Dead Men

by Derek Haines

  He’d had no time to come to terms with the emotional issues yet. So much to do to start a new life, there was no time to consider his inner feelings. When they did surface, he would lock them away again. ‘Just get on with things with a commercial attitude,’ he would tell himself. ‘Treat this as a commercial transaction,’ as his accountant had also advised. So he did. His marriage and life over the last thirteen years were reduced to assets and liabilities on a piece of paper. Simply, it was in five categories. Cash, company, property, household effects and motor vehicles. ‘Is that all there is to a marriage?’ he thought as he totalled up the columns. ‘Where’s the column for love, hurt, suffering, devotion, care and heartbreak? Trying to be clinical in his adjudication was difficult. Trying to be fair was an impossibility. How can it ever be fair?

  This wasn’t David’s idea. It wasn’t his want. It wasn’t his fault. ‘It’s nobody’s fault,’ he thought as he finished. ‘But it’s a disaster and a crying shame. Ours was a strong marriage. What happened for God sake?’

  His offer was for him to keep a little more than sixty per cent of the company, but balanced out with her having more of the personal effects. The company had been his livelihood now for many years. His wife was well qualified, and would be in demand should she want to work. David had only his trade, which at his age would be almost impossible to go back to now. Surely I can keep my job was his motivation in asking for these terms. Everything else was fifty-fifty. He typed it all on his computer and printed it out ready for his appointment with Charles Stewart.

  The rest of the afternoon he spent going through company and personal papers. Sorting into his and hers stacks. It was a very depressing task. As he went about his work David’s mind wandered back to the happier times of his marriage. Lost for a few minutes in memories, he would almost snap back to the reality and feel the dark shadow of depression. As hard as he tried, the emotions of the past weeks were taking their toll. ‘A few days of Tony being around is a blessing,’ he thought. The feeling of being alone was his greatest tormentor. After sharing his life with someone for thirteen years, almost twenty-four hours a day, the sudden isolation created by her leaving was devastating. His feelings of jealousy towards her; not suffering the same isolation made it worse. He felt no feelings of animosity towards her lover. Not knowing him made it impossible. But the thought of her having someone to hold, to talk to, to console her made him angry. ‘Why doesn’t she get to suffer?

  Why do I have that all to myself?’

  For the first time David felt waves of hate. The quiet, lonely afternoon of agreements, files, papers, thoughts and feelings had diluted his ability to keep a commercial aspect to his tasks. Wanting to do something seemed uppermost in his mind. But what? His life was on hold. There was nothing he could really do. His business was in limbo. He couldn’t work. Even if he could, his drive and enthusiasm lasted only seconds. His ability to concentrate lasted even less. He couldn’t settle into a new house. It would be a long wait until the jointly owned property sold. He didn’t want to stay on the coast because he felt isolated and alone. This little flat would be his home for the near future. It was depressing and David was falling into depression. His only interest, legalising and formalising his separation. His only motivation, to remove his wife from his life. His misery was beginning. But at least he had Tony for company for a few days. The days became weeks, but David didn’t complain at all.

  ‘Look at us. What a fucked up threesome,’ David said as he came into the small living room from the kitchen of his flat. His tossed a can of beer to Tony and Steve.

  ‘Yep. Is that why we aren’t at the Drover’s Dog?’ sniggered Steve.

  ‘Are we too fucked up for public appearances now?’

  ‘I’m not fussy where I get pissed,’ Tony almost snarled.

  Tony was in trouble. Both David and especially Steve knew it. Tony had no success in trying to resolve his problems with his wife. It had been three weeks since he moved into David’s flat. In that time he hadn’t seen his children. He wondered what they thought of him, and if they had any idea of what their mother had done. He had bought a bed for the second bedroom. The situation was starting to feel permanent.

  ‘Have you had any word on your storm clouds?’ David asked Steve.

  ‘No. Nothing. It’s putting a lot of pressure on Beth. She’s being great about it all. But I know she’s very worried. Maybe more than me. The waiting’s dreadful.’

