Without

by E. E. Borton

  “I never figured you for a Clash fan, Earl,” I said, laughing.

  “I don’t know who sang it,” said Earl, smiling. “Just seemed fittin’ at the moment.”

  “It is,” I said, conceding. “You’re right. I am conflicted. I’m having a tough time thinking about walking away from Tyler. In a way, she’s our only hope if things don’t change.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “Come again?”

  “You got it backwards, son. She ain’t our only hope. Men and women out there doin’ what you doin’ is our only hope. You’re out there making things right. You’re out there gettin’ rid of the folks that would hurt that child.”

  “So is that God’s plan for me?”

  “Maybe.”

  “That answer doesn’t help.”

  “Okay, then let me break it down for you,” said Earl, seeming irritated. “If you gonna stay, then put everything else out your mind and you stay. If you’re not sure, then you gotta go. Every hour you spend with that little girl and her momma, it’s gonna make it worse. They don’t have a choice. You the one that does.”

  “Even if it means they’ll be raped and tortured again?” I said. “Maybe even killed?”

  “You don’t know that for sure,” said Earl. “You did a good job sealing up this house and showing them how to survive. They got guns and a plan now. Everything after is just them not wantin’ to be alone. Maybe even you not wantin’ to be alone.

  “That’s why Sam is tellin’ you it’s okay to stay with them. She don’t wanna see you alone for the rest of your life. She wants you to have somethin’ to live for besides a memory of her. Does that make sense?”

  “None of this makes sense.”

  “I know it’s hard trying to keep things straight in your head,” said Earl. “I know it is. But they is just one family. There are millions of families with little girls and boys lookin’ for some help.”

  “I can’t save them all, Earl. Even you have to know that.”

  “I do. But you can save more than one. I know that, too. There’s somethin’ different about you and you know it. You is a warrior. The way you change when you come across evil, you is a warrior. I seen it with my own eyes.”

  “Ah, you think that’s God’s plan for me, don’t you?”

  “I suspect.”

  “You’re a piece of work,” I said.

  “Yep. All I know is, right now, this very second, there’s evil rainin’ down all over the world. You got a gift, son. It’d be a shame to hide from it. When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle.”

  “That’s not a Clash song, is it?” I said.

  “Ain’t the Clash. That there is a quote by Mr. Edmund Burke. He was an Irishman like you. I dig his books.”

  “He’s one of my favorites. Like I said, Earl, you’re a piece of work.”

  “Do you want to eat out here or inside?” asked Hope, sending Earl back to Sam.

  “Inside,” I said. “The gnats are getting a little thick.”

  Sitting at the table by candlelight, the house was calm and quiet. I could see that Hope was still doing her best to suppress talking about what had happened to them. It was almost as if it hadn’t. Seeing her winch in pain, touching a large cut on her lip, I thought about how strong and brave she was. She smiled, catching me staring.

  “Nothing a little make-up can’t fix,” said Hope.

  “You’re a beautiful woman,” I said, sensing her anxiety. “I know you don’t think others can see that right now, but I can. I mean, really, you have to get up close before you can tell.”

  “That’s very sweet,” said Hope, touching her swollen cheek. “Thank you for lying to me.”

  “I wasn’t lying about the beautiful part,” I said, smiling. “Maybe a little with the up close thing.”

  “Do you want more bread?”

  “No, I’m stuffed. It was delicious.”

  “Join me for one more drink?”

  “Perfect.”

  Carrying our glasses of fire water, we returned to the front porch. This time we sat beside each other on the glider. A cloudless night sky emitted enough moonlight for us to see in the dark.

  “Before all this happened, this was my dream home,” said Hope. “We had a good life here.”

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner,” I said. “I’m sorry they turned your dream into a nightmare.”

  “You got here soon enough,” said Hope.

  She turned away from me, but I could feel her holding back. Her body was tensing, fighting off the urge to show me the pain.

