Wherever My Heart Roams (Brides of the West Series Book Nine)

by Rita Hestand

It was obvious to both girls their mother was sick with worry.

  "Of course I do…but, it's a gambling debt." Beth went through her one drawer and pulled out her gown to sleep in. "He knows better than to gamble. Besides, the best boy I know is Oliver I just hadn't considered marrying him is all."

  "Oliver is marrying his third cousin. It's been decided years ago."

  "His cousin. Isn't that sinful?" Martina gasped.

  "Probably, but his family insists they are only third cousins, once removed. He's known her all her life. He likes her."

  "Does he know?"

  "Yes, he does. He's known for some time."

  "But he never…. mentioned it…" Beth's eyes widened. There were so many things she didn't know about boys and men and getting married.

  "He's never mentioned her to me." Martina gasped.

  "Well, maybe because he thought you two might get married. I don't know. But this is an arranged marriage, just like yours will be. And yes dear, it is gambling. But the man agreed to give us credit at the General Store and absolve the entire debt." Her mother told her. "It's for the best, Beth, you'll see. In years to come you will thank me."

  "But why me? Martina is much prettier with her dark hair."

  Her mother looked around the room, then at Martina. "Because he asked for your hand. I guess he was taken with you."

  "He asked father for my hand in marriage?" Beth screwed up her face. "He actually asked?"

  "That's right. He did." Her mother nodded. "He likes you."

  "Just like that, he likes me, so I'm his?" Beth's eyebrows knotted in the middle. "How can he like me; he doesn't even know me."

  "I don't know dear, but he does. He's been making his own way for some years now and for some reason you caught his eye. Love's funny like that."

  "Love? He doesn't love me Mama." Beth cried.

  "Well, he's taken with you, then." She cajoled.

  "How long do I have here?" Beth asked looking at Martina.

  "A week. You'll be married in a week."

  "A week. Oh Mama…" Beth cried out.

  "It's not as bad as your making it to be. Besides, this is the only way that debt can be paid."

  "But I'm a good hand around the farm, I do a lot of work around here. I'd think Pa would want me to stay. Won't Pa miss that?" Beth pleaded, peeling her dress off and putting the gown over her head. The gown like all the others had been made out of an old tow sack. But many washings had made it soft and pliable against her skin. She found comfort in it.

  "Of course he'll miss your work, he'll miss you, honey, but this is more important." Her mother assured her. "Your Pa gambled and he lost. I'm ashamed for him, but it's done, we can't take it back. This will save us from losing the house and it'll putting food on the table. Don't you see. He don't have the money to pay it back…" Her mother looked completely stressed now and Beth felt guilty. She'd always helped the family no matter what. "He could go to jail, if Mr. Cahill preferred charges."

  She closed her eyes and tried not to let the tears squeeze through, but one fell on her cheek despite her effort.

  Her mother came to hug her tight. "It's going to be just fine, you'll see."

  "What if I can't love him, Mama?" Beth asked laying her head on her shoulder.

  Her mother's words were like a whisper, "If a man treats you well, and takes care of you, you can't help but love him some, honey." She sat down on the bed now and pulled Beth closer. "Love comes in strange ways. Maybe that sounds funny to you, but you'll see. Sometimes you don't even realize how you feel something until something happens. Other times you just wake up one day and realize how much you care for them. And sometimes you fall in love the more you get to know them. You have to open your heart up. Love never comes to those who don't open their hearts. We tried to do right by you. He's a decent young man, and a Christian."

  "And if he doesn't treat me well, what happens then?" She asked raising her head and her eyes getting bigger by the moment.

  "Then you must go to the law."

  "Can't I just come home?" Beth asked in a strangled voice.

  Her mother turned her head, as though considering that for a moment. "Once a woman is married, it's hard to come home. I know that sounds strange to you, but once you've been on your own, you'll think twice about coming back permanently. It's never the same again." Her mother informed her. "You grow up when you marry and it's hard to come home and be a kid again. Besides, you won't want to be a kid again. What I'm sorry about is that you have wanted to stay a child. That just doesn't happen, Beth. You are twenty years old. With not a care in the world. It's time you grew up, honey. We all have to grow up, believe it or not."

