Tell Me No Secrets

by Lynda Stacey

  He looked thoughtful and almost smiled. ‘What’s happening with Poppy while you’re off gallivanting around town on a shopping trip?’ He was late and anxiously glanced at his watch.

  ‘Well, I thought she could look after herself. You know, leave her here. Duct tape her to the staircase till I get back.’

  ‘You’re doing what?’ his voice challenged her and Madeleine knew that her attempt at a joke had seriously backfired.

  ‘Liam, for goodness’ sake. She’s going to the childminder. The one you insisted she goes to. As you said, it’s Monday.’

  ‘Insisted? No, no, no. I didn’t insist. We agreed Maddie. Don’t you remember, we both agreed, not just me. We both agreed that you needed to work, didn’t we?’

  ‘Liam, please let’s not argue,’ Madeleine whispered. She was sick of the shouting, the arguments and of his constant need to win every conversation, as though it were a battle.

  ‘I’m not arguing, Maddie.’ He stroked her cheek and unexpectedly leaned forward to kiss her lightly on the lips. ‘You agreed that you’d feel better about living here, in my house, if you paid your way. After all, I can’t pay for everything, can I? And it’s not as though her father contributes now, is it?’

  ‘Wow, Liam. Even for you, that’s a low blow. Michael’s dead and you know it. He’s hardly in a position to contribute now, is he?’ Her mind flashed back to that knock on the door, that policeman’s face and the devastation that had followed which had included Poppy being born two months prematurely.

  ‘Hey, don’t blame me, Maddie. He wasn’t even responsible enough to leave you with an insurance policy, now was he? You know, something for you to live on.’

  ‘Do you know what, Liam? We could barely afford heating or food. So shopping for an insurance policy was hardly on his damn radar, don’t you get that?’

  It was true. Michael hadn’t been insured. When he’d died and Poppy had been born, there had been no money and she’d had no choice but to quit her part-time job and become a ‘stay at home mum’. But living on benefits, with no other income, had given her many hours alone. She’d had too much time to think and the endless empty hours had driven her insane. It had been then that she’d begun to write and her stories had become her lifeline, a way of keeping her mind busy, a way of forgetting the reality, and a form of therapy. With her emotions running high, the stories had developed into strong, powerful manuscripts. Each paragraph written had helped ease her pain and in less than a year she’d written not one, but two whole novels. Both had been drafts and both had had a million and one mistakes. But, one at a time, they’d been rewritten, changed, altered and perfected in turn.

  Now, three years later, she had just finished her fourth novel. But, as Poppy had grown and become more mobile, Maddie found the hours in which she could write were reduced. When she’d finally moved in with Liam two months before, and after much persuasion on his part, they’d agreed that she would help contribute to the household bills, and for her to do that, he’d insisted that Poppy go to a childminder, giving her the time to write. Her agent, Bridget, was doing all she could to make Maddie as much money from her work as possible, but six figure publishing advances were a thing of the past and to keep earning, she had to keep writing.

  Madeleine looked up into Liam’s eyes, placed her arms around his neck, smiled and tried to ease the tension for Poppy’s sake. Ultimately it would be her that he took it out on, if and when he came home in a bad mood. ‘Look, I’m sorry. I should have mentioned the day out earlier; I won’t do it again.’

  Liam shrugged her off. Puffed out his chest and looked pleased at the thought that she’d backed down. ‘Right then, I’m off.’ He headed to the hallway, where Poppy sat quietly playing with something on the rug. Madeleine noticed Poppy quickly move to the bottom of the stairs and her heart lurched as the child almost cowered before him.

  Liam knelt down beside Poppy and for once Madeleine thought he’d show her some affection. But then, in one swift action he snatched the keys that Poppy had been playing with out of her hands and growled. ‘You see that, Poppy?’ He pointed to the penknife that hung alongside the shiny keys, which all hung in size order. ‘That is dangerous and you are not to play with them. Do you understand?’ He spoke sternly as Poppy’s eyes filled with tears.

  Madeleine jumped in. ‘Come on, baby girl. Come to your mummy.’ She ran down the hall, swooped Poppy up and immediately felt her bury her face into the nape of her neck. Damp tears landed on her shoulder and an inconsolable Poppy sobbed.

