Beneath the Vine

by Lillian Bryant

  “Yes, just at that small symphony house I’ve told you about. You should come, it starts at eight.” I placed the leftovers in the fridge.

  “I think I might. I have some inventory to do tomorrow night at the main warehouse, but it’s not till later.” He smiled and wiped his hands on the dish rag next to the sink.

  “Later than eight? Is that normal?”

  His eyes narrowed just enough I noticed. Bennett wasn’t a fan of questions; it was something I was starting to notice more often than not. “Yes, every quarter I hold an inventory of the main warehouse to make sure things are ready for the big quarterly shipment we push out west. I like to oversee things to make sure it’s getting done right. It’s my name on the boxes after all.” He smiled and my lips turned up at the corners.

  “You don’t have to come. Go get your work done.”

  He turned and folded his arms around my waist, pulling me into an embrace, our bodies pressed together. My pulse quickened as his familiar scent saturated the air, and the heat of his body caused a pleasant warmth to pool between my legs.

  “My work can wait.” He bent down and pulled roughly at my upper lip with his teeth making me moan. He tangled his fingers in my hair as he kissed me with a week’s worth of waiting.

  I’d just stepped out of the shower and as I slipped on my favorite borrowed Yankees T-shirt of Bennett’s, the worn fabric clinging to the damp parts of my skin, the goosebumps blossomed down my spine. I kept the apartment cool in the fall. I preferred to be snuggled under a pile of blankets, it was cozier that way. Bennett had finished showering before me, and I could hear him opening the drawers in my dresser.

  “Third drawer down and to the left, there are at least three pairs of your sweats in there,” I called out.

  “Got it.”

  I laughed and wrung the wet strands of my hair in the towel one last time. I had decided to wait and talk about Par Amour with Bennett in the morning. Tonight had been really perfect so far and I didn’t want to spoil it. It was our first “just us” moment since the beginning, and I wasn’t, even if it was selfish, ready to ruin it with questions.

  I placed my towel on the rack and headed into the bedroom. “Did you find—”

  Bennett stood in the middle of my room, his glare was flat but pierced right through me. A quiet shiver ran up my spine as my eyes found the letter in his hand.

  “You’re leaving?” The low tone in his voice was laced with betrayal.

  “It’s what I’ve worked for Bennett.” I let my eyes fall to the floor as he approached me. His preferences came naturally to me now. “It’s my future, it’s… I don’t know what to do.”

  He let my acceptance letter fall to the floor. The coarse feel of his fingertips traced along my jaw.

  “Look at me, Selene.” The strong timber rolled down my spine and the heat emanating from his body covered my skin. I let my eyes meet his.

  “Turn around.” The command clipped from his lips. He was so angry with me, but I complied. I didn’t fear his touch… I feared the ruin, the devastation it would leave behind.

  He lifted my shirt, and again I obeyed needing the security of his touch. I raised my arms as he shed the barrier between us. Bennett’s hands dusted down the sides of my body starting from my shoulders, down my arms, across my hips, and I felt him kneel down behind me.

  “Bend over.” The fury in his voice was palpable. It begged to know how I could leave, how I could walk away from everything we’ve experienced. Everything he’d yet to show me.

  I leaned down and placed my trembling palms flat on the mattress. I bit down hard on my lip trying to ease the desire to moan, it didn’t seem right to make a sound, to show him I was caving.

  I felt his mouth first as he kissed the backs of my thighs. Each time his lips tasted my skin he mumbled the words “this and this.” The firm grip of his hands pulled my legs apart. When his lips began to taste me, I almost lost control.

  “This.” His tongue pulled across my clit and I shuddered. “This is what I fucking live for.” I had grown so used to his silence. Words were Gage’s thing, so when he spoke, it filled the empty space between us.

  He continued to move his mouth against me, tracing figure eights with his tongue around my needy flesh and my control slipped. A groan spilled from my mouth as my legs shook. My hips moved, and he gripped them holding me still. I came intensely, quickly, as his fingers slipped inside me. He took me beyond any brink, over every edge, and I knew as my nails dug into my sheets, as I grasped for leverage, that he wasn’t going to just let me leave.

