I Won't Let You Die Angel

by Neal Goldy

  Carl finally gave in to the conversation, “Because Storm would track us if we book any rooms here in his circle of dominance.”

  Something had changed in the way Carl was looking at me. I couldn’t frame it till now, but he became more conscious about my choices and what I’d like, but refrained himself from getting along with me too well.

  Was it possible that Neil told him about our little romantic interlude? But what if he did? That shouldn’t change the way we engaged ourselves.

  After the dinner, they again escaped for drinks. This time I wouldn’t let them do it, leaving me all alone, and my mind was messed up as well. So, I joined them at the bar.

  Neil frowned surprisingly, “Janet? What are you doing here? I told the manager to find you a corner table and some dessert.”

  I feigned ignorance and ordered the only drink I know, “Tequila please.”

  Neil grabbed the shots out of my hands, “You’re not drinking.”

  I snatched my drink back and gulped it down my throat. It tasted like a….

  “One more”, I hailed the bartender.

  Neil slammed his fist next to my drink, “Aren’t you listening?”

  You talking to me?? I thought I was a loner here.

  Hi, I’m Janet, nice to meet you. Cheers. I swayed my shot in the air and gulped it down. Hmm, better.

  Neil rotated me 90 degrees to face him, “Are you crazy. This is not the place for you to drink. Come on...” He tried to drag me away.

  I freed myself from his grip, “Oh, are you talking to me again?”

  Even if you are, I’m not listening. You didn’t listen to me before, so I won’t now. Tit for tat.”

  I sat down and consumed one more, and then one more. I started to feel light-headed now. Woo…

  I was on my fifth shot when a hand hindered my route to salvation. I was about to splash the tequila on Neil’s face when I realized this time it was Carl. “Stop acting like a stubborn child, Janet. You’re creating a scene.”

  “Stop acting like you care. You’re not my brother for all I know.”

  He stammered while he spoke, “Look… Janet… I’m like… your… um… brother. Okay.”

  My undivided attention was on the sixth shot looming ahead of me. “Okay…. Join me… cheers.”

  Carl looked delirious. “All right, lets party.”

  Neil practically died of a heart attack. “Carl, I swear…”

  “I drink, you babysit. Period”

  The bartender looked slightly distorted. Was he hurt or something? What do I care?

  I lost count of drinks and at some point Neil scooped me out of my chair, “All right, enough. Let’s take a walk. You’ll feel better.”

  I dodged him, “I’m already better. I never felt better. This is better. This is awesome.” I faltered on my steps and Neil caught my waist. “Come on, Angel! You wanna sightseeing, right? Let’s go!”

  “Wow, sight-seeing. Yes!!!” I nodded my head three times. Three times gives more impact, right?

  He smiled, “Yes, so shall we?”

  Carl had this funny, fuzzy look on his face, “You got her?”

  Neil sighed, “Yeah, looks like it.”

  I turned my face to see him, “You got who?”

  He propelled me forward, “No one!”

  “But you said you got someone.”

  “You, I got you.”

  “But I’m already yours.”

  That stopped him in his tracks. I eyed him, “Are we stopping for another drink?”

  “No, rain check”

  “Rain, it’s raining, yay…”

  He laughed, “No, Angel, it’s not raining” and he pushed the door open. Cool air tickled my skin.

  “But you said yourself that you need to check the rain. Are you a part-time environmentalist? I like environmentalists. They’re cute.”

  We strolled into the middle of the road. I felt like I could fly. I opened my arms and embraced the beautiful night, and stumbled. Neil caught me and lifted me in his arms. His proximity exponentially increased the fuzzy warm feeling. It was like finding solace, finding home finally.

  He leaned closer, his stubble almost caressing my cheek. “Angel?”

  “Hmm”

  “You’re heavy” and his soft laugh tickled my breath.

  He leaned away and I noticed the trees were tilted sideward, so weird. “Says who?”

  He lifted my head and the trees seem like they were spinning, too. Even Neil was spinning, everything was spinning. I blinked and he was again inches away from my lips, and everything stopped spinning. Wow, I discovered that Neil was my new center of gravity.

