Pink Ice

by Carolina Soto

  “He is Dylan” I didn’t want to name his role in my life, but I did as I could, given the circumstances. “He is my friend.” I saw how he shook his head. The doctor tried to make me focus on him, but I couldn’t stop staring at Dylan. Even in the most confusing moment of my life, those blue eyes were demanding my attention.

  “Katherine, do you know what day is today?”

  This man was exasperating me, instead of giving me answers, he was just making more questions. “Friday?”

  Dylan shook his head from behind the doctor again, there was a lot of concern in that beautiful face and I just wanted to run to him. “Today is Tuesday evening, Katherine.” The doctor’s voice was trying to make me notice this was serious.

  What happened? Tuesday? Ask, ask what happened! Even when a part of my head was as fast as always, my actions were behind of it, I was in a slow bubble. “What happened to me? How have I lost those days?”

  “You have a concussion.” He punctuated his words, giving some solemnity to the conversation. “You have three broken ribs, your wrist was broken too, but you had surgery. And your organs were swollen by the impact. Your spleen was really damaged, we have to keep an eye on it.” Oh God! My head was in complete shock. I was unconscious for five days, and I had a surgery that I was not aware of. I turned to see my hand, and it had a black support with some metallic instruments on it. When the doctor noticed I was not responding, he directed his words to Dylan. “We have to take her for a CT Scan, we will also take an ultrasound to check her organs, maybe some other procedures, ok?”

  Dylan just nodded, for the first time I saw him weak, he was not the powerful man that I was used to and it scared me to death. The nurse who had checked me when I first woke up, came back to start preparing me to move.

  Again, it was the voice of the doctor that distracted me. “Katherine, you are a lucky girl. We’ll take care of you, ok?” A lucky girl!? I was in a hospital bed, and I had lost five days of my life! How bad was this? Did they think I was not waking up? My head was a mess and I just nodded and waited while the nurse started making me ready for the procedures I needed. The uncertainty freaked me out, fear came to me and I started shaking. Soon I felt as if I was losing all the temperature in my body.

  Blue Eyes was by my side in a second, he grabbed both of my hands trying to warm them, through the cast on my arm. “Katherine,” his voice was commanding, he was in charge again. “Katherine, look at me.” I met those blue pools. “Everything is going to be ok baby. I won’t let you”, he hesitated, looking for the right words. “I won’t let you go.” Yet, you had let me go before. He kissed my head and the nurse interrupted our moment.

  “Mr. Berkeley I need to take her, now.” Dylan stabbed her with his gaze, and reluctantly let me go.

  I was examined in various ways, X-rays, CT Scans, ultrasounds, reflex tests. And I spent all this time completely numb. I couldn’t seem to make my brain focus on something; I even lost track of the time. I was trying to remember, but couldn’t, and that was killing me. Finally after being meticulously analyzed, the nurse took me back to the room.

  Dylan stood up as soon as he saw me entering. “Is she fine?”

  The nurse answered as cold as she could, apparently she was not a Berkeley fan. Wise woman! “The doctor will check her tests and come back to you. Now you have to let her rest.”

  Before he could answer, the sound of his phone interrupted him. “I need to take this one, doll. I’ll be back in a minute.”

  As soon as he left the room, the nurse came to my side and lowered her voice. “Ms. Bianchi, that kid has been by your side since you arrived here. He needs to rest, please send him home.”

  I couldn’t get it. When did he come back from Chicago? I knew he needed to rest, it was evident from the terrible state of his face, but I didn’t want to let him go. And even if I didn’t want him to, I knew that was the right thing to do, he wasn’t even my friend anymore. Smiling, Blue Eyes came back to the room and walked to my side to take my hand.

  “Thank God you are here, doll.” He kissed my knuckles. I convinced myself, even when it broke my heart, this was what he needed.

  “Dylan, you have to rest. Go home, I’ll be here tomorrow.” I tried to smile, but I couldn’t.

