Shameless (Loving Fallon Book 1)

by Delecroix, Cassandra

  Instead of working on homework, I find one of the computers available and log onto the internet. I may not be able to solve Nick’s issues for him, but maybe I can put my own into perspective and figure out what to do where Nick and Blake are concerned.

  There has to be plenty of relationships that aren’t by the book, and I think a relationship is defined by those who are in it. There has to be other people like me out there, women or men that don’t want to commit to one single person, they feel they can handle multiple relationships. Maybe it’s the way I grew up without knowing love that makes me greedy for more than just a two-person relationship. Is what I want unhealthy? I’m thinking it might be a good idea to do a little research and find out.

  I read with avid interest about the many different kinds of romantic relationships that people can have or are interested in. I’m not alone with wanting more than what is considered normal, and that makes me feel a little better. Triad relationships aren’t uncommon, but definitely not as common as monogamy.

  The lunch hour flies by as I read article after article, and by the time I walk out of the library, I have more of an understanding as to what I want and how I feel about it. I’m not delusional. I know that neither Nick nor Blake will be open to the idea, but I need to find a way to avoid being pressured into choosing one or the other.

  Since it’s not something I have to figure out right away, I push aside my thoughts on relationships and begin concentrating on Nick. I don’t want him going home tonight, and I’m hoping that I can talk him into staying with me.

  ~*~

  I couldn’t get Nick to utter more than one or two words on the way to work, so I’m prepared to try a different tactic as we walk towards his car after our shifts. I climb into the passenger seat and close the squeaky door before securing my seatbelt. Nick’s silent as he backs the car out of the parking space, and it looks like he has every intention of remaining uncommunicative.

  “Do you snore?” I ask offhandedly.

  My question has caught him by surprise, and he glances at me. “Snore?” he echoes, looking bewildered by my question.

  “Yep.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Good. I should warn you though, I’m a restless sleeper,” I tell him.

  We slow down at an intersection, and he looks at me once more. “Why would I need to know that?”

  “You’re staying with me tonight,” I say firmly, bracing myself for the inevitable argument that’s coming.

  Nick promptly scowls, and he stares straight ahead, his entire body visibly tense now. “Fallon, I don’t need you protecting me.”

  “I’m not.”

  The light turns green, and the car moves forward again. “Yes, you are,” he says with irritation.

  “No,” I correct. “I am being selfish. I want to cuddle with that sexy body of yours.”

  A snort escapes him as he drives, his expression more than a little aggravated.

  “Fine. If you don’t stay, I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight because I’ll be thinking about you. That’ll lead to text messages filling up your phone throughout the night since you couldn’t be nice enough to share my bed.”

  Nick is broodingly silent now.

  “You know how you once said that friendship isn’t about giving or taking, it’s about being there for one another? This is me being here for you. You’re my first real friend. Let me in,” I say softly.

  Nick sighs heavily. “Now you’re playing dirty,” he grumbles.

  “Does it help that I have a twin bed, so that means lots of cuddling?” I coax.

  “Sold,” he grudgingly says.

  A triumphant grin spreads across my face. I’d hated using his own advice against him, but it worked.

  “What about your aunt?” he asks.

  “She never checks on me at night.”

  A few minutes later, Nick parks his car at the corner, and we walk through the dark to the house. I lead him to my window, but Nick hesitates. “What’s wrong?”

  “Are you sure about this?” he whispers.

  “She’s not home, so you don’t have to be quiet. And absolutely.” I turn and push open the window and climb inside.

  Nick pulls himself into my room, and he tries to hide a grimace as he straightens. “Why not use the front door if she’s not home?”

  I shrug and walk to the light switch, turning it on. “I like the window. Now let me see your ribs,” I say calmly.

  He looks at me mutely, his eyes warning me not to make a big deal out of what had happened to him.

  I place my hands on my hips, unfazed by his surly mood. “You’re going to have to take your shirt off anyway unless you plan on sleeping in your clothes.”