  "Maybe you should talk to Pa, maybe it's him that needs to grow up. Gambling me away like he did…"

  The minute she said it, she was sorry, but her anger and sudden confusion led her to say and do things she'd never said before.

  "But I'll work for Pa. I'll work real hard. I'll get a job. But not this…Perhaps I should have tried to find some work or something…I could pay the debt off myself."

  "I'm afraid the decision has already been made, Beth" Her mother stood up, and took Joan who had been silent and staring all the while by the hand and started for the door. "Now get hold of yourself girl. You're a grown woman and you can handle this. You aren't a child any longer. Arranged marriages are still quite proper."

  "We're talking about the rest of my life, Mama. I didn't even get to choose. Don't you feel just the least guilty for making me marry a man I don't even know?"

  "I love your father, dear, and he's in trouble. I love you too. I raised you right. When the times come, you'll know what to do. Just remember how you was raised is all, and to follow your heart."

  "But Mama…"

  "I know dear, but you must make the best of it." As her mother walked out of the room, Beth felt the tears pouring down her cheeks. Her mother turned to look over her shoulder at her. "You know we all love you, but your of age now and it's time. You aren't doing anything about finding a man on your own. You still day-dream and play act, but it is time to live your life Beth. So your father and I are helping you."

  "Helping me?"

  "You'll see dear; in time you'll see…" Her mother said and walked away. "We're sort of forcing you to grow up."

  Her mother left her with that.

  Martina came to Beth and hugged her. "I don't know what to say to make you feel better. I thought you liked the man. The way you were talking outside."

  "That was just play acting, Martina. I was just playing with you. Of course he's a handsome devil, but I don't know a thing about him. I gotta go live with him now and I'm not at all sure what that means. He's handsome, but like you said, doesn't mean he's a good man." Beth cried

  "Well think about it, he doesn't know nothing about you either."

  Beth looked at Martina and smiled shyly. "I guess you are right about that."

  "Are you scared?"

  "Yes I'm scared. I'm not ready to be married." Beth cried. "At least I don't think I am. Talking about marriage was like talking about getting something big for Christmas, you never get anything big for Christmas."

  "Jacob got a horse, last Christmas."

  "Well, that was an exception. The horse was half lame anyway, if Jacob hadn't coddled it, it would have died, I'm sure."

  "He sure did nurse that horse. Gotta hand it to him, he was good at it too. Too bad he can't be one of them animal doctors."

  Beth nodded but couldn't take her mind off her own troubles. "Look, before it was just a dream. And not about a stranger, but someone who loved you and you loved them. That's the way it's supposed to be. Isn't that what she always taught us?"

  "You think Ma and Pa loved each other when they got married?" Martina asked her.

  Beth studied on that a moment. "I don't know. I think it is like she said, she just woke up one morning and realized she loved him."

  "Yeah…Pa's a story teller, and a fair farmer, but he sure isn't that ha
ndsome."

  Beth frowned at her sister.

  "Well, he isn't."

  "He's a good man, and that makes him handsome."

  For hours her and Martina talked, and then they went to bed. But Beth didn't sleep. She was so afraid of her new fate. She didn't know this man. She tossed and turned all night long.

  Why would he want her in the first place? What would he expect of her?

  Beth realized now that she had to grow up. Her youthful days were gone and now she had to act like an adult. That wouldn't be easy because Beth was a dreamer.

  Chapter Three

  The bluebonnets were in full bloom, and the meadow was decorated with their beautiful color. Beth glanced out the window to admire them. She loved this time of year, it wasn't so hot and she could enjoy working outside.

  She was out on the porch, looking about, wondering how much she'd miss the place and her brothers and sisters when Jacob ambled out.

  "So you really gonna marry this fella?" Jacob asked staring at her.

