Without

by E. E. Borton

  I started at the oak tree, scanning the yard from side to side. From my vantage point above the house, I could cover three sides, and part of the backyard. If more cowards showed up to hurt Hope and the girls, they’d get a hot surprise in the back of their heads as soon as they stepped on the lawn.

  Chapter 14

  (Day 7)

  Miss Sassy

  My theory about the light storms being more intense over the city was wrong. I was still awake as the sunrise revealed several shattered windows along the front of the house. Seeing movement inside let me know they didn’t get much sleep either, if any.

  Jumping down from the tractor, I stretched, sliding the pack over my shoulders. I took my time walking down the hill. I wanted to have my thoughts together before I spoke with Hope. She needed to know that I’d be staying for only one day. After knocking on the door I moved to the side and yelled through the broken window. I wanted everyone to know I wasn’t one of them.

  Hope opened the door, put her hand up to her mouth and started crying.

  “If you’ll allow me, there are some things I can do to make your home more secure,” I said. “There are also some things I can show you that’ll help you protect your girls if more of them come.”

  “I’d like that very much,” said Hope. “Thank you.”

  “Hope, do you understand that I have to leave? I have to leave tomorrow morning. I can’t stay here.”

  “I understand.”

  Walking inside, I saw Katie sitting at the table. She looked at me without expression, returning to her book. “I’m sorry I walked away from you last night. Believe it or not, I’m just as scared as you are. Sometimes I make…bad decisions.”

  “Why did you come back?” asked Katie, staring down at the pages.

  “I want to make your home safer,” I said. “Will you help me with that?”

  “Will you stay?”

  “Katie, look at me.”

  She raised her head, tears welling.

  “Just like you, I want to go home,” I said. “But my home is far away from here. When I finish helping you make this house safe, I need to go and do the same with mine.”

  “Will you teach me how to shoot a gun?” asked Katie. “I’ll feel better when you leave, knowing how.”

  “Yes, I will.”

  “Okay, what do you need me to do?”

  I told Katie and Mary Anne to gather all the lumber they could find on the property. I dismantled part of the guest house, removing sheets of plywood to cover the broken windows on the main house. On the other windows I created slats that could be removed but also quickly replaced if Mother Nature – or more cowards – decided to pay them another visit.

  Installing more slats on the doors, it would take a very strong man several attempts before breaking through. I knew it was impossible to keep someone out who was desperate to get in, but it would buy the family enough time to ready their weapons, concentrate their firepower, and give whoever broke through one hell of a fight.

  Gathering all the guns left behind by the dead, the girls had three pistols and two shotguns. Ponytail’s bolt action rifle was too heavy and complicated for teenage girls to operate with confidence. Shotguns were a better choice.

  I spent a few hours showing them how to use, clean, and maintain the weapons. We went through drills on what to do if someone was coming after them. We set up several fallback locations in the house, creating blinds that utilized cross firing positions. (I felt odd teaching a six-year-old how to use a gun, but in this new world it made perfect sense.)

  Covering the pool to slow down the sun’s effect for growing algae and bacteria, the family had easy access to 30,000 gallons of water. The pool service that had kept it clean and properly chlorinated was gone, so I showed them how to add the right mixture of chemicals to keep the water safe. They had enough supplies in a test kit to check the levels for two months. After that, they’d need to boil anything they planned on drinking.

  They had food to sustain all of them for a week. After that, if help – or the power – didn’t come, they were on their own. Hope had a small garden in the backyard. I told her to turn it into a bigger one as soon as possible. I pulled her to the side and talked with her about scavenging and looting. She didn’t have a problem with either.

  After no sleep the night before and a long day securing the house, we were all exhausted. As the sun was lowering, I had one more job to do. I placed several signs in the front yard near the road. Anyone passing would have no doubt it was a house they didn’t want to mess with. The signs let them know they were being watched. One step into the kill zone, and they promised no part of them would be wasted.