  “I say.”

  “Neil?”

  “Hmm.”

  “Am I drunk?” I had never been wasted so I needed to check.

  He laughed and all my worries swept away. “What do you think?”

  I pondered for a few seconds, “I think you are pretty, gorgeous and damn sexy.” He smiled heartily. “Don’t you think I’m pretty?”

  He didn’t answer for an extended minute. I shifted myself in his arms to look at him closely. “Neil, don’t you think I’m pretty, huh? Don’t you think I fit perfectly in your arms, and life? Don’t you think so?” I pouted.

  “Oh, Angel!!! You fit perfectly. You’re so beautiful, so perfect that it hurts,” he answered in a husky tone.

  I unwrapped my hands around his neck, “Put me down.”

  He eyed me warily, “Angel.”

  “Put me down Neil.” And he did.

  “What’s happened? You feel like vomiting?”

  “No! You said it hurts. I must be heavy.

  “I can walk; I won’t be a burden to you. I may be incapable, but I’m not weak.”

  He stroked my chin gently, “Don’t say that. You can never be a burden.”

  A sweet chiming sound hummed in the background. I focused and spotted a mysteriously pretty church. “I want to go to the church.”

  He frowned surprisingly, “You’re wasted!”

  “So what? God doesn’t discriminate.” I walked forward dizzily, “Come on.”

  He sighed loudly, “This girl could be the end of me.”

  Instead of taking me inside the church, he took me above the church, meaning to the rooftop. I kept elbowing him, “No, I want to talk to God. He’s my best friend, don’t you know?

  If you won’t obey me, he will… he will… um… yeah, impale you.”

  He laughed, “Okay, Angel, I believe you. But didn’t you want to sight-see? The views from up here are breathtaking, and look at the clear sky, so many stars. You’ll love it.”

  I stared at the stars astonished. It brought tons of memories flooding back. For now, all I wanted were those stars.

  Chapter 16

  “Wow,” she exclaimed as her glowing eyes continued to gaze at the shining stars. That moment, her eyes were the prettiest thing in the world, even prettier than the stars. I couldn’t help myself from admiring her innocence. She rushed towards a raised dais about her height and began to lift her legs to climb, her hands reaching to top.

  “Hey! Angel, what are you doing? Stop it, you are going to hurt yourself.” I gripped her wrists firmly.

  “I… I want to touch the stars.” She tried to free herself from my grip fruitlessly.

  “You can’t touch the stars.”

  “No, I can. I want to….” She cried and started beating her legs.

  “Ok, ok, stop.” Seriously, this girl will be the end of me. I circled my hands around her waist and lifted her upward so that she could sit on the dais.

  “Yay!” She clapped her hands together. I lifted myself up and lay myself beside her. She lifted her hand in the air and tried holding the stars, trying to pull them down.

  “Stupid stars; I hate them.” She mumbled angrily.

  “Why do you hate them? They are pretty. They always shine.” I stared at her, waiting for an answer. She turned her face towards me and placed her head on my arm scooting herself
closer. The soft warmth of her body induced something totally foreign in me.

  “Fireflies are better. These stars shine only above, they never come down. But my pretty fireflies glow in the jar, and they are always with me.” She was lost in her thoughts. I did not interrupt her, I too got lost in my own train of memories.

  After a moment she pouted towards the stars and continued, “On my seventh birthday, I asked my dad for an unusual gift. I wanted seven stars for myself, which would always shine for me. I was so intrigued by their light that I always tried to touch them from my window.”

  “One night, I stood on my terrace wondering why I couldn’t touch them even at this height. I hated them for being so far away. So I asked dad to gift me seven stars. He didn’t say anything at the moment, just darted out of the house. I was worried that I had gotten him mad. But when he came back, he held a jar in his hand with seven fireflies inside.”

  “He gently put the jar in my palms and kissed my forehead mumbling Happy Birthday. These will be with you always, shining for you, giving you light even in the darkest of times. He told met the jar was specially designed by him to make sure they survived inside it. Since then, I always kept the jar, freeing the fireflies every four months and refilling it.”

