What Remains

by Sandra Miller

  “Thought you might need to hear it again.”

  “Thank you.”

  When the woman reached out to lift his hand, he could see that hers was calloused and toughened from years of hard labor. In his mind’s eye, he watched as she worked her land, scrubbed clothes on a wash board before hanging them out to dry, lovingly hold her babies while she rocked them to sleep.

  Drawing his fingers open, she looked at the coin he still clung to tightly.

  “What you holding on to, son?”

  “A good luck token.”

  “It’s much more than that,” she said with a slight grin, her words melodic and in perfect harmony with the singing of the birds all around them, as she ran the tips of her fingers over the coin.

  “Yes, I know.”

  “I reckon you do.”

  “Where am I?”

  “Home.”

  “I’ve never been here before.”

  “You have.”

  Seth felt no need to argue, for he knew she was right.

  “Are you here, alone?”

  “No,” she laughed. “We’re all here.”

  “My grandparents…Elizabeth?”

  She simply nodded, still amused by his ignorance.

  “When can I see them?”

  “When it’s time.”

  “I need to tell Beth, I’m sorry.”

  “She knows, and forgives you.”

  “I can’t forgive myself.”

  “She knows that, too,” she told him. “Walk with me awhile.”

  Placing her hand in the crook of Seth’s arm, the two of them left the garden and strolled past the open ground of the homestead. He hesitated slightly when they reached the beginning of a path that led deep into the woods.

  “Don’t be afraid.”

  “Where are you taking me?”

  “I want to show you something.”

  Trusting her more than his own sense of foreboding, Seth followed behind her since the path was overgrown with undergrowth, and allowed her to take him further and further into the forest, where the air was much colder, and heavy with the scent of earth so strong he could literally taste it. To his right were jagged cliffs that dripped with moss and water from the ground far above them. As they past the opening of caves, he could feel the blasts of frigid, damp air coming from within.

  To his left, the ground disappeared. If he were to lose his footing, his body would plummet helplessly for nearly a mile to the winding river below that he could catch only brief glimpses of beyond the tree tops, their trunks clinging desperately to the sides of the mountain.

  “Let’s sit and talk a spell.”

  Doing as he was told, Seth sat beside the woman on a large rock, their feet hanging over the edge. Even though his weight was securely against the rock, he experienced a strong sense of vertigo that made him uncomfortable.

  “Do you see that hawk circling overhead?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Magnificent, ain’t it?”

  “It is.”

  “Do you think it’s held accountable for what its force to do in order to stay true to its nature?”

  “No.”

  As they sat and watched the mother hawk settle onto a tree branch below them and drop the remnants of an unknown creature into the eagerly waiting mouths of its young, Seth wondered why he was being shown this.

  “So why should you be?”

  The question was not meant to be answered, so he sat there quietly and waited for her to continue.

  “We get what we give, Seth, nothing more; nothing less.”

  “How do you know if you’ve given enough?”

  “When you give ‘til you can’t give no more.”

  Instantly, the images of Tessa and the faces of her children entered his mind. They offered so much without ever asking for anything in return; selflessly sharing their fragile hearts, and their love for life with everyone they met, while their own needs for love and security went unfulfilled. His eyes closed; wanting to hold onto the image of the family he adored but would never have, for just a moment longer. In his mind’s eye, he watched as Tessa sat back at Christmas time in order to watch her children’s expressions of surprise and gratitude as they opened the gifts Seth had given them; acting as if every gift was the very thing they had always wanted. In this moment of clarity he realized now what they were truly thankful for; though they did not even realize it themselves; a glimpse of what life should’ve been.

  No, Seth had not yet given even a fraction of the love he was capable of.

  “Then I’m not done with giving, yet,” he admitted.

  When Seth turned to look at her, he found that the two of them had somehow returned to the garden. The woman’s face broke into a knowing smile.

  “Well, you best get on back to it.”

  “Yes, Ma’am.”

  “We’ll talk again.”

  “I hope so.”

  Chapter Twenty One

  Opening his eyes for the first time in weeks, Seth blinked away the discomfort of having sunlight in them after such a long period of complete darkness. He could actually move them from side to side, which encouraged him to reopen them, despite the pain it caused.

  Could he turn his head as well?

  Yes, he could, though it made him dizzy, whether it was from the movement after lying there for so long, or from the excitement, he couldn’t discern. With cautious hope, he willed his fingers to move, and then his hand. His toes and his feet could also be moved, though they felt as heavy as lead. But it didn’t matter; they were able to respond to his command.