  His eyes were intense and that broke me a little more. “Listen to me Katherine.” His voice was harsh and he was looking at me in the most powerful way. “I am not going to leave this hospital, until it is with you by my side. Do you understand?” A wave of relief came over me, I nodded; being honest I didn’t want him to leave me. I didn’t want to be alone in that moment, but mostly I didn’t want to be without him again.

  It was selfish, we were not together anymore, and to take advantage of my situation was pathetic, but I needed him by my side. Next step in your crazy quest, a fake pregnancy. What’s going on with you darling?!

  Before I could control it I felt my body drifting, and panic invaded me. I couldn’t allow myself to fall into the fog again. The shaking and the cold came back, I knew if I would fall asleep I could lose it again. Dylan was in the sofa reading a newspaper when he noticed my body reacting to the fear. In a second he ran to my side and tried to make me focus. “Tell me what’s happening Katherine.”

  I tried to control myself, but it was too difficult. “I don’t want…” The woman that never lost control was losing it big time. “I don’t want to close my eyes, I don’t want to lose myself again.”

  He tried to erase the wrinkle that appeared in my frown with his finger. “It’s not going to happen, Katherine. I am here, and you are fine now. You have to sleep, doll.” His voice was sweet trying to sooth me.

  I tried to reason with myself but I couldn’t; this was not logical, but I was terrified. “Don’t drop my hand, please…I’m so cold…” I hesitated, but in my head that was the only solution. Delusional, wrong and completely inappropriate, but I was way too medicated to control myself. Be humble, suck your pride and just ask him. “Would you hold me while I sleep?”

  His face softened and his eyes shone for the first time since I woke up. “You are hurt baby, I can’t get into that bed with you.”

  I was ready to beg, this was the only solution I could think of. “Please, I can’t, I can’t sleep by myself.”

  He moved me carefully, and got into the tiny bed with me, trying to remain as still as he could. He positioned me over his chest, and put one arm over my shoulders avoiding the IV. His heart beat was enough to convince me to let go. With him so near, I could not be afraid of the fog. I was starting to sleep when he kissed my hair and I heard the slowest whisper. “Please don’t leave me again, doll.” I closed my eyes not knowing if he was talking about the fog or about us. Either way, in that moment I was where I wanted to be, in his arms.

  When I opened my eyes again I searched for Dylan, but couldn’t find him. The room was empty. Maybe it was a dream, maybe the accident happened but I am alone. The door opened and a perfect suited Blue Eyes entered.

  “You are awake, sleepy doll.” He was fresher, the smile on his face made him look even more handsome, and I could smell him from my bed. “How are you feeling?”

  I was a little less lost, the pain was still there, but I was not as confused as the day before. “Less foggy. Where were you?”

  “Calling your parents.” Panic came back, I hadn’t thought about the concern of Mom and Dad, being halfway around the world with me in the hospital could potentially kill them. “I haven’t found them Katherine.” They don’t know yet. I didn’t want them to know yet.

  My thoughts were stopped by the doctors that had been in my room the day before. Again the only one talking was the eldest one. “Good morning Katherine. How are you feeling?”

  “Better, I am feeling better.”

  “I am glad to hear that.” Again he came at me with that little lamp, listened to my heart and checked my wrist. “Quick session of questions. How old are you?”

  “25”

  “Where do you live?�
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  “400 East, 90th St.” Don’t let me fool you, I was answering slowly and my voice was barely over a whisper, but I was doing it better than the day before.

  “College?”

  “Columbia”

  “What happened to the car?”

  That question again, I paused and tried. I focused on that day, my clothes, my car, but nothing came. “I don’t know.”

  Two younger doctors wrote something on their pads while I read the name tag on the eldest doctor’s coat ‘Dr. Matthews’. “It is ok Katherine, I just want to know how far your memory can remember. We’ve checked your tests. You’ll be fine, it will take some time, you’re body was really hurt by the impact, but you’re healing. You have to rest and remain under observation, but you’ll be fine.” He smiled softly at me and then turned back to Dylan. “She gave us a big scare, but everything is ok now, Mr. Berkeley.”