  There was an extended absence of sound. Finally, breaking that unnerving silence, I asked, “But what about the fireflies, weren’t they held captive.”

  “Captivity does not always equate to endurance,” She said with grave seriousness, well, as much seriousness as a drunken girl can muster.

  “They were my motivation. They had the capability to give light to someone’s life. They were the cause of my happiness and the catalyst for my interest in science. They would feel proud of it. They would feel honored to save someone’s life’s goal, because that seven-year-old little girl would have been lost thinking she couldn’t achieve what she wanted, she would have given up hope if not for the fireflies.”

  She snuggled her head closer and added, “But you don’t need to waste your time on those stars. You could always be with me, always and I will… I will shine for you.”

  I lifted my eyes in surprise feeling overwhelmed by her words. Never in my entire life, had I felt this much emotional attachment to someone. My entire life had been a blur of crime and the underworld. I never questioned any of my actions, never hesitated in my work, never gave a second thought about anything, and always had been sure about what I was doing--never before Janet.

  I don’t know when that happened, when this strange girl who just had been an assignment had infiltrated me so deep down. I have been with lots of girls physically, of course, but never felt any emotional strings attached. Janet has shaken that string. Her innocent face, pleading eyes, silken hair, petite waist, everything rings a bell that I never wanted to touch.

  The way she talks about science, about her passion; the way she is never afraid of me though in underworld I’m known for my terror; the way she ignites a flame of goodness inside me, makes me do things I never dreamt of doing, makes me laugh, makes me feel guilty, everything about her is shaking my heart to the core.

  I never thought this pretty, innocent, carefree girl would hate stars. Don’t all the girls love stars? I like stars, they always give me solace. Looking at the stars has always eased my discomfort. But, Janet hates them; hates them because they are out of reach. Now she’s saying she’ll give me light, that she’ll shine for me. Can I believe that? Is something left inside of me that can evade the darkness I am engulfed in? Could she be my shining star, my Angel?

  I turned my head towards her and found her sound asleep on my arm; her hair has fallen across her face covering her closed lids. I lifted my hand to her face and removed the curls to reveal her angelic face. Slowly, I cupped her face into my palm and kissed on her forehead. I moved my arm and wrapped it around her, holding her closer; and closed my eyes. After so many years, I knew I would get sleep free of nightmares.

  Chapter 17

  “Stop those noises! My head is hammering!” I shrieked loud.

  Neil loomed over me, “Last night, you were all lovey-dovey to these bells.”

  The realization hit me, memories came flooding back. Oh god, I acted like an idiot last night. I squirmed towards Neil and he was enjoying this way too much. I pushed him away from the top of me and tried to sit.

  I clutched my head; this was the worst headache I ever had. Even UC’s entrance exam didn’t give me this much headache. Some amateur was experimenting with photoelectric effects and the reverse of it by bombarding photons on the crucial part of my brain. “Huh… what’s this?”

  Neil snorted, “This is called a ‘hangover,’ Angel. You would understand if you had recovered from your overnight amnesia.”

  He slipped a glass of lemon water into my palms. “Here, drink this. You might feel a little better,” he said, stifling a grin.

  I grimaced, “You don’t need to be sleazy about this. It happens. Big deal? By the way, where did you steal this from?”

  “You forgot, we’re in church. I asked, not stole, politely from a priest.”

  I groaned, “Don’t tell me you spilled the beans and broadcast about a drunken girl on the rooftop.”

  “I’m not as crazy as you are. Besides, you yourself quoted, ‘God’s my best friend.’ I guess he’ll forgive us for a little here’s and there’s.”

  I hid my face in my lap. Neil poked my arm, “Come on, Carl’s waiting.”

  Carl was leaning against the SUV drinking lemonade. I giggled inwardly. He noticed us approaching and straightened, “Where the hell have you two have been? We need to get out of here, like right now.”

  We stuffed ourselves inside the SUV and it roared to maximum.

  “What is it?” Asked Neil.