  His eyes narrow, and then he gives me an adorably sullen look before reaching for the hem of his shirt and easing it off. My eyes run over his chest, ignoring his sexy abs and the muscles that I wish I could explore. He has bruising along his ribs, and that tells me that he’d either been hit with fists repeatedly or kicked when he’d been down. My heart aches for him, and I want to kiss each bruise in hopes of easing his pain, but I am going to heed Blake’s warning.

  Nick is watching me closely, so I move to the bed, drawing back the sheets. “You make yourself comfortable first,” I suggest, meeting his gaze.

  He blinks, his eyebrows pulling together. “We’re going to bed?”

  “If you haven’t noticed, I don’t have much in here, so we’re going to be sitting around anyway,” I point out.

  His eyes scan the room. “True,” he agrees. He sits down on the bed and leans over to unlace his black boots. Then he rises to his feet and hesitates, his fingers on the button of his jeans.

  “Did you go commando today?” I ask with interest.

  “No.”

  I wave a hand at him, turning away to dig out some clothing from my dresser. “Go ahead, I don’t mind.” While he takes off his jeans, I begin to change with my back to him. I don’t really care if he sees me naked again, but I know that if I face him and strip down, he’ll claim I’m deliberately baiting him. I slip off my shirt and bra, pulling on a tank. Then I shimmy out of my jeans and put on shorts.

  When I turn around, Nick is already in bed, the sheets pulled up around his waist. My heart constricts, because I really wish he were lying there under different circumstances, waiting for something more than just a little cuddling. “I’m going to brush my teeth, I’ll be right back,” I tell him.

  I’m back in my room five minutes later, and I open the top dresser drawer to pull out the doorstopper I’d bought. After squatting down and jamming it beneath the door, I switch off the light and walk over to the bed. I carefully ease in beside him, careful not to nudge him where he’s bruised.

  Nick helps me get comfortable, and I end up cuddled against his side, my cheek resting on his pectoral muscle, my right hand flat on the center of his chest.

  We’re both silent until I can’t hold back any longer. “Can I ask about the tattoo on your back?” I ask cautiously.

  “It’s my mom’s name.”

  I’m immensely relieved that it’s not an ex-girlfriend’s. “I know she’s gone, but do you mind if I ask what happened?”

  “She died when I was five. She was hit by a car; it was a hit and run,” he says with a hint of bitterness in his tone.

  “I’m so sorry,” I say softly.

  “Me too. I have very few memories of her, but the ones I do have are of a beautiful, kind woman that loved me unconditionally.”

  “She sounds special. My mom always hated me,” I quietly reveal.

  Nick’s hand touches my lower back and gently begins running up and down in a soothing manner. “Why?”

  I think the best way to coax Nick into opening up about his father is for me to confide in him first. I’ve never spoken to anyone about my mom, so I’m nervous to tell him the things that I’ve never told anyone. “She hated me because I was simply there. I was always in the way, and most of my chil
dhood was spent in a locked room. Sometimes she’d remember to feed me, but most of the time I was forgotten,” I say, struggling to keep my tone as detached as possible. There’s no point in crying over the past.

  Nick’s arms wrap around me, and they tighten as if he’s trying to protect me from the bad memories that are being dredged up.

  “My mom was young when she had me, only eighteen,” I continue. “She couldn’t hold down a job for long, so she made money however she could, either on her back or doing something else in exchange for cash. I don’t know why she even had me in the first place. I’m guessing maybe so that she could hold onto someone, maybe my father? She claims she doesn’t know who fathered me, but sometimes I wonder.”

  “Did she ever hit you?” Nick asks softly.

  “No, but some of her boyfriends could be kind of aggressive. I was pushed around from time to time, and a few even tried to…you know,” I say softly, feeling dirty even just thinking back on those bad times.

  Nick’s entire body goes rigid. “Tried?”