  “It’s okay, Hope. The girls are sleeping safe upstairs. They won’t hear you. Stop fighting it. It’s okay.”

  Turning back to me, she buried her face in my chest, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. She stopped fighting it. I returned the embrace, pulling her in closer as she cried. Looking across the front porch, I saw Sam sitting on the steps.

  She smiled, blowing me a kiss.

  Chapter 16

  Day 8

  My Brother’s Keeper

  Hope fell asleep in my shoulder. I gently rocked the glider, not wanting to disturb her. It had been two days since she had slept. I could handle the tingling in my arms and legs when they fell asleep long before I did. There was a hint of green in the night sky, but no thunder. Mother Nature and I were finally on the same page. Just let her sleep in peace a little bit longer.

  In spite of the uncomfortable position, I managed a few hours of rest as well. As the sun drew back the blanket of darkness, Hope stirred. She looked up at me, blinking several times to clear her vision. Her good morning smile was replaced by a look of horror. She wiped her cheek after noticing the large spot of drool on my shirt. I looked down at it, laughing.

  “Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” said Hope, covering the spot with her hand.

  “It’s okay,” I said. “I’m just glad you got some sleep.”

  “I had a dream about you,” said Hope, resuming her smile.

  “Really?”

  “I did,” said Hope. “I dreamt that you stayed another day and helped me in the garden.”

  “That’s weird,” I said.

  “How so?”

  “Because I planned on staying another day and helping you in the garden.”

  Her smile grew wider. “Do you mean that?”

  “I do. Where I’m going can wait another day.”

  “Well, then. I need to make us some breakfast so can we can get started. Any requests?”

  “Whatever you make will be perfect,” I replied. “I’ll go check on the girls. If they’re still asleep, I think we should let them stay that way.”

  “I agree.”

  All three girls had huddled into one room. Tyler’s face was the first I saw. Her long, curly hair was draped across the pillow as if she were running in a dream. Mary Anne and Katie were on a mattress on the floor next to Tyler’s bed. The guns beside each of them didn’t seem out of place. I doubt they’d ever be far from one for the rest of their lives.

  Drawing the blinds to let them sleep undisturbed by the rising sun, I closed the door behind me as I left. I was hoping they’d sleep the day away. Wherever they were in their dreams had to be a better place than where they’d be when they woke. Washing up and brushing my teeth, I headed downstairs to the kitchen. I was greeted by a warm smile and a plateful of eggs.

  “Will this do?”

  “It will,” I said, sitting at the table. “How well do you know your neighbors?”

  “We’ve lived here for two years, and I’ve barely spoken to either of them,” said Hope. “They’re both old couples that tend to stick to themselves. Why?”

  “I thought maybe we’d take a walk and get to know them,” I said. “I’m sure they’re decent people, and maybe they’d check in on you and the girls.”

  She stopped cooking and looked down. “Let’s not talk about you leaving right now. I just want
to enjoy this day. I’ll go to them when I need to, but I want to make it on our own first. You’ve given me the confidence I need to do that.”

  “Okay,” I said, sensing her anxiety. “So do you have seeds for the garden?”

  “Plenty,” said Hope. “I have everything we need.”

  Planning our day, Hope made breakfast for the girls and set it aside. Their water was provided by the county system, but their gas for cooking was delivered and stored in a large propane tank. Used sparingly, they had enough to last them for five months. Knowing they had secure shelter, weapons, plenty of water, and fuel for cooking, I focused on food. Growing their own would make them more self-sufficient.

  After turning a large area of soil, we planted rows of seeds. They had several barrels that could be used to collect rainwater for the garden. Even though they had a full pool, I wanted to make sure they had another source for irrigation. Attaching one end of a tarp to the fence, securing the other on shorter poles, I created large funnels that would direct rain into the barrels.

  Taking a break, I stood on the back porch watching the worker bees. As soon as the girls awoke, they eagerly joined us with our projects. Each of the girls decided they wanted their own garden. There was nothing but smiles and laughter as blisters were being formed on their small hands. Hope saw me enjoying the show and with a smile joined me on the porch.

