Xander

by Dana Archer

  The patio door opened. Gwen’s light, pure scent swept out, and he exhaled on a sigh of relief. Tightness had tensed his muscles in the few minutes they’d spent apart. Anxiety over the unexpected text from Brock had caused it. Both Molly and Megan had suffered enough in their short lives. If there was something that might hurt them further…

  Xander fisted his hands. A dark fury unfurled, stirring his wolves and drawing them out of the mystical realm they lived in. They stretched within him, taking up space in his body. Each large alpha male wanted to be released. The urge to hunt swamped him, drowning out rational thought. He wanted to find the scientist who’d treated the little girls as if they were lab rats and kill him, slowly and mercilessly.

  The patio door closed with a soft thump. “Vlad told me I’d find you out here.”

  Gwen’s musical voice wrapped around him, silencing the low growls of his wolves. Each big animal turned its focus to their mate. While the anger over Megan’s and Molly’s treatment hadn’t faded, the cold rage and single-minded instinct to seek revenge did seep into the background.

  After months of searching, they hadn’t found any leads on those who’d played god with Megan’s and Molly’s souls, turning them into pseudo hosts for the spirits of the Ammon pack and the Leon pride in the quest to steal immortality from the Royals. Until Xander did and exacted revenge on them, he wouldn’t be able to let go of the rage.

  For the moment, though, his anger caused unnecessary strife, and Gwen didn’t need to suffer with it. Another deep inhale filled his lungs with his mate’s scent. Peace slipped through him, calming his wolves and his turbulent mind.

  He closed his eyes and took a moment to revel in the power she wielded. Gwen stroked a hand over his bare back, then turned his face to hers and kissed him. Need spread through him, stirring his body. All it took was her lips on his to arouse him. Although tempted to give in to their instant attraction, this conversation couldn’t wait.

  Loving Gwen last night had shown him what a complete soul-bonding between the three of them would be like. The relief, the peace, the utter rightness of sharing her soul with Vlad had felt like heaven. The hours since, alone in his own soul with only his wolves to keep him company, paled in comparison. He wanted the ability to reach out to Gwen whenever he needed her, not have to wait for her to be close to him to experience her calming touch.

  He eased back and caught her gaze. A mix of confidence and desire showed in her eyes. He loved seeing it there, knowing he was partially responsible for it. Her own inner strength and Vlad’s support brought out the rest of it. “Good morning, my beautiful mate.”

  “Good morning, my alpha.” She slipped under his arm and squeezed between his body and the railing of the balcony.

  The fuzzy kitten-themed pants and thermal gray top she wore should’ve looked ridiculous on the woman who’d pleasured her mates in front of their pack, but it fit her. Despite what they’d shared, innocence clung to her. He suspected it always would. He couldn’t be more grateful either. Her smile brightened his dark world.

  “I promised to make omelets the other morning. I never got the chance. Come inside, and I’ll cook them for breakfast today.”

  “I’d like that.” Hopefully, she’d still be willing to cook for him after they had this conversation.

  She trailed her fingers down his abs to the waistband of the kilt he’d put on after the shower they’d shared with Vlad. “I can’t promise they’ll be good, but I’ll feed you.” Smiling she raised her gaze to his. “That should make up for the inevitable burnt-egg taste that makes my omelets so unforgettable.”

  Matching her grin, he settled his hands on her waist and slipped his fingers under her shirt to rest the tips against her soft skin. “I grew up in a time when most food was cooked over a fire. Everything had that burnt taste to it.”

  She laughed. “So it’ll be like old times.”

  “No. I didn’t have you in my life back then.”

  Her smile faded. A calculated expression slipped over her features. “Didn’t Elizabeth cook for you?”

  “My wife cooked for me, yes.” Giving Elizabeth that title felt like a betrayal to Gwen, but that was what Elizabeth had been to him. He wouldn’t lessen her importance any more than he already had. “She also mended my clothes, washed my body, and cleaned my house.”

  Gwen wrinkled her nose. “Are you sure she wasn’t your slave?”

  “In certain respects, I suppose. But I was also hers.”

