Wherever My Heart Roams (Brides of the West Series Book Nine)

by Rita Hestand

  She blushed, she'd kissed her pillow a million times but never a real live man. No one had ever kissed her exactly like that and it was eye-opening to say the least.

  "No." Her voice sounded strangled.

  "Then how come you are so good at it?" He teased her.

  "You took me by surprise." She insisted, trying to look away.

  But he pulled her chin around so she looked him in the eyes. His touch was so gentle, as though waiting for her to object. "No I didn't. You knew I was going to kiss you. I'm just glad you let me. And I appreciate the fact that you kissed me back."

  "I did not!"

  "Oh yes you did. And you enjoyed it, too." He chuckled aloud.

  She started to object, but he shook his head. "Your kiss told me everything…"

  When she didn't say another word, he asked her. "You're a virgin, aren't you?"

  The question shocked her, but recovering she answered just as boldly. "Yes…I am. I thought surely you knew that. That's why it's hard to believe you want to marry me."

  He nodded. "I'll admit; I haven't met many. I find that refreshing actually. That's okay, we'll get to know each other real well, before we do anything about consummating our marriage. I don't want to scare you, Beth. We have all the time in the world to get to know one another. And from the look on your face, and the sound in your voice, you are half scared of me right now, aren't you?"

  "I don't know if that's the right word for it. Puzzled, confused, and flabbergasted might be better words for what I feel right now." She couldn't look into his gorgeous blue eyes any longer. "Maybe a little…But only because you know so much more than I do."

  "That bothers you, me knowing more?"

  "A little. But then…I think a man should know a little more than a woman…don't you?"

  "Definitely."

  When he looked the slightest bit offended, she went on to explain. "It's not you…so much…but getting married. I always thought when I married it would be to someone who loves me, and I love him. I thought that's how it works, but obviously I'm wrong."

  "No, you are right, Beth, that's the way it usually happens. But…when I saw you, I knew I needed to act upon my gut instinct. I'm attracted to you. I don't have a lot of time for shopping for a wife. But when I look into your eyes, I see something. And I get the impression you see it too." He turned to look out on the meadow, firming his lips and nodding. "Look out there, Beth. What do you see? A field of bluebonnets, they are undeniably beautiful, aren't they? Just like I find you, undeniably beautiful. I want you to understand. Originally, I wanted to help your folks. I knew when your father lost that money that I had put him in a spot. But I didn't connect him with you. I just came out here that day to see if there was anything I could do to get the money back to him. When I realized he was the man with the big family and not enough food on the table, I wanted to help. You see, I'm a gambler, but I have a few ethics too. Taking food out of a family's mouth is not how I want to live my life. And then I saw you again…I got a little side-tracked. I'm attracted to you. I'm not easily attracted to women I don't know why. Perhaps because I've known a few. However, you sort of stood out. I see so much in you that I like…"

  She didn't say anything so he raised her chin once more and looked into her eyes.

  "Don't you like anything about me?"

  She hadn't expected him to ask that question. But the longer he looked into her eyes, the more her resistance began to melt away. "I…I think you are very handsome. I thought that the minute I looked at you. You look as though you've had a lot of responsibility too. I like that. A man should know about things, know how to take care of things."

  He chuckled aloud. "Well," he shrugged, "That's a start at least. But the older you get the more you will realize that handsome is as handsome does."

  "I don't know anything about being a wife…I can cook and sew, and I know how to work the land, but…" She admitted suddenly. "I guess what I mean is…I'm immature for my age."

  He leaned against the tree and sighed, "Don't worry, I don't know anything about being a husband either."

  She moved so she could see him, "Are you a good gambler?"

  "Yes, I'm very good at that."

  "Well, at least we won't be broke, then huh?" She smiled at him.

  "Then you accept my proposal?" He asked standing up straight and waiting for her answer.

  "Do I have a choice?" She asked softly.

