Guiding Lights

by Jessica Florence

  Chapter Thirty Eight

  “Is it mah turn yet?” He walked right into the room and turned to face me. I closed the door; ready for whatever he was about to throw at me.

  “When ye didn’t come back ah thought ye ran again. What the hell was Ah supposed to think? Ah freaked the fuck out, Ah ran outside and looked everywhere for ye. It wasn’t until Ah found yer bra and the necklace did Ah realize what had happened.” He started pacing and my anger simmered.

  “Ah called Lach first thing and had him figure out where ye’d gone. He found out ye were with yer stepparents, and he had tae calm me down because Ah was about tae go and get ye myself.”

  “Ah was going out of mah fucking mind without ye. Wondering what was happening to ye! Ah know it’s not what ye went through, but shit Nera, it kills me tae be so close tae ye and not be able touch ye.” He stopped pacing and stalked toward me.

  “Fuck it,” he growled and was on me.

  He pulled me to him and crushed his lips to mine. I was frozen completely, but he wouldn’t take that from me. He demanded I open for him and tango with him. His hands splayed across my back and pressed me closer against him. My resolve was starting to crack, and I found myself opening for him and dancing my tongue with his. Tears broke free from my closed eyes and ran down my cheeks. I’d missed him. Oh god, I’d missed him. His touch, his smile, all of it.

  “I missed you so much.” I confessed between our kiss. A rough growl ripped through his chest. His hands made their way down my waist and gripped my ass. His hands dug in and lifted me up. My legs wrapped around his waist and he walked us to the bed. We didn’t fall to the bed like I thought we would. He sat down with me straddled on his lap. He slowed our kiss and rested his forehead against mine.

  “Ah can’t lose ye again,” he whispered. The tears just kept on coming. I was scared; I felt too much and lost too much.

  “Wolfe, I’m too scared to be with you. I feel alive, but only on the outside. If anything happens again, I won’t be able to survive it.” I pulled back and he tightened his grip on my waist.

  “Let me in, Nera. Let me in, and Ah will never leave. This, between us, will never end. Ah promise ye, baby our light will never go out. Let me in,” he begged.

  And just like that, I was tired of fighting him. I wanted him to hold me every night. I wanted him for as long as I lived. I didn’t want to be an empty shell of a woman.

  “Ok.” I gave in.

  “Thank fuck,” he cursed and his lips were back on mine. I threw myself into this kiss. His beard scratched my chin, and I loved the feeling. We kissed like our lives depended on being connected. I breathed him in and on my exhale, I released my fears at being with him.

  I was jumping in head first again. Lachlan and Hannah had been right. I had something that other’s had dreamed of right in front of my face. What he’d done hurt me, but he’d done for the best of intentions. I knew my stepparents had decided and even told me of their plan to extort money from him using me any way they had to. He had hired Lachlan to rescue me. I needed to have faith that our light would never burn out.

  We kissed until my stomach growled, signaling I was hungry. I realized I hadn’t eaten today and I needed to. A grin formed on his lips, and I found mine doing the same. He kissed me one more time, before pulling back and looking at me with pure happiness in his eyes.

  “I love ye, Nera.”

  “I love you, my Wolfe.” I crawled off him and stood.

  “Ok, I need to eat now; Lachlan said something about sandwiches and I am starving for one.” I held my hand out for him, which he took, and I tried to pull him up. I failed and he took pity on me and stood on his own.

  “Let’s go feed mah woman.” I shook my head, but on the inside I was starting to think that maybe I could be normal again.

  “Wolfe, wait.” I had a question to ask him and I felt sort of nervous saying something, but I had a feeling it would help me get back to where I’d been. Just because I was with Wolfe didn’t mean everything was ok. His head cocked to the side, waiting for my question. I took a few deep breaths and somehow formed the words.

  “Can we um, not shout to the world that I’m your woman yet? I kinda want to work on myself before I’m plastered all over magazines and TV.” I bit my lip with unease.

  “Of course, anything ye need,” he said with resolution. He would make it happen for me. He waited to see if there was anything else. There was, and this one was harder than the last.

  “I, um.” I was having trouble admitting this.

  “Anything ye need Nera, it’s yers. Let me help ye.” His face softened and I felt a little better.

  “I want to see someone. Like talk to someone about everything. Maybe they could help me.” I looked away, feeling a little insecure admitting I needed to talk to a professional.

  “One condition.” He held up his index finger, gesturing one. I waited to hear his condition.

