Guiding Lights

by Jessica Florence

  “Ah booked ye a room in this hotel. Take the time ye need. Ah am still always there. Lach.” His voice turned into a low whisper behind me, and then I felt a warm body next to me. I didn’t have to look to know it was Lachlan. He was leaving with me, and for now, I found comfort in that.

  “See ye soon, mah Nera.” I heard him say behind me as the elevator doors opened and we stepped inside. When I turned back around, I looked at him one last time. He’d been my world; I wished I could go back to that, I truly did. I just didn’t know how.

  Chapter Thirty Five

  “Rise and shine, wee Laoch.” Lachlan’s voice echoed in my head. My eyes opened just as he opened the dark curtains, revealing very bright sunshine. I grabbed the covers and threw them over my head. I just wanted to curl up and sleep forever.

  “Not going to happen, I’m not going to let you waste away. Now get your arse out of bed. We’ve got plans.” God, he was just like Wolfe; he didn’t leave me any options. He just came in and gave me no choice but to go with the flow. It had been late before I’d finally fallen asleep last night; my mind kept replaying my meeting with Wolfe.

  I wanted to run into his arms and beg him to make everything ok again, but I felt nothing on the inside, and I think I hated myself for that.

  “Nera? What’s going on in that complex head of yours?” Lachlan sat down on the bed with a look of concern. He understood me; he was there with me.

  “He was all I had, thinking of him kept the fight alive. When he said that, he took away the only thing I had left to fight for. He shattered me, and I don’t know if I can be repaired.” I rolled out of bed and walked into the bathroom.

  I cleaned up and did my stuff before walking back out into the suite Wolfe had put me in.

  “You said we had plans. What are they?” I was changing the subject. I didn’t want to talk about Wolfe right now. Talking about him meant I would have to think about him, and right now, that hurt.

  “We are heading to the airport, going on a surprise trip.” He gave me his dangerous smile; it was one full of secrets. He was up to something.

  “Is he?” I let the rest of my question disappear, but he still understood me.

  “No, he has to take care of something else, but he will meet us there soon. He is giving you what you asked for. Time, but I wouldn’t expect too much. You are still his, whether you agree or not. He will come for you.” He looked me straight in the eye, rose from the bed, and grabbed a bag of clothes from the table.

  “Here, for you.” He handed them to me and walked off. I waited until he was out of sight and started to get ready for the day.

  Inside the bag was a set of nice jeans and a green sweater. I almost laughed when I pulled up the sweater and saw there were a lacey pair of matching black panties and bra. There was a note and a small box lying at the bottom of the bag.

  I lifted the note and folded the paper open. It was handwritten from Wolfe.

  But darling I

  Promise you’ll survive

  I’ll keep your heart alive

  And make sure our love will thrive

  And darling you

  I know you’ll see this through

  You’re beautiful, strong, and true

  I’m not one to make promises

  But I will for you

  It was his song for me, the one that had made me see his love for me. He was speaking to me through his music. It was the only other thing he loved. I remembered the day he sang it in his friend’s pub. I’d been so scared that he would leave me when he found out all my secrets.

  He hadn’t; he’d lifted me up and accepted everything I was. Even now, I knew he would do the same, and here I was, keeping him at an arms distance again. I got dressed quickly, glanced down at the little box, and opened it. My necklace. I didn’t think I was ever going to see it again. I scrambled and clasped it around my neck. My fingers touched it and a small tear escaped my eye. How was I going to trust him again? How would my heart and soul become whole again? I took a deep breath and stood. I didn’t have those answers yet.

  “Ok laoch, let’s go.” I rolled my eyes and tucked Wolfe’s serenade into my pocket.

  “Tell me what that means.” I grumbled.

  “Nope!” I heard him yell from the front of the suite, over by the door. I rolled my eyes and made my way to him.

  “So where are we going?” I looked out the window of the private jet. Wolfe’s private jet.