  Looking into her very soul, he smiled. "Yes," His eyes darkened with something akin to desire, she thought. "Of course, you do. Everyone should have a choice. If you say no, then I'll leave and won't come back. I'll leave the money for your folks though, I don't want them to starve. I like you and your family."

  Shocked, she stood there staring at him. Beth's expression suddenly changed, and she came closer. "You'd do that for them? You'd not press charges and send my father to jail?"

  He smiled again, "I guess I would do it for you…Your folks are good people, just come upon hard times is all. They invited me to supper when they had very little to offer to a stranger. I was impressed. They have taught you all manners and principles. I like that too. You are Christian and I am too."

  "I don't understand you." She shook her head. "I didn't expect you to be so generous or kind."

  "That's alright, I don't understand it either. But I can think of no other woman I'd rather have by my side, day by day…. than you!" He said sincerely. "And I really don't know why. But it's true."

  "But…you don't love me!"

  "I'm not sure about that, either. I've never been in love. but I sense a kindred spirit, somehow. It's the closest I've come to loving a woman. So I don't discount it."

  "Love to me is something you day-dream about. Something that is there, but you aren't sure about it."

  "So what's your answer?" He asked standing so close she could smell the light scent of him. He smelled good for a man. He smelled as though he bathed regular. He shaved every day too. She liked that. He was a clean man.

  "I think…I need another kiss to decide." She smiled at him.

  "What a little temptress you are. God help me…" He whispered just before his head bent to kiss her soft lips again.

  This kiss was just as tender, just as sweet as the first one. Her legs trembled beneath her and obviously he realized it, because he held her tight against him, so she wouldn't fall. His drugging kisses made her swoon, and moan raggedly in her throat. Suddenly her arms flew around his neck and she pulled him even closer. Despite being forced into this relationship, she had to admit, the man knew how to kiss.

  "Dear God…" she heard him whisper.

  Suddenly heat rushed up her cheeks as she strained to be closer to him. He kissed her entire face, from her eyebrows to her nose, to her chin and then back to her waiting mouth.

  When he finally turned her loose, she smiled almost shyly. "I think I like this…kissing."

  "Well, I can oblige that any time." He grinned.

  "You have a very nice smile…" She uttered almost under her breath.

  "And you're a virgin! You might just kill me." He stared deep into her soft brown eyes. He pushed her blonde hair back behind her ears, and suddenly he was kissing her again.

  This time she didn't hesitate, she wrapped her arms around him and hung on for life. Lost in a world she'd never known, she clung to him. This was so much better than kissing a cousin or her pillow.

  His tongue shot out to lick her lips, "Let me in…" He coaxed.

  She opened her mouth and he swooped to take her lower lip between his teeth to nibble, then his tongue moved inside her mouth, tasting, teasing and waltzing with her own. She moaned aloud. She found her mind drifting, her legs wobbling, and her heart pounding for more. She hung on to him for life, for breath and hoped it would never end.

  As he moved away slowly, he took her all in with his gaze.

  "I don't know you yet. But there's something about you. Mama told me to follow my heart…so I will. I accept your proposal."<
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  He picked her up in the air, and stood there staring into her shining eyes. "God help us both." He said pulling her up against him and lifting her above him a bit.

  Later they walked down the lane, then stopped near a grove of peach trees.

  "You believe in God?" She asked smiling into his face.

  "I do. I guess I always have."

  "I'm glad…" She said with a slight grin. "Because I do too. Did you go to church with your folks?" She asked after a short silence.

  "Well, since we lived on the river mostly, my Pa managed to have church every Sunday for the passengers."

  "On a riverboat?" She questioned.

  "Yeah…he was a God fearin' man."

  She nodded and stared at him. "So…What do I call you?"

  "Wade is fine…"

  "Wade…" she repeated. The way she said it, was almost like a prayer.

  He took her hand and began walking her back to the house. "I like you a lot, Beth…" And he squeezed her hand gently in his.