  “Ah go with ye at least for some of it. Whatever it is ye need to work through, Ah wanna be there. Ah will hold yer hand, be the shoulder tae cry on. We do this together.” I pondered his condition. Could I handle him in a room during this? But he was right; we were together.

  “Ok.” I was beyond running, but I couldn’t start hiding inside myself either. I had to find a way to cope with everything that had happened. I held my hand out to his to shake on it; he gripped me and sealed our agreement with a kiss instead.

  “Now food,” I told him and grabbed my key as we walked out.

  We walked into the little dining area, seeing Lachlan chatting with Regina; no one else was here. I was a little worried that everyone had heard my scream session outside, but no one was around. If those two had heard anything, they didn’t show it. I eyed those sandwiches, but I needed to do something first. I walked over to Lachlan.

  “Can I see you for a minute?” He nodded and told Regina he would be back.

  “Feeling better, wee laoch?”

  “Thank you.” He started to look uncomfortable with me thanking him, but I kept going.

  “Thank you for helping me see what was important.” I reached out and hugged him without asking for permission. A chuckle escaped, and he hugged me back. I was forever grateful for him. He’d helped me see that Wolfe was worth it. Those two men were the most important people in my life. We released each other and headed to table to eat.

  I devoured the turkey sandwich I picked, and I listened as Wolfe, Regina, and Lachlan traded stories about their summers spent here when they were little. Lachlan and Wolfe together was something to see. Both were extremely attractive, Wolfe’s ruggedness called to me more than the dangerous feel of Lachlan.

  But when they smiled, it lit up the room. You couldn’t do much more than stare at them incoherently. I gained insights into both the men who had become my world, and found they were the best men you could ever want in your corner. Loyal, caring and bad ass in their own ways.

  After they finished chatting, I excused myself and headed upstairs to lie down. I was tired; jet lag and the emotional exhaustion had caught up with me.

  As soon as I hit the bed, I was out. I had hoped the nightmares would stay away, but they just wouldn’t. I felt a hand touch me, and I freaked. I woke up with a scream and scrambled away from the body next to me.

  “Nera, it’s Wolfe. Yer ok, yer safe. Ah’m here,” he repeated softly that he was with me. He scooped me up and I cried on him. He was wearing his clothes even though it was dark out. He wasn’t pushing me on any level.

  “I bit him when he kissed me.” I felt his muscles tense, but he controlled himself quickly.

  “Go on,” he whispered against me, and I felt the need to talk. I didn’t want to hold things in because it might upset him.

  “He liked it. He wanted my fight. He forced himself on me, and I couldn’t do anything. I felt so helpless. God Wolfe, I’m sorry. I have only wanted your lips on mine. I’m so sorry he touched me.”

  I bawled and he just held on to me. Whispering it
was ok, and that he loved me, soothing my pain. It helped that he wasn’t mad.

  “Ah’m so glad yer here with me now. Ah don’t know how Ah have lived without ye with me.” He kissed the top of my head, and I hugged him tightly. I had a long way to go before I would be ok, but I would just have to take everything one step at a time. At least, I had him to help me through it all.

  Wolfe held me until we both fell asleep, knowing that we had each other. I was still scared of what could happen, but I wasn’t going to let that fear drag me down. I had a lot of life left to live, and having Wolfe by my side made life seem brighter.

  We slept, wrapped in each other’s arms, until the sun rose and a new day had begun. A new day for me. A new day for us. A new day toward a life out of the darkness.

  Epilogue

  One Year Later

  “My wee darling, take it easy on those biscuits,” Aggie teased me as I chowed down on her delicious food. I looked over at Wolfe and saw him grinning like a fool at me. I rolled my eyes at both of them and went back to eating. Everyone around me was chatting, and I was idly listening while thinking about tomorrow. I was excited to be there at the opening show of his worldwide tour tomorrow night.

  Wolfe had postponed his big tour last year so he could be with me and help me process my issues without being in the limelight. When he announced he was holding off on the tour, I felt bad for his fans, but when he explained: “The light of mah life needs me during a difficult time in her life, and Ah need tae be there for her in any way Ah can.” His fans understood. Flowers and sweet fan mail flooded us. It was amazing to see so many people wishing me well and happy thoughts. He had a good following and I was so proud of him.

  Wolfe and I enrolled in therapy a week after I gave into him, and had been going all year long. It had helped talking with the therapist. I finally felt like I was in a place where the nightmares no longer plagued me, and I didn’t automatically shut down when emotions were too much. I was smiling and finally loving the life I’d been given. And I had Wolfe to thank for that. He was everything I’ve ever needed.