  “You’re not going anywhere,” he whispered.

  Selene wasn’t leaving, I wouldn’t allow it. She had to know, I had to show her. I didn’t give her a second to waver as I pulled down the sweats I had on. She was still bent over the mattress as I aligned our bodies. I drove myself, without pause, deeply inside her.

  “Tell me you feel this, you need this.” My voice was a whispered command. She nodded but it wasn’t good enough. After seeing that letter, that fucking letter, and the feeling of vulnerability, the fear that it conjured, I needed to hear it. “Fucking tell me.”

  I lifted her body so her back was to my chest, my arm around the curve of her hip pulling her close, not breaking our connection, as she stood. My teeth nipped at the velvet skin of her throat.

  “I feel you, Bennett. You’re everywhere.”

  “I am.” I pushed inside her with one powerful motion. She gasped and the low growl in my chest rumbled. I needed more. “Tell me.” The two words were strained as I battled between anger and desperation.

  “There isn’t a moment I don’t feel you, Bennett. That I’m not ready for you, that I don’t need you.”

  I pulsed within her, deep, hard thrusts. The words she spoke were breathless and shaky as my fingertips dug into the flesh of her hip.

  “Every part of me will linger, Selene. Every inch of me you’ll feel. Every piece of us is mingled.” Each sentence I spoke pushed me past my own limit. My own self-control. The slick grace of her body took me in — willing, wanting, begging. My thumb circled her swollen clit, and she cried out, urging me to pump faster, harder. Her flawless pussy clamped down, owning my release. The palm of my other hand grasped her thigh as she shattered and cried out my name. Her body fully pressed against mine, where it always belonged. My rigid posture shuddered as I let go too, giving her that last piece of me.

  Our bodies trembled together; the scent of sex was thick in the air. The sound of our breathing was coarse and filled the weighty silence.

  “Bennett.” Her voice cracked and I separated our bodies. My hands at her waist, I turned her gently so I could see her face.

  The dark brown of her irises cast down and filled with tears. Her lashes were wet, the skin of her chest was filled with blush. “Don’t leave.” I didn’t want it to sound so desperate, but it did.

  Selene flicked her eyes to mine. “You never tell me how you feel.” She wiped under her eyes and inhaled.

  I stepped away and she covered her breasts with her arms. Her body was still exposed but her hands covered her chest. “I thought I just did.” My voice wavered with an angered sadness. I didn’t love her, but I could. I needed more time, more time with her, time to figure out why I wasn’t willing to let her go.

  She nodded and stepped toward me placing her hands on my chest. The heat of her palms instantly calmed me. Her fingers traced the lines of my tattoo as she spoke, “Par Amour, teaching, it’s my dream, it’s what I thought I wanted for my life, but…” she locked her gaze with mine and I suddenly couldn’t breathe, “…if you mean what you said, that every part of us is mingled, that you really want me with you, here, I’d stay Bennett, I would.”

  “You would?” I swallowed nervously and her lips spread into a watery smile.

  She nodded again and placed her cheek to my chest. Her arms snaked around my waist and her breasts pressed against my skin. My heart was hammering, my reaction to her touch, to her answer,
it was more evidence of the hold this woman had on me. It didn’t matter at this point whether I loved her or not, I was asking her to stay for me, to choose me, and she was.

  “I care about you more than I ever expected to, probably more than I ever thought I’d allow myself.” She spoke the words I was hoping to hear and the warmth of her breath on my skin comforted me.

  I felt I owed her a truth. “I care about you, too.”

  She pulled away from me and my eyes scanned her face. Her lashes were still wet. “I’ll stay… for you. I’ll stay for us. I have everything I wanted in that letter, but leaving you for it, it hurts too much. My mother always wanted me to succeed, be happy, and I thought getting out of here, making it as a cellist was the only way…”

  Selene’s smile was so bright, I had to look away. She was perfect, flawless, hopeful, and I was a criminal asking her to throw away her dreams for me. My stomach churned, but I pushed down the feeling, I was almost done, and she’d never have to know that side of who I had become. I could be better through her, through her light, her drive. Being an “us” with her, the prospect of having her as a possible future, it made me feel something other than guilt for once.

