Beneath the Vine

by Lillian Bryant

  “I’m selfish, Selene. I’m a fucking asshole. I always get what I want, and I wanted you more than anything I’ve ever wanted. I was afraid to lose you.” Bennet’s voice was quiet and it held that silent command I had grown to love.

  My head dropped and the salty water continued in streams down my face. I’d just been a trinket, another thing for him to collect. “I want you to leave.” I turned so I was facing him and his hand dropped from my shoulder. I shoved his jacket into his chest with as much force as I could muster and he took a hold of it. “You’re a liar, Bennett, and I’ll never believe another word that falls from your mouth. You know what hurts the most?”

  He shook his head, his brown eyes flat. “Tell me.”

  “I actually fell in love with you tonight. I felt it…” my throat contracted and the pain was almost unbearable as I swallowed down the lump, “…I felt it, and it felt so real. How can I ever trust myself again?”

  I walked away from him and into my bathroom. I couldn’t stand to look at him — my admission caused his features to fill with regret. I slammed the door and let my legs give out. I knelt down onto the icy surface of the tile. A loud sob wracked through me. I brought my hands to my face and screamed wordlessly into my palms. I sat on the floor and cried, cried the entire time I heard him rustling through my bedroom, hopefully taking every last piece of himself out the front door. I’d realized I was still wearing his shirt and the urge to rip it off almost won, but, then I’d have to face him again and I couldn’t. His touch still lingered and his lies were buried in my heart. I’d almost given up everything for him, and the pain of his betrayal was eating me alive.

  I saw his shadow stop just under the bathroom door and heard a soft thud as if he was resting his head on the wood surface. “My feelings for you, Selene, I never lied about that.”

  The air around me wasn’t enough to make his words bearable. I’d fallen victim to the idea of him, to the idea that a man like him — a man so seemingly beautiful, so smart, so successful — could fall in love with me. He’d taken my body and my heart, he was a thief… a real life criminal. I’d let lust cloud my judgment. I had been duped… I had let love make me a casualty.

  “Goodbye, Bennett.”

  My finger hovered over the delete button. All the recordings from Bennett’s apartment from the time I stepped foot into Manhattan taunted me from my personal laptop. When I bugged his place, I hadn’t known I would be on these tapes, not like this, not with her. The pressure in my chest grew. It had been almost a month since I left, and I’d been debating the whole time. I wanted to listen so fucking bad, but I couldn’t, I wouldn’t go back there. I’d never turn these over to Manning. He had the tapes he needed for evidence. These were mine, but I didn’t have the strength to press play. It was an invasion of her privacy, and I never intended to take that from her.

  My finger pressed the key and she was gone. Finally, nothing left existed of our time — except my memories, and they were always on repeat. She’d invaded every space in my head, and I was still pissed at myself for letting it fucking happen. But it had, and there was nothing I could do to change it now. I missed the hell out of her. I missed watching her, hearing her play, listening to her tell me small details about her life, feeling her come. Fuck. I shut the lid of my laptop with a gush of angry air. I needed to get laid, I needed to forget.

  The door to my office opened. “Manning got it all settled with New York. You just need to get our boy on board. Can you do it Calibri?” My partner Nate Biggs stood in the doorway with a worried look and the case file in his hand.

  I scrubbed my palm down my face. It was getting closer to the date, closer to the moment Bennett would throw everything he ever knew away. This last shipment… it was more than he could handle. We had recently discovered Frank was setting him up to fail, setting him up so he could have a reason to take him out. My jaw tightened with worry. “Biggs, I’m telling him everything. He needs to be informed.”

  He nodded. “If that’s what you need to do, then do it.”

  “We still have time, but yeah, it should be me that tells him. We agreed on that, right? No fucking punk in this office says a word. I’m bringing him in.” I owed him that much. I stood behind my desk and pulled the drawer out that held the keys to my gun safe.

  “Poor asshole, he’s gonna get blindsided. Heard from the New York office his bitch left him…” My head jerked up and my brows creased. What the fuck? “… he’s losing everything, but at least he gets to keep breathing. He’ll understand, Gage. Don’t look so distressed, man.”