  Searching the room, he found that he was alone. Someone needed to know he was conscious, he had so many questions, but something in his throat prevented him from calling out. Peering down at his hands resting atop the sheet, he saw that a call light was mounted on the bed railing to his right, just inches away. Fumbling at first, he was able to raise his hand enough to press his fingers against the red button that had a symbol of a nurse’s cap on it. It took only a matter of seconds for someone to rush into his room.

  “Mr. Richards, did you press that light?” the young nurse’s voice was high pitched, denoting the fact that she couldn’t believe what just happened.

  Seth nodded his head slowly, it was all he could manage being tied down with all the tubes and wires attached to his body.

  “Oh my God! Sherry, come here, quick!” she screamed out with a huge smile now present on her face.

  “What is it,” Sherry asked, alarmed.

  “He’s awake!”

  “What?”

  “Mr. Richards is back!”

  “Page Dr. Thomas, STAT!”

  While the younger nurse ran to do as she was told, Sherry stood over him, appearing older, more tired than her co-worker, but also smiling from ear to ear. If Seth remembered the conversation she had with the younger nurse earlier that morning, she was beginning the second half of her double shift.

  He did his best to offer her a smile his own.

  “I’m glad I was here for this,” she told him. “We’ve all been waiting a long time to see those sexy brown eyes of yours.”

  Forgetting about the tube in his throat, he tried to respond, but ended up coughing instead.

  “I bet you’d like to get rid of all this hardware. Well, just be patient, it will be gone before you know it.”

  Seth brought his hand up enough to give her a thumbs up. She laughed and began taking a set of vitals.

  Even though his throat was still raw from the respirator that had been inserted while he was in a medically induced coma until the swelling in his brain subsided, Seth tried to ask the nurse on midnight shift, the only question on his mind.

  “Tessa?”

  “I’m sorry, who?

  “Tess.”

  “I don’t know anyone by that name?”

  Seth shook his head.

  Sensing that her reply had upset him, she tried to console him. “No one but immediate family has been al
lowed to visit, and even then, only two guests at a time. So I’m sure she’ll be here as soon as you’re moved to step down tomorrow.”

  “So my family has been here?”

  “Oh, they’ve been here alright…” she stated with some derisiveness. “Your first day back they were all here with their attorneys and papers they wanted you to sign. But Dr. Thomas told them it would have to wait until you were stronger.”

  He nodded, thankful that the staff had kept them at bay.

  Before she left the room, Seth asked if she would mind calling his home phone number for him. But after ten rings, it was obvious that Tessa wasn’t there. With a look of sympathy, the nurse took the receiver from him and hung it up.

  “Are you okay, Mr. Richards?”

  “I’m fine. Thank you.”

  Ten days later, Seth was out of ICU, and starting to feel stronger. As of yet, he had had no visitors since waking. A fact he was thankful for. There were only two people he wanted to see at this point; one had vanished, and the other was Douglas Whitmore, who was entering his room with a smile.

  “Seth, it’s good to see you again!”

  “Thanks for coming, Douglas.”

  “My pleasure,” he grinned as he shook Seth’s hand and sat down in the seat next to him. “As much as I would like to think I’d been asked here for a friendly visit, I have a suspicion that you already want to talk business.”

  “I’m sorry, but I have to know whether the Mems’ estate has been settled yet? I know I requested that it be handled as soon as possible, but after everything that’s happened…”

  Throwing up his hand to stop him, Whitmore reassured him that his request had been followed to the letter.

  “It was taken care of weeks ago. There’s nothing for you to worry about.”

  “Carlos and his family?”

  “Yes, I took a trip to Amherst to handle it personally. He was overcome with gratitude. I was honored to be the one to let him know how much his years of service meant to Maggie.”

  “Ms. Maguire?”

  Whitmore grinned to himself and shook his head. “Now, she was a different story entirely. She didn’t want anything to do with it at first. In fact, the cashier’s check wasn’t even deposited until last week. I was beginning to think she left it setting there on the table.”

  “How did she look? I mean, did she seem okay?”

  Whitmore shrugged, “She looked tired, worried…heart-broken.”

  “Did she say anything to you about leaving the estate?”

  “The only thing she asked about was who was looking after your interests while you were…well, you know.”

  “That’s it?”