  Liam pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and began polishing each of the keys in turn. ‘She had dirty fingers. Tell her she’s not to touch my things with her dirty hands, is that clear?’ Once satisfied that the keys were clean, he placed them in his pocket and then flicked an imaginary dust particle from his lapel. ‘I’ll phone you, as normal, at eleven o’clock. Make sure you answer.’ He turned and opened the door, then looked back in her direction. ‘And, Maddie, don’t spend too much.’

  Madeleine glared at the back of Liam as he walked away, all suited and booted with a briefcase in his hand. If any of the neighbours were watching they’d think he was a highly respected businessman, a family man, not the bully that he really was.

  ‘Oh, Poppy, come on. Don’t cry. It’s not your fault. Mummy should have known better.’ She pulled the child away for a moment and smiled at the tear-stained face. ‘I know, tomorrow morning, you remind Mummy and we’ll scrub-a-dub you all over until you sparkle like a princess.’ She watched as Poppy began to smile.

  ‘Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go and let Buddy in.’ Both glanced in the hallway mirror in a well-practiced manoeuvre, flicked their hair back simultaneously and laughed at each other, before running through the old Victorian terraced house, past the two rooms at the front and down the passage that led to the back room and the old kitchen that had long since seen better days.

  Madeleine quickly placed Poppy on the floor and opened the back door where an excited Springer Spaniel puppy sat waiting.

  Buddy jumped up and down. His tail wagged a hundred miles an hour and as soon as the opening was big enough, he burst in through the back door and straight into the arms of a waiting Poppy, who collapsed on the floor, giggling, as he licked, jumped and wagged his whole body excitedly.

  Madeleine smiled. Poppy was so different when Liam wasn’t there. She was happier, playful and appeared to blossom in his absence. Whereas when he was home, she tended to sleep, play with teddy bears in her room or disappear to a quiet corner where she’d sit for hours playing with Buddy. It broke Maddie’s heart to see her daughter unhappy. But what could she do? She’d known moving in with Liam was a mistake but she’d had no choice. The block of flats that she lived in was being demolished. She’d been dating Liam for eight months and he had seemed the perfect boyfriend, loving to her and kind to Poppy, so when he suggested she move in with him, she’d agreed.

  ‘Look, Poppy, do you think Buddy wants his breakfast?’ she asked and Poppy started nodding enthusiastically.

  Reaching for Buddy’s bowl, Maddie pulled a biscuit from the box, broke it with her fingers and crumbled the pieces into the ceramic dish. She then soaked it in milk before placing the bowl on the floor where Buddy immediately pounced, his nose disappearing deep within the dish as it began to rattle around the floor.

  ‘Would Poppy like some breakfast too?’ Madeleine asked hopefully, but knew what the answer would be. The immediate shake of Poppy’s head confirmed what she’d already thought. She’d noticed over the past two months that Poppy often refused food or only ate tiny amounts and Madeleine nodded her head in confirmation of what she’d been trying to avoid: the days that Poppy didn’t eat always seemed to coincide with Liam being mean to her and Madeleine knew what had to be done. She had no choice but to leave. She needed to take Poppy as far away from this environment as she could.

  Madeleine pulled another biscuit from the box and knelt down on the floor. ‘Here, Poppy, watch Buddy eat his b
iscuits.’ She held the treat up in her hand and waited for Buddy to sit before her. ‘Buddy, speak.’ The puppy barked to order and both Poppy and Madeleine began to clap. ‘Good boy. See, Poppy, Buddy loves his breakfast. Do you think that you’d eat some lovely breakfast too?’ But once again Poppy shook her head, clasped her hand over her mouth and lay down on the kitchen floor.

  Madeleine shrugged her shoulders. She had to get her daughter to eat and began searching the cupboards for something that might tempt her, but the cupboards were almost empty and she resigned herself to pushing a slice of bread in the toaster. Maybe she’d find a way to persuade Poppy to eat it.

  Madeleine turned around and laughed as she caught sight of Poppy lying flat on her back on the kitchen floor, submerged in what was left of the milky cereal, giggling and squirming as Buddy pinned her to the floor, licking at every remnant he could find. Seeing her daughter returned to the carefree three-year-old that she should be all the time, Maddie knew that her decision was the right one. She really didn’t have a choice. She had to leave Liam. And the sooner the better.