  “…but Par Amour isn’t the only school. There are a million really amazing schools right here in New York, but there is only one you, and I don’t want to walk away from you, Bennett. I don’t think I can.” She reached up on her tiptoes and kissed me with soft lips, convincing me I was the most selfish person I’d ever known. But, in this moment, I didn’t care. She was staying, and I was happy.

  I gripped her waist and lifted her body. Selene wrapped her lean thighs around me and sighed sweetly into my mouth. Her perfect flavors of nutmeg and fall dusted my lips and it was then I felt it. It was then, with her body tangled around me, that I felt true ownership of her. I may not love her fully yet, but I was falling, and as I laid her down onto the bed and slipped inside of her once more, I realized that I was capable — capable of being the man she deserved.

  It was too fucking early for my phone to be blowing up like it was. The clock was blurry as my eyes tried to adjust to the dark. Five a.m. My phone stopped vibrating and I turned gradually out of bed trying to not wake Selene. I stood and grabbed my sweats from the end of the bed. Her apartment was cold and I shivered as I slipped on my pants. Before I grabbed my phone, I watched Selene for a moment. She was gorgeous under the dim light. Her hair was spilling over the white of her pillowcase and her lips parted; it almost sounded as if she was humming as she breathed in and out in sleep. I finally picked up my phone from the nightstand. Three missed calls from Charlie. Fuck.

  I stepped quietly across her bedroom floor and eased the door shut behind me. I grimaced when the knob creaked loudly as I turned it trying to avoid making the audible click as it latched. Once I was in her living room, I opened the lock screen and pressed Charlie’s number. It rang twice.

  “Where the fuck you been, Bennie? Spence couldn’t get into the warehouse last night.” He hissed into the phone and I grit my teeth.

  “That’s because we’re not starting till tonight. I told him that four days ago. He’s a goddamn idiot,” I whispered angrily and pinched the bridge of my nose. These meatheads never listened.

  “Hey, Spence is the best man on this job, and has never done you wrong. You must’ve mixed up the dates.”

  “No, I told him the shit wouldn’t be ready till later tonight. I have my last shipment coming in today at three p.m. Tonight, Charlie… we’ll get the first of the pallets ready.” I rubbed my eyes. I was so fucking tired, tired of all of it.

  “Why are you whispering?” Charlie chuckled on the other end of the line and it pissed me off.

  “None of your fucking business.” I raised my voice and turned toward the front door.

  “Watch the disrespect Monterosso. I don’t know what you think you’re playing at, but—”

  “Charlie, the pallets will be ready. I’ll do what I do every damn time. Stop trying to micromanage me, just get me the fucking cocaine.”

  Selene’s gasp made my heart drop into my stomach. As I turned to face her, it was like time stood still for thirty whole seconds. She was standing in her bedroom door, wearing my Yankees T-shirt, her face pale, her hands shaking and covering her mouth. Fear and confusion darkened her eyes.

  “Look, Charlie. I need to go. I’ll get the shipment ready. You get me the coke. We’ll line the pallets like we always do. I’ve been at this for years. I know what I’m doing. Tell Spence I’ll contact him tonight.” My eyes never left hers as I spoke. The tears spilled down her cheeks, and I could actually feel her resentment from across the room. I hung up the phone before he could answer.

  All I could hear was my own heart pounding in my head. I took a step toward her and she sucked in a breath as she backed away.

  “Let me explain.”

  “You’re a liar.” Her words were strangled with anger, shock, and hysteria.

  I’d lost her.

  The acid in my throat burned as I swallowed down the nausea. Everything he’d ever told me was a lie. What did he mean? Cocaine? A sob broke from my lips, and he stepped toward me again. Fear curled around my spine. “Stay away from me.” My voice was shaky and my hand trembled as I held it up warding him off.

  His eyes had gone cold as he’d spoken on the phone. The chill of his tenor still suffocated me. He was a criminal.

  “I had nothing, Selene. It’s just like I told you the first night you had dinner at my place. I needed help to get back on my feet after the company I worked for fell under. I wanted to help my father. I wanted to make his dreams come true.” He roughly ran his hands through his hair. He spoke evenly, though, without emotion.