  Beth whirled around to see his face. He looked almost as upset as she felt.

  "I guess I am…" Beth muttered miserably.

  "Do you have any feelings for him?" he asked.

  "Jacob, I don't know him. How could I?" She shrugged. "But, I am fully growed."

  "I'm sorry sis…" He said. "I guess it's pretty tough around here being a girl."

  She hugged him and smiled sadly. "I'm getting used to the idea. But it will be hard to leave all of you…"

  "Write to me, will ya. I wanna know you are alright."

  She looked up into her brother's warm brown eyes and smiled. "I promise…"

  "I guess Martina will be next, huh?" Jacob frowned.

  "I reckon so." Beth said softly.

  "I knew I'd lose a sister someday, just didn't figure on it this way…" He shrugged.

  "Neither did I." She stared off into the fields. "But I've thought about it. I am grown. I guess I never paid much attention to that."

  "I love you Beth, and I'll sure miss you."

  Jacob hugged her and went inside, there were tears in his eyes.

  Wade came to see Beth two days later. They walked slowly out toward the south meadow, where oak and pecan trees were scattered along the way. The wind was light, the sun was just announcing itself. He'd come early, as though anxious to talk to her, but now as they walked he was silent.

  Beth was nervous, anxious to dispel her fears.

  If this was to be her husband, she wanted to get to know him. But today he looked quite serious. Perhaps he'd changed his mind.

  Was he regretting his decision? She hoped so.

  Before she knew his intention, he took her hand and folded them into his. His thumb absently massaged her upper hand. It had a soothing effect. Her hand tingled, and she looked at her hand in his.

  Beth's hand shook, now. No man had ever done that. And yet she knew he was trying to help her relax. Why would he bother?

  That was the problem, Wade was a man, not a boy, he knew how to treat a lady. She'd never been around a man like him before.

  Finally, as they came to stand under an oak, he stopped. "I thought we should get to know each other a little, since we are going to be married on Sunday. I know this is quite stunning to you. I wanted to give you a couple of days to think on it." The man was saying as Beth walked with him down into the meadow. His voice was low and melodious.

  Unable to stand it any longer she whirled around on him.

  "Why'd you pick me?" She asked stopping to look at him as they came to another old oak tree. It shaded them and Beth leaned against the trunk of it, staring at him.

  "Many reasons, I guess. You're the oldest, and the prettiest." He smiled. "And I'm not at all sure why. I don't know why I'm attracted to you but I am. I'd hoped you liked me a little too. When a man sees a lovely woman, he doesn't ask why. There's something about you that draws me, don't ask me to explain, I can't."

  His smile broke all over his face, and he suddenly looked younger. And not having all the answers pleased her.

  Beth couldn't stop the blush that crept up her cheeks. "But you asked to marry me, without even knowing whether you like me or not. Don't you think that presumptuous?"

  He bent his head and he considered the question a moment.

  "Never thought about it. Men don't exactly see marriage the same way women do, Beth. But I knew your father wouldn't accept charity from me. Look Beth, I'm a man on the move all the time. I don't have time to court a lady regular. That's why I've never considered marriage seriously. I'm a gambler by profession. Although I've done other jobs just as well. Your family is nearly starving, because the crops weren't good this year. You may not be the only family with this problem but yours is exceptional because there are so many children. You have a big family. I wanted to help. And…I'm attracted to you."

  "So you are marrying me to help my family?" She asked him as he leaned against the tree trunk. The slightly sarcastic tone warned him.

  "No…not entirely. I'm attracted to you…a little."

  "A little!" She shook her head and sent him a frown. "You'd marry a woman that you were attracted to a little?"

  He looked into her eyes and Beth almost gasped. Right this moment he was enchanting her with a smile. "I'm very attracted to you or I would never offer marriage. Besides, I've watched you before, when you were working in the fields, I like a woman that isn't afraid of work. I was talking to your father. You are not a shy person. Your independent and a little sassy. I like those traits in a woman. You question things. I like that. You work hard too. I've seen that. You've captivated me, for some reason beyond my own comprehension. I've known many women, but there's something different about you."