  We’d waited a month after we were reunited to start fucking like rabbits. We still could barely keep our hands off of each other, even a year later. I smiled, thinking about our romp in the shower just before breakfast. I heard a chuckle and my eyes flew toward Wolfe’s. He was giving me an all-knowing smile. He could totally read me. A blush stained my cheeks, and I decided to make my exit. I excused myself and put my plate in the sink.

  I walked up the stairs and into my old room. It looked the same when I’d first stayed here, except now there was a silver picture frame on the nightstand. It held one of the pictures that he had taken of us at the fairy pools. It was my favorite, and now I even had an album from all of the places we had traveled. Wolfe had taken me everywhere he could over the year. He wanted to be there when I saw and experienced new things for the first time. It was sweet.

  I sat on the bed and waited. I knew Wolfe would be close behind me; he liked to get in as much time with me as he could. Whether we were just lying and watching the clouds, or when I would just read to him for hours. We finally finished Mr.Beautiful’s story and Wolfe went out and built me a large library in his Scotland home, which I adored and always wanted to stay in more than any of his other homes. At first, I wondered why someone would need five homes, but then after traveling so much, it was nice not to be in a hotel and have somewhere familiar.

  “Waiting for me?” He strolled into the room, his eyes roaming over my yoga pants and sweater. So attractive. He grinned and then pounced on me like a lion.

  “Nope, I was waiting for the hot Scotsman in the kilt. He likes to go commando underneath so it’s easy access to his big cock,” I teased him. He pressed his hard cock against me. Insatiable.

  “Maybe Ah can take yer mind off him and make ye scream my name instead.” He purred and I was warming against his touch.

  “Hm, maybe you could,” I moaned and he pulled back, moving his hand awkwardly around his pants.

  “Wolfe, what the–” He was fumbling around and his hand was digging into my hip.

  “Ow, jesus.” If he had something in his pocket, he should just roll off me instead of trying to squeeze between us.

  “Marry me, Nera. Marry me and be mah wife.” His honey eyes trapped mine and his words stunned me. I was speechless. Wolfe wanted me to be his wife!

  Marriage wasn’t anything I had ever truly thought about, but with him it felt right. I wanted to spend the rest of my life as his; I was already head over heels in love with him. He’d guided me out of the darkness inside and back into the light. His light.

  “Make me forget the man in the kilt and I’m yours,” I challenged him, he grinned and I watched as he pulled a ring out of his pocket and slipped it on my finger. I stared in awe at the white gold ring, identical to my star necklace, but in ring form. It was completely perfect. God, I loved this man.

  “Get ready tae let the neighbors know mah name. Over and over.”

  Playlist

  All of the stars- Ed Sheeran

  Stay-Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko

  Work song-Hozier

  In a week-Hozier

  Like real people do- Hozier

  Say something- A great big world ft. Christina Aguilera

  Elastic Heart- Sia

  Warrior- Demi Levato

  My love- Sia

  Acknowledgements

  Man, this book has been a journey and there are so many people who helped me through it.

  I’ll start with Chris, you’re always there and I couldn’t write without you. Seriously. You are the mac to my writing cheese. You are amazing and I am sooo thankful for you!

  Big thanks to my beta’s MA, Marissa, Susan, Terra, and Sam. You guys helped me out so much! I loved hearing how much this story touched you and how much you loved my man bun and beard Scott.

  Gotta give some love to my Chicken Soup bitches!! You guys are awesome and I’m so thankful for the friendships with each one of you. Although the boob talks are pretty distracting.

  MA. My sexy bitch. Thank you for giving Wolfe’s music a voice. The songs you wrote were sooo amazingly perfect. I am truly honored to have them in my story. You are so talented, and I am so thankful for you!

  Jodi, thanks for the pure gold that comes out of your mouth. Stuff like that had to be immortalized in a book. Thanks for inspiring Hannah.

  Rebecca! You saved my ass and I will forever be grateful! Thanks babe

  Readers, you guys are everything. I could not do what I do if it wasn’t for you. Is there really more I can say. You readers are kickasserole

  To my hubby and sweet baby. I’m glad you both go to bed pretty early ;) babe-a-licious I’m very thankful that you support me, even though I haven’t broken even yet lol I love you very much. Baby girl. You’re cute a cute distraction from my writing and I love it.

  Thank you all for letting Wolfe and Nera tell you their story.