  “His girl left?” I swallowed down the hope. It wasn’t right to feel it, and it made me sick. She was supposed to be his future.

  “Yeah, the tail we placed on him looked into her, made sure she was clean. Turns out, she is.” He opened the file he held in his hand. “Twenty-eight-year-old female, goes by Selene Cavalier, born Giovanna Selene Cavalier. Looks as if she accepted a job here in L.A. No priors. Damn, she’s hot.”

  “That’s enough. Fuck, Biggs.” I tried to calm my breathing. She was here. She was in my goddamn town, and no matter how hard I should try to stay away, I knew there was no way I could resist her. I would seek her out.

  “Sorry.” He exhaled a short annoyed puff of air. “So you got the timeline in order then?”

  “I do.”

  “All right. Two weeks, this all goes down. I can smell the promotion already.” Nate smiled and I smirked. He’d worked hard and was ready for administration. His wife had just had a baby, and she was done sending him away undercover, not knowing if he’d come home.

  “You can keep the promotion.” I grabbed my keys and unlocked my gun drawer. I placed my 9mm on my hip and picked up my wallet and put it in my back pocket. “I’m going to get a drink.” It’s what I said out loud, and what I should do… but I knew better. She was on my radar.

  “Wait and I’ll come with you.”

  “No, you’re a cock blocker, Biggs, every damn time.” I laughed because it was true.

  “Hey, I like to talk about my wife and kid, so fucking sue me.” He chuckled and my smile grew.

  “Yeah, I know.” I moved to the office door. “Before I forget, did it say where his girl was staying… here in L.A.?”

  “You want to interview her?”

  “I think it could help.” Lie. I hated lying, but seeing her again was worth it.

  He opened the file and flipped through a few pieces of paper before he paused to read. “Um… looks like… yeah, here it is. She’s working at some fancy school named Par Amour and looks like… she got a place off Lake Street. The address is listed here, at the Eleanor Apartments.” He handed me the information, and I stared at the address, burning it into my memory.

  “Keep it. I’ll find it.” I handed him back the sheet of paper.

  “See you tomorrow. Don’t get too wasted tonight.” He laughed and smacked me on the shoulder as we both moved into the hall.

  I laughed, but inside I was slowly suffocating. I shouldn’t see her. I should let her be. I needed to focus on Bennett, on getting him into state custody, getting him into safety. But her address was in my head, and there was no way I was going to be able to just walk away again.

  It had been two days, and every time I see her it drives me closer. She has a recital tonight and I planned on attending. Gio’s comings and goings were simple. The entire time I watched her, the only places she went were to work and the local grocery store. She led a lonely life. She hadn’t been here long enough to form attachments, but her face, that soft glow that had once poured from her flawless skin — it had paled. Gio had completely faded and it was painful to watch.

  I was tempted to call Bennett and ask him what the fuck had happened, but I couldn’t. Everything he did was tapped, the New York office fully involved now that I’d brought home the evidence they needed. Gio even appeared thinner than before and the spark I loved was washed out into blank stares and cold brown eyes.

  I stepped out
of my SUV and headed inside the concert hall. The place was huge. She was a long way from that small Manhattan symphony house. The old world gold statues, the fountain, the crystal chandeliers in the lobby, Selene had made it, but Gio was dead. My dress shoes clicked on the marble floor as I walked toward the heavy wooden doors. Once I opened them, I was hit with dark, haunting, notes. She was sitting center stage with just a handful of other musicians. They all seemed about her age. She was doing a solo as I walked in, and my breath was taken away with the deep sadness that poured from the strings.

  I stood and watched her for a few more brief seconds. She even played differently. The soul behind her bow had disappeared. The song ended and the building erupted into applause. The musicians stood and she hesitated, but then followed suit. This must have been the last song because everyone on the stage took a bow, and the crowd continued to clap. I’d come late on purpose, but I had hoped to hear more, to see her play.

