What Remains

by Sandra Miller

  “The doctors told me and your mother that if you did survive, there would be a good chance you would have permanent paralysis. I knew you didn’t want to live like a vegetable the rest of your life. If wanting to spare you from that is a crime, then I’m guilty.”

  “I understand that. But you were ready to pull the plug long before they knew anything definite. You couldn’t wait to get your hands on the money when you realized I had never changed my will.” Seth grinned when he saw a hint of remorse cross his father’s face, although it was only briefly. “And just for the record, Dad, you’re not losing anything today that’s rightfully yours. Pops gave you an opportunity to make a good living when no one else would. If you squandered it away on frivolous pursuits and whores, that’s your problem.”

  “Now it’s going to be your mother’s problem once you rob her of an inheritance that should have been hers in the first place.”

  This made Seth laugh out loud. “What do you care about my mother?”

  “She deserves more than what she’s gotten, that’s for damn sure.”

  “From Pops or you?”

  “You have no idea what I’ve had to live through, being in the shadow of Edward Collins all these years. No matter what I did, it never was never enough, for her parents, for her, and sure as hell not for you.”

  Seth sat back and stared at his father. It was a poor excuse for what he had put them through, but at least it was something, and it was probably the closest any of them would ever get to an apology.

  “I can’t say that I understand, or that it makes up for everything, but I appreciate you trying to explain it to me.”

  “I don’t expect you to understand, you grew up with a silver spoon shoved up your ass.”

  “That may be, but I’ve never shirked my responsibilities to Mom or the girls. Don’t you think I wanted to know what it was like to be young and irresponsible, to enjoy living it up and whoring around like my father? But I couldn’t, Dad, I was too busy keeping this family together.”

  “If you’re waiting for me to say thank you, it will be a cold day in hell before that happens.”

  “I don’t want anything from you. I gave up hope of that ever happening a long time ago.”

  “You can sit there and judge me all you want. At least I lived life on my own terms. It’s a lot more than I can say for you. ”

  “Not everyone can be as selfish as you, but you’re right.”

  “I know I’m right. And when you walk out that door today, I don’t want to see your face again. None of us do.”

  “Is that really what you want?”

  “It’s what we all want.”

  Seth nodded his head and grinned. Very soon, William Richards would get his wish.

  “Then there’s no need for me to be here. Whitmore can fill you in on everything.”

  Rising to his feet, Seth made his way to the door of the study and opened it to find his mother and Megan standing on the other side listening.

  “I suppose you agree with him?” he asked.

  “You’ve left us no other choice,” his mother replied, wringing her hands nervously, letting him know that as much as she hated to, she would stand by her husband one last time, against her son.

  “Megan?”

  “You’ve showed us all exactly how much you care about us, so yes, I agree with Dad.”

  “Then I guess there’s nothing left to do but say good bye. Tell my nieces and nephews that if they need anything to call Whitmore and submit the proper pare work. If I deem it necessary, I’ll help them out all I can.” With that said, Seth Richards left his parents’ home to finally return to Amherst after three months of recuperating in rehab and getting all of his legal and financial loose ends taken care of. Now he was free to make those very important phone calls.

  Epilogue

  Standing over the heat of the wood cook stove as she occupied herself canning apple butter, Tessa wiped away the perspiration on her brow and looked out the window at the trees that were just starting to come out of their winter hibernation. The sun was shining brightly this morning, though late March still carried a chill in the air this deep in the mountains of Appalachia.

  The children would be arriving before long, to spend their spring break with their mother. She could hardly wait to see them, even though Ann, who was only three and a half hours away, had left just last week after spending a weekend with her. One by one, they had made it a point to visit over the past few months. It was sweet of them to worry, but they were stretching themselves too thin, trying to work and go to school and look after her. She was fine; at least that was what she tried to convince them of. Some days were better than others, and the better ones were coming around more often now. For that, Tessa was truly grateful.

  Her eyes automatically drifted to the phone that hung on the wall by the pantry door. How many times a day did she catch herself doing that, still? Waiting for it to ring with some word of him, wondering if it ever would? Logically, she knew good and well that no one but her family had the number here since her old cell phone was rendered useless this far down in the hollow, giving her no other option but to toss it in the creek after the first two weeks. Yet, she couldn’t help but hang on to that last remaining shred of hope. It was fading fast, however, with every day that passed.