  Gwen studied him a moment. Her brows pinched. “How so?”

  “I gave up everything for her—my pack, my position, and my best friend.” And he’d resented Elizabeth for it.

  “Elizabeth didn’t know you were a shifter.”

  “No.” He dropped his forehead to Gwen’s. “She was a lady, a woman of immense wealth and position. I had neither of those. Our pack in that age was poor and struggling to rebuild our numbers. A pack war had decimated us to a handful of males.” His father had been furious when Vlad had returned alone, delivering the message that Xander had decided to explore the world.

  “And you didn’t think she’d want to…what? Lower her standards?” Disdain twisted Gwen’s words.

  If that had only been the truth, he wouldn’t feel so shitty. “No. I didn’t want to lower mine.”

  Silence stretched. He ignored Gwen’s cool reaction. He deserved it, and she deserved to hear the rest of this. “At the time Elizabeth and I met, I was next in line to be alpha, and my father wanted me to take his place. He was tired of living. Tired of the responsibility. Tired of everything. He wanted to end his life but his obligation to the pack and my refusal to accept the spirit stopped him.”

  “And you refused to ascend because he would’ve committed suicide?” Gwen tilted her head to the side in that inquisitive gesture he’d come to expect from her.

  “Not exactly.” He sighed. Explaining this aspect of immortality was never easy. “My father had lived a long, long time. He’d watched humans suffer and die while he never aged. He’d migrated his pack from what’s now known as Germany to Russia, then to Ireland and finally to Scotland to escape both human and pack wars. During those years, he’d buried dozens of his own children, along with his mate. He was tired and had nobody to comfort him.”

  “Because his mate had died.”

  “No, my mother wouldn’t have comforted him even if she had been alive. She hated him. They were breeding partners in the truest sense of the term. When she’d lived, she did everything in her power to make his life miserable.”

  “Oh.” Gwen’s eyes widened in shock, then understanding. “I see.”

  Xander stroked his finger down Gwen’s neck to her mate bite. “In a way, my mother’s death had freed him to end his life. He no longer had to protect her, and he had a son he’d been prepping to take his place for many years.”

  “You?”

  Xander nodded. “My father had wanted me to choose a breeding partner and take his place.”

  “And this was about the same time that you’d met Elizabeth, right?”

  “Yes. I met Elizabeth when I followed Vlad into a nearby village. He’d been disappearing for days on end and wouldn’t tell me why. I found out when I caught them in bed together.” Xander shook his head, disgusted by what he’d done. “I caused a scene. Her father showed up, tossed Vlad out, then invited me to dinner as a thank-you for saving his precious daughter from a scandal. After dinner, I pleasured Elizabeth, and we began a secret relationship.”

  “Did you recognize her as your true mate?”

  “Yes. I was both happy and saddened at the realization. The goddess had chosen a human for me, a lady who was as sophisticated and proper as any I’d known. Every time I touched her, I felt as if I were dirtying her.”

  “How so?”

  He slid his hands into Gwen’s fuzzy pants. “Certain things…sexual things…were off-limits for a woman of her caliber. If I’d shown her who I really am, exposed her to my hungers, she would’ve run
back to her father, claiming me an animal.”

  He chuckled, but the sound held no humor. Bitterness twisted it. “Actually, that was what she did when she learned the truth. She fled our home, saying she was going to ask her church to annul our marriage, then beg her father for forgiveness for being tempted into an unholy union. She died on the way.”

  Gwen studied him. He waited for the questions. Her disgust. Instead, she tilted her head and asked, “What about Tabitha?”

  Xander rubbed his cheek over Gwen’s hair and breathed in her scent, allowing the comfort she offered to soothe him. He thought about asking her why she didn’t condemn him, but the compulsion to answer her question overrode his desire. “Vlad dated her secretly for months while I was away on pack business. When he’d mentioned to Xane he’d been seeing a human girl, I cut my trip short and tracked her down. I have to admit I was somewhat jealous. Vlad was supposed to be my best friend, yet during all our conversations, he’d never mentioned Tabitha.” He grinned, amused by his reasoning at the time. “I suppose I was also a little territorial of Vlad. He should’ve been spending his time with me, not a human female.”

