Holding My Breath

by A. M. Hartnett

  She thrust up and took on what felt like her body’s apocalypse. Instead of sobbing through it, she found herself laughing idiotically as his prediction came true and she gushed around the curved shaft.

  He gave her no time to recover.

  ‘Another go?’ he asked, and must have thought she was mad as she cackled into the bedding. ‘Molly?’

  She shook her head into the bedding. ‘You paid for it, you do what you want with it.’

  ‘There’s my prissy bitch.’

  He withdrew the dildo and quickly unhooked her restraints. Joints snapped as she stretched out, but she didn’t venture any further in her newfound freedom than to turn over onto her back and stretch out.

  She could have fallen asleep if it wasn’t for the sound of water running once again followed by the clink of metal against porcelain, a reminder that Quinn would return and that he’d be ready for more. That’s all she needed to revive her.

  With his return came the blissful smile. She reached for him as he knelt on the bed, then groaned as he took her hands and dragged them up past her head.

  ‘You really like these things,’ she teased as he reattached her to the headboard.

  ‘I paid for it, I get to do what I want with it,’ he countered, and, once she was reattached, gave her a quick kiss before climbing off the bed again. ‘You need some refreshing.’

  He collected the lipstick and straddled her hips. Molly’s laughter returned as he uncapped the tube, but when he cupped her chin she puckered her lips for him.

  ‘You’re right. It doesn’t smear,’ he explained as he lined her lips, ‘but it does fade pretty quickly.’

  When he’d finished, Molly lifted her head and looked pointedly at his hard-on, now squeezed into a thin condom. ‘I thought you were good.’

  ‘I could be better.’

  She lifted one leg and jingled the metal hanging from the cuff. ‘What about these?’

  Dropping the lipstick next to her, Quinn made a hungry sound and captured her leg. ‘I have no intentions of keeping your legs together all night. The opposite, actually.’

  He drew her leg out and turned his face into the cuff, peeking at her from behind her own pedicured foot as he ran his hand along the shape of her calf. The adoration radiated from him, sending a tickle from the tips of her toes to the point of her tongue. She curled both as he unhooked one strap and then the other, and continued this torturously slow and gentle seduction.

  By the time he drew her legs around his waist and lowered himself over her, Molly was so desperate to get him as close as possible that she forgot about her bondage and reached for him, only to be met with the snap of tension.

  Quinn vibrated with a quiet laugh and the corners of his mouth turned up. ‘Gotcha.’

  ‘Just kiss me, you bastard.’

  He did what she asked and left her breathless once more with a kiss just as sensuous and possessive as his descent down her body. The emotion that welled up in her chest was too much as he continued this decadent feasting along her neck and across her shoulder. Molly struggled not to be overcome by it. She struggled to keep the words in, and once she’d finally coaxed them out they jumbled in her mouth.

  Quinn rose up over her, a glorious sight with those broad shoulders heaving. Even after such a long and eventful night, his hair was perfectly intact and sculpted. It drove her wild: she wanted to lay her hands on him and peel away that Armani veneer for the last time.

  Desperate to see him sweat, she lifted her hips, bringing a smile to his face that immediately infected her.

  ‘You ready for this?’ he asked and rose to his knees. One quick and sinful swipe of his finger along her slippery cunt and he smeared the moisture along his shaft, holding her gaze as he stroked himself.

  A bubble of laughter broke, and with it all that intensity she hadn’t known what to do with. Giggles mixed with disbelieving sobs, and she shook her head.

  ‘Oh, God, this is crazy,’ she blubbered, rolling her head upon the mattress. ‘This is so crazy. I’m cuffed to the bed, watching you jerk off, and I can’t remember the last time I was this happy. I’m so fucking happy I can’t even stand it.’

  As soon as the episode passed, she was struck with absolute terror that he’d think she’d gone mental, but Quinn was undeterred. He guided his dick to the wet opening he’d worked so tirelessly to create, then slipped his hands under her ass.