  Up until Ann’s last visit, Tessa had continued to call the number at Collins’ Estate and the hospital in Boston with no luck. No one ever answered at the mansion, and the medical staff refused to give her any information since she wasn’t part of the family and didn’t have access to the security code that would allow them to speak to her. For all she knew Seth Richards had never come out of his coma, or worse, his family had removed him from life support. The not knowing had driven her nearly insane; to the point where she knew she had to get away from everything and allow herself time to grieve. The inheritance money had given her that opportunity, and never a day went by that she didn’t thank Margaret Collins for her gift.

  Living here on the old farmstead where she had spent her childhood, gave her the chance to finish out her lifetime away from the world if she chose to. The soil was good and would provide her with food, and there was enough land to support a few milk cows and a handful of assorted livestock, as well as a hen house full of chickens and a very contrary rooster that had it out with Rex and Hank almost on a daily basis. Even after purchasing the property, which cost very little, and making the necessary repairs and renovations, there was still plenty of money left to give the kids a nice start to whatever futures they chose to pursue, for she never the wanted the money to start with. And now, with the sale of her first novel, she would be more than capable of taking care of her basic needs.

  Pulling her eyes back to the task at hand, Tessa couldn’t help but think back on the past four months with not only sadness, but also in amazement at how quickly everything had changed. In fact, in many ways, she was still reeling from it.

  After Seth’s accident, and the regrettable visit from his father, she knew without a doubt she could not remain in Amherst, even if it meant giving up her notion of a PHD. The shock of possibly losing Seth, combined with the anger over how his family practically had him dead and buried before they knew anything definite, was more than she could bear.

  In all honesty, for several weeks, Tessa didn’t care what happened to her. It wasn’t until she finally broke down and told Gregory everything that she was able to pull herself together enough to start to think rationally. She admitted to her love for Seth Richards, to the night they shared before he left for Boston, and how she couldn’t imagine a life without him now.

  Rather than be hurt or angry by her admission, Gregory simply held her for hours and gave her a supportive shoulder to cry on all night. Once all her tears were shed, he cradled her in his arms and revealed that he had known from very early on that there was something between the two of them, even before Tessa admitted to herself. He knew from the way her face lit up whenever she talked about hi
m. At first he feared that she would hurt by him, but after seeing them together the night he spent at the estate, he realized Seth was crazy about her as well.

  It was Gregory who had in fact encouraged her to take the inheritance so that she could take the time she needed to figure things out; it was also Gregory who had nagged her in the fall to send her manuscript, King Coal, to a large publishing house in New York, where it was accepted almost immediately, even though she had no agent representation, which was nothing short of a miracle.

  How glad she was that she had taken his advice on both counts. Although she had a long way to go, her farmstead and her vocation kept her busy, and were helping her cope with the loss of the only man she had ever loved, and who had taught her how to love herself. And even though she still struggled with the loneliness and the void his passing had created in her life, Tessa knew because of this wonderful gift he had given her, that she would survive, and maybe even one day be happy again.

  The ruckus outside the kitchen window brought Tessa back from her reverie. She smiled to herself and shook her head. One of these days, that rooster was going to get a hold of the boisterous dogs and they were going to regret tormenting the poor thing as they had. It would probably be a wise thing to go out and break up the melee, before they were spurred, but they were just now beginning to behave more like themselves again, for they mourned the loss of Seth every bit as much as she did. So she would let them have their fun for now. There would be plenty of time in the future to actually make them mind.

  As she turned back to her canning, the squawking of the red cock grew louder and more insistent. She would have to handle it before one of them got hurt, or she lost her rooster. Of course as soon as she stepped out onto the porch, Rex and Hank came bounding up to her as if everything was just a huge misunderstanding. Tessa scolded them half-heartedly, but couldn’t help but to scratch behind their ears to let them know she wasn’t too terribly upset with them. Besides, she needed to go out into the garden anyway and clear away some of the debris that had collected over the years. That would give her mason jars time to seal in the hot water.

  Grabbing her mother’s old straw hat she had found hanging in the tool shed, Tessa placed it on her head and pulled on her work gloves and slipped the muck boots over the legs of her bibbed overalls, preparing for the dirty work ahead of her. But with the sunshine, and the chill in the air, she welcomed the distraction of menial labor. If she was lucky, she would be able to fall into bed tonight and finally fall to sleep with not much effort.