  She liked the fact that he didn't say he loved her yet. It was too soon for that. He was being honest. "I like you too…" She responded and then blushed.

  "Then we'll be married soon. Can I come to call on you in the meantime?" He asked as they came to the front porch and sat on the steps.

  "If you like."

  "Oh indeed…. I like…" He smiled.

  Her father came out on the porch, he had a cigar in his mouth, but he removed it for a moment. "You two get things settled between you?"

  Wade turned and looked at her father, "I think so, yes."

  "Then the wedding is still on?" Her father asked almost anxiously.

  "Yes…it is father." Beth answered.

  Her father let out a breath and smiled. "Well, that's just great. I'm happy for the two of you."

  Wade spoke with her father for a few minutes, then turned to her, kissed her on the nose and told her he'd see her in a day or two.

  Beth watched him mount up and ride away. The feelings inside her were new to her. Part of her was happy, part of her was sad. She'd miss all the kids, but she looked at her father strangely now. She saw him in an entirely different light. She found that strange. Perhaps she was really growing up. Knowing her father as she did, she knew he was doing this for the good of all the family. And by the look in his eyes, he was just as sad as she was. Yet, she had to admit, there was a certain amount of anticipation too.

  Chapter Four

  As he promised, Wade came back in two days, and ate another meal with her family. This time he brought a ham. All during the meal his eyes kept straying to her as she sat across the table from him. It was like he could touch her with his eyes. When she had helped with the dishes she walked out on the front porch where her father and Wade were talking. They looked quite serious and she wondered if Wade had changed his mind about marrying her. He'd been more quiet this time. His expression serious.

  When he noticed her standing there, he grabbed her hand. "Walk with me."

  They walked off from the house to be alone.

  Her father watched them go, smoking his pipe and a slow burning smile lit his lips. His daughter was growing up.

  Beth felt butterflies now every time he looked at her and the anticipation of another kiss was driving her crazy. She mentally scolded herself for wanting another, but it was so breathtaking the way he kissed her, it was a new experience for her. She liked kissing.

  Her hands sweat into his, as he held it tight.

  "So, any regrets of saying yes?" He asked, his face solemn.

  They seemed to stop at the same place every time. She leaned against the tree and sighed aloud.

  Her head jerked up to look at him. "No…of course not. Do you have any…regrets?" She asked anxiously.

  He stopped and turned to look at her. "In some ways."

  Beth felt a let-down. He didn't want to marry her now? Had she been too forward with the kissing? She wished she could take them back on one hand, and on the other, she would treasure them for the rest of her life.

  "Then you don't want to get married?" She asked point blank, swallowing her pride.

  He turned away, looking out over the meadow, she listened to the mockingbird in the tree above them. "He's a noisy critter isn't he?"

  Wade glanced up in the tree and the mockingbird flew away.

  "Of course I want to marry you Beth…but now is not a good time to do so. I should have known better to ask for your hand, but to tell the truth I've been captivated by you every since I first saw you. I was afraid if I didn't ask for your hand, the next time I saw you, you would belong to someone else."

  "But…"

  "You're so young, so beautiful…and a damn good kisser I might add. But…."

  "But what?" She felt lost now. He didn't want her, it was clear as the cows that dotted the meadow. She wanted to be brave but something inside her seemed to cave in. When he'd first asked her, she felt overwhelmed, now let down more described her feelings.

  "I'm taking an unfair advantage and I know that." He admitted still not looking at her. "Somewhere down the line, I'll be sorry and wish I hadn't taken the advantage, especially now."

  "It's because I'm a virgin, isn't it?" She gushed with her own answer. She'd admitted this to him, and she'd let him kiss her any time he wanted. She was shameful, and he was sorry he asked her.

  "No," He whirled around to look into her eyes and saw the confusion building. "My God, is that what you think? No, that's not it at all. I just waltzed into your life without regard asking you to marry me. You don't know me. You might not even like me. I haven't that right."

