by Colora, R.
“Yes, I’m Katherine Blackwell, who are you?” She hands me a large envelope, tells me I’ve been served, and walks away.
I put the packet in my bag and finish my grocery shopping. The cereal aisle of Walmart is not the place to deal with this. Getting into my car, I pull the large manila envelope out. Inside a cover letter from an attorney says Family Law and Mediation at the top. My heart is beating out of my chest. I scroll down the letter and notice the petitioner is Michael Kerrigan. I look at the actual legal paperwork, and it says Michael is filing for full custody of our son. I rest my head on the steering wheel. I need to find a lawyer and a good one. With about ten thousand dollars in savings, it’s doable, but that is nothing when up against the Kerrigan billions. I know I should have let Michael see his son after the diner incident but MJ was so upset, and I just wanted to give everyone a little while to cool down.
I have to pick up MJ from his friend’s house—they are just getting back from a camping trip, and I have missed him. I’ve never been away from him for more than a weekend but he was gone five days, and I was feeling separation anxiety. I check my face in the mirror; I don’t want MJ to know I’m upset. I pull up and my son is throwing a football around the front yard with his friend, and the dad is showing MJ the right way to hold it. When he notices me, he runs, and grabs his bag and comes to the car. I know the rules already: no hugging or kissing in front of his friends, so he gets in the car, and I wave to his friend and his dad as I pull off.
“Did you have fun?” I ask as I ruffle his hair.
“Yeah, we went fishing and rafting. The hiking part kind of sucked but the rest of it was fun.”
“Hey, don’t say sucked,” I exclaim.
“Well, it did!” I’m stopped at a light when I look over and see Estelle, Rhydian’s girlfriend, through a bakery window, so I pull in and park. “Hey, MJ, do you think you can wait in the car for me?
“No, Mom, I saw Miss Estelle. You told me a man always owns up to his mistakes, and I said something really mean to Miss Estelle, and I need to apologize and ask for forgiveness.”
“OK, buddy let’s go.” I think Estelle is shocked to see me, but I explain I have been served with papers, and I need to get ahold of Michael before this gets any worse. She calls Rhydian about twenty minutes later, and Michael calmly walks through the door. When I introduce him to his son he hugs him, and when he looks at me I see unadulterated hate.
“Hey, buddy.” I have to swallow before I say the next words. “Can I speak to your father for a minute?”
He walks to the counter and looks at all the cookies, the tension is thick in the bakery.
“Michael please let me explain,” I plead.
“You had nine years to explain, Katherine,” he says through gritted teeth.
“Michael, Liam thought it was best—“ I don’t even get to finish the sentence before he is right in front of me
“Liam? My brother Liam knew about my son and never told anyone?” I can see the anger in his eyes and the confusion in Rhydian’s who has come to stand next to his brother
“Michael,” Rhydian says. ” I need you to calm down.”
“How long has Liam known about my son?” he shouts. “How long, Katherine?”
I don’t respond I just press my lips together. I see MJ is now alert, and his body is on the defensive, his fists balled at his side
He charges Michael and is yelling, “You don’t yell at my mom, you better not yell at my mom.”
Michael looks down at his son. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell I am just upset that my brother kept you a secret.”
“My mom wanted to tell you, but Uncle Liam told us you were sick and that if she told you it would make you worse.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I didn’t want to cause any problems in the Kerrigan family, but it was about time things came to a head.
“Katherine, I’m sorry I yelled at you. Can we please go somewhere and talk? Have you guys eaten dinner yet?”
“No, we were on our way home. I just picked MJ up from his friends they went camping,” I stated.
“OK, well, can I take you guys to dinner?” he asks
“Yeah, Mom, let’s go to dinner.” MJ adds energetically, “Mom, let’s go!”
I nod. “OK, buddy. Come on.”
“Rhydian drove. Can I ride with you?” Michael asks. “Katherine—“ he leans in and whispers in my ear “—I’m really sorry. I made a lot of mistakes, and I don’t want to be enemies, but I am going to be a part of my son’s life.”