  "Perhaps you know more of me, than I do of you, then." She shot him a disdainful glance.

  "Do you want to know about me?"

  "If you don't mind, yes!" She answered her brows knitting in a fret. What was he thinking, of course she wanted to know everything about him.

  "Alright, I'm twenty-five years old. I'm from Galveston. My father owned a river boat, and I learned to gamble there. That's what I do for a living mostly. I have been a town marshal too." He glanced at her. "I own that riverboat that belonged to my father. My father died and left it to me. I have no siblings. My mother lives on the boat with me. And if we marry, we'll live there too."

  "Gambling is sinful."

  "So is admiring a beautiful young woman, but I keep on admiring." He grinned infectiously.

  "I know you probably won't want to admit this, but are you a flirt and tease with women?" She asked.

  "I have been in my time, but I think those days might be over…"

  This time she put her hands on her hips and dared him to lie to her. "I am sure there are many beautiful women on a river boat to admire. I seen some of them all guzzied up. Why come all the way up here? Why pick me? I got two dresses to my name. My hair's not fancy, my clothes aren't fancy. I'm not overly intelligent. So why me?"

  "I got an uncle I visit off and on, he lives in Corsicana. Do you know where that is at?"

  "Of course I do. I know almost everything about Texas. I read a lot."

  "Well good. I'm glad. I'd say you might be very intelligent. I was over at a friend's house the first time I saw you. We were out in the fields. You were there picking wild strawberries. I thought it was an amusing pastime until my friend told me that you came from a very large family and the strawberries would be a real treat for your family. It intrigued me that a young and beautiful girl would spend her time doing things for her family. I guess that in itself told me a lot about you. You care about your family and it's welfare. Believe it or not, that one sentence told me a lot about you. You take care of your own. I like and respect that. Because I'm that way too. My mother has no one but me to see after her. So I do. I was brought up that way too."

  "Oh," she nodded. "You felt sorry for me then."

  "Not at all. Why should I? Your young, beautiful and healthy
, why should I feel sorry for you? But I found you extremely interesting. You don't believe me do you?"

  She went to lean against the tree too, on the other side. "I don't know you well enough to know whether you are lying or what. And therein lies the problem. Mama says to always give a person the benefit of the doubt if you don't know them."

  He could barely hear her, so he followed her around the tree. He leaned over her.

  "I'd like to remedy that once and for all…" He said coming to stand just in front of her. Before she realized his intentions, he was pulling her toward him and planting a more than amorous kiss to her lips.

  Beth had never kissed a man. Oh she'd kissed cousins on the cheek, but never a man on the mouth. She didn't know whether to move her mouth, or open her mouth, or just let nature take its course. She decided on the latter. But thinking was not an option once she relaxed and let him in.

  He moved his head away, and looked into her startled eyes, "Just relax, I'm not going to hurt you…This can be quite enjoyable."

  Then he kissed her again. But first, he put his hands on either side of her face, and his thumbs caressed her cheeks. It was a simple action, but it evoked a strange and wonderful reaction. Her cheeks blossomed a beautiful pink color, and his eyes glittered into hers. She held her breath, waiting. His eyes lit like a slow burning fire. She stared at him, blatantly.

  What was happening to her, all these feelings came rushing in at once. Unsure she could handle it, she gently pushed him away.

  "Why did you do that…?" She asked breathlessly.

  "Shh…I'm going to do it again…" He said as his head bent and his lips took hers in a silent storm. It wasn't at all how she expected. It was so much better. He was so gentle, his lips felt like warm butter and before long hers were responding, moving against his of their own volition. Her stomach swirled, her mind went blank except for his kiss. She wanted it to go on and on, but before she knew it, he pulled away and raised his head.

  It took a moment to compose herself. She almost gasped for air.

  "Did I do it right?" She asked in a whisper as her eyes flew open and she gazed into his.

  He smiled tenderly, "Very right. You been kissed often?"