Arousing Love, a teen novel (complete)

by M. H. Strom

  “You don’t care what other people think of you?”

  “I care what you think of me.” She smiled a little smile that made her seem so vulnerable.

  “You wanna know what I think? I think you’re amazing. You’re beautiful and happy and free, and you’re so much fun to be with. I really like you a lot.”

  Joanna tilted her head to one side and smiled shyly. “You know, I think teenagers are afraid of rejection more than anything else.”

  “Yeah, I know. We tear each other to pieces trying to be accepted. It’s a teen eat teen world.”

  “And the media feeds our fears. They tell us what’s cool and what’s not, and how to look and act to be accepted.”

  I nodded. “Everyone’s trying to manipulate us and they know how to target our weaknesses. I hate it.”

  “I hate it too.”

  “You’re a bit of a deep thinker aren’t you, Joanna.”

  She smiled. “I guess.”

  “It’s good to be able to think for yourself. There’re people trying to force their way of thinking on us all the time.”

  “Like who?”

  “You know, like the media and all the politically correct stuff. They’re deliberately guiding our thinking in certain ways which is like social engineering. It’s not all bad, but this is meant to be the land of the free, and it’s not freedom if we’re taught what to think. It’s indoctrination.”

  “You’re a deep thinker too, aren’t you, Zach.”

  “I like to think so.” I grinned.

  “Do you believe in God?” Her eyes searched mine.

  “Uh, yeah, I guess. I don’t see much good in Christianity though. Mostly a lot of hypocrites who think they’re better than everyone else.”

  “I’m a Christian.”

  “Oh. . .”

  “Not that I’m perfect or anything, as you’ve already seen.”

  “Well I didn’t mean you . . . and from what I’ve seen you look pretty perfect to me.” I smiled hoping I hadn’t offended her too much.

  She smiled too. “I don’t think of myself as better than anyone else, but I try to be what a Christian is supposed to be. I’m not always good at that, but I guess God is still working on me. Hey, can I play you one of my songs? It’s kind of about this.”

  “You write songs?” She just kept surprising me.

  “Yeah.” She got my guitar and sat down on the bed. “I don’t usually play my songs for other people, so don’t laugh or anything.”

  “Okay.”

  She gave the guitar a quick tune. “It’s called ‘Why Me.’”

  She started plucking the strings in an intricate melody, and then began to sing in a sweet, lilting voice. It was a song about the love of God who saved her even while she was still a sinner. She closed her eyes and sang with a gentle intensity, it was amazing.

  When she finished, I clapped. “Wow, that was so good. You sing with such emotion.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, and you’re really good with the guitar. You think you could teach me to play like that?”

  “Sure, I could try. Actually, I was gonna ask you something. . .”

  “What’s that?”

  “You think you could paint me a picture?” She grinned.

  I smiled. “That’s funny, I was going to ask if I could paint your portrait.”

  She laughed. “Not nude though.”

  “No.” I grinned. “I can just paint that from memory.”

  She laughed and grabbed my pillow to swing at me, and that’s when she saw her bikini laying where my pillow had been. She just stared at it.

  I was so embarrassed. “Oh yeah, I was gonna give those back to you.”

  She gave me a strange look then started laughing. “I’d let you keep them since you obviously like them so much, but I kind of need them for swimming.”

  I laughed too. She’s so amazing, she never makes me feel bad about anything.

  “Hey, is that your camera? We should take some photos!”

  “Yeah, that’s a great idea!”

  I got the camera down from the shelf and we started taking photos of each other. We tried to take one with both of us in the same shot but we were giggling like crazy and all the photos looked like we were drunk.

  We fell back on the bed laughing, and lay there looking at each other.

  She smiled at me and I leaned over and kissed her smiling lips, followed by another, and another, covering her mouth with tiny kisses. She responded with little kisses of her own, our lips opening and closing over each other’s, sharing each other’s quickened breath. The tips of our tongues touched sending sensations through me.

  I stroked my fingers through her soft hair. “You’re so beautiful,” I whispered.

  We lay there for a long time, completely consumed with each other like nothing else existed, just staring into each other’s eyes, our souls communing.

  Joanna sat up. “What time is it?” She looked around and saw my clock. “I should go, my parents will be wondering where I am. I could try and come back later, after dinner, if you want?”

  “Sure. I could paint your portrait then.”

  “Okay.” She laughed.

  She kissed me and climbed over me to get up. At the door she glanced back and said in a teasing voice, “Maybe I’ll even let you paint me nude.”

  She flashed me a cheeky smile and was gone.

  Whoa, she’s such a flirt.

  I went to the house to see if dinner was ready. As soon as I walked through the door my mom started asking me questions about Joanna.

  “She’s very pretty. How old is she? How did you meet her?”

  “She’s nearly sixteen, but she’s mature for her age.”

  “What about her parents? What do they think of an eighteen year old boy hanging around with their daughter?”

  “I don’t know. They probably don’t know about it.”

  “Be careful, Zach. She might seem mature to you but sixteen year olds are still emotionally fragile. They seek attention and flattery at that age, and they often have such a low self esteem they’ll do anything to be admired or loved.”

