice mail. I was on my fourth rock when it rang again. I set my paint up on my desk and answered.

  "What?" I snapped assuming it was Dylan.

  "How are you feeling, Alexis?" A familiar voice asked. My heart dropped, my stomach knotted. It was him, thinking fast, I started recording the call.

  "You mean after you hit me last night? Peachy," I said sarcastically into the phone as I got to my feet and hurried downstairs.

  "Stop talking like that. That isn't you!" He snapped. I reached the living room and headed for Rory's bedroom.

  "You really don't know me if you think like that," I countered as I opened the door. I rushed around Rory's bed.

  "I know you better than you know yourself," He said, his voice condescending. I shook Rory awake hard. He jerked up, eyes wild. "That's how I know you're lost right now," He continued in my ear. Rory's eyes focused on me. 'It's him.' I mouthed. Rory grabbed his phone. "That's how I know they're hurting you." I chuckled at that.

  "My friends are hurting me? You're the one who hit me," I countered. "They have never hurt me and they never would."

  "They hurt you every time they touch you," He growled. "Every time they hug you, every time they hold your hand, they are hurting you." Rory spoke into his phone quietly, I stepped further away so he wouldn't be overheard.

  "That stuff doesn't hurt," I said simply. "You know what hurts? Getting tackled in a parking lot and getting hit across the face. That's the stuff that hurts."

  "More than being beaten unconscious at school and carried out to one of their cars? More than dumping water on you, outside in winter, so they have an excuse to take off your clothes? What about the bloody noses you're coming to school with every morning?" He asked. I went still and looked at Rory. How long has this guy been watching me? Rory gestured to me, his hands moving away from each other. He wanted me to keep him on the line.

  "That wasn't them, that’s my seizure disorder," I told him. "The bloody noses, and being unconscious has nothing to do with them. They were taking me home so I could be taken care of."

  "I saw through the window as they stripped you down in that kitchen," He growled. He was watching? My skin crawled. "I saw you covering yourself, crying and scared of them." Crying? I hadn't been crying, I had been freezing.

  "You don't know what you’re fucking talking about," I bit out.

  "Stop talking like that, that isn't you!" He snapped into the phone.

  "Oh, yeah it is," I countered, my temper sparking.

  "Don't you see what they are turning you into?" He shouted in my ear. "You're not meant to be with them. You're supposed to be with me!"

  "A guy that hits me? Nah, I'm not that stupid," I shot back as my temper boiled.

  "I know the horrible things they make you do," He stated sadly. "I know you don't want to."

  "What things?" I asked. "Eat healthy? Yeah, I don't want to do that. Workout? Actually, I enjoy that. Homework? Yeah, you're right they're evil." I didn't bother keeping the sarcasm from my voice this time.

  "I'm going to make them stop touching you," He insisted. “Make them stop forcing you do things.”

  "But then I'll flunk out of school," I pointed out in a whiny voice. There was a long silence.

  "I'll make them pay for touching you, for making you act this way," He said calmly. "You're sweet and kind-"

  "And a raging bitch when I want to be. Stay away from my friends." I growled into the phone.

  "You belong to me!" He shouted. "And I'll punish you if you keep behaving this way!" Rory gave me a thumbs-up. I could hang up.

  "I belong to no one. Now fuck off!" I shouted into the phone and hung up. I looked at Rory as I fumed.

  "Get Hades, you're going to the twins' house. Wait for me and I'll follow you over." Rory told me as he moved to his dresser.

  "Did I just make this worse?" I asked. Rory looked at me.

  "Maybe, but we might have just found the little shit." Rory said before opening the drawer. I went into the living room and got some of Hades' toys. I pulled on my jacket and made sure I had my wallet. Rory came out and pulled his coat on, I put Hades on his leash, headed out, and loaded him up in the Blazer. Rory got in his truck. I called Ethan on speaker and set the phone in the holder that Miles had gotten for me. The guys knew I refused to use my phone while driving, so Miles got me a holder that Zeke attached to my dash. I was pulling out onto the road when he answered.

  "Hey, Beautiful." His smoky voice rolled through the Blazar as I checked my rearview mirror to make sure Rory was following.

  "I'm coming to your house," I told him, my voice shaking at the edges.

  "What happened?" He demanded. I took a deep breath and focused on driving.

  "He called. Rory had me talk to him as long as he needed," I said, a little breathless. "He's following me to your house so he can go in to the station."

  "Breathe Beautiful," He told me calmly. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You're okay. You'll be safe here."

  "I know... its... this fucker is psycho," I blurted out. "What about your Mom?" He chuckled.

  "I'd love to see this guy try to take on Ma, he'd get the beating of a lifetime." I snorted as I pulled onto their street.

  "You’re sure? I can go to Asher's," I offered.