  ‘Can you fight them? What does your legal bloke say?’ Tony asked, climbing slowly out of his bad mood.

  ‘He reckons that the last two claims may be just frivolous. He’s checking a few facts and stuff for me. But the first claim looks like it could proceed. I’m not sure he knows much more than I do really. I’m not even sure how long it’ll all take. But I know one thing for sure, I can’t plan a day ahead in my life at the moment.’

  ‘None of us can. All three of us have our lives on ice,’ Tony added.

  The other two nodded in agreement.

  ‘Do you think we all should’ve stayed in Perth?’ David asked both his friends. They both just smiled.

  ‘Another can?’ David asked.

  ‘Thanks,’ Tony replied.

  ‘Why not?’ Steve answered.

  David came back from the fridge. He handed Tony a letter.

  ‘I forgot about this. It came in the mail today. I just remembered I’d left it on the fridge so I wouldn’t forget,’ David laughed.

  ‘Thanks Dave.’

  Tony opened his letter as the other two opened their cans.

  ‘When things settle down a bit I’d like you two to come for dinner and meet Beth. I’m sure she’d like you two misfits,’ Steve smiled.

  ‘That’d be great Steve. I’d love to,’ David replied.

  As he spoke he looked at Tony for agreement. Tony’s face was almost white. He was just holding the letter and staring into space.

  ‘What’s up Tony?’ David asked. Concerned for his friend.

  ‘The bitch’s filed for separation. It’s a proposal of asset division and child support and all that crap.’

  ‘Oh shit!’ David exclaimed. ‘You’re kidding. What? So soon?’

  ‘I can’t believe this. I can’t fucking believe it!’ Tony shouted, throwing the letter across the room. ‘The fucking greedy cow. I hope she burns in hell. Fuck her!’

  Tony headed for the door.

  ‘Where’re you going?’ David asked as he rose and followed Tony.

  ‘To teach her a lesson.’

  ‘Nooo! Tony. Nope,’ David sternly said as he grabbed his friend’s arm and tried to direct him back to his chair. ‘What would that achieve Tony? It’d only make things worse.’

  ‘Worse? Worse? How much fucking worse does it get?’ Tony almost screamed.

  Steve was on his feet, and headed to David’s assistance. They both knew Tony was enraged, and if he left that door all hell could break loose.

  ‘C’mon Tony. Sit down. I know you’re upset but…..,’ Steve tried to say.

  ‘Fuckin’ oath I’m upset. She’ll know how fuckin’ upset I am when I……’

  ‘Tony!’ that’s enough,’ David said firmly.

  Steve and David managed to get him away from the door and heading back to his chair.

  ‘Ok. Ok! You’re pissed off. Mad. Angry. We know how it feels. Ok Tony. Listen to me,’ David insisted.

  ‘Belting the crap out of her won’t achieve anything. Except cost you. Use your head Tony. Don’t be a fucking idiot,’ David was lecturing.

  ‘Dave’s right Tony. Just take some time. Think about what you can do…tomorrow. You’re as mad as hell. It’s no time to do anything. Just stay here with us. Call her every name you want. Rant and rave. Scream. But don’t leave here. You’d be a bloody idiot,’ Steve continued David’s lecture.

  ‘I could just break her fucking neck,’ Tony said quietly.

  ‘Yup. I know,’ David said sympathetically. ‘You don’t think I haven’t had ideas that
involve baseball bats or steel pipes. It’s normal to want retribution Tony. It’s normal to feel that.’

  Steve picked up the letter from near the bedroom door. He folded it up without looking at its contents. He then put it back in the envelope still sitting near Tony.

  ‘I’ll put this back on the fridge Tony. Leave it there for day or two ok?’ Steve said.

  Tony nodded, not really hearing Steve. Tony was elsewhere, seething.

  ‘Here,’ David said as he picked up Tony’s beer and offered it to Tony. ‘Have a drink my friend. It’s the best idea I have at the moment.’

  Tony stayed seated. Had a mouthful of his beer. They all sat quietly for a few minutes.

  Tony broke the silence.