  “She’s not like that. She’s very self confident.”

  “You still need to be careful. You don’t want to break her heart.”

  “Yeah, okay Mom.” I signaled an end to the conversation. She was right though, I had to be careful not to break Joanna’s heart. But maybe it was too late for that. Maybe we’ll both get hurt and there’s nothing we can do except live through it and eventually get over it.

  I headed for the door with my dinner in hand. My dad was standing in the hallway and must have been listening to our conversation.

  He shook his head at me. “If you can’t see that girl is trouble you’re a bigger fool than I took you for.”

  “You don’t even know her, Dad.”

  “I saw her in that skimpy, little dress.”

  I walked past him and out the door. He’s so judgmental—as if he’s so perfect and knows everything.

  In my room, I put on some music to match my mood and turned it up loud. But then I remembered Joanna was coming back soon, so I changed it to some Ben Harper—I thought she might like that.

  I got out my paints and brushes and set up the easel ready for her portrait. I only had two canvases left.

  There was a quiet knock at the door and I leaped to open it.

  “Hi.” She breezed in and kissed me, her eyes dancing.

  “What did you say to your parents?”

  “They just think I’m with my friends. Sometimes Matt and Dave make a fire on the beach and we stay out ‘til after midnight, so they won’t miss me for a while.”

  “You want me to paint your portrait then?”

  “Yeah.” She seemed to shiver. “You can paint me now.” She smiled up at me.

  I showed her the two canvases I had left. “I can use one for your portrait and the other to paint something else for you—whatever you want.”

  “
Maybe you can do two portraits—one for me and one for you to keep.”

  “Okay, if you don’t mind sitting for two portraits?” I sure didn’t mind painting her twice.

  “No, I don’t mind, but the one I keep can’t be a nude.”

  I looked at her and she blushed.

  “You mean. . .” I couldn’t even say it.

  She nodded and smiled at me.

  My heart started racing. “Okay,” I gave her a reassuring smile, “Don’t worry, this’ll be great.”

  I was saying it to myself as much as for her. I felt all jittery as I put the canvas up on the easel.

  “So where do you want me?” She asked meekly.

  “Umm, you can sit on the bed if you want, or stand, any way you’re comfortable.”

  “Are we doing the nude one first?”

  Her question took my breath away. “If you want to.”

  Is she really gonna do this? I took a deep breath and watched to find out.

  She was blushing, and fumbling with her clothes. She looked around at all the windows to see if anyone could see in, then she slipped the straps of her dress off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor with a flutter.

  Wow, amazing how easy it comes off.

  She stood there in her underwear looking at me. “When I’m naked you can’t come near me, you’re only allowed to look, okay?”

  “Okay.” My voice sounded strange.

  She unhooked her bra and slipped it off, dropping it to the floor. I just stared. I couldn’t believe she was really doing this. She hesitated for a moment, then slipped her underwear down and stepped out of them.

  My eyes swept unimpeded over her smooth, flawless skin, no longer interrupted by strips of cloth. The effect was amazing. I couldn’t help but stare in awe. I felt dizzy, overcome by her beauty.

  She started turning around slowly, letting me see all of her. She was so beautiful, her sleek, young body with its alluring curves and long, slender limbs, so smooth and graceful. She was perfect.

  She sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at me like she was waiting for me to say something.

  “You could . . . lie down . . . if you want.”

  She swung her legs onto the bed, and lay on her side, her head resting on one arm. “Like this?”

  “Yeah, that’s good.” I started trying to sketch her shape. “I don’t know if I can do this, my hands are shaking too much.”

  “You’re shaking? I’m shivering like a leaf!” She laughed.

  I breathed in a deep, shuddery breath and slowly exhaled. I still couldn’t believe we were doing this. I managed to sketch her shape, though it wasn’t the best outline I’d ever done.

  I mixed some skin tones on my palette and started to paint. As I got involved in what I was doing I began to relax, though my heart was still pounding. Joanna was looking more relaxed too.

  “Why did you decide to pose nude for me?”

  “Umm, because you’re a good artist, and your nude portrait was beautiful . . . and you’ve already seen me naked anyway. I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

  I smiled. “It’s the best thing anyone’s ever done for me.”

  She smiled too. She seemed to be enjoying her exhibitionism now.

  “Do you like being naked like this?”

  “Yes.” She giggled.

  I laughed. I was enjoying this too. It was beautiful, and sexy, and the most exciting thing I’d ever done.

  “It’s a bit like your dream isn’t it. Hey, I’ve got an idea, why don’t I paint you nude too?”

  “Ha ha, no way!”

  “Aw, why not?” She teased.

  “‘Cause I’m not beautiful like you, for a start.”

  “Yes you are! You’ve got a nice body, and that sexy surfer look.”

  “The well-defined tan lines?” I laughed, but my ego was eating up her every word.

  I continued to paint, working quickly with several brushes. She was quiet, letting me work. After a long time of staying still she started getting restless.

  “Sorry, my arm’s falling asleep. What part of me are you painting now?”