  CHAPTER TWO

  ‘Hey, Jess, are you okay?’ Madeleine asked with concern as she met Jess outside the café. Normally Jess was a happy, bubbly character, but today she had slits for eyes, a red nose and a miserable look all over her face.

  ‘Oh, I’m okay. I’ve been like this for days. Full of cold, but I think it’s getting better now.’ Jess’s voice could only just be heard over the sound of the traffic and Madeleine quickly ushered her inside the café, sat her down and held the back of her hand to Jess’s forehead.

  For sisters, Maddie and Jess couldn’t have looked more different. Maddie was five feet six inches tall, with fair skin and shoulder length blonde hair, while Jess was short, just five feet tall, deep mocha skin and jet black fuzzy Afro hair that always looked a little wild, but suited Jess perfectly.

  ‘Ignore me, I’m just moaning. My throat’s a bit sore, that’s all.’

  ‘Oh, honey, why didn’t you cancel? You could have called me.’

  ‘Because I wanted to see you, it’s been nearly seven months,’ Jess said pouting.

  ‘That long? It can’t be.’ She thought back to the last time she’d seen Jess and realised she was right. It had been for a meal to celebrate her birthday in April – her first birthday since their mother had died and Liam had taken her, Jess and Poppy out for dinner.

  ‘Of course it is. I’ve only been on dry land for three weeks and I was away for six months.’ Jess’s job as a ship’s purser took her away for months at a time and usually Madeleine would count the days off on a calendar until she returned. So why hadn’t she done so this time and why had she waited three whole weeks since Jess had been back before they’d got to see each other?

  ‘I need coffee, lots and lots of coffee,’ Jess announced as her eyes travelled across the cake counter. ‘Oh, and, Maddie, while you’re there, I like the look of that big chocolate cake.’ She batted her eyelids, smiled, took her coat off and settled down in the chair.

  ‘Okay, I’ll fall for it. Let’s get you a cake and a coffee. My treat,’ she said as she ordered the drinks, indicated the cakes and pulled her last twenty pound note from her purse.

  Carrying the tray, she sat down beside where her sister slouched, placed the coffee and chocolate cake before her and unbuttoned her coat. ‘There, get that down you. You really should have lots of fluids, Jess. How long did you say you’ve felt like this? Mum used to tell us to take paracetamol or ibuprofen? Do you have any of those?’ She fired the questions like bullets, one after the other.

  ‘I took meds, Maddie. Honestly. You’re not Mum, so stop. How do you think I manage, living all by myself? Now let me drink my coffee and listen to how things are with you and him.’

  Madeleine hung her coat on the back of her chair and looked at her sister, not knowing where to start. It was more than obvious that Jess didn’t like Liam, but she still had no idea how to tell her that she was right and that moving in with him had probably been the biggest, most stupid thing she’d ever done. What’s more, all Madeleine really wanted to do was turn back the clock to a time when Michael was still alive.

  She and Michael had been teenage sweethearts. From the day they’d met in secondary school, they’d lived, and loved and breathed for each other. Every moment they’d spent together had been a pleasure and every moment apart had been painful with longing. But no one understood and, much to everyone’s disapproval, they’d married at nineteen, rented the cheapest, tiniest second floor flat that they could find and had managed to beg, steal and borrow enough pieces of furniture to make the flat a home. But it hadn’t been the material things that had mattered to Maddie; they had a home full of love and even though they had very little, she’d loved every minute.

  But then, less than a year after their marriage, her whole life had turned into an obscure, turbulent blur. The police were knocking on the door. Michael was dead and the police had unleashed a whole whirlwind of words, along with possible reasons and assumptions for how his car had ended up in a roadside ravine. She’d sat silently, not believing what she was being told, while at the same time a long shrill internal scream had begun and had refused to stop.

  Nine days later Poppy was born, six weeks prematurely.

  Her thoughts returned to the café and to Jess who was looking at her with concern.

  ‘So, tell me, when is your next tour, where are you going and, most important, how long will you be away?’