  The lump in my throat grew as I walked back out through the doors. There was a cocktail party planned on the fifth floor of the building for all Par Amour sponsors and staff. I’d just so happened to donate a small sum to the school this very morning. The crowd dispersed through the doors and moved toward the elevators. The light hum of conversation filled the lobby making my nervous energy ignite. I was so close, but something deep inside warned me Bennett had broken her, and she was no longer the girl I’d come to care about.

  I took the stairs, avoiding the crowd and using the time to gather every last bit of control I possessed. If Bennett had broken her, then I would just have to build her back up again, show her, tell her, remind her who the fuck she was. The party was in full swing as I walked in. The room reeked of money, power, and privilege… something I’d been used to, but had turned away from ever since I became an agent for the DEA. I moved to the bar and ordered a drink. I scanned the room, but there was no sign of Gio. The bartender handed me my drink, and I sipped the sweet liquor and it filled my gut with warmth.

  “Thanks.” I laid out some cash. I wasn’t four steps from the bar when she walked right into me.

  It was like the first time I’d seen her at the winery, and the encounter made me smile. The fabric of her dark green dress pulled through my free fingers as she stopped dead, her eyes huge as they met mine. The familiar feminine and woodsy scent hit my nose and nearly did me in.

  “Excuse me.” My tone was light, but my smile faltered as her eyes began to fill with fluid.

  “Pardon me,” she whispered in a shaky voice and turned in the other direction.

  I wanted to reach out, grab her, but I didn’t want a scene. I took the bait and followed her. She moved quickly through the crowd, her hands at her side in fists. She walked through a doorway and I let the door shut. I wanted her to have a moment to collect herself. I’d only let her think she’d evaded me.

  Gio’s quiet breathing filled the hallway as I walked through the door. We were in some sort of office and I could hear her crying. I moved down the hall, and just as I turned the corner, she was there. Her body leaned against the wall, the curve of her neck was exposed, her hair pulled up into a bun as she rested her face in her hands. I waited… waited for her to turn to look at me, but she didn’t. My breathing felt constricted as I moved at a predator’s pace to where she was standing. I didn’t want to scare her off, but my desire to touch her was winning over my willpower.

  I rested my right hand above her head against the wall. Her hands fell from her face allowing me to place my two left fingers under her chin in an attempt to pull her eyes to mine. She reluctantly complied, and when her tear stained cheeks, her bright wide eyes, and her swollen red lips came into the light, it was like the night I left New York all over again. She looked at me like I was about to destroy her, and for the first time tonight… I believed that I could.

  He towered over me in silence. His soapy and citrus scent saturated the space between us. The smell of it stirred something familiar in my chest.

  “Gio.” His deep bass sent goosebumps down the flesh of my arm.

  Gage’s eye pierced through me.

  “W-why are you here?” I stammered. The moment my plane landed in L.A. I had wanted to find him, find out what he knew, and find out if he was a liar too.

  The muscles in his jaw tensed as his large body hovered closer to mine. The rhythmic rise and fall of my breasts with each breath increased as he closed the distance.

  “For you.” The two words fell from his lips, and my attempt to hold back my tears failed.

  It was hard to see him again. My pulse was pulling, beating, crying out. The surface of my heart had paled, been beaten under their touch. I’d died two deaths. I was torn... torn in two from love, from lust. My feelings for Gage were always eclipsed by Bennett, but seeing him now, feeling the heat radiating from his body. He was real, he existed, and he was here for me. I dropped my gaze from his. It was too powerful. He was wrapped neatly in a steel gray suit, something I wasn’t used to seeing him in. He was darkly handsome with his day old scruff.

  “Look at me,” he spoke gently and my eyes remained on the ground. His fingers pressed deeper into the skin under my chin. I couldn’t. I needed a second to take it all in. Everything that had happened, every part of me I had given them, how could I trust him, or myself? I shook my head. I wasn’t sure I was ready for him, for him to touch me, to really see me. My wounds were still fresh, and I was sure his perceptive eyes had already found the source of the bleed.