  "Ma's armed, you're coming here," He reassured me. I nodded not realizing he couldn't see it. I parked just in front of Ethan and Isaac's car. I shut off the truck, grabbed my phone, grabbed Hades and got out. Ethan was on the porch with his phone to his ear. I didn't think, I just ran to the porch and into his arms. He held me tight as I buried my face in his
neck.

  "You're okay, Lexie," He whispered gently. "Rory's going after the sicko." I nodded, still clinging to him.

  "I totally pissed him off," I whispered into his hoodie. "He said he was going to punish me for it. What if he comes after you guys?" My throat tightened at the thought, he chuckled.

  "I'd like to see him try it," He admitted. "Every one of us can take on someone Zeke's size, even me in a pinch." I took another deep breath and let it out slowly again. "Keep taking deep breaths," He whispered. I nodded and did as he said. He kissed the top of my head and pulled back a little. "Come inside, Beautiful." He kept his arm around me as he opened the door. The smell of something delicious hit me. Hades ran inside and headed straight for the living room, it made me want to smile. Ethan walked me into the living room and sat me down on the couch next to Hades. He crouched down in front of me and took my shaking hands in his. "Ma?" He called as he rubbed my hands with his. Maria, the twins' Mom, came in. Maria had a pretty face, she had lovely brown skin, the boys' beautiful chocolate eyes, and thick black hair that I personally envied. She was even still in her jammies. She gave Hades her 'what do you think you're doing look,' the dog's tail tucked between his legs before he jumped to the floor and sat there. Maria sat next to me and pulled me into a hug instantly. I admit, I clung to her a bit.

  "Rory called and told me what's going on," She explained as she squeezed me tight. "You're going to be okay, sweetie." I just enjoyed the hug, I felt oddly starved for it. Maria pulled back, held my face, and looked me over. "Well, I've seen worse," She announced. I huffed. She grinned. "Well, it's true."

  "This guy's psycho," I told her. She nodded.

  "All stalkers are, honey," She countered with a smile.

  "I just totally pissed him off. He said..." I took a deep breath and looked at the floor. "He said he was going to punish me. What if he goes after the guys? You or Rory?" I asked quietly as I ran over the scenarios in my head. She gave me a gentle smile.

  "First, Rory's a grown man, and this boy is a kid," She reminded me. She looked down at Ethan who was still holding my hands. "Hon, get Lexie some tea, please?" Ethan was frowning as he nodded and got up to go to the kitchen.

  When he was out of the room, she turned back to me. "As for me, I've been armed ever since I left the boys' Father."

  Chapter 17

  Sunday Afternoon

  "What?"

  "My ex was, well, an emotionally abusive drunk," Maria said casually. "It went on for years. He only did it to me, but I know the boys saw more than I thought." She tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "One day I realized that it couldn't continue. So, I packed the boys up, left, and got a lawyer."

  "Did he stay away?" I asked. She gave me a sad smile and shook her head, her eyes unfocused on the piano.

  "No. He started stalking me. He'd leave notes, flowers, and call in the middle of the night." She sighed sadly before looking back to me. "One evening he caught me leaving the school, and he hit me," She said. "I got away and he came at me again. I pulled my gun and shot him." My eyebrows went up. "He crumpled to the ground like paper, I called the police and ambulance. They came and took him away." She gave me a smile. "Your Uncle was one of the first officers on the scene. He took one look at me then looked at my ex, who at this point was writhing in pain on the ground." I chuckled. She smiled. "Rory looked at me and said, 'good shot.'" I gave her a small laugh. That sounded like Rory. "The DA wanted to offer a plea of misdemeanor assault. Then I told them I was three months pregnant with my daughter. With that, your Uncle pushed the DA to make it to Aggravated Assault on a pregnant woman. They eventually gave him 15 years." She took a deep breath and gave me another squeeze. "The point is, I can take care of myself, and stalkers can be dealt with. This will end someday, and if he keeps pissing off Rory, it won't be long." I chuckled. She smiled. Ethan came in and handed me a cup of tea, his eyes storming. He'd been listening.

  "I'm going upstairs," He mumbled before walking out. I watched him go, my heart grew heavy. Maria sighed.

  "He never told you about Sophie, did he?" She asked sadly.

  "No."

  "Give him a few minutes then head up," Maria suggested her worried gaze on the stairs. "He needs to talk about it to someone. Lord knows he hasn't talked to me or his brother." She met my eyes. "Maybe he'll talk to you." I gave her a small smile and drank my tea. She went back into the kitchen to finish baking her apple pie empanadas.

  When I finished my tea, I took the cup into the kitchen, put it in the sink, and headed upstairs. I pulled my bracelets on before I even reached the top of the stairs. Sophia was leaning against the banister staring at Ethan's closed door.

  "He's doing it again," Sophia said. "He's pulling me back, and I can't stop him." She looked at me with pleading eyes. "Help him?" I gave her a small nod before going to his door and knocking.

