Two Is a Lonely Number

by Amanda Torrey

  Karly laughed, hoping she didn’t look like a clown. Ava rarely even wore make-up, let alone putting it on someone else.

  “Before I give you a mirror, we have a few more details.”

  Ava pulled out a fancy white robe, slicing the sleeves open at the cuff so Karly could fit the IV arm through more comfortably.

  Ava asked the nurse to come in to help Karly get the robe on safely, and the nurse was happy to oblige.

  “We need a wedding meal!” The nurse rushed off to search for food.

  Karly shook her head.

  “You’ve all gone crazy.”

  “Something this amazing doesn’t happen every day, you know.” Ava hummed as she pulled the tiara she had worn at her bachelorette party out of the bag. The jewels caught the light and danced around the room, reminding Karly of tiny fairies.

  Ava settled it onto Karly’s head, then pulled out a mirror.

  “You have to see to believe.”

  Ava held the mirror in front of Karly.

  Karly gasped at the vision.

  She had expected to look comical, but Ava had made her look regal. Beautiful. She had even buffed her lips free of the chapped skin and gave them a healthy pink.

  “Ava, maybe you’ve missed your calling. If you can make me look this good, methinks you should be a make-up artist.”

  “Don’t be silly. I had a well-prepared canvas to work on.”

  A knock on the door initiated the rapid thumping of Karly’s overworked heart.

  “Can I come in yet?” Ben called from the door.

  “Give us one more minute!” Ava shouted. She held Karly’s hand. “Oh, I should have done your nails.”

  “No. I’ve seen the way you do nails.”

  They laughed together until Karly had to grip her belly.

  “Sore?”

  “Yeah. I think the pain meds are wearing off.”

  “I’ll have the nurse add them to the wedding meal.”

  Karly nodded, wincing as the pain intensified.

  “Be right back.” Ava rushed out of the room.

  Karly heard Ava warning Ben not to go in yet.

  Ben wasn’t one to listen.

  He rushed toward her but stopped midway.

  “What’s the matter?” she asked.

  “It’s just—you’re just—Karly. You’re so beautiful.”

  She blushed.

  “No offense, but you kind of look like hell. Have you been pacing the hospital this whole time?”

  “I’ll never be worthy of your greatness,” Ben said, smiling before he winked. “Let me call the JP in before you realize that you’re marrying well below your stature.”

  “Oh, I already know that. Come here and give me a kiss.”

  He leaned toward her, but jumped back when she winced.

  “I hurt you?”

  “No. Kiss me to take away the pain.”

  His lips gently caressed hers. Too gentle for her taste, but she supposed he didn’t want to mess up her make-up or hurt her.

  “Get away from that bride, Benjamin Knight!” Ava clapped her hands together as if scolding a wayward animal. “I told you to wait in the hallway.”

  “Can’t separate true love for long. You should know this.”

  Ava broke into the biggest grin Karly had seen since her own wedding.

  “I can’t believe this is happening. Cole is on his way, but if you want to begin the ceremony, he can catch the tail end of it.”

  The nurse rushed in with meds for Karly to swallow. She thanked the nurse profusely.

  “Yes, let’s keep her drugged so she doesn’t realize what she’s doing,” Ben joked.

  “Let’s get this show rolling,” the nurse suggested. “The doctor would like to come in to examine you. I think he may clear you to take a ride down to the NICU.”

  Karly’s cheeks ached with the smile she couldn’t prevent.

  She was about to marry the man she never dreamed she’d fall so deeply in love with. Their first act as husband and wife would be to meet their baby.

  Life couldn’t get any better.

  The Justice of the Peace strolled in, humming “Here Comes the Bride.” Karly chuckled. Leave it to her and Ben to do things the untraditional way.

  First comes baby, then comes love.

  Now comes marriage.

  At least they got the love thing right.

  Ben held her hand through the entire exchange of vows.

  When it came time to present her with a ring, he panicked.

  “We’re not that prepared.” Shame filled his voice.

  Karly squeezed his hand.

  “I promise we’ll do things the right way as soon as you and our daughter are better.”

  “Ben, as long as I’m with you, whatever way we do things is perfect.”

  “The ring exchange is purely symbolic,” the JP reassured them. “You’ll be very much married as soon as I pronounce you husband and wife.”

  “Wait!” Ben said. He reached across to the tray of refreshments the nurse had delivered. He removed the wrappers from the straws and quickly fashioned them into paper rings.

  Without a word, he slipped one onto Karly’s shaking finger.

  She smiled at the reverence in his expression.

  She wished she’d never have to remove this precious gift.

  She slipped the other “ring” onto his finger, promising to love and cherish him for the rest of her life.

  “By the power vested in me by the State of New Hampshire, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

  The first official kiss as a married couple was celebrated by a cheering squad of Ava, Cole (who had slipped in as the rings were being exchanged), and a group of nurses who had gathered at the door.

  “Ready for your wedding meal?” The nurse removed the silver cover from the two plates, each containing grilled cheese, steamed carrots, and plastic containers of applesauce. “Tried to get something more fancy, but this is what the kitchen staff could whip up.”