  Hammering in the last stake, I sat in the swing under the oak tree. The sky wasn’t acknowledging a sailor’s delight, but I felt better about the family’s ability to weather the storms. Sam gave me a push.

  “Long day, huh, Cowboy?”

  “But a good one,” I said. “They’re better prepared now. I don’t think any of them will hesitate to shoot the next asshole that shows up.”

  “Nice touch with the signs,” said Sam. “A little gruesome, but effective.”

  “I thought about digging up their bodies and putting their heads on poles,” I said. “But that would probably freak out the girls.”

  “I don’t know about that,” said Sam. “You can’t get more barbaric than what was done to them.”

  “They seem to be holding up well,” I said. “Maybe keeping them busy helped.”

  “Trust me, they’re not holding up well at all. They’re trying their best not to make you leave again. They feel safer with you here, and I don’t blame them. The man of the house couldn’t protect them. You did. You are.”

  “I are what?”

  “You sound like a pirate.”

  “Seriously, Sam. Are you saying I’m now the man of the house?”

  “No, I was actually saying that you’re protecting them now. Why, do you want to be the man of the house?”

  “That’s not funny.”

  “I wasn’t joking.”

  Dragging my feet, I stopped swinging. Sam walked around in front of me. “I wasn’t joking.”

  “You want me to stay with them?”

  “Why not?”

  “What do you mean, why not? We have a plan, remember?”

  “You have a plan,” said Sam. “Not we. I’m dead, remember?”

  “Sam.”

  “Your plan is to get to your parents’ house where you can either wait this thing out or start your new life as a mountain man. You want to grow a four-foot beard, wear animal skins, and live off the land. That sounds incredibly lonely, sweetheart.”

  “I have you.”

  “No, baby. You have a memory of me.”

  “Why are you doing this? You’re what keeps me going. You’re what makes me want to survive.”

  “I can’t keep you warm,” said Sam, touching my face. “I can’t brush the hair out of your eyes. I can’t make you a sandwich. I can’t write you a sweet note and leave it on the counter under your coffee cup. I can’t love you back.”

  “Stop it, Sam.”

  “They need you. They know you’ll do whatever it takes to protect them from the evil that’s out there; the evil that’s going to come back. They know you’re strong and brave. They know you have a good heart. They’ll love you back if you stay with them.”

  “I don’t love them. I love you.”

  “You love a memory.”

  “Christ, Sam. Loving your memory is enough. If that’s all I have for the rest of my life, that’s enough.”

  “No, it isn’t.”

  “Yes, it is,” I said, raising my voice. “This is crazy. I’m not staying. I’m not letting you go.”

  “You don’t have to give me up,” said Sam. “I’m always going to be with you. I’m just saying if you have any thoughts of staying here, even if it’s for a little while, it’s okay. Your parents’ house isn’t your home. This place can be a
home if you let it.”

  “You’re my home, Sam. I don’t need anything else. I’m sorry this happened to them, but I don’t want them. I don’t want this to be my home. I don’t care about them.”

  “Tell her that.”

  “Who are you talking to?” asked Tyler, sneaking up on me. “Are you sad?”

  “Why do you ask that?”

  “You’re crying.”

  “No, I’m not. I just got dirt in my eye, kid. I’m not crying. You shouldn’t be out here.”

  “Whatever. Push me.” said Tyler, grabbing my hand, pulling me out of the swing, taking over the seat.

  “Yes, ma’am,” I said.

  “My daddy can’t push me anymore,” said Tyler, looking at the mound. “Mommy told me he couldn’t ‘cause he’s under there. He’s resting in peace, she said. Was that who you were talking to? My daddy?”

  “No, baby girl,” I said. “But sometimes I do talk to my dad. He died ten years ago. He’s resting in the ground just like yours. They can’t do stuff with us anymore, but we can still see and talk to them whenever we want.”

  “How?”

  “Well, you can come out here and swing beside him,” I said. “I mean, after you ask your sister or mom to bring you.”

