Shameless (Loving Fallon Book 1)

by Delecroix, Cassandra

  He quirks an eyebrow at my request. “Careful, or I might think you’re the one that’s after a screw.”

  “Ha-ha. I was just curious, that’s all.”

  He looks at me quizzically. “Why does my room interest you?”

  I’d learned from Blake’s that he hates his life, so I’m more than a little curious about Nick’s bedroom. “You show me yours, I’ll show you mine?” I offer flippantly.

  He studies me. “I’m going to hold you to that.”

  “I have nothing to hide.”

  “Neither do I. C’mon.” He leads me through the living room and down the hall to the very end. He opens a door and waits for me to step into the room first.

  I cross the threshold and look around. The room is small, just as I was expecting. The walls are brown, and a twin bed with black sheets rests against the wall. Since the room is so narrow, there’s only about four feet of space between the bed and the opposite wall. The only other furniture is a nightstand next to the bed, and a dresser opposite from the doorway. He has one window in his room, and the dark curtains are open, allowing the morning sunlight to filter in.

  What really draws my attention is the artwork that covers the wall that his bed rests against. There are numerous sketches and drawings that have been tacked together like a patchwork quilt. I step closer to his bed so I can study the drawings. “Is this your work?”

  “Yeah.”

  I glance at him with admiration. “Nick, these are amazing.” He doesn’t say anything as he silently watches me, and I turn back to look at each drawing. They are so detailed, and it doesn’t escape my notice that they are all dark-themed or sad. There are plenty of skulls, weeping angels, angry monsters… They say a lot about him. He’s hiding a great deal of turmoil, and it all comes out in his drawings. He’s allowing me to see his vulnerable side, and I’m amazed that he’s opening up to me, even if he hasn’t outright said anything.

  When my eyes slide back to him, it’s obvious that he’s feeling awkward. I watch as his eyes shift away from mine to scan the drawings on the wall—probably wondering what I’m thinking when I look at them.

  “Will you draw something for me?” I ask.

  His eyes zero in on me, his expression unreadable. “Why?”

  “I want to see what you see. When you look at me,” I add softly. It’s a bold request, but I think Nick sees the world differently than most people. I sense that he might be able to understand me, and maybe even relate to the darkness that will always be a part of me.

  “That what you really want?” he asks intently.

  “Yes.” I’m fully aware that I may not like what he sees, but I’m too curious. I motion to his bed. “May I?”

  “Go for it.” He walks over to his dresser and picks up a sketch pad and pencil case that had been left out.

  This might take a while, so I lie down on his bed, rolling onto my side to rest my cheek on my palm as I watch him walk over. He sits on the opposite end of the bed, leaning his back against the wall, the sketch pad resting on his drawn up knees so that I can’t see the paper.

  I smile with amusement. “This is the first time I’ve been on someone’s bed without sex being involved.”

  Nick looks up at me. “How does that make you feel?”

  “Solid.” I like that I’m not invisible to Nick, and that he doesn’t look right through me. It feels…really, really good.

  “Solid?” he repeats, and I can tell that he’s trying to figure out what my answer means. When I don’t bother to elaborate, Nick realizes he’s not going to get anything more from me in reference to his question, and he turns back to his sketch pad and begins to draw. I watch him, and my eyes drift over his wrist as his hand moves, the pencil scratching against the paper. His eyelashes hide his eyes from me, and he looks to be completely engrossed in what he’s doing.

  I’m relaxed and zoning out when Nick breaks the silence a short time later.

  “Done,” he says quietly.

  More than a little eager to see what he’s drawn, I promptly sit up. He hands the paper to me. It’s the most beautifully drawn rose I’ve ever seen, and it’s weeping its petals. The depth of emotion that he’d managed to put into the drawing is stunning, and my chest tightens as I stare down at it. This is what he sees when he looks at me?

  “You’re beautiful, but you radiate sadness,” Nick says in a careful tone, as if he’s concerned that I might be upset by what he’s drawn.