  “And you’re sure you’re not gay?” She gasped and leaned back. “Because I don’t care if you are. I want you happy, and I—”

  Xander bent his head and nipped her nose in a playful bite.

  “Hey!” She rubbed her nose. “That was uncalled for.”

  Chuckling, he pressed his lips to her nose, easing any discomfort he might have caused, then leaned back. “No, my mate. I’m not gay. I’m possessive of what belongs to me, and Vlad is as much mine as you are. I simply hadn’t understood why at the time.”

  She nodded. “So Vlad caught the two of you together and…?”

  “Caused a scene as I’d done with Elizabeth, but he hadn’t stopped there. He also told Tabitha she was sleeping with a monster. Terrified of both of us, she ran.”

  “And died.”

  “Yes.” Xander closed his eyes. “And I was more upset about losing my friendship with Vlad than Tabitha’s death. That sounds horrible, but hear me out.”

  “I’m listening.” And she was trying to understand too. It made this easier knowing his mate was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. It gave him hope she would not only put the past behind them but forgive him.

  “I recognized Tabitha as my true mate, but I had no intention of mating her. She reminded me too much of Elizabeth, and I wasn’t about to ruin Tabitha’s life as I’d did Elizabeth’s. The ten years of Elizabeth’s life I stole had left me regretful. Her accusations, her tears, and her death weighed too heavily on me. I wasn’t about to repeat my mistakes, but I wasn’t about to let Vlad steal my true mate’s soul. I’d planned on claiming it when…”

  Gods, he couldn’t say it. The truth sickened him. He had to, though. “When my true mate was strong enough to stand at my side as an alpha female. When she could match me in every way.” Xander traced his mate’s lips. “Be the woman I needed. My equal.”

  Gwen mapped his face with her gaze before staring into his eyes. “You’d thought the same about me as you had Elizabeth and Tabitha, didn’t you? You thought I couldn’t be an alpha’s mate. That’s why you wanted our mating kept secret. That’s why you thought to shield me from the threats the Shifter Council posed. Because you thought—”

  He pressed his lips to hers, stopping her words. “I thought to give you time to trust yourself enough to let your strength out. I caught glimpses of it from the moment we met in this lifetime, but then the same timid reactions I’d associated with Elizabeth would cloud your strength. I couldn’t make sense of your reactions, but I knew I wasn’t giving up on you. Not after witnessing your inner strength as you faced your captor and demanded Reno answer your questions. Not after learning about the things you did to protect Molly and Elias. Those are the traits of the woman I want by my side for eternity.”

  Gwen wrapped her arms around Xander’s waist and laid her cheek against his chest. “And they were traits neither Elizabeth nor Tabitha had. That’s why you didn’t mate them. They were too weak.”

  Had they been? Until yesterday, he would’ve said yes. Loving Gwen the way he had with Vlad, as equally as physically possible, had changed his outlook. His true mate’s strength had never been the problem. His had. Or more accurately, his pride had. He’d allowed it to rule him.

  He hugged Gwen tight and confessed his true sin, the one he’d only now realized. “No, my mate. I was.”

  Gwen tipped her head back and studied him. Finally, she frowned. “How so?”

  “I couldn’t accept that I wasn’t enough for you. I’d known it when Elizabeth lived. Vlad had been the one to comfort Elizabeth and make her laugh. But I hadn’t wanted to think about the reason why.” Memories of catching the two of them together returned. All of Elizabeth and Vlad’s encounters had been innocent. Silly, even. It hadn’t mattered. Vlad had made Xander’s wife smile.

  “And I’d hated it. Elizabeth was my wife. Mine, not his.” Xander narrowed his eyes, letting Gwen see the dark possessiveness he’d felt then. “And wives in that time were possessions, Gwen. That might sound barbaric to you, but that’s the way things were for humans and for shifters. Elizabeth’s father would’ve sold her off to one of his allies or enemies as a way to strengthen his position. Her needs wouldn’t have mattered. At all.”