  “But if he’s under there, how do I see him?”

  “Simple,” I said. “You just close your eyes.”

  “Um, you can’t see anything with your eyes closed, silly. You’re weird.”

  “You’re sassy.”

  “Hey, that’s what my daddy called me.”

  “Sassy?”

  “Miss Sassy.”

  “Well, Miss Sassy, just try it, okay?”

  “Okay,” said Tyler, sighing. “My eyes are closed.”

  “Good. Tell me what your dad looks like.”

  “He’s big and strong and has a mustache.”

  “Does it tickle your face when he kisses you?”

  “Yes. All the time.”

  “What color is his hair?”

  “Brown.”

  “Good, Miss Sassy. Do you remember the color of his eyes?”

  “Blue, like mine.”

  “Perfect. Can you see him now? With your eyes closed, can you see his face?”

  “Yes.”

  “Now, ask him if you can go play in the street.”

  “What?” asked Tyler, turning around with a wrinkled nose. “I can’t play in the street. I’ll get in trouble.”

  “Close your eyes and ask him, okay? But don’t ask him out loud. Look into his face and ask him in your head. Can you do that?”

  “Yes.”

  Tyler turned around and I gave her a push. She kicked out her legs, swinging on her own. I stepped to the side, watching her smile as she went by, kicking harder. Then with her eyes still closed, she giggled.

  I couldn’t help but join her in the smile. Standing silent under the oak, I didn’t want to interrupt the conversation. With long, brown, curly hair trailing laughter, I watched Tyler swing with her father. I could see him standing behind her, trying so hard to push her far from anything that would take away that smile.

  My thoughts drifted to the four bodies buried in her backyard. They took away all her smiles when they walked through the front door. How was it possible a heart could be so black that it wanted to hurt that child? How was it possible I could think about leaving her behind to face more of them alone?

  I didn’t notice that Tyler had stopped swinging. “My daddy and your daddy said it was okay if you stayed with us. They said Sam could stay, too.”

  Chapter 15

  Combat Rock

  I had to force myself to take a breath. I hadn’t heard anyone else say Sam’s name in years. Just hearing her name was like a resurrection. In an instant I was excited, terrified, and perplexed at the same time. I looked around to see if she was near. I looked back at Tyler to see if she could see her like I did. I knelt in front of her and took her tiny hands in mine. My heart was racing, but I tried to stay calm.

  “Did Sam talk to you?” I asked.

  “No,” replied Tyler.

  “Then how did you know?”

  “Because that’s who you were talking to, silly. I heard you say his name when I was standing beside you.”

  It was like being slapped awake during the best dream of your life. “Sam is a girl, Tyler. She’s in the ground resting like your daddy.”

  “Oh, okay. Well, she can stay, too.”

  “We need to go inside now,” I said. “It’s getting dark.”

  Taking a few steps, I realized Tyler was still holding my hand. She started skipping across the yard as we made our way back to the house. Leaning against a pillar on the front porch, Hope was smiling from ear to ear.

  “All right, little lady,” said Hope, handing me a drink, “time for you to get ready for bed. Mary Anne is waiting for you upstairs. There’s a tubful of warm water and a bar of soap up there. I want you to use it.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” said Tyler. “Can I come say goodnight after my bath?”

  “Yes, you can.”

  “Okay.”

  She continued skipping into the house. Hope and I watched her as she disappeared up the stairs. I turned to see her still smiling, looking at me.

  “Yesterday, I thought I’d never see her smile again,” said Hope, sitting in a chair by a table. “Today, you have her smiling, holding your hand, and skipping across the yard. Who are you?”

  “I can’t take all the credit,” I said, sitting beside her. “She made me smile first. That kid is about the cutest thing on the planet.”

  “Oh, she really is,” said Hope, taking a sip, making a face. “I’m sorry. I don’t drink this stuff often.”

  “It’s okay,” I said, doing the same. “I think you’ve earned it.”

