Pink Ice

by Carolina Soto

  Copyright © Carolina Soto

  Edited by Heather L. Lueschen, IndieProofs

  Cover photography by Alejandra Laguna

  Cover design by Carolina Soto

  Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without prior written permission of the above author of this book.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

  The following story contains mature themes, strong language, and sexual situations. It is intended for adult readers.

  The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products and brands referenced in this work fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

  DEDICATION

  For mommy and daddy, my biggest possessions in this world. My brother, Sharon and my little Lilly.

  Los amo,

  Chapter 1

  We never called it love. It was just a long one night stand, and yet I was feeling as if my heart had been ripped out of my chest. There was no pain or anger, just the worst numbness that I had felt in my life. But it didn’t come alone, it was accompanied by a terrible need to eat ice cream, God, please explain to me what does ice cream have to do with this!?And of course, ice cream reminded me of him. He’ll be going back to his Ben & Jerry’s life, probably already craving something exotic and delicious; chocolate, macadamia nuts, and raspberry.

  It had been three weeks. Twenty two days, five hundred twenty eight hours without Blue Eyes, yes, I was counting. Fuck, you’re pathetic. The worst part of this? These were only the first three weeks of years to come without him, just the beginning of it.

  I had never lost anything before. Nothing beyond a pair of shoes or a purse, those were my biggest defeats. And now I had lost what I never thought I could have wanted. But then, you can’t lose what was never yours. Being right had never been so sour. I was right since the beginning, he thought of me as the shiny new toy. The moment he got me, he lost interest. It was all about the damn challenge…

  But then, I could look for him, right? Who was I kidding? I would never look for him. I know it was stupid, but I would rather walk across New York, in my best shoes, for hours, than to look for him and to become the needy, mascara smudged, silly girl, I was feeling like. I am not proud of my arrogance, but I had no time or enough humility to change that. I thought that for once someone had accepted me, with all my flaws. So naïve! Don’t blame me, I grew in the ‘10 Things I Hate About You’ generation, I thought the bitch could get the guy. Apparently, she can’t.

  My misery was silent, a fake parade. And that was exactly the most difficult part, faking. My whole life I had been against pretending, and now I was acting as if everything was perfect. No one knew about our last encounter and how he had left my life for good. The few people that knew we were seeing each other weren’t aware of the end of whatever we had.

  I worked as hard as always, I treated everyone as always, and I lived my life as always. But I was not the same. I missed him, I missed the way that he made me feel, and his presence in my life. But it was over and I had to learn how to live without him. He was just a fun time, Princess! Put yourself together!

  That terrible night three weeks before, I came home, cried for the entire weekend, allowed myself to mourn my lost; and forced myself to forget about it by Monday. Truth be told, I didn’t forget, but I acted as if I had. I avoided talking on the phone with Michelle, and answered her texts as wisely as I could; just to avoid talking about him. He never tried to reach me, not one single attempt. I did my best to never mention his name…until the third Friday without Dylan.

  My best friend and roommate Kevin came home before his ‘let’s find out how hot I am’ weekend. Until then I had been avoiding deep conversations with him, frightened that he would ask about Blue Eyes and make me break in front of him.

  “Baby girl, have you seen Big Guy?” My heart started pounding in my ears. He was asking about Dylan’s bodyguard, Joe, the man he assigned to me. If there was no more Dylan, of course there was no more Big Buy. Calm down, answer and dismiss baby. “He owes me 50 bucks and I haven’t caught him on his way out.”

  Avoiding his gaze I walked to the fridge and buried my face inside. “He’s back in Chicago, but he gave me your money. Take it from my purse.” I preferred to give away 50 dollars than admitting that I didn’t even have the chance to say goodbye to, my now good friend, Big Guy Joe.

  “Are all those bags yours?” He pointed to the stash of bags that were spilled all over the floor.