  “It’s a surprise. Be patient.” He didn’t even look up from the book he was reading. Books. I found myself wanting to read again. I hadn’t even had that as an escape while in hell. I wondered what happened to my books, and the stuff I’d left at Wolfe’s cabin. Had he kept it for me? I already knew the answer to that as soon as I finished that thought. Of course he did. Wolfe wasn’t giving up on me, and I was starting to think I didn’t want him to. I sat back in my chair and watched the clouds pass us by.

  As soon as we stepped off the plane, I knew where we were. Scotland. You could smell it in the air: the salty sea and the trees. I felt like I’d come home, almost like everything I had just been through was merely a dream. I didn’t recognize the area though; we weren’t near Durness.

  A car was parked on the tarmac, waiting for us. Lachlan put his bag and the one that Wolfe had gotten for me in the back of the sedan. I hopped into the passenger seat, Lachlan in the driver’s seat.

  We didn’t say anything as he drove us to our mystery location. I felt a little nervous, wondering where we were going. I wished Lachlan had just left me in my bed, but I knew that wasn’t good for me. If I ever wanted to be better, and try again with Wolfe, I would have to get out and find the newly freed woman I needed to be.

  Chapter Thirty Six

  We pulled up to a little bed and breakfast, much like the Aggie and Evan’s. Lachlan got out quickly and grabbed our bags. I took a little more time getting out of the car and absorbing in my surroundings. It was beautiful, with rolling hills and green everywhere. We weren’t on the water, but I could smell the salty, seaweed scent in the air. The B&B was made of wood and was painted white. The name Talon’s River B&B was painted on a sign out front in the little butterfly garden. It seemed very peaceful. I followed Lachlan as he walked up the few stairs and in through the big wooden door.

  The smell of apple cinnamon assaulted my nose and made me hungry for pie. I prayed there was pie around.

  “Ah can’t believe mah eyes. Lachlan, ye sly dog, when did ye get into town? Ah haven’t seen ye or yer other half in ages!” A short, large woman with red hair and freckles came running out from behind the counter to give Lachlan a big hug. He grinned and hugged her back. This was somewhere familiar to him. “So where is yer other half?” She asked him as she pulled back.

  “Wolfe is doing his thing, he will be in soon to come see you.” He winked at her. She grinned at him, and then noticed I was standing there watching them.

  “Oh my dear, ye are beautiful. What the hell are ye doing hanging out with this fool?” she teased. I was about to speak, but Lachlan beat me to it.

  “She’s with Wolfe.” Once again, I was about to tell him that I wasn’t Wolfe’s when she spoke and didn’t give me a chance.

  “Oh hunny that is…” she wiped underneath her eyes. “That is just wonderful; what is yer name?” She was really tearing up over there.

  “Nera.”

  She smiled and walked up to me and snatched me into one of her hugs. I hugged her back a little awkwardly then stepped back.

  “Well, alright then, let’s get ye two some rooms.” She hustled behind the counter and looked over her books. Lachlan leaned in and whispered something to her I couldn’t hear, she gave him a sweet smile and went back to picking our rooms. She handed Lachlan a key and then he snatched the one that she was handing to me.

  “What the,” I protested, but he simply thanked the woman, who I found out was named Regina, and walked off toward the rooms. I followed behind and noticed he had already stepped into one
room. The seashell suite. Of course, I was in a suite; I think my days of the simple small rooms were over. Not that I was complaining; I was merely making an observation.

  I walked in through the door just as Lachlan walked out.

  “I left your key on the dresser; we can hang out here for a few hours then go explore a bit. There are some places I think you would like to see.” He looked around the room, and then walked down the hall to his own.

  I strolled into the suite and felt comforted. It had a nice large bed, and a couch in the corner with a TV that could be seen by both. A door to the left of the bed, led to what I assumed was the bathroom. It was decorated with a beach theme, with seashell lamps and a light blue comforter. It was peaceful.

  I walked over to the bag that had been packed for me, and I decided to take a look at what all was in there.

  T-shirts, sweaters, jeans, sexy lingerie, and then I gasped. Wolfe was all about surprising me today.

  At the bottom of the bag was the Kindle he had given me and an IPod with another note.