  It’s hard to pull my eyes away from the rose, but I do it anyway as I meet his gaze, feeling oddly vulnerable. “I do?” I ask tentatively.

  “Yes, you do.”

  My eyes drop back down to the weeping rose. No one has ever noticed the parts of me that Nick can see. “Can I keep this?”

  “I drew it for you, so that makes it yours.”

  Eight

  I’m almost ready for school the following morning when there’s a brisk knock on my bedroom door, and it pushes open. Catherine has never sought me out before, and I look up with surprise, already knowing that this is definitely a bad way to start the day.

  She stands in the doorway, her expression more than a little displeased. Her hair is a disaster, and she’s wearing her fuzzy, blue bathrobe. It’s evident she’d just woken up, and I assume she’d set her alarm so that she could confront me before school. “A boy came by looking for you yesterday. What did I say about bringing them here?” she demands as her expression darkens.

  Who in the world…? Blake? “I didn’t ask anyone to come over,” I say calmly, standing in the center of the room as I wait to find out how much trouble I’m in.

  “Keep those filthy boys away from my home. If I catch one more on the premises, you’re out of here. Do you understand?”

  “Yes.”

  Her eyes narrow on my face. “Are those bruises?”

  I haven’t had the chance to cover them, but admitting anything will just make me look worse in her eyes, so I remain silent.

  She smirks. “Tick off the wrong person, did you?” When I don’t respond, she folds her arms over her ample chest, her smile widening. “By the way, your rent is due next week,” she announces.

  My jaw nearly drops. “Rent? What rent?”

  “You’re not living here for free, and now that you have a job, you can help pay the bills.” She turns and shuts the door firmly, ending the conversation.

  Bitterness sweeps over me as my heart sinks. Catherine is doing everything possible to make certain that I never succeed in this town. She wants me to spiral out of control like my mother had, and she knows paying rent is going to make it all the more difficult for me to save anything.

  My fists clench, and my fingernails dig into my palms as I draw in a deep breath and slowly exhale. I’m going to make this work. Things could always be worse, and at least I have a roof over my head. Refusing to let Catherine tear me down or break me, I walk over to the dresser and pick up the concealer.

  Sooner or later, I will have a car. It may be cheaper than I’d intended, but as long as it gets me to and from places, that’s all that matters. Plus, a car can double as my home if I still can’t afford a place of my own after graduation.

  After doing my best to cover the bruises that had darkened overnight, I skip taking a shower and change into something for school. After grabbing a granola bar, I leave before Catherine can decide to make another unwelcome appearance. I’ve only made it a few blocks when I hear someone call my name.

  “Fallon!”

  I turn and watch as Blake pulls up in his Camaro. He leans over and motions for me to get in. After a brief moment of uncertainty, I step towards the car and open the passenger door. I hadn’t expected Blake to want to talk to me anymore. Once my door is closed, Blake pulls away from the curb and drives down another block before turning a corner and parking the Camaro.

  “What are we doing?” I ask with confusion.

  Blake turns to face me, his dark eyes roaming over my features. “Talking. I heard about the f
ight.”

  There’s not much I want to say to that. The last thing I want to do is admit that the fight had been over him, although that’s quite apparent.

  He sighs and drags a hand through his hair. “I wasn’t thinking when I took you up to my room. I’m trying to keep things amicable with Camilla, so I didn’t want to start banning her from any parties that I throw. I figured with us being broken up, she’d know that she has no claim on me or any right to intervene when it comes to what I do.”

  There’s a part of me that wants to tell him he’s an idiot for thinking any girl would just let him go without a fight. “I can handle myself,” I say instead.

  His mouth twitches and then forms a grin. “So I noticed. I’ve never seen Camilla with a black eye.” His expression turns serious. “I knew she wouldn’t be happy if I showed interest in someone else so soon, but I never thought that she’d physically go after you.”

  “I kind of baited her,” I say truthfully. I probably shouldn’t admit that, but it’s too late now.