  “Yes, I went shopping. I was bored.” And I believe that my friends Louboutin, Dolce, Vuitton and Chanel can make me feel better.

  “It’s good to have a break from that fling, right? He seems as if he wants to devour you all the time! You must be tired baby!” He grinned at me in a playful way. I wanted to tell him that he didn’t want me anymore, but I couldn’t. I just went for a smile, which made him believe that he could keep talking about it, stupid move. “I am glad he is in your life Katie. Even when he came to break the order and has messed with all your perfect, controlled life; he makes you happy.”

  Katherine, if you fucking cry I’ll throw all your shoes away. With all the sadness in my body, I just responded as I could. I said his name… “Dylan is a good man.” It was physically painful, a sour taste in my mouth.

  “And you deserve him.”

  I swear I was about to burst into tears, but I pulled myself together trying to finish the conversation. “You know you deserve something good too, right Kev?” Yes, I was changing the topic, but I also wanted my friend to realize he was good enough. If it also served as a distraction, so be it.

  “If someone who was completely closed to love could find her someone, maybe a lucky lady can make an honest man out of me. Don’t you think?” I couldn’t answer, I tried to smile but, this was way too painful.

  “Thinking about marrying someone Kev?” Throwing attention back to him would be my strategy.

  “If I find the right one.” He smiled in a mysterious way. “So, what about you? Have you lost your ornamental wife fear?”

  I stayed pensive for a while, Kevin was hitting all the right buttons for disaster. “I’ve learned recently that you can become a wife without losing yourself, as I had always feared.” And it hurts more now that I am as alone as Santa Claus after Christmas.

  “I never understood where that fear came from. You parents have the best marriage I’ve seen.” Kevin was looking at me in the worst way I could imagine, as if I was a fragile crystal piece that could break at any moment.

  To lose his attention and to break the weird vibe that was surrounding us, I started pouring some Coke in a cup. “We’ve seen many women lose themselves Kev. My aunts, your mother, our friends. Loveless marriages that provide the safety of money. You know that attending parties and working charities is not profitable, I always wanted more, needed more. Probably because I witnessed what my parents have, I know there’s more in life than being a stupid ornamental piece for a man’s benefit.” I swear I don’t know how our simple, laid back night became that intense.

  After staying pensive for a couple of seconds, Kevin came to me and put his arm around my shoulders. He knows, he absolutely knows! “Baby, do you want to watch a movie?”

  “What? You are not going out?” He had had his same routine since high school, he
had slept with someone different every weekend since we were 17. His only free days were Christmas and Thanksgiving. He knows!!!

  “I don’t feel like going out. And since I am buying you lunch tomorrow, I need to be here.”

  “Pick the movie, I’ll be back in a second.” I walked to my room completely confused. He was not asking, maybe he didn’t know, but he suspected something was odd and that was enough. At some point I was going to need to give some explanation, but I was a sissy and I was not ready to put myself out there. I was going to avoid a pity parade as much as I could.

  I knew I was not going to cry, but my eyes must have looked watery, so I pressed a tissue over them trying to drain every single drop. I needed to survive tonight to keep living my life as if nothing had happened.

  The night went fast and Kev didn’t make any further attempt to ask me about Dylan. In fact, he was trying to distract me, to make me laugh and enjoy our night as we used to. The next day he took me to Le Pain Quotidien, in Central Park. Even with my aversion to lunch calories, I planned to drown my sadness in carbs and forget about those haunting blue eyes. The full place would be a distraction, and if I could survive it without getting back to the topic with Kevin, I was going to be ok.

  After sitting and ordering our lunch, Kevin smiled softly. “4TH of July?” I nodded with my mouth full of bread. “A lovely lady invited me to Cabo. You? Chicago?”

  Avoid! Now! “No, I have to go and check on my parents’ house. They’ve been on their cruise for two weeks, and they’ll be there for the entire summer.”

  “Summer in the Mediterranean waters? I’m jealous of your parents, I am pathetic!”

