Tell Me No Secrets

by Lynda Stacey

  ‘The rooms are locked because they’re filled with his parents’ belongings, that’s not weird. It is their house; they are entitled to privacy.’

  Jess pursed her lips and glared. ‘Okay, Maddie. But if his parents have moved back to Ireland, why on earth haven’t they taken all their prized possessions with them? Don’t forget, these possessions are so valuable they need locking in a room that has three bloody locks on the door. As I said, Maddie, it’s weird.’

  Jess was right. It was strange. But Madeleine had missed Michael so much that when Liam eventually came along, she’d thought he’d fill the huge void that was her heart. She’d been prepared to overlook some of his odd behaviour, some of the things he’d done, in favour of the intimacy, and the companionship. But instead of cushioning the hole in her heart, he’d torn it back apart.

  Madeleine sobbed. ‘You’re right. I once made Poppy a promise, Jess. Do you remember when she lay in that incubator as a tiny baby? We both sat there, me and you, night after night, and I kept promising that I’d be both mother and father to her, do you remember that? I promised that if she’d only survive, I’d look after her, protect her and keep her safe and I’m not doing that, Jess, am I? I’m letting her down.’ The tears now fell unashamedly down her face and she picked up a napkin, drying her eyes.

  Jess once again caught hold of her hands. ‘You are not letting her down, you’re a wonderful mother. But as for him, you need to get rid. He’s possessive and cruel. He doesn’t love you, Maddie. He wouldn’t act like this, not if he really loved you. And as for where you’d go, that’s easy, you can come and stay with me. We’d manage, we always do.’

  Madeleine shook her head. ‘Oh, Jess, that’s so sweet of you but you haven’t thought this through, have you? Things have changed. We can’t just bunk up together like we did as teenagers. I have Poppy to think of now and Buddy to consider. And you, my darling sister, have a one-bedroomed flat, with no garden. It’d be great fun for the first night, but it’d soon become a problem. It just wouldn’t be practical.’

  Jess turned to the counter and ordered more coffee. ‘So what then? You could rent, there’s a nice ground floor flat near me. That’d be okay for Buddy, wouldn’t it?’

  Madeleine shrugged her shoulders. ‘I’m not sure they’d want me. I gave up my benefits when I moved in with Liam. All I get now are my royalties and they’re sporadic. I never know what money is coming in, nor whether it’s enough to actually live on.’

  Madeleine listened as Jess came up with every idea she could think of – none of them realistic. There was nothing she could do and nowhere she could go. She was trapped.

  ‘Okay, okay, I know it’s a long shot, but you could always ask your dad for help,’ Jess said finally. ‘He has that big hotel over near Scarborough. Couldn’t you stay there? Surely he’d have the room?’ Jess held her hands up and shrugged her shoulders. ‘Besides, it’s about time he did something other than send you jewellery at Christmas and money on your birthdays.’

  Madeleine gulped and choked on her coffee. Splatters of the liquid sprayed out of her mouth and into the napkin that she still held in her hand. Coughing wildly, she took in deep breaths in an attempt to control her breathing, as Jess banged her wildly on the back.

  ‘Hell, Maddie, are you okay?’

  ‘Jess, do … do … you have any idea what you’re suggesting? Mum left him, you know … when I was five. I didn’t see him very often after that and haven’t seen him at all since he married Josie.’ She looked at Jess apologetically as she said the words. She was going to say that their mum had left him just a few days after Jess had been born and it had become very obvious that Jess was not his.

  Jess shrugged. ‘So?’

  ‘So, what do you suggest I do, knock on the bloody door and introduce myself?’

  ‘It’d be a start.’

  Madeleine shook her head. ‘What would I say, “Hi Dad, it’s me, Maddie. I know we haven’t seen each other for years, but can I, my three-year-old daughter and a puppy who pees like a greyhound come and live with you?”’ Madeleine sighed.

  She knew her father had cared: they’d seen each other weekly at first and had tea together every Tuesday and a whole afternoon each Sunday. But then her mother had made it difficult for the meetings to continue and her father had eventually re-married. After which, she’d insist that she pick her up from school on a Tuesday and take her out, ensuring they were not home when Madeleine’s father had arrived to pick her up. It hadn’t occurred to Madeleine what was happening at first. The novelty of outings with her mother after school had been fun. But Sundays had been different, she’d sat for hours waiting for her father to arrive. Then her mother would come into the room, tell her that her father had phoned and that their visit had been cancelled. But none of it was true. Her mother had made the excuses, told him not to come and ensured that after he’d married Josie, Madeleine had no time to get to know her at all.

  He’d written for years, sent birthday cards and Christmas gifts. He’d sent money to help support her, paid for her to go to college, her prom dress and had sent her a cheque for a thousand pounds after Poppy had been born. The money had bought a crib, a pram, numerous baby clothes and a whole year’s supply of nappies. Yet he hadn’t visited. He’d been missing on so many occasions. Occasions that Madeleine had hoped and wished he’d turn up for.

  ‘At least you know where your dad is, Maddie. God only knows where my sperm donor ended up?’ Jess was trying to ease the tension, trying to make Madeleine smile, but to say that Jess was bitter about her own father was an understatement. Their mother had once tried to explain that Jess’s father had been a one-night stand. He’d been a tall, obviously very dark, smooth, charming, gorgeous Caribbean sailor. They’d spent a few hours chatting, gone for a drink and one thing had led to another. A quick fumble behind the club had led to Jess being born and without a name or phone number to trace him by.

  ‘There has to be another way, Jess.’

  Jess laughed. ‘Mmmmm let me think. Oh, yeah, what are the options: you could either join a sect in another country, ask your dad for help, or you could come and live with me.’

  Madeleine joined in the laughter. ‘Me, live in a sect. Oh, Jess, be real, I doubt that I’d conform. Besides, I have to work. I want to work.’

  Jess drained the last of her coffee. ‘Maddie, you’re an author. I would have thought you could work anywhere.’

  It was true, as long as she had her laptop, she could work from anywhere in the world. But she really didn’t want to move, she liked living in Yorkshire. No, she loved living in Yorkshire and what’s more she wanted Poppy to go to school in Yorkshire, just like she had.

  Madeleine picked up her coat. ‘Come on, you look awful and need your bed and I need to go back to Liam’s and start packing.’

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