  “That’s it, Seth, I’m sorry. Although, Mr. Martinez did mention that your father had made a house call several days after the accident.”

  Feeling anger whelming up inside of him, Seth cursed under his breath. “Why?”

  Whitmore shrugged his shoulders, reluctant to answer. “It doesn’t matter, now. All you should be concentrating on is your recovery.”

  “No, I think you better tell me.”

  “It seems your family was given the option of removing you from life support if you failed to respond after every medical effort had been exhausted, being that they were given medical power of attorney by you over twenty years ago. Apparently, William chose to assume the worse, and told Carlos that his services would no longer be needed once the estate was sold. Ms. Maguire, on the other hand, was given a week to find other living arrangements. She was packing the day I spoke to her.”

  Seth closed his eyes in frustration. What had Tessa been forced to endure these past month? On top of her fear and concern over him, she had had to leave her home and means of support. Knowing her as well as he did, it must have been hard for her to swallow her pride and accept the inheritance out of necessity.

  Where was she?

  Her cell phone was no longer in service; he had tried it several times a day for the past week. Seth’s only option was to call one of her children—no—one of their children when he returned home to where he had access to their numbers.

  Although there had been an unfortunate delay in plans, nothing had changed in the way he felt about her or them, and it never would. It took the trauma of his accident and near death for Seth to finally realize how precious time was, how precious life was, that they were commodities never to be taken for granted, yet, they meant nothing without his family.

  It was time to take care of all the loose ends that kept him tied to the joyless existence he had been living so that he could start anew with no regrets and no reason to ever look back. It could take months, but it had to be done.

  “Thank you for telling me. I appreciate your loyalty and friendship, Douglas. You’re a good man,” Seth opened his eyes and told the elderly attorney who was preparing leave.

  “So are you, Seth. You always have been,” he muttered, becoming a little misty-eyed.

  “I have some important things I need to address when I get out of here, so I’ll call you in a few weeks. I promise.”

  “Alright, you take care of yourself until then.”

  “I always do, you should know that by now.”

  “Actually, you never have. That’s why I worry about you.”

  “Well, I’m changing some things.”

  “I hope so, Seth. I really do, for your sake.”

  Chapter Twenty Two

  Seth sat stoically in his father’s study, relieved this day had finally come. Whitmore would be arriving at any minute, as would his father’s attorney, but for now, it was only him and William Richards. Man to man.

  It was nearing the end of the nightmare. Soon the necessary formalities would be over and he would be able to leave his parents’ home for the very last time. Their attempts to take control of the fortune through the desperate means of allowing him to die without giving him a fighting chance proved to Seth once and for all, that these people were not his family. They never had been.

  It was made obvious by the fact that his father sat glaring across the desk at him as if he regretted the fact that Seth had pulled through. He would be lying to himself if he said it didn’t bother him, but it was something he had learned to live with over the years.

  “It’s nice to see you, Dad.”

  “Why, so you can gloat?”

  “No, it’s just good to see you,” Seth told him honestly, wanting to at least try and reach out to him one last time.

  “Must be looking forward to sticking it the old man one last time?” By the mocking tone in his father’s voice, he realized it was pointless. The two of them never stood a chance of bridging the differences between them, for the simple fact that William Richards would never be willing to let go of the resentment he felt toward his son who stood as a permanent reminder of his own failures.

  “That could be partly true, I guess.”

  “You’re an arrogant son of a bitch, just like your grandfather.”

  “I’d say more like my old man.”

  “I suppose,” was his father’s response, surprising Seth with his admission.

  “I’m glad we have a chance to talk before our attorneys arrive.”

  “I have nothing to say to you in private that can’t be said in front of our attorneys or anyone else.”

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “I doubt if I’ll answer, but knock yourself out.”

  “Why do you hate me so much?”

  William Richards seemed taken aback by his son’s inquiry, or maybe his honesty. By the time it took for him to decide to answer, Seth assumed it would remain a rhetorical question.

  “I don’t hate you, Seth.”

  “You could have fooled me.”

  “I saw how you looked at me your whole life. Your grandparents had you convinced I was a worthless piece of shit, and you still believe it.”

  “I tried hard not to let their opinion sway me in one way or the other. I think it was the constant neglect and womanizin
g that pushed me in that direction.”

  “So is that what this is, a pity party for yourself?”

  “I’m just trying to figure out how a man could despise his only son enough that he would try and screw him over when he was fighting just to stay alive.”