  “Being said by the man who’s spending the weekend in Cabo.” I laughed relaxed, he wasn’t asking about Chicago anymore.

  “Do you want me to go with you?” The concern in his voice was evident, and that could only mean he thought I was vulnerable.

  I shook my head and smiled. “No sweetheart, that nice lady invited you and she deserves your presence.”

  “So your guy is coming with you?”

  Talk about him, this was stupid, I was being silly, but his name felt like little razors in my mouth. “I guess he will be in Chicago.” Humor, your best weapon. “And no, I am not sleeping with him in my parents’ house, so there’s no reason to take him there.” I winked at him and kept eating.

  “You’ll drive?” I just nodded, I needed that lonely drive more than anything in my life. “Ok baby, just let me know when you get there, ok?”

  “I will hottie, but if I hear something weird in the background, I’ll hang up that phone.”

  “Let’s get out of here you dirty girl!”

  I couldn’t believe it, but I had avoided suspicion from one of the people that knew me best. He was my biggest concern since Michelle never knew for a fact that we were together. Feeling too confident, I let my guard down and answered my phone without checking the screen on Wednesday.

  “Hey you bitchhhh!” The sweet greeting of my best friend sent chills through my body.

  “Well, hello there, baby. I thought you had forgotten about me.” Guilt would have to be my savior.

  “Katie, I miss you to death, but I am living the happiest moment of my life. I love him, I really love him.”

  I was so proud of my best friend, this was different from her usual escapades. “I know baby, that’s why I share you with him. But please, tell me, when will you bring your pretty ass back?”

  “I don’t know. I am having a great time, but I miss you. Maybe now that Dylan is back here we can go to the city; Marc is having more free time now. We are even leaving for a 4th of July weekend in the woods!”

  I knew she was talking, but I focused on the ‘Dylan’ part. “Where are you going?”

  “To an old reserve, we are leaving technology aside and enjoying the nature.”

  Who would want that!? Technology and comfort are essential in life. “Thank God you are dragging someone else there, babe. I have to go, but I really miss you, Chelle. Please give Marc a big kiss and tell him to take care of you for me, ok?” My words were a little too sentimental, but I needed my friend more than ever, and she was in a different state.

  “I love you Katie, take care of yourself.”

  Done, the last thing before leaving. There was nothing else, just going to the parking lot to pick up my Range Rover on Friday morning. Skinny jeans, baseball black and white shirt, sunglasses and sneakers, ready to go.

  Chapter 2

  The reason I always loved to drive was because I felt free doing it. The speed, the air, the loneliness, and the singing out loud, those were the things I needed. Probably, it had to do with the fact that it was almost an impossible task in New York, but on the highway I could be by myself.

  I turned on the radio and selected my playlist “Hurt like a ….”, - insert my profanity that was too long for iTunes - , and started my trip. I drove and sang to ‘The Winner Takes It All’ by Abba, ‘The Way of Love’ by Cher, ‘Chasing Cars’ by Snow Patrol and Guns n’ Roses’ ‘November Rain’, our relationship was more dramatic in lyrics than in real life. I just wanted to drive and sing, and arrive at the house to curl into a ball and cry to death. Yes, even with my closed lachrymals I knew I needed to.

  The tears didn’t wait, with the first compasses of ‘I Have Nothing’ by Whitney Houston that was it. My eyes poured and I sang my heart out. The song ended and I played it again, and again, and again. By the eighth time, I accepted the fact that I couldn’t sing it anymore. You couldn’t sing it since the first time. So I let the next song come, but the first compasses made me feel sick. I went to change it as quickly as I could. “Not fucking John Mayer!” I swear I just took my eyes from the road for one second.