  ‘It’s too easy.’

  ‘What is?’ David asked.

  ‘For them to leave.’

  ‘Yes it is. It is.’ David nodded with his own experience fresh in his mind.

  ‘There’s nothing to hold them. No consequence for them. They’re legally free to decide at their whim.’ Tony was talking, but more thinking out loud.

  ‘Yes Tony. It does seem like that, doesn’t it?’ David agreed and continued. ‘Charles Stewart was telling me that the New South Wales Bar Association, or one of those legal bodies, had made many submissions to government and ministers to have the laws reviewed. The basis as Charles told me, was that in correcting previous imbalances, to protect wives and children in a marriage breakdown, the pendulum had been pushed too far. To the point that it was now the men who had few rights. Or something like that anyway. But the point he made that really stuck with me was that apparently the politicians don’t want to change anything because both major parties believe they’ve won recent elections on the back of the women’s vote.’

  ‘I saw the Chief Justice of the Family Court on TV a couple of nights ago,’ Steve added. ‘And he was asked about the problems men faced under the act. He said it was a common reaction in the western world, and that men just had to understand woman had an equal place in our society.’

  ‘So his wife hasn’t been fucking the gardener and hasn’t kicked him out of his house and taken everything he’s worked for then,’ Tony spat bitterly. ‘Bet he wouldn’t know shit from a shovel. He just presides over a fucking court that makes adultery and theft legal for women.’

  ‘It’s something no one wants to admit to,’ Steve added.

  ‘Well, I did hear a radio report from some guy who had done a little research on male suicide. Bet he gets listened to an awful lot in Canberra,’ David said facetiously.

  ‘Yes, I’ve read and heard a little. Seems like it’s not a statistic anyone wants to hear or announce,’ Steve added.

  ‘Nobody does anything about it,’ Tony also added.

  ‘Have you calmed down a bit now mate?’ Dave asked Tony.

  ‘Yeah. Just a bit. I only want to kill her now,’ he smiled.

  ‘Good. That’s much better. Another half hour and you’ll probably settle for just cutting her legs off,’ David said with a smile.

  ‘You know, I do agree in equity,’ Steve started, with the beer starting to take effect. ‘But doesn’t the pursuit of equality and equity always end up with the result being just a slide in balance that can’t stop at the mid point?’

  ‘What like a see saw?’ Tony asked.

  ‘I suppose,’ Steve said. ‘It’s sort of what I mean.

  ‘I still want to kill her,’ Tony said again.

  ‘Another beer my friend?’

  ‘Thanks Dave.’

  All three men sat silently in their own worlds of torment. Tony seething with anger that his wife could commit her adulterous act, and justify it by using his long hours of hard work as an excuse or reason. The violation of his wife by another man cut deeply into his heart. His deep felt obligation to provide for his family had been abused. His role as a father had been torn away. While not carrying the feeling that his wife was a possession, his upbringing was totally based around the sanctity and faithfulness of a wife and mother. The thought of her with another man sickened him. To have actually witnessed it, would leave him with a visual memory that would eat at his heart forever. He knew his friends had been right in stopping him from leaving in temper. But deeper down, he wished they hadn’t. His feelings of hurt and rage needed to be released. He wanted to release them on his wife. Sipping his beer, his imagination ran with cold thoughts of revenge.

  David also was lost in the silence. His stomach turning as it had done so regularly lately. Feelings of loss, abandonment and anger. Feelings of being alone. All the urgent matters that needed to be handled in the wake of his wife leaving had been completed. He was now in a limbo waiting for the matters to be resolved. He recalled his pathetic phone call to his wife a few days before, when he had almost begged her to reconsider.

  ‘I can forgive you, and we can start afresh,’ he’d said to her.

  She replied, ‘David, I can’t forgive myself for what I’ve done. There’s no way forward from that.’

  ‘You self centred fucking bitch!’ was all David had time to say before he heard her hang up on him.