  “I was pretty young the first time, so I couldn’t get away,” I whisper, my hand curling up into a fist on his chest. “He was just curious, so it didn’t go too far. The second guy I ran from and locked myself in the bathroom. After that, if anyone looked at me in that special way, I would hide until they left.”

  Nick’s body remains tense beside mine. “God, I had no idea the shit you’ve already gone through…” he says, sounding troubled.

  “Relationships are new to me. I never had one with my mother or with anyone else growing up. I was always so lonely and just wanted someone to care, to give me some sort of attention, you know?”

  “Which is why you rely on sex, because you know what to expect. You can control it without opening yourself up emotionally,” Nick says slowly as his body relaxes again.

  “I want someone to care about me, someone who I can count on and be close to. I want it so badly, and yet it kind of frightens me at the same time.”

  “Why?”

  “Because to have it and then have to let it go when it’s over…it would hurt.”

  “Life hurts, Fallon. You can’t avoid it.”

  “I know. I’m pretty messed up, aren’t?” I ask with a wary sigh.

  “No, I don’t think so. You’ve just had the wrong people in your life, but I’m working on that.”

  I smile and turn my head, pressing a tender kiss to his chest. “I really, really like you, Nick Parrish.”

  “I really, really like you back, Fallon McAllister,” he says, rubbing my back.

  “Nick?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Can I ask you about your dad?” I ask carefully.

  Thankfully, he doesn’t shut down on me, and he continues to run his hand over my back, letting me know that he’s not as put off by the topic as he had been earlier. “After my mom died, he started getting to know the wrong kinds of people. It wasn’t long before drugs and alcohol took over his life. If he’s not drunk, he’s high. He also deals drugs and is involved with a lot of shady people. That’s why I didn’t want you around him. He’s bad news, Fallon. I wouldn’t put it past him to try something with you, especially with how you look. I’ve seen the way he’s been with other women, and he’s… It’s just not wise to have you anywhere near him.”

  “Okay,” I agree, and now I understand why he’d rushed me out of there the other night.

  “He’s the reason I started getting involved with drugs. It’s what I learned, how I grew up. Blake did everything he could to get my head on straight, and it was working to some extent until I kissed him. When he walked out of my life, it pushed me to change everything instead of only the bits I felt like changing. One of my dad’s old friends had kicked his bad habits and started a new life, one that didn’t involve drugs and violence. I went to him for advice on how to turn things around for myself, and he’s been helping me ever since. He’s the one who offered to give me the job at the shop.”

  His hand stills on my back. “I’m sticking it out with my old man until I turn eighteen; then I’m out of there and looking for an apartment. I am not going to turn into him. I’m not going down that road,” he says with gritty determination.

  “When do you turn eighteen?”

  “I’ve got nine more weeks to go.”

  “That’s not bad. I’m older than you,” I tease.

  “When’s your birthday?”

  “At the end of the month.”

  “Ah, a Halloween baby,” he murmurs. “Have I mentioned that I have a thing for older women?”

  I lift my head and peer at him in the shadows, smiling. “Good to know.”

  His hand leaves my back to reach up and brush a strand of hair away from my face. “You’re so tempting, especially tonight,” he confesses.

  “So give in and be with me. Forget all the problems we have and just focus on how much we like each other,” I cajole.

  “No sex. When we get to that point, I want it to mean something,” he says firmly.

  I nod and brush my lips across the corner of his mouth. “No sex,” I agree. “Even now, it would mean something to me, but I don’t want you to regret it,” I whisper. Then I kiss him before he can reply.

  His lips part, and he shifts me so that I am on my back, his body easing on top of mine. He immediately takes control of the kiss, and it’s hot and intense right from the start. There is no slow build. My hands sink into his hair, and he nips at my lower lip before his lips trail down my jaw. I absolutely love how sensitive my neck is, and I shiver in Nick’s arms as his lips brush across my skin. When he scrapes his teeth just below my pulse, I let out a low moan, my hips undulating beneath his. He bites me, and I arch into him and writhe on the mattress as he begins to seductively soothe the area with his tongue before sucking gently.