  “It was a long night.”

  “Yes, it was.”

  “Did you sleep in the woods?”

  “Sort of,” I said, pointing to the tractor on top of the hill. “It was actually quite comfortable.”

  “You slept in a tractor?” said Hope, shaking her head. “I can’t apologize enough for last night. I was –”

  “Hope, please stop apologizing to me,” I said. “I should’ve stayed.”

  “It’s okay,” said Hope. “You’re staying inside tonight, aren’t you?”

  “I am,” I answered, smiling. “I’m really not a fan of sleeping outside these days.”

  “I’ll stop apologizing, but I won’t stop saying thank you. My girls feel safer now because of what you did today. They feel like they’re in control.”

  “I’m glad to hear that.”

  “You know, I can accept what happened to me,” said Hope. “I just don’t know what to say to them. One second we’re laughing around the table, and then the next, Brian was killed and they were…”

  “Never accept what they did to you,” I said. “Use it. Keep it locked up inside you and then unleash it on anyone else that tries to hurt you or your girls. If the power doesn’t come back, more of them will.

  “You can’t hesitate or you and your girls are dead. If anyone passes those signs and comes into your yard, don’t hesitate to kill them. Don’t wait, trying to figure out their intentions. I know, as a good person, you’ll want to give people the benefit of the doubt. You can’t do that anymore.”

  “I won’t hesitate,” said Hope. “They took that out of me.”

  “Good.”

  We had been talking for a while when Tyler came down again. She hugged us both with tight squeezes. With her little arms wrapped around my neck, she kissed my cheek. As if that weren’t enough to drive the dagger into my heart, she told me to sleep tight and not let the bed bugs bite. Then she told me that she loved me.

  I know that six-year-olds telling people goodnight will pass out kisses and hugs like candy to anyone in the room. I’ve always believed that those moments were nature’s way of helping a child earn protection and adoration from any adult receiving their sweetness. It’s
why we would give up our lives to keep bad things from happening to them.

  With Tyler, it was different. It was less about nature’s way and more about sincerity. I could feel it in the strength of her squeeze, the surrender of her kiss, and the power of her tiny voice in my ear. My response to her was just as sincere.

  “I love you, too, baby girl.”

  “I’m going to tuck them in and then you and I get to eat our dinner,” said Hope. “Does that sound good?”

  “It does.”

  Watching the girls go inside, I heard a creaking in the rocking chair beside me.

  “Stone cold killer,” said Earl, chuckling “Now you’re goin’ soft on me. You’s the definition of conflicted, ain’t ya?”

  “I’m not going soft. I’d like to see you try to resist the charms of little Miss Sassy.”

  “I ain’t the one she’s lookin’ to keep around here. You are.”

  “She watched her dad get shot and her mom and sister being raped,” I said, turning cold. “The least I can do is try and make things a little better for them before I leave.”

  “You mean if you leave.”

  “I have a plan, buddy. I’m going to stick to it.”

  “Now that’s funny, son. You’ve got a plan? Only one thing out there has a plan, and it ain’t you.”

  “God. You’re going to tell me God has the only plan,” I said. “Well, He doesn’t feel it’s important to reveal it to me, so forgive me if I don’t put any stock in His plan and stick with mine.”

  “Well, then, forgive me if I tell you that your plan is cruel.”

  “What?”

  “That’s right,” said Earl. “What you doin’ to this family is cruel. If you didn’t plan on stayin’, then you shouldn’t have come back. Now they think you gonna stay forever. They think you gonna take over for their daddy. Ain’t that right?”

  “Do you and Sam just sit around thinking up ways to screw with my head?”

  “Naw, she’s just got a big ol’ heart and wants to see you happy. She wants to see everybody happy. Me, I’m a little different. I see things for what they is, not what they gonna be. I see what’s happenin’ right now, not tomorrow or the next day. And what’s happenin’ right now is that you are conflicted. Should I stay or should I go now? Ain’t that how the song goes?”