  “Why?”

  I look away and watch as a woman walks down the sidewalk with a small dog tugging on its leash. “I don’t know. I just didn’t like being pushed around,” I reply.

  “You could have been expelled.”

  “I know.”

  “This is all my fault. Camilla’s…stubborn and can be vindictive when she wants to be. If she’s this mad, she’ll likely try to get you expelled since the school has a strict no violence policy. One more physical altercation, and you’re done. I’ll talk to her, but you need to keep your head and not allow her or her friends to instigate anything.”

  My eyes swing back to his. “I told you, I can handle her.”

  Blake’s lips tighten. “I’m really sorry, Fallon. I didn’t mean to drag you into any of this.”

  Great. Now he feels guilty for sleeping with me, the ‘friendless new girl’ that his ex has targeted. Anxious to end the conversation, I smile confidently. “You don’t have to worry; I’ll be fine.” I reach for the handle, opening the door.

  Blake lightly catches my arm to stop me. “Wait, where are you going?”

  I look back at him. “I’m going to walk to school.”

  He releases my arm as his eyes search mine. “Why did you leave Saturday night?”

  I blink at the unexpected question. “Wasn’t that what you wanted?”

  “No, not really. I had every intention of taking you home.”

  “I found my own way home.”

  He winces. “I figured that out when I couldn’t find you.”

  There doesn’t seem to be much else to say, so I turn to leave.

  “Wait. Are you doing anything Thursday evening?” Blake asks.

  I turn back to face him, and he looks serious as he waits for my answer. He apparently wants a second round with me, and I can’t help but feel elated as I take in his handsome face. I already know what’s beneath his clothes. He’d felt so good… I have absolutely no restraint. “I have nothing planned yet,” I tell him.

  “Can I pick you up? Maybe around six?”

  “I’ll watch for you. And Blake? Don’t come to the house again, okay?”

  He grimaces apologetically. “I thought it was you at home, not your aunt. I’m sorry if I caused you any trouble.”

  “You didn’t. See you Thursday.” I climb out of his car, firmly shutting the door before I resume my walk to school.

  ~*~

  Much to my surprise, the day goes by smoothly. At one point, I manage to catch a glimpse of Camilla, and I’m pleased that she looks just as bad as I do. Fortunately, Camilla and her friends leave me alone, and I am able to concentrate on my classes without any distractions.

  After school, I find Nick lounging near my locker. I’m excited to see him, and I know that I am treading on dangerous ground. I’m beginning to really like him, which means my heart will be crushed when he grows bored and walks away for good.

  He straightens when he sees me, and he tucks a hand in his jeans pocket as he adjusts his black backpack on his shoulder. “You work?”

  A faint smile touches my lips. I like how he’s a man of few words. When he does talk, it’s important, because he doesn’t make conversation just to fill in the gaps.

  “Yeah,” I tell him.

  “I’ll give you a ride.”

  “Thank you.” I open my locker and put away the books I’m carrying.

  When I’m finished, I close the door, and Nick and I begin walking. My eyes happen to clash with Blake’s across the hall, and his brown eyes shift between me and Nick, his brow furrowing. Then Nick and I are swept along with the crowd of students, and Blake is gone from my sight.

  Nick walks beside me as we exit the school and head towards the parking lot. “It’s going to start cooling down,” he comments.

  My nose wrinkles. “I hate the cold.”

  “Better get used to it if you don’t have a car in the next month or so.”

  “I know,” I say miserably.

  We approach his motorcycle, and I climb on behind him and wrap my arms around his waist. As he backs out of the parking space and steers us around a car that’s stalled, I hear his words echo in my head from the other day. Fallon, I’m trying to be your friend.

  A frown forms on my lips. I’m glad that he sees more in me than just an available body to enjoy, but yet I’m confused. He’s not really getting anything in return, and I learned a long time ago that people always want something—they expect it. Is this some sort of game? Is he secretly working his way up to crushing me? Some guys get off on that kind of thing.