  My hands reach down to slide beneath the waistband of his boxers so that I can put my hands on his tight ass. He actually growls against my neck until we hear the garage door beginning to open. His lips leave my neck as we both freeze.

  “Playtime is over,” I grumble with irritation. Catherine’s early tonight.

  Nick sighs and shifts so that he’s on his back, my body cuddled into his side. “Are you positive she’s not going to check on you?” he whispers.

  “I’m sure.”

  “Set your alarm for six so I can clear out early.”

  “My alarm clock is on the dresser, so I’ll set it after my aunt goes to bed. I don’t want her to hear me moving around my room.”

  We both fall silent as we listen to Catherine walking around the house.

  Eighteen

  Nick had given me a hickey last night, and as much as I try to cover it with makeup, it’s still noticeable. There is no way that Blake is going to overlook it. I don’t regret it, but I know that it’s going to cause further problems today.

  As I prepare for school, my mind shifts to Nick. I’d enjoyed sleeping in his arms last night, and I like that my sheets still carry the scent of his cologne. I feel much closer to him now, especially with sharing our pasts with each other. He really does seem to understand me, and our connection is so different compared to the way Blake and I connect.

  Nerves flutter in my belly as I walk to my window so I can watch for Blake. I’m anxious about seeing him this morning. He wants me to commit fully to our relationship, but there’s no way I can willingly walk away from Nick. God, I want them both so bad. There has to be a way to keep both relationships without coming off as self-centered. If only I could find a way to explain that my reasoning isn’t because I’m simply greedy, it’s because I care about them too much to give up on what I could have with them both.

  When Blake’s car pulls up at the corner, I leave the house and take a deep breath as I approach it. The drive to school is probably going to be strained with tension.

  “Hi,” I greet lightly as I climb in and close the door.

  Blake leans over to give me a kiss, but he stiffens when he sees my neck. H
is expression hardens as he moves back, his eyes lifting to mine. “I guess I know what you were up to last night,” he says with disappointment.

  “We didn’t have sex,” I say, knowing that information probably won’t make him feel any better, but I still want him to know that it didn’t get that far.

  Blake releases a sigh, his hands tightening on the steering wheel as he stares straight ahead. He makes no move to pull away from the curb. “Fallon, I don’t want just a part of you, I want all of you.”

  “You have me.”

  “Not if Nick has you too,” he bites out.

  I draw in a nervous breath, preparing to tell him how I feel and what I want. “I know this is messed up, but I want you both.”

  He turns his head so he can look at me, and he frowns. “Life doesn’t work that way.”

  “Blake, there’s no rule that states a person can’t have multiple relationships.”

  His expression tightens, and he shakes his head. “You can’t have us both. It’ll never work, and I don’t want to share you.”

  “You wouldn’t have to share me,” I insist.

  “If you’re with him when you’re not with me, I am,” he counters back.

  “I’d be with him when I wouldn’t have been with you anyway. Like when you’re at practice, or you have other plans. What does it matter?”

  His jaw clenches, and I can tell he’s trying to stay calm. “It matters. A lot,” he says stiffly.

  I look down at my hands, my heart sinking. I’m not doing a good job of explaining any of this to Blake, and I don’t know what else to do or say.

  “What if I said I wanted to see someone else when I’m not with you?” Blake asks, breaking the heavy silence.

  “I don’t know,” I say honestly.

  He runs a hand over his face. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

  “What do you mean?”

  He looks at me. “It was just supposed to be good sex, but along the way, I started wanting more. You’re unlike any girl that I’ve ever met, and it’s amazing.” Frustration shines in his eyes now. “You started out as friends with Nick, why can’t you stay platonic with him and be with me?”