I’m pissed off at his statement, but I look at my son, and I know that I need to take the high road. My pride isn’t important right now, his happiness is.
We say goodbye to everyone and head out to the truck. I take a deep breath. “I don’t want to be enemies either, Michael, I just want to do what is best for my son.”
“He’s our son, Katherine, and I want what’s best for him too. Growing up on a reservation isn’t what’s best for him,” he says as we make our way out of the bakery
I stop outside my truck. “Michael, you will only get this one warning. If you try and take my son from me, I will fucking destroy you. And after I’m done with you, I will make sure you never see him again. You want to be a part of his life that’s great, but if you think for one minute I will let you or your family take the son that I raised without any help from any of you, you have another thing coming. Don’t make me go full bitch on you, let’s keep things friendly. Are we understood?” I wasn’t backing down, and he must have seen it in my eyes because he didn’t say anything else, he just got into the truck
We pull into Toby Keith's “I Love This Bar & Grill Denver”. “I love this place!” MJ yells from the back seat.
“I love this place too,” Michael says from the passenger seat. We walk to the restaurant, and I go to open the door. I hear Michael scoff behind me.
Turning, I ask, “Something on your mind, Michael?”
He reaches for the door and ushers me in, placing his hand on the small of my back. I feel butterflies forming in my stomach; even after all these years his touch still sets my body on fire. I shake off the feeling and walk to the hostess stand. We’re escorted to the table, and I pull my chair out. I hear Michael scoff again, so I roll my eyes and sit down.
“Hi, I’m Lacey,” the perky waitress says. “What can I start you with to drink?”
“I will have a lemonade,” I say. “MJ, what do you want, buddy?”
“Can I have a root beer?” I look at my watch and see that it’s only six-thirty, so I tell him that it’s OK.
“Can we please have separate checks, Lacey?” She looks to Michael, who is shaking his head.
“Lacey, I will have a root beer also, and it will be one check.” When she leaves, Michael puts his menu down
“What the hell kind of men have you been dating that don’t open doors for you or pay for a meal?” he asks with a look of disbelief on his face. I don’t even answer. I’m not feeding into this; I just twist my napkin under the table.
“My mom doesn’t date,” MJ says. “She has never had a boyfriend. My Boy Scout leader, Mr. Ian, asked me once if it would be OK if he asked my mom out on a date, and I told him that it just had to be on one of the days my mom didn’t take me to prison to visit my dad.”
“Michael Jareth Blackwell!” I say in my best mom tone. “Why would you tell Mr. Ian something like that?” I look over at my son and his father both with smug expressions on their faces. “MJ, answer me. Why would you make up a story like that?”
“Mom, Mr. Ian has the serious hots for you, and all the other moms always flirt with him and they have husbands. I like Mr. Ian— he is a great guy, but I don’t want him around. He seems like a player. He always has different girls calling his phone. You shouldn’t be with anyone but my dad.” He sits back and pouts.
“Your father told mine that you were happy with the love of your life,” Michael says, his face isn’t hiding the fact that he seems pissed off.
“I am,” I say with a smile. “He is sitting right next you.” I focus my attention on our son. “Buddy…” I try to think about how to word this as simply as possible. “Your dad and I were very young when I had you. We are different people now, we don’t know each other anymore, but we are going to make sure we make this as easy as possible for you.” I look to Michael for backup, but he seems to be sitting back pouting as well. Just then, the waitress comes back
“Do you know what you would like to order?” she asks, never taking her eyes off Michael. I can admit I feel a little twinge of jealousy— OK, more than a little.
“I will have the 12 oz. Ribeye. Well, what are you having, Michael?” asks our MJ. MJ laughs when Michael orders the same thing and asks for an extra potato. When I open my mouth to order, Michael pulls the menu from my hand.
“She will have the surf and turf. She likes her steak medium well with a baked potato and the broccoli. Please don’t put any sour cream or tartar sauce on her plates, she doesn’t like the smell.”