  I was going to be fine, that was the only thing I could think about, that and Dylan’s hand on mine making little circles on my skin, trying to relax me. The doctors exited the room and left us alone. Knowing everything was fine made me come back to important things.

  “Dylan, who knows about this?” There was a chance to stop the storm.

  “I couldn’t find your parents or Kevin, doll, and Michelle is still with Marc in the woods. But I have my people working on it.”

  “Can I ask something from you?”

  Those unreal blue eyes looked at me with suspicion, but he was being so nice to me that I knew he was going to let me have my way. Years of experience being spoiled had taught me well. “Anything, doll.”

  I tried to tame the raspy voice and used my childish tone, the one meant to get what I want. “Can we keep this between us?”

  The sharpness on his face became more evident, he was fighting with himself to avoid conflict with me. “We can’t do that Katherine, this is serious, your life was on the line, so no, we can’t do that. People that care for you deserve to know.”

  I was too weak to fight, but not to beg. “I don’t want to worry anyone, and there’s no need anymore. You’ve heard the doctor, I’ll be fine. Please, let’s just say I had surgery on my wrist, no one needs to know about my days off.” I was tired, but I needed to settle that before going back to sleep. “Mom and Dad are on a cruise across the Mediterranean, they’ll be back in a month. And Kevin was in Cabo. Please Dylan, he’ll start wondering about me today when he notices I am not home.” I hold his hand tighter. “I promise I will do whatever you want, but please help me with this.”

  The cold ice in his eyes was there, but his hand was warm. “I don’t like this, but I’ll do it, just remember your promise ok?” Without thinking about it, I took his hand to my mouth and kissed it. That gesture softened his face and a little smile made my heart beat faster. “John knows, he and Mrs. Cherry came to see you.” He shook his head and the shadow was back on his face. “That sweet woman cried when she saw you, even John was afraid.” My poor boss, my dear poor boss was afraid for me. And Mrs. Cherry, his assistant had come here with him, to see me while I was still unconscious.

  “Could you let them know I am fine?” My voice was breaking, I had asked more from my body than what it could do. Every piece was hurting and my eyes were starting to drift. “Please call Kevin and tell him about my wrist.”

  Dylan just nodded, he was concerned; he had never seen me like this before. You’ve never been this bad before. Exhaustion was taking me away, so I kissed his hand again and closed my eyes. Why are you kissing his hand!?

  By the time I opened them again the room was dark. “Dylan?”

  “How are you feeling, doll?” My busy Blue Eyes had his laptop opened, some pages spread over the couch and the iPad in his hand. ‘My?’ You really got your head hurt!

  “How long did I sleep?” He stood up, walked to me, and kissed my forehead.

  “All day, baby. I called John and Kevin. Dr. Matthews forbade visits for now, but both of them wanted to come. Kevin is really worried, it took me forever to convince him that he couldn’t see you. There’s no way he would believe us if he witnesses how you look.’”

  If visits are not allowed, what the hell are you?! I moved to grab his hand, needing the contact with his body. “Thank you, Dylan.” For the first time in my life my body needed physical comfort, I laid my head over his arm. When I finally let it go I fell asleep again.

  Apparently my body only wanted to sleep, not a first, but yes, it was the first time I could do it. Days went by with me waking up for a couple of hours, just to find Dylan working and taking care of me. Even if it was an illusion, the idea of being with him made me feel safer in a terrible moment of my life.

  The mean nurse hated him, and fought silently against him, she was also mad at me for not making him leave. But who was I kidding, I wouldn’t make him leave for my life.

  The day I noticed I was able to keep my eyes open for longer, I went for answers. Even in the lazy state of my brain, I was too curious to know about what had happened. I needed to connect the dots, and the only person I was in contact with, besides the mean nurse, was Dylan.

  “Dylan.”

  It took him a second to come to me. “What is it, doll?”