  “You lied, you’re lying.” My voice pulled strength from my anger as my arms dropped to my sides and my hands curled into fists.

  “Let me finish. This is the truth. I needed the money so I borrowed from Frank, I—”

  “Frank? He was the investor? A drug dealer?” I didn’t want to hear it. How had I been so wrong? I’d been played… used. Another wave of nausea poured through me as I realized what I had allowed them to do. Gage. “Is Gage… oh god, I’m going to be sick.” My hand shot to my mouth as I tried to breathe.

  “Gage isn’t involved. He doesn’t know.”

  The relief of his statement was short lived.

  Bennett’s eyes closed and his nostrils flared as he spoke. “I asked Frank for help. He’d been a family friend, so he lent me the money. I couldn’t get it all back to him within the first year like I’d promised, so he asked me to run a few drug shipments with my wine deliveries.” His eyes opened, but wouldn’t meet mine. “At first, I almost said no, I couldn’t believe he was tied up in all that shit. But, Charlie, his son… he made it seem like I didn’t have a fucking choice, so I did it, thinking a few times wasn’t that big of a deal. I needed the goddamn money.” The last sentence was spoken in anger and his eyes met mine with a glare.

  “Then get a fucking loan from a bank or a loan from your father. Shipping cocaine? You can’t rationalize that, you just can’t!” I couldn’t stop the tears that were falling even harder, my lips trembled making it difficult to speak.

  “I’d never ask my father for money.” I shook my head and pinched the bridge of my nose. “I got greedy, Selene. All that money… it fed my business, it gave me the ability to be the man I’d always wanted to be. My father was proud to see his name, the name he gave me, on stores across the East Coast and Manhattan. I shouldn’t have done it, but I did, and I can’t change it. I should’ve pulled out earlier, but I wanted more. But, believe me, I’ve paid the price. My parents are dead because I never told them who Frank was.”

  His guilt was palpable. “Bennett, your parents are dead because Frank is a criminal, not because of you.” My voice was softer than it should’ve been, but no matter what he had become, he wasn’t fully responsible for his parents’ death.

  He moved so quickly I hadn’t had a chance to re
act. His hands framed my face, and instead of the warmth it normally made me feel, I felt cold. I was trapped.

  “This is my last time. The bullets that killed my parents were meant for Frank. It was a botched hit, and they paid the ultimate price. I should have left then, but I was in too deep. This shipment, it’s the last one. I’ll be done, done with it all.” His dark eyes lightened. “Give me a chance to be free of it. Don’t walk away from us.”

  I brought my hands to his and removed them from my face. My chest was so tight it was painful. His betrayal fed each breath, each beat of my heart. “Us? I don’t even know who you are.”

  “Now you’re the liar.” His eyes filled with that fire I was familiar with as he leaned down and attempted to bring his lips to mine with a kiss.

  The palm of my hand met his face in a violent slap. The sound of it resonated in the silent room. My chest heaved with angry breaths as he brought his hand to his cheek. The sting of the hit still lingered on my fingertips. He didn’t have the right to touch me anymore, let alone try to tell me how I truly felt.

  “Get out, Bennett. Take all your things…” I turned and stormed over to my dresser. I ripped open the drawer that I kept all his borrowed clothes in and started to throw them on the ground. “Take them, and get the hell out.” My tears were filled with fury. Every article he’d ever lent me fell to the floor in an angry rush. I turned and saw his suit jacket, the one he’d let me borrow that first time, and my heart skipped a beat. It was the first time I let him use me.

  “Selene.” He tried to grab my arm, but I pulled away from his grip.

  “I don’t care why you did it, why you do it… Bennett, you lied, you fucking lied. You let me believe you were something, that we were something more. I’m sorry you lost your way, your parents, but if anything… it should’ve taught you to tell the truth. You’re selfish. You’re so fucking selfish.” I was rambling. I walked over to his suit jacket and picked it up. I brought it to my nose and inhaled, torturing myself. The ache in my chest was sharp and when his hand met my shoulder, it felt as if my sternum would break open.