  "So…what are you saying. You don't want to get married now?" She felt her face grow hot with hurt and anger. Her attempt to hide her feelings was failing miserably now. "You may not admit it but it's because I'm a virgin, I'm sure of it. That an I'm too forward. But…you don't understand. You took me by storm, and I thought once you kissed me, you wouldn't want to marry me because I don't know how to do it properly. That's it, isn't it. I'm too naïve."

  "Dammit," He exclaimed and pulled her into his arms and kissed her until she was dizzy with wants that she didn't know anything about. Her stomach filled with butterflies. She didn't want the kiss to end.

  His lips were not tender this time, they were passionate, as though the last couple of days had been hell without her. He ravaged her mouth, leaving her weak and pliant in his arms. Not understanding this passion, she simply surrendered to it, which made him groan.

  When he turned her loose he stared into her eyes and saw the beautiful thing he had done to her. She was barely able to stand on her own, so swept away by the kiss.

  "God, I've missed you!" He blurted raggedly.

  She stood trying to get her breath, and hearing his words, a smile broke over her. "You…missed me?"

  "Every moment." He admitted freely.

  She bowed her head and closed her eyes, thanking God that he was not rejecting her.

  "I thought you were trying to break it off…just now."

  "Break it off," he laughed. "I want you more than ever. I don't quite understand what it is, but every time I'm around you, something tells me, this is so right, between us." He admitted.

  Her breath hitched. And slowly, a shy smile lit her face, "I-I missed you too! I can't explain it either, I've never felt like this before. I hardly know you, and yet…every time you kiss me, something tells me it doesn't matter, that I'll get to know you. That everything will work out."

  For the first time today he smiled and it melted her heart.

  "It's only been two days, but you are all I've thought about. You and the thought that we are to marry." He confessed easily. "I guess I thought you wouldn't say yes. I know some of this seems forward to you. Like I'm rushing you, and I guess in truth, I am, but we will be good together, I just know it."

  "You are a gentleman, you are handsome and clean, and you kiss…."

  "Yes?" He encouraged her with a slight smile.

&nbs
p; She blinked and looked up into his knowing face. "You make a girl think all kinds of things. I thought when I saw your face today, that I had been too forward about the kissing…I was sure of it."

  "Much too forward!" He laughed but added. "And I'm so glad."

  He led her to a tree and proceeded to kiss her again. The kiss ignited something inside her, like a slow burning fire that was beginning to burn out of control. She felt it from deep inside her belly, something building, consuming. His kiss went everywhere, all over her face, down her neck and stopping at her earlobe. There he blew gently and she shivered.

  "That does strange things to me…" she said breathlessly. She glanced into his face. "Was it on purpose."

  "Yes…" His lips smiled against her cheek.

  She panted, and pushed him away suddenly.

  "What's wrong?" He asked.

  "You don't understand. I'm not used to this kissing. It does things to me. Strange and wonderful things, but I dare not say what."

  "You don't have to. I know…"

  "You do?" She looked flabbergasted.

  "I do…" When she smiled shyly at him, he took her hand, kissed it and then walked her back to the house. She didn't know why but she was silent. Just walking with him, just being beside him was enough. She drew courage from him.

  No one was outside, when they returned to the house, and he pulled her closer to explain. "We aren't even married yet…and I want you!"

  "Want me?" She asked perplexed. What did that mean? Would he be like the pigs beside the barn, rutting her. Were humans different than people when it came to that? She didn't know. There were so many things she didn't know. She wanted to know…badly. "Perhaps I'm too naïve for you. I've never been kissed…I mean…like you kiss me. I suppose I have a lot to learn, yet."

  "Like I kiss you?" His eyes smiled at her. "I'm going to have to go slower with you, and we are going to have to cut some of the kissing out." He announced turning away.

  "Why?" She blurted then colored. It wasn't the question, it was the way she asked it, as though it disappointed and confused her.

  "Because if we continue, the kissing it might lead to more things, things you aren't ready for…"