  You toss and turn, my stomach churns

  At the thought of losing you one more time

  Don’t ever forget I’m your safety net

  When you only see darkness turn on the light

  Darling, I’m your light

  Once again, my heart fluttered. With his words and gestures, he was melting my heart. I grabbed the IPod and turned it on to see what he had put on it.

  I scrolled through and saw all of his albums were there, along with Elvis, and some of his other favorites. Excitement blossomed inside me thinking about hearing his voice. I loved the few songs I’d heard him sing, and done a cover of. I laughed at myself now for all of those times I’d told him he needed to talk to someone about becoming a bigger singer. Turns out, he already was.

  I put the little headphones into my ears and lay down on the bed. I must have been lying there and listening to his music for hours when Lachlan came strolling in. I sat up and took them out.

  “Good tunes?” he asked. I nodded.

  “Wolfe gave this to me. It has all of his music. He is really amazing. You feel like you are living every song through him. It’s unreal.” I was in awe. Lachlan just grinned and came to sit next to me.

  “Music was his life. No matter what he went through, he could always find peace in music.” I heard a little envy in his voice and it made me curious.

  “What makes you find peace?” He looked at me with unreadable expression.

  “Peace is not for me. I’ve stopped trying to find that type of peace a long time ago.” He shrugged, not upset about it; he had just accepted that as his norm.

  “Alright, my wee laoch, let’s get a move on.” He stood and held a hand out to help me up. I grabbed my key and we left. We didn’t get in a car though; we walked behind the B&B toward the woods. I was a little confused, but it seemed like we were going hiking. After everything, I could do with a hike in nature.

  We hiked for maybe fifteen minutes and then I heard the sound of running water. Like a brook or a river. I was curious, and it didn’t take us long before we reached it. It was beautiful. The river was clear and babbled along peacefully with a few little waterfalls here and there; it wasn’t huge. But what really caught my eye was the little building with the water wheel that skimmed the surface of the deeper side of the brook. It was something that you’d see in old movies, but almost never in person.

  “When I was six years old, I came down here with my brothers. They were always horsing around swimming, jumping off the top of that little building and into the deep water. I was so jealous that they could do all of the fun stuff and I could only walk around in the shallow area. I couldn’t swim at the time.” He looked off and I could see the memories floating through his head. He was reliving this story as he told me.

  Chapter Thirty Seven

  “One day, I decided to go without them and try to jump from the top of the building too. It had a lattice on the side that made it easy to climb. I didn’t want them around in case I did something embarrassing. I know, stupid, but I was a little shit anyways.” He looked at me and winked and then looked back at the building.

  “I jumped and hit the wheel first. My foot got caught on it and it hung me upside down until it went under the water. I didn’t really know what all happened because I was panicking so much and in so much pain, I sort of passed out. But Wolfe, who was a year older than me, happened to be walking to the river with his fishing pole and heard me scream. He ran like hell and came in to get me. He didn’t know who I was or anything; he just risked his life with the wheel and helped me get loose and swam with me to the shallows to get me out of the water.” This must have been how they met. We stood there in silence, waiting for the rest of his story.

  “We were staying here for a few weeks that summer, and I had broken my ankle, so my summer was shot. Wolfe stayed with me. He hung out with me in my room and we played board games, and he would play with his guitar for me. He didn’t know me and he gave so much of himself to help me feel better.”

  “Why are you telling me all of this?” I had to ask. Was it just a story to tell because we were here or was he trying to soften me up about Wolfe? If it was the latter, it was working. Wolfe was caring and loyal.

  “He saved my life. Now I’m trying to save his. I know what he said hurt you in a time when you needed him most. I know what you went through; I saw it. I had to watch your stepparents to see their habits so I could find my opening. I saw it, Nera. I could feel it. You have something I have always dreamed of. You have someone that is there for you, no matter what. He is there for you when you’re pissed at him, when you are happy, when you are stuck in your own head. He will always be what you need.” He faced me and I felt his sincerity. I sighed and closed my eyes.

  “I know; I wish I could just turn it back on. Something in me snapped when I didn’t have him anymore. I’ve been thinking of how to fix it, but I can’t. I just don’t seem to be able to feel. I’m numb. I want to run into his arms and never let go, but I am afraid that if I let that numbness go, it will give him the power to break me again. I still haven’t recovered from this one, and even if I can, I know I won’t survive another.”