  "Yeah?" Ethan's voice was rough. I opened the door and walked in. Ethan's room was a mix of messy and clean. His clothes were all over the floor, except for where his guitars were, that area was spotless, not even a speck of dust could be seen. Ethan's twin bed was against the left wall, his blankets bunched up at the end of his bed. His walls were covered with so many band posters that I couldn't tell the color of the paint. Wait, there, it's white. Ethan was sitting on his bed, his back against the wall with his legs across the width of the bed. He was staring at the dresser across from his bed. His face dark, his eyes haunted. I went to his bed and sat next to him with my back against the wall. My shoulder, arm, and hip pressed against his. Touch always helped the twins feel better, I was betting now was no different. We sat in silence for several minutes. "You must have noticed that I don't have a sister anymore," He muttered in a rough voice.

  "Yeah," I said just as quietly. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

  "She died." He announced his tone matter of fact, though his voice was pained, "In the car wreck that hurt my back." I reached over and took his hand in mine. He squeezed my hand tight. I didn't say anything, I just waited patiently, I knew Ethan. If I pushed, he'd shut down, he'd lock me out and he'd never let me back in. So, I waited. He sighed deeply then moved to lie down, he rested his head in my lap with his eyes still on his dresser. I began running my fingers through his hair and waited. "We were on our way home from camping four years ago," He began, his voice strained. Sophie came through the door and leaned against the closet door on the right side of the room. "There was an accident on I-94, a twelve-car pile-up." He took a deep breath before he could continue. "I don't want to talk about it, Lexie."

  "You don't have to," I told him quietly as my fingers kept running through his hair. "What was she like?" I asked softly. He let out a deep breath.

  "When she was born, she was so tiny," He said, his voice warming. "She was premature and had to be in the NICU for a couple weeks. Doctor said it'd be a month, Sophie surprised the hell out of him." He sniffed and wiped his face. I kept running my fingers through his thick hair. "When Ma brought her home, everyone helped out while Ma healed up. All the guys, even Jessica came over to help." I raised my eyebrows at that. "She was funny and sweet." He grinned a little, his body relaxed against me as he rested his hand on my knee.

  "I bet she had all of you wrapped around her finger," I guessed smiling. Sophia grinned and nodded.

  "No, well, maybe Zeke," He said. Sophie rolled her eyes. "One look at him with her big brown eyes and he'd give her whatever she wanted." I chuckled. He smiled. "I'll never forget this one summer, all of us were sitting on the porch playing cards. Sophie was four at the time and was sitting on the sidewalk drawing with chalk. When this other kid, I think he was eight or nine, came up and told her he wanted to draw too." Ethan wasn't crying anymore. Instead, he had a grin on his face. "She said okay, and they started drawing. It was fine until this kid started making fun of her drawings. She told him he was being rude and if he was going to keep being mean, he could leave." He looked up at me. "And I swear, she sounded exactly like Ma when she said that." I
chuckled as he went back to looking at the dresser. "The kid got pissed and pushed her down."

  "Uh-oh."

  "Yeah, we were all off the porch in a second and heading toward him," He admitted. "Sophie started crying. Zeke, Isaac, and I chased the kid down the block while Miles and Asher stayed with her. We caught up to the kid, he got a punch from each of us and threatened with death if he ever touched her again, then we came home." I looked over at Sophie she was smiling. "We thought she was hurt by how much she was crying. She was sitting in Asher's lap, and Miles finally got her to calm down enough to tell us what was wrong. She wasn't hurt, the kid had messed up her drawing when he stepped on it." I burst out laughing, Sophie shrugged. He chuckled too.

  "What did you guys do then?" I asked, already suspecting the answer.

  "What else could we do? She had been working on it all day. We soaked down the walk way and helped her draw it again. Alice even came out and took a picture of it for her," He said quietly. It was silent for a few heartbeats.

  "Tell me another one?" I asked gently. Ethan did. He told me about how Sophie could out prank Isaac. She'd gotten him so many times Ethan was sure that's where Isaac had gotten most of his ideas. He told me how Asher and Zeke would get roped into playing dolls with her, even though Zeke hated it. I tucked that bit of information away for later. Eventually, Ethan was relaxed as he lay in my lap on his back. He was in the middle of telling a story about Sophie scaring the crap out of Isaac with a speaker under his bed when Isaac popped his head in. He eyed us, his face sweaty and red.

  "What are you two talking about?" Isaac asked, playfully. Ethan tilted his head back in my lap.

  "Gossip," Ethan lied, his mood sobering instantly.

  "Oh," Isaac made a face. "I'm going to hop in the shower. Just wanted to see what the giggle fest was about." He winked at me before ducking back into the hallway. Ethan sighed deeply and sat up.

  "Don't tell him you know about her," He said quietly. "He won't take it well."

  "Why?" I asked gently. He shook his head, he turned to me and opened his mouth.