  Molly closed her eyes and surrendered to the high of having that superb cock sliding deep, but only for a moment. If she couldn’t wrap her arms around him, she wanted him in her sights.

  ‘I know just what you’re saying, baby,’ he said softly as he rocked in and out. ‘If you’d told me just a few months ago that this is where I’d be, my last night on the job, I’d have said you were out of your fucking mind. If you’d told me that I’d have a woman like you in my bed looking at me like I was the only man in the world …’

  He let the sentiment hover there like a cloud over her body. It might have been the cuffs that restrained her, but his words were what held her down. They remained locked together as Quinn went deep, lifting her up to meet his firm thrusts. He wasn’t teasing her: the mischief in his eyes wasn’t there. This slow fuck was just a continuation of his earlier worship of her. Just as he had traced every curve of her body with his hands, his cheek and his mouth, Quinn’s movements were so deliberate she knew that he was relishing the wet sleeve that was all his.

  With an insistent pulse that ran through her, Molly’s body told her that the time had passed for savouring one another. She craved the raw treatment she had come to expect from him from the very start. She needed it, and so she bucked and twisted her body into wild contortions she needed him to tame.

  Never one to turn down a challenge, Quinn instantly hooked her knees in the crook of his elbows, then brought her with him as he knelt up.

  ‘We’re just shy of midnight. A few more minutes and I’m officially retired, but I’m going to keep you working well into the night.’ The twist of his lips signalled the return of the scoundrel, that King of Sins whose kingdom extended no further than her feverish body. ‘I’d tell you to hold on, but I don’t think you’re going anywhere.’

  He unleashed the unrelenting force she’d come to expect, an onslaught that sounded in loud claps that shook her whole body, inside and out. Elevated as she was with only her shoulders touching the mattress, all Molly could do was take and take and take, and release the urge to writhe and buck in a tornado of words that pleaded with him and cursed him all at once.

  His reverence was long gone, and she doubted she’d see it again for the rest of the night. In its place was a tone that mocked her and egged her on.

  ‘This is what it’s all about, Molly. I’m not the least bit interested in how good you can work that body. I already know that. I just want to fuck you like this all night and keep you coming. That’s where I get my money’s worth – seeing that look on your face when you wonder if you could possibly come any harder than you just did, and then making you do just that.’

  He paused for a moment, long enough to crook a finger in her slippery ass. Molly hissed through her teeth as he gave a little wriggle in and out of the tight opening, then shredded it at the back of her throat as she moaned at the force of his hips.

  As big as his talk was, she could see that he was losing the fight to keep her helpless while maintaining his bravado. She could feel it: the angle he held her at dropped by a few degrees so that it was no longer getting her at the core of it all. His body was quickly betraying him, as urgent for release as hers was.

  ‘Ah, fuck it.’ He let her slip out of his grasp, then reached over her body and quickly released her hands.

  Her relief surged up in a wave. She tucked him in, legs twined around him and fingernails digging into his ass. She sought his mouth but was denied as he went up on his hands, then she forgot about the whim for a kiss as he pumped her.

  ‘Fuck, that’s it. That’s the look I want,’ he sa
id, voice shaking as he pushed her into a frenzy, ‘and you’re getting just what you want, aren’t you?’

  His cocky expression vanished as she clenched tight around him.

  As another throb went throughout her, Molly marvelled at how bright the colours dancing in front of her eyes were, and then she realised that the lights were coming from over his shoulder. Dragged across the bed, she had the perfect view of the large windows and the harbour beyond.

  Fireworks.

  She saw fireworks, but she felt the whole goddamn universe detonating where their bodies met as he gave her what he wanted.

  ‘Jesus, Molly, when you come like this you make me want to say a prayer of thanks for giving me a dick.’

  He reached over her head and grasped the headboard, and he kept talking, but Molly wasn’t lucid enough to make sense of a word. She was ecstatic. Demented laughter and sobs poured out of her as he rode her harder than ever and kept her orgasm rolling and rolling through her body.