  The willow fence needed mending, she thought as she approached it, but there was still so much that had to be done to the house that it would have to be one of the last things on her list, a list that went on for pages already.

  The hinges on the gate protested loudly as she opened it and stepped inside the garden. Even in its neglected state, Tessa felt as if she turned quickly enough, she would be able to catch a glimpse of her mother standing there with her hoe in hand, bringing life to a piece of ground that should have never been able to sustain anything more than weeds and greenbriers. But through love and persistence, it had yielded enough crops to feed a family of eight throughout the winter months. Unfortunately, she was not her mother Tess mused, and would be lucky to get a single tomato out of it this growing season.

  As she looked over the years of dead growth that would need to be tilled up and hauled away, the sound of the gate opening let her know that the dogs had forced their way in. Not bothering to turn and fuss at them when there was nothing they could possibly hurt at this point, Tessa kept her eyes in front of her until she seen something beneath the weeds, glistening in the sunlight. Bending over to examine it, she soon realized it was one of the old flour tins that her mother used to store her corn seed in in the fall. Digging it up carefully, she pulled it out of the soil where it had been half buried and dusted it off lovingly. She remembered that tin so well, it was her favorite one, with Gibson girls painted on the sides.

  Standing and pulling it to her chest, Tessa pressed her cheek against its coolness, for the simple fact that her mother’s hands had once held it. How she loved her mother’s hands; strong enough to clear acres of rock, yet gentle enough to wipe the tears away from the faces of her babies as she sang them to sleep. What Tessa wouldn’t give to be held by those hands again, to be comforted in her arms, and to rest her weary head against the softness of her bosom where the troubles of a little girl always seemed to melt away.

  “What am I gonna do without him, Momma?” she posed the question out loud to a mother who had left so long ago, but whose presence was felt all around her.

  “That’s a question you won’t need to ask for a very long time…”

  Stunned by the sudden appearance of a voice behind her, and by the recognition of who it belonged to, Tessa swung around to face it, assuming it was nothing more than a waking dream, hallucinations of a grieving mind, like she had heard the night of his fatal car crash.

  But it wasn’t a dream, and she had not imagine it; Seth Richards lingered by the gate smiling at her, as solid as the mountain that stood behind him in the distance. Standing there looking out of place in the garden in his expensive black shirt and trousers, with his dark hair now peppered with gray at the temples, he was the most beautiful man she had ever seen.

  “My God…Seth!” Even though she was sure she had shouted it, Tessa’s words came out barely above a whisper. The tin dropped to the ground in front of her as her hands flew to her face, shaking uncontrollably. “Oh, my God…Thank you…Thank you, God…” Tessa repeatedly sobbed over and over again as she sank to the ground, her legs unable bear the weight of her emotions.

  “I’m sorry to surprise you like this,” he told her in a shaky voice, unable to keep his own composure. “I didn’t want to do it over the phone.”

  “I don’t care…” she cried, flinging her arms about his neck as he drew near and knelt down in front of her. “You’re alive…you’re here…that’s all that matters.”

  Seth drew Tessa’s body to him tightly as he pressed his face against her into the nape of her neck. They both wept openly, overcome by their joy.

  “I can’t spend one more minute of this life without you next to me, Tess. I can’t. I don’t know what has happened since I left you. Or how you feel about me, but please don’t send me away…I’m nothing without you, I have nothing…I miss my wife…I miss our family…I can’t breathe without you.”

  “I know, Seth, I know,” she cried.

  “I love you…I’ve always loved you…from the moment we met.”

  “I love you, too. I’m sorry it took me so long to admit it. But I was so scared. You were an answer to a prayer I never dared to say out loud. I was afraid it would be asking too much. I didn’t deserve to be that happy, not with so much suffering in the world.”

  Laughing through his own tears, Seth kissed her hair and looked at her with so much love and adoration that it took her breath away.

  “Thank you…” he whispered softly, as Tessa wiped away the tears from his face. “Thank you for finding me…for saving me.”

  “We saved each other, Seth.”

  When the dogs finally broke through the gate in order to reach their master, they wrestled him from Tessa’s embrace and thoroughly soaked him with their slobbery affection. Laughing, Tessa watched their antics for several minutes, enjoying this rare moment of complete bliss before raising her eyes to the blue sky above them and smiling to herself.

  Thank you, Momma.

 

 

 
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