  Girly voice mode on. “How did you know what happened to me? Did they call you?” This couldn’t be the case since we were not connected in any way. Only stalkers put their one night stands as emergency contacts. So, sane people keep their ex booty calls at the hospital with them?

  “No.” He was thinking. This reaction was insane, since I couldn’t be angry with him in that moment. “Joe called me,” –dramatic pause- “he was following you.”

  “Joe was what?”What the fucking hell was he doing! I was too weak, but I could feel the anger pouring from every pore of my body. Yeah, the accident made me more dramatic. I couldn’t understand why I was being followed in that moment, but probably all the medication in my system worked in his favor.

  “Joe was following you and he called me.”

  Get answers, you can’t fight now. “Dylan, why?”

  He stood just in front of my bed to face me. “He never stopped following you.”

  This was even weirder, we were not together; Joe was his, not mine. “Since when?”

  Again he was calculating the least dangerous answer. “Since the advertising gala.” Damn! You got yourself a stalker, princess! Thank God I had an IV in my arm; I knew too well that otherwise my reaction would have been to leave. But since I had missed him for three weeks, and the fact that I was almost killed a couple of days before, the stalking detail seemed a little insignificant. “Why?”

  He came to my side and kissed my forehead in a distraction technique. “You are too weak and I am too tired to do this. I’ll explain it to you when you are strong enough. Now get back to sleep, doll.” I needed answers, but there was no way that I was going to throw him out of my room in case we fight, so I just closed my eyes. The accident made you a sissy!

  The next morning I was even more awake, the pain was still there, the weakness too, but my brain was getting its speed back. The sight of the most handsome man on Earth, was reason enough to wake up. “Morning.”

  “Good morning, beautiful.” He walked to the foot of my bed. “How are you feeling?”

  This was the new usual question every single time we talked. “Better.”

  He smiled that million dollar smile. I could almost forget his stalking, almost. “Good. I need to ask you something.” Lost in those blue pools I just nodded. “Can Joe come in to see you?”

  This was a weird request, I didn’t understand why he had to ask. And I missed Joe to death, I swear the accident made you more stupid! “Sure, I miss him. Why did you ask?”

  Dylan was concerned about something that I couldn’t understand. “Doll, he feels responsible for everything, and he wants to see you are ok. He has been kicking himself for all of this.”

  My heart broke a little, my friend blamed himself about my mistake. Since Dylan
had made him follow me around a mall in San Antonio, we had developed a nice friendship. I needed to see him. It also surprised me, the concern on Dylan’s face, he cared about Joe and this mess was taking a toll on him. “I need to see him, could you bring him in?” I remembered that no one besides Dylan, the mean nurse and the doctor had seen me in days. “Could you please give me a mirror before you leave?” I was vain and insecure even in the worst moments.

  Dylan doubted before moving to the bathroom and bringing me a mirror. Without giving it a lot of thought I put it in front of my face. What I met there couldn’t be worse, I couldn’t recognize the image staring back to me. My whole life I wanted to be skinnier, now I could see my cheekbones cutting my face, but not in the way I always imagined. The dark circles under my eyes were only overshadowed by the yellow on my usually olive skin. And to make it even more real I had a couple of bruises and a big cut over my left cheek. I didn’t notice when the tears started to flow, my hand started shaking next and a big oppression on my chest made it difficult to breath.

  Blue Eyes took the mirror from my hand and set it on the night table. He took my face in his strong hands and made me stare at him. “Listen to me Katherine.” How can I look so destroyed in front of this fine specimen? What happened to me? Will I ever be myself again? “You are the same. All of this will go away. The only thing that matters is that you are alive, and that you are with me. You are perfect. I want you to think about yourself the way you always look; this is just an illusion, ok?”

  Between sobs I nodded while hyperventilating and I couldn’t calm myself. Every word he said to me was needed in my soul. The strong woman that I had always been was reduced to a shattered damsel in distress and I hated every second of it. “I hate to cry!” I was sobbing like a spoiled child. Dylan just kissed my cheek and waited for me to calm down.