He hands the waitress the menus, completely ignoring her batting eyelashes and pushed out chest. Michael and MJ start talking about school and sports, and I watch as he comes to life talking to his father about soccer and lacrosse and how much he wants to try out for the Denver lacrosse club but hasn’t been able to because of my work schedule. Conversation slows down once the food comes, and I push the food around my plate. I have no appetite, but I can feel Michael’s eyes on me, so I take a bit of my broccoli and smile.
“Can I spend the night at your house?” I hear MJ ask. “There is no school tomorrow so my mom can bring me clothes in the morning.”
OK, I tell myself. Calm down don't get irrational. Let’s just sit back and see how Michael is gonna handle this.
I watch Michael look around for the waitress, and he signals for the check.
MJ is still waiting for his answer, and I realize I have scooted forward in my chair also waiting. The waitress hands Michael the bill, and he places the money on the table telling her to keep the change.
“Why don't we do this… you have the next few weeks off, why don’t you go home with your mom tonight and if it's OK with your mom I will get you guys for breakfast, and that will give your mom and me some time to discuss it. Is that fair?”
I see the tears well up in MJ’s eyes, but he just nods his head.
We make our way to the truck, and as I start to drive I hear the clicking sound MJ makes with his throat when he tries not to cry. We park in front of Michael’s building, and when he gets out he looks into the backseat at MJ, but he won't acknowledge him.
“Hey, buddy, your father is trying to say goodnight. Aren't you going to say anything back?” He ignores me and keeps looking out the window.
“I'm sorry,” I say to Michael. “I really am.” A part of me wants him to be the bad guy, but I can see it's tearing him apart. I pull out a pen and a piece of paper, write down my house number and my cell number, and hand it to him.
We are walking through the door when the house phone rings. When I see it’s Michael, I ask MJ to answer it. I make my way to my room and pull out some comfy pajamas and head for the shower. It has been a long day, and I have a feeling this is just the beginning of a very stressful week.
Getting out of the shower, I feel refresh and tired at the same time. When I check on MJ, he is sitting on the end of the bed. Letting out a sigh, I sink down next to him.
“Michael says he is coming to get us at eight o'clock,” he tells me. “Do you think he will come?” And that's when it hit me: he thinks Michael is gonna disappear again.
“Yes, I think he is gonna come, MJ. Michael is a good person he just made some mistakes. If he says he will be here at eight, he is going to be here at seven forty-five so get some rest. I love you more than anything in the world, MJ, you are the love of my life.” I kiss his forehead and make my way to my bedroom.
My cell rings and I see it’s Michael. Staring at the phone, I’m unsure of what to do. I let it go to voicemail, and when the icon pops up, I listen
“Katherine, I was hoping to catch you before bed. I wanted to say thank you for letting me meet MJ. He’s an amazing kid, and you did a really great job with him. I will see you in the morning. Goodnight, Katherine”
I delete the message and finally let sleep take hold.
Chapter 7
MJ Blackwell
My mom looks worried when I get in the car. She tries to act like everything is OK, but she is making the face she always does when she is worried; she presses her lips together, and her eye has a weird twitch. I tell her all about the five days I spent camping. She is listening, but not really hearing. She must be really upset about something because she is just nodding her head and smiling, but I know she isn't actually paying attention. Something catches her attention, and she pulls off into a parking slot in front of a bakery. It only takes me a second to see her—Miss Estelle, the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. She is smiling at the lady at the counter, and my mom asks me to wait in the car, but I know I should say sorry for being mean plus I like that Miss Estelle calls me Wolf. My mom asks Miss Estelle to speak privately, and they start whispering. I see my mom’s face, and she looks really sad, and then Miss Estelle pulls out her phone. When she hangs up, she grabs my mom’s hands, and they just sit there for a minute.
“Would you like a treat?” the women behind the counter asks me with a big smile on her face.
“Yes, can I please have that Mad Hatter cupcake?” I say pointing to the giant tart behind the glass.