  “Trying to get your breasts right.”

  She opened her mouth in pretend shock, then grinned. “Can I see?”

  “Not yet. It won’t be much longer.”

  I was pleased with how it was looking, but I still had some work to do on her face.

  “Were you surprised when I said I’d pose nude for you?”

  “Yeah, I thought you were joking.”

  “You looked surprised.” She laughed. “I was joking when I first said it, but then I thought why not? I guess I was being impulsive again. You think it’s okay to be doing this?”

  “Yeah, of course. Don’t worry, nothing’s going to happen like last time.”

  “No goodbye kisses?” She laughed, then became serious. “You don’t think it’s wrong though, for a Christian?”

  “You’re asking me?”

  “It’s what you think that matters. I don’t wanna be a bad example and put you off because of me.”

  “You’re not a bad example of anything. At least you’re not judgmental like other Christians. And I don’t see this as something bad, beauty isn’t sinful. There’s lots of historical Christian nude art.”

  “Yeah.”

  “And there’s nothing wrong with our bodies. Adam and Eve were naked, so God must have liked it that way to begin with.” I looked again at her graceful form. “Besides, your body has to be the best evidence that there is a God.” I smiled, feeling pleased with myself.

  “You’re funny. But you’re right—this is about beauty, not something sinful. I want to please you with the beauty God has given me.”

  Her words sent a warm, tingly sensation flowing through me.

  “Thanks,” I said, my voice rough with sincerity.

  She smiled like she was just realizing how much this meant to me.

  “Do you think this is stupid, though, putting ourselves in the way of temptation?”

  “It’s okay as long as we don’t fall into temptation, right? Being on the edge of temptation is the most exciting place to be. Are you feeling guilty about it?”

  “No, that’s the weird thing though, I don’t feel guilty about any of this. It’s like part of me feels. . .”

  “What?”

  “Nothing, don’t worry.”

  “What were you going to say?”

  “I don’t know. Part of me feels like we already belong together, like we’re meant to be.”

  I blinked, and my mother’s warnings came to mind. “Joanna, you know I really like you, but you’re going back to Colorado soon and we might never see each other again.”

  “You never know, though, Zach. Love can make a way if it’s meant to be.”

  “Love breaks more hearts than it makes a way for.”

  She didn’t say anything. I kept painting and didn’t say anything either.

  “I should go.”

  “Why?”

  She got up and started gathering her clothes.

  “No wait, don’t go. I’m sorry. I just get a little nervous with all this talk of love. We’ve only known each other a few days. You’re right, we don’t know what the future holds for us. I don’t even know how I really feel about you. I have all these mixed up emotions. All I know is I don’t wanna hurt you. I don’t care about me, I can handle it, but you’re young. I’m scared of breaking your heart.”

  She finished putting her clothes on but she didn’t leave. Instead she came and stood beside me to look at the painting.

  “Wow, that’s really good. Who are you going to show this to?”

  “Just you.”

  “No one else is going to see it?”

  I shook my head.

  She looked up at me and smiled sheepishly. “I’m sorry, Zach. I know I’m being stupid about everything.”

  I pulled her to me and we hugged. She rested her head on my chest and looked again at the painting. “You made
me look too perfect.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “My hips are wider than that, and you didn’t paint any of my blemishes. It just looks too perfect.”

  “What blemishes?” I leaned back to look at her. “I don’t even see any.” It’s amazing, even the prettiest girl still finds something wrong with the way she looks.

  “You don’t see them?”

  “You must’ve covered them up with makeup or something.”

  “I don’t wear makeup. I don’t like being fake.”

  I had to laugh. She had such a natural beauty she didn’t even need makeup. “I painted you the way I see you, and if that’s too perfect it’s ‘cause that’s what you look like to me.”

  She smiled up at me and I kissed her smile. When our lips parted she said softly, “I love you.”

  My stirred emotions arose to her words, and I whispered, “I love you too.” The words were so powerful I instantly regretted saying them. I knew what it would do to her young heart, but it was too late to take them back now.

  “I better go, it’s getting late.” She released herself from my arms. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” She looked up at me with such softness in her eyes.

  “Yeah.”

  “I’ll come by at five.” She opened the door. It was dark outside.

  “I better walk you home.”

  “Okay.” She smiled.

  We walked in comfortable silence. It was a warm, clear night, and Joanna turned her face to the star-filled sky. “See Zach, God’s an artist too.”

  I looked admiringly at Joanna’s sleek silhouette. “He sure is. I’m a mere imitator of his artistry.”

  I could just make out her smile in the dim light.

  We reached the edge of the campground and Joanna stopped. “You don’t have to come any farther.”

  “Alright.” I guessed she didn’t want her parents to see us together.

  “Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight.” I leaned in to kiss her. She gently touched her lips to mine but teasingly kept them just out of reach of a full kiss, drawing me closer until my hungry lips caught hers and we kissed passionately, our bodies pressing against each other.

  She pulled away breathlessly. “I really have to go.” She hesitated a moment longer before quickly walking away.

  I watched until I’d lost sight of her then retreated back to the shack.