  I stiffened a little when I felt his arms around me. Lachlan didn’t seem like the type that would hug you, but he’d held me while I cried last night and hugged me few times. My body relaxed, and I found temporary comfort.

  “You need to talk to him. You both can get through this together. I used to wish I had what you two have. Don’t let it go, Nera, because you are scared.” Hannah’s words came back to me then. I eased away and nodded. I didn’t have more to say to that.

  “Can we go back? I’m hungry, and I want to soak in the bath,” I asked him. I didn’t want to stand here anymore and see little boy Wolfe saving little Lachlan’s life. It melted me further, and I needed to hold onto the numbness a little bit longer.

  “Sure, Regina set out some sandwiches as we were leaving.” He nodded toward the direction of the house. We walked back down the little trail, and once we stepped out into the yard behind the B&B, I saw Wolfe. He was sitting on a little bench swing in the garden. A small chuckle came from the man beside me.

  “Knew he couldn’t stay away for long.” I looked at him and he was shaking his head. My head turned back to Wolfe and saw he was looking at me. Little flickers of emotion were starting to creep into me. Happiness, fear, anger, and grief. I wasn’t sure which would come out as I neared him. The closer we got, the more intense I saw his stare. It was possessive and soul claiming.

  “Right, I’ll just leave you two alone.” Lachlan put his hands up in surrender and walked toward the door.

  I was alone with Wolfe for the first time since I had been back.

  He sat there and patted the seat beside him. I walked over and sat down. He started to move us back and forth. It was a relaxing motion.

  “How are ye feeling?” He inquired, there was no anger in his question.
/>
  “Ok I guess. You?”

  “Ah could be better,” he said as he turned his head toward mine. I turned mine to look at him. We stayed silent for a few minutes. Just looking at each other. Trying to figure out what to say. He was the one to break the silence.

  “Ah’m sorry for what Ah said, Ah didn’t mean tae hurt ye so much. Ah just couldn’t be the reason they hurt ye.” His eyes closed and when he opened them, I saw a slight glistening in them. He was hurting.

  “They could never have hurt me like you did. I understand, I really do. This time when I was with them, I had something to fight for. You. But then you took that away from me and I had nothing. For three days, I was numb, a shell of myself. I still feel like that. I don’t feel like the Nera you loved. I am lost.” I admitted and looked away.

  “Ah can’t take it back, Nera, but Ah will shout it to the whole world that ye are my woman. Ah will never leave ye, Ah fucking swear it. Be my woman again, Nera. Be mah light. We can help each other. Be mine.” He turned and was leaning toward me. I could feel the heat coming off his body, and I wanted to immerse myself in it. Instead, I felt something inside me snap. Like all of those emotions started flooding through me and I didn’t give a shit who was around.

  “I don’t think you fucking get it. I can’t give you that power. I went through so much from them and Zeyn. They always had time to tell me how much of a whore I was. Mother admitted she knew the whole time I was being molested but wanted me to suffer. Zeyn, he went and rubbed one out as soon as he saw me. He attacked me and kissed me any chance he got. But I fought it the whole time. I fought being sold to the man who had molested all those years. Until you shattered my heart. After that, they had me. I did everything on autopilot.” I should have stopped there, but I wanted him to feel what I had felt.

  “ The night after I heard you speak and broke down, Zeyn came into my room. He did just as he used to do. He touched me and fucked himself on the bed I had refused to sleep on until he came on me. He was staying traditional; he said he wouldn’t fuck me until I was his bride, and in another week, I would have been. He whispered on dead ears all the things he was going to do to me once I was his. And I had nothing left. Nothing I could hold onto and no one that gave a damn. He did that for two days, until Lachlan finally freed me. And did he tell you what happened to them? I fucking shot them. I watched them die and felt no remorse.” I stood and started walking inside the B&B. I wanted to be in the safety of my room. I made it to the room and opened the door when Wolfe finally had caught up to me. I knew what I had screamed at him would take him a minute to take in.