  “Fuck that, Gio, what happened? Look at me, damn it.” He was losing his hold on his temper, the underlying fire Gage always had burning was beginning to show.

  I lifted my stare to his, but I looked through him, past him. I shoved every last bit of emotion down and pretended to be numb. I couldn’t let my feelings cloud my judgment again. Gage hadn’t purposely hurt me by leaving, it was part of the relationship I had allowed myself to be in, but he was tied to him, to Bennett, and I just wanted to pretend like it had never happened. I needed to for my own sanity and to move the hell on.

  He grasped my chin with firm fingers forcing me to look him straight in the eyes. “What happened?”

  I swallowed. “He’s a liar. Are you, too?” The anger I’d tried to bury started to roil in my stomach and the words came out in a hiss.

  “You know then?”

  His question startled me. “Do you?”

  He nodded and my spine stiffened. “Then you’re a liar, too.” Fury surfaced and I tried to push past him, but he shoved me against the wall with a gentle force.

  “I’ve never lied to you.” His tone was eerily calm.

  “Did you know Bennett was trafficking drugs?” I asked, my eyes locked with his.

  “Yes.”

  “Are you in on it, too?” I started to feel that familiar sickness of betrayal crawls up my throat.

  “I told you, Gio, I’m an undercover DEA agent.”

  “No…” I paused, remembering the conversation we’d had at the club. He had said, ‘Would you believe me if I told I was an undercover DEA agent?’.

  “I thought you were joking. You didn’t correct me when I dismissed it as such.”

  “It’s not my job to correct you.” He smirked, and I wanted to slap him.

  “A liar by omission, then.” I raised my eyebrows and his eyes narrowed.

  “Truth. I’m an agent. Truth. My best friend has fucked up his life by dealing with dangerous people. Truth. I’m trying everything in my power to save him. Truth. I wanted to tell you everything, but I couldn’t.” He leaned in further and I held my breath. “Truth. I got mixed up in you.” His lips hit my ear and I shivered out an exhale. “Truth.” It was a whisper. “I fucked you knowing I would have to leave. I fucked you, Gio, but it became more than that and you know it. Don’t pretend like you don’t fucking remember me.”

  A quiet gasp of breath betrayed me as his hot hand slid up my waist. The silk fabric of my dress bunching along my ribcage as he ran his firm grip along my body.
He cupped my breast and his thumb grazed the nipple causing my lips to part.

  My head fell back against the wall as he lifted his other arm above me, caging me in.

  “I never stopped thinking about you, Gio.” His tone was warm and seductive; it pulled me in, making it harder for me to lie to myself. I should want to leave. I should push him back. I should run out of this room, back to the safety of my apartment.

  “Stop calling me that.” My voice was too shaky, too much need laced within the syllables.

  He leaned all the way in, leaving little space between us, and his lips were just inches from mine.

  “It’s your name.” His breath smelled like amaretto; the sweet scent fell across my lips with his whisper.

  My eyes shut involuntarily as he closed the last bit of distance between us. His lips brushed against mine and his teeth gently pulled at my upper lip. He soothed the bite with a soft kiss just before he tasted me with his tongue. The heat pooled between my legs as his kiss caused my heart to beat in a rapid, irregular rhythm.

  Our lips parted enough so he could speak. “Selene. Gio. It doesn’t fucking matter. I know this taste...” He kissed me deeply and then pulled away again, his dark eyes owned mine. “I know this body and how it feels to be deep inside you. How you sound when you come, and what it’s like to have your mouth wrapped around my cock. You can’t hide from me, G. He may have decided to let you leave, to roll over and play dead... but I’m very fucking much alive.”

  He brought his hands to my face and kissed me eagerly, with impatient lips. He kissed me like he was trying to start a fire in my heart again, and as I tangled my hand in his hair, I let myself feel him, taste him, remember him. I should’ve run when I could’ve, but I’d finally gotten the truth. I trusted his words were real. Gage had always been the one to take care of me when all three of us were together. He was the one who carried me to the shower. His touch may have been rough, his ways unorthodox, but when he broke my limits, he always made sure I touched ground afterward.