  Carl smiled sarcastically, “Oh, nothing new, same old; bad goons chasing, mad psychotic Storm, furious Majestic ordering shoot on sight for you two, blah, blah.”

  I fiddled with my bracelet. That reminded me to add one more thing to the “ask Neil list.” “We have a shoot-on-sight tag on our heads. Crap!!”

  “And that’s why you need to go home as soon as possible and contact the police. It’s the only escape we can think to have now. We can’t possibly keep running. Your safety tops the priority list,” Carl said in a tiring voice.

  “Wait a minute, I need to go home? What about you two?”

  Nobody dared say anything. “Don’t you even want to know what Storm wants from me?”

  That got Carl’s attention. “They want something you have.”

  I groaned, “Oh, thanks, Mr. James Gold, that bit I figured out myself. He wants my pendant.”

  Neil swirled around, “What? But why??”

  I rolled my eyes, “You know, I was kind of busy deflecting his harmful blows, I forgot to ask. He would have told me if had asked politely.”

  “You know, being sarcastic will not help the situation right now”, interceded Carl.

  “All right, do whatever you wanna do.” And then I sealed my mouth from further conversations. Neil and Carl went on and on about what to do, who to contact, how to drop me home, etc., etc…My head still hurt, and all I had consumed since morning were four cans of lemonades.

  Time flies, sceneries changed, Lady Gaga turned into Rihana, and I dozed on and off from sleep in regular intervals. Soon I’ll be a slave to car-lag. At some point Carl took our leave to contact his trusted circle with a really warm goodbye. I wonder what’s up with him. Sometimes cold, sometimes all warmed up. I shrugged at the idea and concentrated on the fact that we were not on the highway, but were now headed towards what looked like… an airport.

  Neil pulled into the parking lot. “Are we going to fly?”

  “Not we, you, you’re going to catch this flight” he handed me a flight ticket, “and you’ll go straight to the authorities in your hometown, and you won’t leave without any protection.”

  I stared at him completely baffled, “Wait… wait a second. What’s all this. You need
to explain myself.”

  He wouldn’t look me in the eyes, “Which part of this needs an explanation? You’ll be safe once inside the airport. In Berkeley, authorities have already launched a search operation. You just need to contact one. They will take you to your dad. You’ll be safe, you’ll be home.”

  With that, he stormed out of the car. I followed him soon after. “If you are be really worried about my safety, you’d come with me.”

  He snorted, exasperated, “And do what, surrender to the police? Is that what you want? But forgive me, Miss Kanet, I have no intention of doing that.”

  I flinched at his use of “Miss Kanet”. “I’m not asking you to surrender. We can keep running, dodging them. You said you’re the prince of the underworld; you surely would have a hell of a lot of soldiers. Carl’s with us and…”

  He grabbed my shoulders in a not-so-gently manner, “And what? What will you do? You’ll elope with a terrorist, become an underworld princess, and keep running from your life’s passion, and your family? Huh? Tell me, is that what you want from your life?”

  “I…”

  “See, subconsciously, you know it, too, that at some point we will have to part ways. Why not now when we have an opportunity? I’ll confuse their tracks, you’ll be safe.” His voice had lost its unusual harshness and became softer with each spoken word.

  I stepped out of his grasp and faltered. No, this is not happening! I ransacked my brain for some idea, some plan.

  “You… you can come with me. Nobody knows you kidnapped me. I won’t not tell anybody.”

  He snorted, “Of course, you won’t tell anybody. But did you even think for a while that if you won’t be able to join my world, why would I want to join yours?”

  “I…”

  “No you didn’t. How would you? You must have thought that I was some grief-stricken orphan child, who had no other option than to indulge in crimes and the underworld, who could not find a way out, who hates his work, but couldn’t walk away, or who saw his family and everything being snatched away and now wants revenge and hence became a criminal. If you had such speculations, you are highly mistaken. I’m not someone who was mercilessly dragged into this. I was born into it. I love my life, my work, whatever it is. You were just an assignment for me, Janet Kanet, which went hugely wrong. And now I’ll have to pay for two days of compassion.”