  Not understanding why he felt guilty for at least trying to save his marriage, David had tried to console himself with the fact that he had at least tried. He also admitted to himself that he was hurt very badly. Outwardly he expressed it as anger and bitterness, but inside he only felt deeply hurt and betrayed. Knowing he had not been a perfect husband in the early years of their marriage, he tried to weigh up his responsibility in the final result. One thing he couldn’t see as yet was a future. His mind was fully occupied with the present and the pain. His life was slowly grinding to a halt. He wished he had some enthusiasm. For anything.

  Beth occupied Steven’s mind. Would she stand by him? He had to cut his thoughts short as he realised he was thinking about leaving her, as she would be better off without him. ‘She deserves better than what I can offer her.’ The thought was like a knife into his gut, and he almost shook visibly as he removed it from his mind. He had to resolve the problem, and keep his motivation that had seen him through from his early days of his jail sentence to finally getting a good job and meeting a wonderful woman. ‘I have come too far to give up now.’

  ‘Women huh! Who needs ‘em?’ broke the silence as Tony’s thoughts escaped from his mouth.

  ‘Well, I might get home,’ Steve said as he drank the last of his beer. ‘I’m taking Beth and the kids to the mountains tomorrow.’

  Steve didn’t want to leave his friends, but he wasn’t enjoying their misery. He did want to be with Beth. Tony and David saw him to the door when Steve’s taxi arrived. Once he’d gone, they drank themselves to sleep. A very pitiful pair of lonely men. Lost in their bitterness. Both asking the same questions in their mind. ‘Why? I just don’t understand why?’

  Saturday morning. David slept late. There was no reason to get out of bed. Nothing to do. He’d woken at seven thirty, but couldn’t see any reason to get out of bed. He’d only woken to the sound of Tony leaving the flat.

  Tony went to his office. He was way behind on his work. The events of recent weeks had taken away his usual ability to function. His desk was deep in paper work awaiting his attention. By eleven he’d cleared all the minor issues. Now he was deeply concentrating on a very big issue. Money. The business was as usual short of cash. There were two letters that were of concern. One from the bank regarding the payments on the business loan that were now three months in arrears. And one from a solicitor. It asked Tony to prepare a financial statement so proceedings could begin for his wife’s application for a deed of settlement. She was applying for consent orders to formalise their separation. He set the letter aside in his diary and made a note to see his solicitor on Monday. The heavy weight of the seriousness of the situation fell on him. Not only did he clearly see the end of his marriage, but also that his business was in jeopardy.

  Clearing his thoughts a little, he hand wrote a note to Steve Sharp requesting him to prepare an up to
date profit and loss and balance sheet so he could take it to his solicitor the next week. He faxed it immediately. After that, he wandered around the warehouse wondering what was going to happen.

  David woke a little after twelve. He just sat in front of the television and watched some golf. When Tony returned at three, he had a carton of beer under his arm. Both felt themselves sliding into a pit of self pity and despair. They drank away the afternoon, and evening. They both thought they couldn’t fall lower. The worst was over. It wasn’t. This was only the beginning.

  Wednesday morning saw Tony in Edward Scarli’s office. He’d been Tony’s solicitor for many years and he knew Tony’s family well. Edward felt for Tony, but conducted himself professionally for this meeting. After reading the letter from Tony’s wife, and scanning the financial papers Tony had bought, he looked Tony squarely in the eye.

  ‘Tony, you’re not going to like what I’m going to tell you.’

  ‘Well, let’s get it over Ed. What’s going to happen from here?’

  ‘Ok Tony. It’s like this. Your wife will be entitled to half of all assets. Property, business assets, cash and furniture. With the current position of your business, I’m sure it’ll cause you difficulty in continuing with the business. Once these orders are in place, you won’t be able to borrow against any of your property unless you have the approval from your wife. This’ll probably mean having to sell your house. It might mean having to sell your business.’

  Tony sat silently.

  ‘I can try and negotiate a deed of settlement for you Tony, but most issues are covered in detail under the Family Law Act. There’s also the issue of custody, access and child support payments. You’ll need to advise me if you wish to seek custody of your children. Once that issue is clear, then child support will need to be addressed.’