  Gwen laid a hand against his cheek. “But mine do, don’t they?”

  She asked the question, but her tone suggested she already knew the answer. He gave it to her anyway. “Yes, very much. You are my mate.”

  “Your equal.”

  Xander brushed her hair from her cheek and kissed her soft skin. “You are my everything.”

  “Then you’re going to trust me to act as your alpha female.”

  The unspoken ultimatum set him on edge. He leaned back. Gwen watched him through carefully neutral eyes. “How so?”

  “You’re going to appoint me as our pack’s representative with Shifter Affairs, and you’re going to allow me to accompany the Shifter Affairs agents when they rescue Eli. They have a lead on him. Ella, the agent I spoke with a few days ago, confirmed there’d be a death match this full moon. She doesn’t have a location yet but will let us know the moment she does.”

  Every muscle in Xander’s body tensed. His breathing roughened, and his pulse pounded on a surge of adrenaline. His first instinct was to deny her. They’d come too far in their relationship tonight to do so, however. “On one condition.”

  Surprise flashed across Gwen’s face. She must’ve expected him to refuse her. “What?”

  “We soul-bond tonight.”

  Her eyes widened. Her mouth opened. She snapped it closed. “Tonight? But won’t you have to…to…” Eyes downcast, she shook her head.

  “Deliver a death wound?” He lifted her chin. “Yes, but Vlad and I won’t allow you to die. You know this. We will give you pieces of our souls, then allow our wolves to join with you too. When you recover from the mating, you will be immortal.” It was a simplified version and didn’t touch on the pain she’d experience, but no amount of analyzing or worrying would stop them.

  She licked her lips. “Unless I lose my head, right?”

  He nodded. “Yes, that is how immortality for Royals works, and if that happened, Vlad and I would follow you into death.” He bent down and stared into her eyes. “I won’t face another day without sharing a soul-bond. I won’t lose you.” Or allow Owen’s dream to come true.

  Drawing in a shaky breath, she nodded. “Then it’s a date. As soon as we get back tonight, we’ll make this thing between us permanent.”

  Gwen’s courage impressed him. He kissed her, slipping his tongue past her lips and loving her mouth until she sighed and clutched at his shoulders, digging her nails into his bare skin. He eased back so his lips brushed hers. “It’ll be just you and Vlad visiting Molly. I must follow up on a lead involving Molly and Megan.”

  Gwen tensed. “What lead?”


  “Something about the experiments done on them.”

  “You’ll tell me every detail.” A demand, not a request.

  “Of course.”

  She exhaled on a sigh of relief, and her shoulders relaxed. “Good.”

  “No more secrets between us, Gwen. Ever. Tonight, after we soul-bond, you’ll have full access to my memories and thoughts.”

  Gwen laid her palm on his chest, right over his heart. “I’m glad you didn’t mate Elizabeth or Tabitha. I know that sounds horrible, but if you did, we wouldn’t be sharing this moment. Right here. Right now. I don’t ever want to forget it. Just like I don’t ever want to forget how you gave up everything for me back in that cabin when you gave me a piece of your soul, despite your doubts about me…us. That took courage, more than I will ever have.”

  “I disagree. I—”

  Gwen pressed her lips to his, stopping his words. “You are an honorable man, and I’m proud to call you my mate.”

  Overwhelmed by emotions he wasn’t used to feeling, Xander wrapped his arms around Gwen. “And I am proud to call you mine.”

  Gwen swallowed loud enough for him to hear, then eased out of his embrace and held out a hand to him. “Then let me make you and Vlad breakfast, and we’ll go conquer our days. We have two little girls to protect. Megan and Molly might not be Winchesters, but they’re the closest to kids our pack has at the moment.”

  Xander twined his fingers with Gwen’s but didn’t budge with her soft tug. She glanced over her shoulder. A question showed in her eyes.

  “There’s one thing we should talk about first.” The topic wasn’t one he’d wanted to broach for a long time, but he needed Gwen’s answer before her decision was influenced by anything she might pick out of either his or Vlad’s head.

  “What’s that?”