  Nick seems genuine, but in my seventeen years, no one’s ever shown much interest in me. I’ve always been in the background, an annoying afterthought. I have no idea how to handle this situation with Nick. I’m also starting to feel strangely put out that he doesn’t appear to want me. Sex is about the only thing I happen to be good at. Have I given him the impression that I’m a lousy screw?

  When we reach the tattoo shop, I’m still lost in thought as I climb off the motorcycle and follow Nick to the back entrance of the shop.

  I’m startled when Nick touches my arm, stopping me from entering the building. “You okay?” he asks as he peers down at me.

  I want to ask him why he’s been sticking around, but the greedy part of me is frightened that I might somehow scare him off. Even if this is all just a game, I am still enjoying the attention. I feel like someone actually cares about me, and I want to enjoy the illusion for as long as Nick is interested.

  “Of course,” I say with a bright smile.

  His slate gray eyes narrow. “You’re lying.”

  “How would you know?”

  Those eyes of his burn into mine. “I’ve never seen you smile that brightly before, and it definitely didn’t reach your eyes.”

  Well hell. I glare at him. “I’m fine. Better?”

  The corner of his mouth tilts up with amusement. “What am I going to do with you?”

  “Throw me down and have your wicked way with me?” I can’t resist teasing.

  His expression tenses, and he shifts his weight, putting a little physical distance between us. “You’re going to be late.”

  I can’t read his expression, and suddenly I’m worried. “Nick…”

  “I’ll give you a ride home.” He turns and opens the door, walking inside without a backward glance.

  I trail after him, knowing that I’ve done something wrong. I shouldn’t have teased him, and now I’m left feeling confused. Is he really not attracted to me? How do I hold onto him for just a little longer if I can’t tempt him with sex? The day we’d been at his place, I hadn’t really cared that he wasn’t interested, because I hadn’t been in the mood. But now that he’s continuing on with this friendship stuff, I’m feeling a little lost.

  Guys have become predictable to me. They only think with their dicks, and once they’ve had their fun, they’re off to their next conquest. I’ve grown accustomed to it, and no
w I expect it. Knowing that my time with them is short is what helps keep me from getting hurt. I have no expectations. All I desire is the sex and the moment when a guy finds his pleasure inside me. I like knowing I gave it to him, that I was good at something.

  But Blake and Nick have me confused, and I can’t protect my heart when I can’t predict when my time with them will end. Although, I’m assuming Blake will grow bored with me after Thursday. I still can’t believe he wants me again.

  As for Nick, this illusion of friendship will destroy me if I can’t figure out what he’s after. I love his attention, I’m hungry for it, but I need to start thinking logically.

  My entire shift is a blur, and I find Nick waiting for me when it’s over. He’s silent as we climb onto his motorcycle, and his quietness feels normal. I’m not getting any vibes that he’s upset with me, so I relax against his back, enjoying the ride.

  When we approach Catherine’s house, the lights are on inside. Nick drives past the corner and continues on, and I’m immensely relieved that I don’t have to go back just yet. We drive through town once more, and at first, I don’t think he has a destination in mind until we pass the city limits. At that point, I think we’re headed to his place, but then he takes us down a few roads we’ve never been on before. He pulls off onto a dirt road that I hadn’t been able to see until the motorcycle’s headlight had lit up the path.

  The road is bumpy with potholes, and I clutch Nick tightly around the waist as we drive through a wooded area. It’s completely dark out here, and I’d be uncomfortable if I were with a stranger. Instead, I just feel mild curiosity since I know Nick would never hurt me. Something glitters ahead as the headlight bounces across the wilderness, and Nick slows the bike and comes to a complete stop as we break away from the trees.

  My arms fall away from his waist, and I ease off the bike and walk over to the water’s edge. It’s a large pond, and trees surround the area, giving it a tranquil and intimate feel. The moon is high in the sky, and it’s reflecting off the water’s surface, causing the pond to look very picturesque.