  “They really are good girls,” said Hope, taking off her wide brim hat. “I’m lucky to have them.”

  “Where are Katie’s parents?”

  “They’re in Atlanta where we used to live,” said Hope, taking a somber tone. “Those girls have been best friends since they were four. Katie’s father lives in Maryland now. They got a divorce two years ago. It was hard on her, so I try to bring her up here as often as possible. Her mother doesn’t even know what happened to her.”

  As tears welled in her eyes, I put my arm around her and pulled her in close. “It wasn’t your fault, Hope. There was nothing you could do. There were four of them with guns. But they’re rotting in hell now and Katie is laughing, playing in the dirt. You beat them.”

  “You beat them,” said Hope, pulling away from me. “Brian opened the door and let them walk right in. He didn’t know what to do. He just stood there as one of them raised a gun and shot him in the chest. He didn’t even try to fight them. He didn’t try to fight for us.”

  “Come on, Hope,” I said. “The last thing he expected was them. That’s how the cowards operate. They prey on good people who give them the benefit of the doubt. Most people would’ve done the same thing, not knowing what was coming. Most people hesitate.”

  “You didn’t.”

  “I’m not most people.”

  “No, you’re not. Not even close.”

  “I had to learn the hard way. Someone I cared about was killed during the first blackout in Atlanta. She’s the reason why I don’t give anyone the benefit of the doubt. She’s the reason why I don’t hesitate. At one time I didn’t know what to do either and I lost her. You shouldn’t be so hard on Brian.”

  “You didn’t know him,” said Hope, turning away from me, walking to the rail. “He was afraid of everything. He couldn’t make a decision on his own. Even when his – and our – lives depended on it, he froze. He let those men rape his daughter and his wife. You didn’t even know us, but you risked your life to save ours. You made a decision to do that. I can’t help but be hard on Brian.”

  Before I could respond, she stood and left the porch. I was relieved because I didn’t know what to say. I watched as she walked over to her girls, surprising each with a hug.

  I found myself sitting there, planning the next day. There was plenty of work that needed to be done, and it felt good being the guy doing it for them. Keeping them busy distracted them from thinking about the terror they had experienced two days earlier. There was also plenty of saving that needed to be done, and it felt good being the guy doing it for them.

  Earl was wrong. I wasn’t hiding from anything. I was where I was needed. I was where I wanted to be. Sam didn’t have a problem with it and neither did I. I had a feeling I wouldn’t be seeing either of them for a while.

  As the sun began its descent in the sky, the girls were exhausted. Hope put together a fine dinner and we all sat around the table talking about our day. Tyler couldn’t wait to eat the first cherry tomato off her plant. Mary Anne and Katie were asking me about turning one of the sheds into a schoolhouse.

  Hope sat at the other end of the table, drinking in the conversations around her. Her eyes were bright and her smile was beaming. I caught her staring at me several times as we laughed. She was a beautiful woman.

  I offered to put Tyler to bed while Hope cleared the table. Miss Sassy fought to keep her eyes open as I carried her upstairs. Mary Anne and Katie collapsed onto their mattress, pulling the covers up to their necks.

  I tucked them in and kissed Mary Anne on the forehead, wishing her sweet dreams. I did the same for Katie, but she reached up and pulled me down after the kiss, putting her lips to my ear.

  “I really am sorry I called you a coward,” whispered Katie. “You’re not. I’m so glad you’re staying with us. We all are. We feel safe with you here.”

  “Get some sleep, angel,” I said. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  Tyler was fast asleep by the time I got to her, tucking her in tight. Her tiny face with rosy cheeks was a magnet I was powerless to resist. I kissed her twice, brushing her hair away from her eyes. Her strawberry scent drew a smile across my face. “I won’t let anything hurt you, baby girl. I’ll always be a warrior for you.”