She looks over at my mother who nods her head yes. She puts it on a plate and hands me a cup of milk. When I take a bite it feels like magic has exploded in my mouth; the cupcake is filled with chocolate liquid. My eyes must have crossed because the women starts laughing
“Do you like it?” she asks.
“Yes, I love it. I wasn’t expecting anything to be in the middle.” I look at her name tag, and it says Frankie. “Thank you so much, Miss Frankie, I’m going to get some money from my mom.”
“It’s on me, cutie, the look on your face was all the payment I needed. I love when people enjoy the things I make. Your mom looks like she could use a treat. What do you think she would like?” Frankie asks, looking over at my mother who is staring out the window.
I think back to the things my mom always orders. “She likes carrot cake. Do you have carrot cake?”
She smiles she walks over to the display case and pulls out a cupcake and puts it on a plate. “Where is the frosting?” I ask, looking at the cupcake.
“It’s inside. The top is just glazed, but the real treat is when you take a bite.” She winks and I carry the plate to my mom.
She says, “Thank you” and then calls out, “Thank you” to Frankie. When she bites into the cupcake, I hear Miss Frankie laugh, and I laugh too because she makes the same face I must have made.
“Holy smokes, what is this?” she asks, closing her eyes and smelling it. “I have never in my life had anything taste this good.”
Ms. Frankie walks up with one of those fancy tea sets my grandma has that I’m never allowed to touch. “Carrot Cake and Swiss Cream Cheese-Mascarpone Frosting,” she says, placing the tea set on the table. She pours some tea and walks back to the counter.
Only a few minutes pass before my whole life changes forever.
I see my mom almost drop the cup, and the bell go off over the door, and then he walks in. Michael Kerrigan, my father. Everyone on the Res says he left my mom and never came back. Mom stands and introduces us and asks to speak to him for a moment, so I walk back to the counter and look in the cases. It’s only a few minutes before Michael is yelling in my mom’s face. He might be bigger, but a boy at school told me if someone is bigger just kick him in the nuts. I storm over there yelling, “No one talks to my mom like that!” I see the look in his eyes when I yell at him to stop yelling. He must have realized he is wrong. My mom looks so sad. My stomach grumbles loudly, a
nd Michael asks us to go to dinner.
When I ask if I can go home with him, he won’t answer me. I knew he didn’t want me. Why did he even want to meet me if he didn’t want a son? I hate him I thought he would want me to come with him.
He is trying to talk to me in the truck after dinner, but I don’t have anything to say to him. I’m even mad at my mom. He left her so what makes her think he wouldn’t leave me? When we get home, my mom hands me the phone.
“Hello?” I say into the phone
“MJ, I know you’re upset with me, but I promise I will be there in the morning. I’m your dad, and I’m going to be around. I will be there at eight in the morning to get you and your mom.”
“Are you gonna hurt my mom again?”
He doesn’t say anything, then takes a deep breath before continuing, “Buddy, when I hurt your mom I was a stupid kid. I made a mistake that I regretted every day of my life. I want your mom and me to be friends, to be awesome parents to you, and for you to feel like you can come to us for anything you need. I’m going to show you and your mom that you can trust me, and I’m going to do everything I can to show you that I’m not going anywhere. I love you, MJ. I know I just met you, but you’re my son.”
“Okay, see you in the morning, Dad,” I say. It feels weird calling anyone that, but it also feels really good too. I hang up with Michael and lie down. When my mom comes in she knows exactly what to say to make me feel better— she always does.
Chapter 8
Katie
I barely got any sleep last night between everything that happened and the calls that kept coming from an unknown number. I'm running on about two hours. I've changed my number twice and changed my cell phone number twice but for over a year I keep getting calls all day and night, and the person on the other end is always silent.
Stretching my body out, I somehow feel rested. I roll over to look at my clock, and I’m startled by Michael sitting on the chair by my bed. I move so fast I roll off the bed hitting the floor with a thud.