  Quinn bowed his head but this was far from a sign of his climax weakening him. He turned demonic and slammed down upon her, inside her, as the world lit up behind him.

  The hard muscle beneath her hand went taut as he dived deep one last time. Molly held on and bit his shoulder, and the sturdy bed turned seismic as her juicy orgasm lingered to welcome his.

  By the time they both emerged from the heaviness that blanketed them, the fireworks show was over. More delirious than ever, Molly couldn’t stop laughing as he rolled on to his back, pulling her with him.

  ‘Did you time yourself or something?’ she asked when she could work her tongue. Raising her head proved much more of a challenge. She rested her cheek on his chest and traced a circle around his nipple, fascinated as it puckered.

  ‘Are you talking about the fireworks?’

  ‘Mmm-hmm.’

  ‘Not at first, but when I heard them start I just went for it.’ His whole body swelled as he stretched, and when he’d grunted out the last of the knots in his body he gave Molly the sanctuary of his arms and kissed the top of her head. ‘I know I said I would keep this up all night, but I think we need to recharge first.’

  ‘I completely agree,’ she said, and moved her rubbery neck so she could look up at him. He wore a big smile on his face. ‘That’s not an “I just came” smile.’

  ‘This is an “I made it” smile. I made it to midnight, and I’m a free man. Come up here and give me a kiss.’

  Her muscles screeched and rebelled as she moved on top of him, but she didn’t care. As bubbly as she felt, she needed his kiss as much as he needed hers.

  She leaned over him, and he cupped her face. He looked at her as though wondering if she was real, and his smile widened when she placed her hands over his.

  ‘Happy New Year, Molly,’ he whispered.

  ‘Happy New Year, Quinn,’ she answered and pressed her lips to his.

  Chapter Thirteen

  ‘This thing intimidates me,’ she said, leaning into him as he poured espresso into a cup. ‘I can’t even set the timer on my thirty-dollar percolator. Will you do this for me when I have to work in the morning?’

  ‘I was hoping you’d bring me my coffee in bed before you left,’ he said, and jerked away when she gave him a poke. ‘Fair enough. It’ll get me on a new schedule. While you get ready for work, I’ll go on my run, and then we’ll have coffee and breakfast.’

  ‘No plans to get fat like I predicted?’

  ‘I worked too hard for this body. I want to keep it for at least another twenty years. Besides, I like running. It clears my head.’ He added steamed milk, and when she reached for the cup he slid it away. ‘Not yet.’

  ‘Ooooh, that’s pure evil in a cup right there,’ she said as he used a small grater on a miniature chocolate bar over the cup. ‘Is this your way of telling me you plan to open a coffee shop?’

  ‘No, but that is an idea. Now let that melt a little while I make mine.’ He began another pull into a fresh cup. ‘I’ve been thinking about investing in something like a food truck. I definitely don’t want to work, and even if I did I’m unqualified for everything but pumping gas or bagging groceries.’

  ‘No plans to become a beach bum in Mexico?’

  He looked sideways at her, a smile in his eyes. ‘Would you come with me?’

  Molly pursed her lips, but failed to suppress her smile. ‘I might.’

  ‘Then we’ll leave that possibility on the table.’

  He finished making his coffee and they sat at the table next to one another, Quinn at the head and Molly at his side. The coffee was as good as what had been served up to them the night before, and the sticky mess in her cup went down quickly.

  They’d roused themselves at ten o’clock but, as had been his wish, they’d stayed in bed until noon. Quinn opened the curtains and let the sun come in, and as they lolled together watching recaps of festivities around the world, Molly couldn’t stop thinking how clean and sparkling the new year seemed.

  As wonderful as the last few weeks with Quinn had been, the months that preceded their meeting had left her feeling faded and crumpled. The last of that had burned up last night, and, waking with him that morning, she’d brushed off the singed pieces.

  A similar transformation was visible in Quinn while they’d lounged. As he lay propped up against the pillows with his feet peeking from the end of the duvet and his arms draped over his head, his repose was something she hadn’t seen before. She’d watched him at rest often, but she hadn’t been aware of the weight he carried until it was lifted.