  Jess sipped at the coffee. ‘Oh, it’s ages away. I haven’t signed my next contract yet, but it’s looking like it won’t be until the end of the year and, until they tell me, I have no idea in the world where I’ll be going. So, that’s all my news. Do you want to tell me what’s troubling you?’

  Madeleine had always known that Jess was astute. She could read Maddie like a book and knew when something was wrong. She had also never been slow at asking the difficult questions.

  ‘Oh, Jess, I don’t know what to do. I’ve made a terrible mistake and I have no idea how to put it right.’

  Jess searched her eyes. ‘What do you mean? You’ve not done anything illegal, have you?’ she asked, pushing a large piece of the chocolate cake into her mouth.

  Madeleine shook her head and laughed. She’d never done anything illegal in her life and it amused her that her sister thought she might start now.

  ‘Not at all. It’s Liam. How the hell did I end up living with him? I barely know him, Jess. What on earth possessed me? I know I was desperate, what with the flat and everything, but—’

  ‘Why didn’t you move into mine while I was away?’ Jess asked.

  ‘Oh, Jess, I wish I had but Liam was so persuasive and said he’d look after me and Poppy, convinced me how good it would be, the three of us.’ She paused and took a deep breath. ‘But it’s not good. One minute he’s fine, the nicest person you could meet and the next he’s really horrible. It’s like he’s Jekyll and Hyde, he turns on a sixpence and I can’t cope with it, especially when he’s nasty and cruel to Poppy.’

  Jess slammed her coffee mug down on the table, making two women on the next table turn around and stare. ‘What did he do to Poppy?’ Her voice trembled with anger and Madeleine paused for a while before replying.

  ‘Oh, Jess. He used to be so nice to her, you know, before we moved in. Some days he’d call and bring her sweets, other days he’d bring a teddy bear and … well, as you know one day he got really cross with her and the next time he came to the flat he brought Buddy with him. I mean, come on, Jess, who the hell buys a bloody puppy as an apology?’ She paused, and picked at her cake. Madeleine felt her eyes fill with tears. Saying everything aloud made it all seem more real. ‘He even shouted at me this morning when Poppy disturbed us, doing … you know. She’d woken up and needed me and he told me I had to control her, Jess. Who in their right mind would say that? He’s a bully.’

  Jess took another sip of her coffee, placed the mug down on the table and
took Madeleine’s hands in hers. Madeleine could feel her sister trembling and was surprised at how calmly she spoke. ‘First, you need to leave. Second, you need to do it fast. Because, one, you can’t and won’t let Poppy live like that, it’s cruel and two, if I get my scrawny hands on his neck, he’s going to wish he’d never troubled either you or my niece, do you understand that, Maddie? He lays one hand on either of you, I’ll be doing time, for murder.’ She smiled sweetly, dropped Madeleine’s hands and continued to eat her cake.

  Madeleine stared into the depths of her coffee cup, blew at the surface and then took a gulp of the fluid. She couldn’t respond and a tear dropped down her cheek. Jess was right, again. There was no excuse. Even if she traded all the nice things that Liam had ever done, she couldn’t make any excuses for the digs, comments or gestures. She couldn’t forgive him, nor could she allow it to go on.

  ‘What are you going to do, Maddie?’ Jess rubbed her throat, swallowed hard and then took another sip of her coffee. ‘Well?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ She paused, actually she did know.

  ‘Do you realise how much I hate him right now? I knew he was wrong for you. Didn’t I say when I first met him that I thought him a bit odd? I did say that, Maddie. For someone you’d only known a short while, he was really clingy and possessive. It was the first time he’d met me and all he was interested in was what time I might leave. Also, sometimes when I ring from the ship to speak to you Liam tells me that you are not home, even when I’m sure I can hear you and Poppy in the background.’

  Madeleine looked thoughtful. ‘The wrong numbers. We get so many wrong numbers. Is that what he’s been doing?’

  ‘And what’s more …’ Jess was on a roll now. ‘… remember that first time you took me to his house? I asked about all those locked doors and why he was living in his parents’ house. Parents who you say never phone or visit. I mean, come on, Maddie, even you have to admit it’s a bit strange.’ She stopped, took a look at Madeleine’s face and then continued. ‘Well, don’t look so shocked. I did say all this before, didn’t I? But you didn’t listen.’