  “I can run out and get you something else if you want,” Ben offered.

  “Are you kidding? These are some of my favorite foods.”

  Ben held half of the diagonally sliced sandwich to her lips, insisting on feeding his new bride.

  “First meal together, Mrs. Knight.”

  “Who says I’m taking your name?”

  He stilled.

  “I assumed…”

  “You assumed correctly.” She smiled and winked sassily. “Of course I want to share a name with my husband and daughter. Now give me another bite of that grilled cheese, Mr. Knight.”

  He obliged, followed by a sweet kiss to whisk away the crumbs on her lips.

  She didn’t know when everyone had disappeared—Ben mesmerized her—but as he slipped the straw into the four ounce can of ginger ale, Karly noticed they were alone.

  “No one wanted to join in our wedding feast?” Karly joked.

  “Guess not. They don’t know how magical this hospital food is.”

  “Not bad, actually.” Karly sipped through the straw that Ben held at her lips.

  “We forgot to make a toast with our bubbly.”

  Karly stopped sipping and grabbed the can, gesturing for him to pick up the other one.

  “To a lifetime of happiness,” Karly said.

  “Too vague.”

  “You can’t critique my toast!”

  “I’m not starting a marriage with a toast that could be given to any stranger on the street. Try again.” His grin softened his words.

  “Okay, oh mighty king.” She took a deep breath, searching for words that would mean something.

  She found them when she focused on his face.

  “To the pursuit of discovery. Discovering each other. Discovering the world of parenting. Discovering tradition. Discovering family. Discovering the power of love. And let us not forget the discovery of each other’s bodies.”

  “I’ll drink to that.” Ben raised his ginger a
le and clinked the can to hers. “And to us. Some would say we never could have made it this far, but we are living proof that fairy tales come true even for playboys like us. I’d also like to give a toast to our daughter, who remains unnamed, but who is responsible for bringing us together faster than we would have on our own.”

  “That’s for sure.” Karly laughed as they clinked again. “I do believe we would have found our way together eventually, though.”

  His eyes darkened as he studied her face.

  Did he disagree? Did he think they were only together because of the baby?

  “I have no doubt that we are meant to be together. I had no way of understanding why I was so pulled toward you. I didn’t know love. Couldn’t understand love. Didn’t even really believe in love. You showed me that I can love deeper and more passionately than I ever thought possible. And even though we’re newly married and we won’t be able to consummate our relationship for a while, the passion goes beyond our physical attraction.”

  “I love you, Ben.” Karly struggled to see through the tears.

  “And I love you, Karly.”

  “Hey lovebirds, sorry to break things up, but are you ready to meet your baby?” The nurse pushed a wheelchair into the room as Karly struggled to swing her legs to the side.

  “Stop right there,” Ben ordered, rushing to the other side of the bed.

  The nurse took care of the IV while Ben helped her into the wheelchair. The pain was intense, but Karly wasn’t about to let them know. She didn’t want anything to interfere with seeing her baby.

  She had waited long enough.

  Without a word, the nurse grabbed a pillow and positioned it on Karly’s lap, instructing her to hold it against her belly for the ride down.

  “It’ll help with the pain.”

  Karly smiled and thanked her. Yes, they’d need to send her a very big gift when all of this was over.

  On their way down the hall, they passed the small waiting room where Ava paced while Cole stood watch. Ava rushed over to hand Karly a Beanie Baby caterpillar.

  “The nurses say these are great for premature babies. They like the contact.”

  “Thank you, Ava.”

  Karly smiled at Ava’s perfect little pregnant shape, beyond happy that Ava was in such a happy place and had been there to help Karly experience her own modified version of nirvana.

  As the nurse buzzed them through the double doors that led into the NICU and instructed them on how to properly scrub their hands, panic welled in Karly’s chest.

  She couldn’t do this.

  She had screwed up enough.

  She couldn’t be trusted to mother an innocent child who required an incubator after being rejected by her mother’s womb.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “If you’re having trouble reaching the sink, we can help you stand.”

  The nurse studied Karly’s face with what Ben thought looked like concern. When Karly didn’t make a move to follow instructions, the nurse looked at Ben.

  “Sweet cakes, we have to wash up so we can go in to see the baby. Our baby.”

  If he hadn’t been leaning down to whisper in her ear, he would have missed the tiny gasp and the subtle shaking of her head.

  He stood, keeping his hand on the handle of the wheelchair.

  “Would you excuse us for a moment please?”

  The nurse nodded and gracefully bowed out of the room. She stood on the other side of the double doors they had just passed through, but she turned away so they wouldn’t feel watched.

  Ben squatted in front of Karly. Her mind appeared to be in another place. Gone was the joy she had shined with moments ago. Her vacant eyes refused to meet his. She didn’t even blink as she stared at the floor beside her chair.

  “Karly. Baby. Listen to me.”

  He gripped her hands, shocked at the iciness of her skin.

  “I can’t pretend to know what you’ve gone through. You weren’t prepared to have a baby so soon. Your body has gone through a great trauma. But you can’t shut down now. Our baby needs you. You are her mommy, and you will nurture her to perfect health.”