  Now, sitting across from him, he was glowing with possibility. He held his cup with one hand and toyed with her fingers with the other.

  ‘I may not sleep for days, but that was fantastic,’ she said, finishing her drink and getting to her feet. ‘I’m going to get cleaned up, and then maybe I can talk you into a walk in the park?’

  ‘You need your bag?’

  ‘You can get it later.’

  ‘Then I’ll be waiting.’

  She laughed to herself as she walked away. It was unusual for him to let her go without offering to join her, but after the previous night a breather was in order.

  She took his money, but she planned to give it right back to him: her March vacation spent with him on a resort down south, maybe an excursion to Reykjavik. She was sure that deep down he had intended her to spend it wisely, but it wasn’t hers and she wouldn’t take it unless she could spend his money on something for him.

  Buried in his robe after her shower, Molly returned to find that he had cleaned the espresso machine and their cups. The implements of their luxury breakfast had been left to dry on a mat next to the sink, and the smell of window-cleaner told her he had also wiped down the table. He was nowhere to be found. Figuring he had gone for her bag after all, she headed back to the bedroom to towel-dry her hair.

  Here was where she found him. He’d made the bed and laid out boxers, socks, sweatshirt and jeans, and now he stood gazing out of the window with his back to her.

  ‘Don’t tell me the weather’s changed,’ she said, perching on the edge of the bed. She pulled the towel from her head and used her fingers to comb through her hair. Then a funny feeling hit her. ‘Quinn?’

  He cleared his throat but didn’t turn from the panorama before him.

  ‘Let me tell you what my plans for today were,’ he said, his voice froggy. ‘Before I met you, I had it all planned out. I was going to get up and make myself a latte. I was going to take it into the bathroom downstairs and run a hot bath. I was going to put on some music, get in the water and drink my coffee, and with every sip I took I was going to take sleeping pills until I went out.’

  Molly’s reaction as he spoke was instant and fierce: tears filled her eyes and her lungs burned. The image was there in her head, a hauntingly beautiful image of this man she loved with his head tilted back on the bath pillow and his eyes closed, enjoying his music for the last time as he waited for death.

  ‘When I
decided to stop working, it was during one of my low periods. They come and go, and I get myself out of them by talking myself into taking action. That time I went big and decided to start a new life, to do something else, anything else. Then it hit me.’ He swivelled around, but kept his gaze low. ‘What was the point? I always said I had no regrets, but when you get right down to it I had the same regrets as any man who has worked his youth away, and I was alone. The thought of starting a whole new life just exhausted me.’

  He dropped onto the edge of the bed and rubbed his eyes. It wasn’t that his speech had aged him, but to Molly it seemed as though some of the finish he maintained had been sanded off. Lines around his mouth and eyes were a little more prominent. He couldn’t have been more unlike the man she had first met than he was at that moment.

  ‘You don’t need to hear this,’ he said, and looked up at her. ‘You don’t, but you’ve been so damn good to me and I just keep showing you some mask. I know leaving you every night for the last few weeks must have made it seem like none of it affected me, that you were just sitting around and waiting for me to get done sticking my dick in some other woman who paid me for the privilege. It wasn’t like that, at least not for the last month.’

  The way his gaze kept darting away from her eyes told Molly that he was building up to something else. She sank down next to him, and gave in to the compulsion to touch him. She touched his thigh and the muscle jumped beneath, then relaxed as Quinn drew a deep breath. He picked up her hand and squeezed her fingers.

  ‘I haven’t worked in a while. My last night was the night before I called you to come to my place.’ He shook his head and began to laugh. ‘I’d sit at home and read. I’d keep checking the clock to see if it was time to go back to you. I’d beat myself up for lying to you, then convince myself that I couldn’t tell you because you’d know it was because of you, and you’d think you were somehow cheating me out of something.’

  She opened her mouth to protest, then squeezed her lips together. That’s exactly what she would have done. That’s exactly what she had done when he had given her hints.