  I stood in the doorway for a moment, admiring the sleeping beauties. A hint of anger grew in my stomach, thinking about the men who did hurt them. I thought about going into the woods, digging them up, and killing them again. The thought left my head when I found Hope sitting on the glider. She smiled, handing me a glass.

  “Join me?”

  “This is becoming my favorite spot,” I said, accepting the drink, sitting close beside her.

  “Mine, too.”

  “The garden looks good,” I said. “You guys are going to make great farmers.”

  “It’s always been a dream of mine,” said Hope, giving me a sideways smile.

  “Farmer Hope,” I said, laughing. “It has a ring to it.”

  Chuckling, she turned, looking across the front yard as the sun was setting, bathing everything in gold. “I love this view.”

  “So do I,” I said, staring at her. “If anything, it’s peaceful. I can only imagine what they’re seeing in the city.”

  “You don’t miss it, do you?” asked Hope, turning to face me.

  “I don’t,” I said. “Anything I would miss is gone now.”

  “Including her?” said Hope, catching me off guard. “What was her name? The one you lost.”

  “Samantha,” I answered. “I called her Sam.”

  “Do you think you’ll ever get over her?”

  “I’m working on that,” I said, taking her hand.

  When she squeezed, putting her head on my shoulder, I made the decision Earl was looking for me to make. I remembered telling him I couldn’t save everyone. I didn’t want to. I just wanted to save them.

  “Hope,” I said, kissing the top of her head. “I want to ask you something.”

  “What is it?” she said, sitting up with wide eyes.

  “Would it be okay if I –”

  He walked past the signs as if they weren’t there. Continuing to the oak tree, he leaned a rifle against it. Hope and I stared at him as he took off his hat, went down to a knee, and lowered his head at Brian’s cross.

  “Go wake up the girls,” I said, standing. “Get them ready.”

  “Let them sleep,” said Hope, standing beside me, holding my hand. “It’s okay. I know him.”

  “Who is he?” I asked, not caring that she did. He was a stranger to me and that’s all that mattered. I reached down for my Remington. I wasn
’t the guy who gave the benefit of the doubt. I wasn’t the guy who hesitated. I was the guy who promised a little girl I’d be a warrior for her.

  “It’s Jason,” said Hope, standing in front of me. “It’s Brian’s brother.”

  Chapter 17

  Marlboro Man

  When Jason turned toward us, Hope slid her hand out of mine, meeting him in the middle of the yard. He didn’t take his eyes off of me as she hugged him. I didn’t take mine off his. After a few minutes they embraced each other again. I could see his body relax. I did the same, leaning my rifle against the wall as they walked up the stairs.

  “I owe you a debt of gratitude I’ll never be able to repay,” said Jason, wiping tears with his sleeve, extending his hand.

  It swallowed mine as he pulled me in, giving me a hug. “These girls are my world. I wish I could’ve been here to help you slaughter those monsters.”

  “They didn’t die quick,” I said, responding to his warm greeting. (There was nothing weak about this man.)

  “Praise the Lord,” replied Jason. “I love my brother, but he was never one to fight. Me, I’m a little different.”

  “I can tell,” I said, rubbing my hand.

  He forced a smile at me and then turned back to Hope. Reaching out for both her hands, he stood, staring at her. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get here. Things are starting to get pretty bad out there. But ya’ll are going to be okay now, I promise you that. It’s going to be a different story if someone comes looking to hurt any of you.”

  “It already is a different story because of him,” said Hope, smiling at me.

  “Four of ‘em, huh?” said Jason. “You in the military?”

  “No, sir,” I said. “I’ve had a little training, though. No, I write children’s books. Well, I work with a group of people who write children’s books.”

  “You’re shitting me,” said Jason, laughing. “I gotta get a copy of those, my man.”

  Hope cocked her head to the side, grinning. It was probably the last job in the world she would’ve guessed I had. I couldn’t help but laugh as well at how ridiculous it sounded.