  Tears slipped out of the corners of her eyes. She was listening.

  He kissed them away, one at a time, then planted a kiss on her lips.

  “Come on, love.”

  “I can’t.”

  He wasn’t sure if he heard her correctly—her voice was faint and devoid of emotion.

  “You can. You have to.”

  She shook her head—violently this time.

  “Take me to my room.”

  He stood there, helpless. She had been so excited to see the baby—why this sudden turnaround?

  When he didn’t immediately obey her command, she started wheeling herself. The IV tube nearly got caught in the wheel of the chair, and he sensed an impending disaster if she kept yanking at it the way she was.

  “Wait. I’ll take you back.”

  The nurse rushed in at the sounds of commotion. Wordlessly she untangled the tubes and wires, adjusted Karly’s pillow, and opened the doors to bring her back to her room.

  ***

  The nurse had told Ben that Karly’s despondency could last a while, that the hormones were messing with her head and that she was at a greater risk of suffering from postpartum depression.

  She had told him to go home and get some rest, but no way in hell was he leaving Karly’s side.

  She wouldn’t look at him. Wouldn’t sleep. Refused her pain meds. Refused to put in a food order or eat what was delivered.

  Not even Ava’s eternal cheeriness could pull Karly out of the fog.

  By the end of the second day of watching her silently suffer, Ben left the hospital.

  He knew sleep wasn’t an option—he had made a vow to love her for better or worse, in sickness and in health, and he needed to show that he could do it.

  She enjoyed seeing the world through photography—he’d try to reach her that way.

  He collected her camera from her apartment, gave himself a quick tutorial on how to use it, and returned to the hospital with some optimism and a plan.

  ***

  “Karly. Wake up.”

  While he had been gone, Karly had slept. He had let her sleep for a while, but now that his plan was in place, he was eager to see if he had accomplished what he had set out to accomplish.

  When her eyes opened, she was clutching her breasts.

  “Sore?” The nurse had told him that Karly’s milk would be coming in and she’d be in more pain.

  She nodded.

  And then her eyes widened as she looked at the photo in the frame on the tray beside her bed.

  She reached for it, and Ben fought back unmanly tears of his own as he watched her study the photo he had taken of their baby’s little hand holding tight to his finger.

  She struggled to sit as she clutched the frame to her chest. He assisted her—moving her pillows so she’d be more comfortable. As he stepped away, she looked around the room, her gaze landing on the dozens of pictures he had printed and hung on the walls. Black and white photos of their baby’s head, her little belly button with the cord stump still attached, her tiny feet. His favorite, though, and the one he hoped would touch Karly the most, was the photo he had taken of the baby’s little ankle with a straw paper ring tied around it. Just like the ones they had exchanged when they joined their lives together for good.

  She sobbed as she viewed each and every photo. No longer encumbered by the IV since the nurse had taken it out that morning, Karly lifted herself from the bed and walked slowly around the room, touching every photo as she studied it.

  Finally, she turned to him.

  “I’m sorry, Ben. I’m so sorry.”

  He caught her before she could fall, holding her tight against his chest as all of the sorrow of the past few days left her body.

  “Can you please ask the nurse for a pump? I want to bring some milk to the baby.”

  Pride tore through Ben. The fact
that her first request was one that would enable her to nurture their baby didn’t surprise him one bit. She was a mother through and through, and though she had lost control with the onslaught of hormones, he knew she’d fight any battle she had to for their child.

  He helped her into the rocking chair and hurried off to find the nurse. Their favorite nurse was off-duty, but a grandmotherly nurse came in with a smile and a hand pump. She assisted Karly in positioning the contraption on her swollen breast, then helped her express the milk out.

  Ben watched in fascination.

  He never imagined her breasts in this way, but seeing her providing for their baby made him love her even more.

  “All that work for that teeny amount?” Karly studied the bottle, frowning at the small amount of liquid gathered at the bottom.

  The nurse explained that this was very good output for her first time, and that the baby didn’t need much. She also praised Karly for doing this for the baby.

  Karly’s shoulders visibly straightened. So did Ben’s. He had chosen well, indeed.

  “I want to bring it to her.”

  “I’ll get you a wheelchair,” the nurse said, patting Karly on the shoulder on her way out the door.

  “You sure you’re ready?” Ben studied her face. He didn’t want to torment her or set her back.

  “I’m beyond ready.”

  Things went smoothly on their second attempt through the NICU doors together.

  “Can I hold her?” Karly asked the NICU nurse who was monitoring their daughter.

  “You sure can,” the woman replied, smiling.

  “She’ll probably like you better,” Karly joked, smiling at Ben. “Now that you’ve been holding her all this time.”

  “I haven’t held her yet. I’ve touched her, but I wanted you to be the first parent to hold her in their arms.”

  Karly started to speak, but closed her eyes and took a deep breath instead. When she opened them again, the baby was being placed into her arms.

  “I’ve never held a baby before. She’s so tiny.”

  “She’s perfect,” Ben said. He meant it, too. “Obviously she gets that from you.”