  But then everything was black…black…black…

  Black…black…the fog started moving, I couldn’t wake up but, I listened for voices. The voice took my breath away, this was a nightmare. It was his voice…

  “When? I want her back. I need her!” Dylan was shouting, but it sounded so far away. He was in Chicago and I was dreaming of him asking for me. Even in the middle of the fog, my brain wanted me to believe he wanted me back. I needed to wake up, I couldn’t deal with this…black…black…

  Black…black….black…I didn’t know how long I had been sleeping, but the darkness faded a little. The voice was back.

  “I can’t live without her! Get her back!” God, my brain was playing with all my emotions. I wanted to cry, to shout, but mostly, to wake up. Open your eyes Katherine! Open them! Even in the middle of my despair I couldn’t wake up. I was so tired, so tired, I couldn’t. Black…black…black… I went down again.

  Black…black…black…This time, when the fog cleared I couldn’t hear anything, but I felt. The worst pain, all over my body, made the tears try to pour, but my eyes were dry. Open your eyes! Open them! I tried, but the light was too much, and my head hurt, a lot. After a couple of tries I opened them slowly. There was too much light and I felt something heavy over my waist, my hand was trapped.

  I tried to move in what I thought was a quick way, but I was in slow motion. I also tried to talk, but I couldn’t; my throat burned and was so dry that I could feel fire in it. When my eyes went to the heavy thing laying over my body, I recognized that hair. HE was laid over my waist holding my hand, the nightmare was not over. He’s not here. You are not here babe. This is a dream. Blue Eyes moved and noticed I was looking at him.

  “Katherine, baby, don’t move.”

  I tried to talk again, but he stopped me. He came to my side and pressed a button, then came closer to me and pressed his lips against my head. The pain was killing me.

  A short middle aged woman came to the room. “Ms. Bianchi, you’re back. Don’t move, the doctor is on his way here.” My hand was still in Dylan’s and the woman, who had walked to my side to check the IV in my arm noticed it. “Mr. Berkeley, please don’t touch Ms. Bianchi.”

  It was then when it hit me, the confusion th
at I had been living was getting worse when I noticed I was in a hospital room. It took me way too long to notice the obvious, first clue that something bad had happened.

  “I’ve already told you I can touch her as much as I want.” The tone on Dylan’s voice was aggressive, harsh, but mostly scared.

  A couple of doctors entered the room. The eldest, a gentle, white haired man came closer to me. “Welcome back Ms. Bianchi, do you know where you are?” I shook my head completely overwhelmed by the scenery. “You are in the Mount Sinai Hospital. You’ve been in a car accident.” He came to me and flashed his little lamp to my eyes, checked my face and my heart. I noticed I was connected to some machines, the beep of my cardiac frequency was too loud, and I had something in my nose giving me some oxygen. “Do you know what day it is?”

  I got distracted with Dylan staring at me from the corner of the room. I just shook my head without moving my eyes from him. “Do you know when you got hurt?”

  For the first time I did my best to talk. “I was driving on Friday morning.” It hurt, a lot, the flames in my throat were scratching my skin. My voice was raspy and so foreign that I couldn’t recognize it as mine.

  The doctor distracted me again. “Katherine, what’s your full name?” That one took me off guard, I thought he was going to explain to me, but there were more questions; questions that seemed stupid to me.

  “Katherine Elizabeth Bianchi.”

  “Where were you driving to?”

  “My parents’ house in the Hamptons.”

  “What happened to the car?”

  I tried, I closed my eyes and really tried, but there was nothing there. “I don’t know. I can’t remember.” Tears started to fall down my face, they were slow and silent, just like my voice. The confusion made me feel stripped in front of this person I didn’t know, and I noticed Dylan was shaking.

  “Do you know who he is?” The doctor was pointing to Dylan, when he noticed my eyes were stuck on him. Time froze and in that moment I knew that I would recognize that face even in hell. He was a mess, the dark circles under his eyes, his untamed hair and the wrinkles on his face made him look different. His guard was down, he seemed scared, and even when other people couldn’t notice his fear, I knew him too well; I had memorized that face.