A Life Like Mine

by Jorie Saldanha

  “Well…I guess…” Jack gave me a lopsided grin. “Where is she anyway?”

  I looked around for her and spotted her. She was gettin’ her groove on all by herself. Nearby, Jill and Liz started to gain consciousness, moaning pathetically. Behind Betty was Lena. She had the most evil and conniving smile I had ever seen on her face. She held a long rope in her hands. I followed the rope with my eyes. It led to a bucket right over where Betty was! As soon as I realized this, Lena pulled on the rope. Jack must have seen it coming sooner because he leapt forward and pushed Betty out of the way. The room went silent as the marinara sauce fell down on Liz and Jill instead. They screamed.

  Before I continue, I know this sounds like total rip off a movie you’ve heard of, but don’t worry I give it credit later. I’m not the only one that uses this scene to death. During prom week all the soap operas give a rendition of this. It’s kind of funny, isn’t it? Hey, this does seem like one of those stupid slow motion sequences when the brave man runs, yelling “No!” in a deeper voice because it’s been slowed, to save the beautiful girl in trouble. Those are the slow motion moments that make you want to gag or a least fast forward past this moment. It just doesn’t make any sense for why the director added the “slow mo.” If they’re trying to be artsy, they just made it really stupid and funny. Well, I’ll get you back to the moment where Jill and Liz just got nailed with marinara sauce.

  “Like, ewwww! This is so wrong! Lena!” Jill waved her hands wildly.

  “This is your fault.” Liz started laughing hysterically and was going to walk towards Lena when she slipped on the marinara sauce. Liz did the splits! “Ahhh! Call a doctor!” Liz shrieked.

  Lena’s eyes were wide with both anger and shock. “Jack! Why did you do that? You’re supposed to be on my side!”

  “Not anymore, Lena; it’s over. You’re never going to get that boob job like you wanted.” Jack yelled.

  Lean gasped, “That was supposed to be our secret! I can’t believe that you told. You promised.”

  “You forfeit deserving my trust when you try and hurt my friends,” Jack picked Betty up from the ground and gave her a bear hug too.

  “Whatever. I am so out of here.” Lena got her coat and looked back at Jack. You could tell she was desperate for those boobs because she said, “Are you coming?”

  “No. You can take that fake smile and shove it up those butt implants of yours.” Jack said.

  “Your loss. It’s over, Jack.”

  “Oh, it’s been over for a while now, Lena.”

  “Whatever,” Lena rolled her eyes saying one of the few words that she knew. She started to walk out. She didn’t care that she was going to leave Liz and Jill in their rather compromising positions.

  “Lena?” I called.

  “What?”

  “Next time that you decide to rip off of Carrie make sure that you’re messing with the right people.” I walked up to her.

  “Don’t underestimate me. I know you better than you think,” Lena sneered.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. You might think that you’re smarter, but you’re not. It doesn’t matter what you do. I’ll always win in the end.”

  “You act like this is a contest, Lena. What are you trying to win?”

  “I want you to lose all of your self-respect.”

  “Like you have?” I smiled.

  “Charming. I’m sure your boyfriend thinks that you’re just a delight. Oh, wait! I forgot…you don’t have one!” Lena cackled.

  “You don’t either.” I added.

  “I could have any man that I wanted in here. It wouldn’t matter. They might hate me, but they’d go out with me in a heartbeat. We both know it.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Isn’t it?” She looked around the room for an example. “Big Al?”

  “Yes?” It was as if Big Al appeared out of nowhere.

  “Want to go out sometime?” Lena cupped his chin with her hand.

  “Well…” He seemed uncomfortable.

  “Please?” She kissed him. (Man is she easy or what?)

  Big Al jumped back, “The dance only lasts a couple of hours. I’ve got to go.”

  I gave Lena a who’s-the-loser-now look. “Well?”

  “That doesn’t mean anything. I have to go. Your company is boring me to tears.” She walked off.

  “I’m sure it is.” I mumbled under my breath.

  “Excuse me! We could use some-” Liz started to say something, but then she passed out again.

  I walked over to help her up when someone grabbed on my shoulder. I jumped.

  “Sorry. I keep scaring you don’t I?” It was the Mohawk dude again.

  “Yeah, and I don’t mean to be rude, but it’s getting really annoying.”

  “I know. I just wanted to talk to you because you ran off earlier.”

  “Oh right. Sorry about that.”

  “I just wanted to know if you’d like to dance.”

  “Why?” I gave him a puzzled look.

  “I thought you said you liked to dance.”

  “I do, but-”

  “Then let’s dance.” He pulled me onto the dance floor. Don’t worry this isn’t one of those moments where as soon as we hit the dance floor the perfect slow song starts to play. It was another fast song. We started to dance and I was a little confused as to why he kept following me.

  “Why are you following me like this?” I wasn’t very good at being subtle.

  “Well…I…”

  “You want to get homework answers from me?” I had this feeling that he liked me, but that would just be a little too weird.

  “No. I…”

  “You want to go out with one of my friends so you thought that if you got close to me then I could just get you to hook up with her?”

  “No. I…” He continued.

  “You wanted to get me to help you get out of detention?”

  “NO! Let me finish!” He got angry.

  “Whoa. Sorry!” I gave him a little attitude.

  “No. I didn’t mean to get so mad it’s just you keep interrupting me.”

  “Sorry. I have to work on that,” I replied.

  “I just wanted to tell you that I thought you looked nice tonight,” He finished.

  “That’s it?”

  “What do you mean that’s it?” He stopped dancing, “I thought that was pretty good.”

  “It was. I mean, thanks,” I stammered.

  “You’re welcome.” He started dancing again.

  “You know, you look pretty good too.”

  “Thanks,” He huffed.

  “What’s your name?” I asked.

  “What?”

  “Your name…you never told me. I keep thinking of you as the Mohawk boy, but you aren’t really that any more. And I don’t want to keep calling you the Brad Pitt boy either.” I told him.

  “You think I look like Brad Pitt?” He brightened.

  “What’s your name?” I put my hands on my hips.

  “Isn’t Brad Pitt considered to be really good looking to girls?” He asked.

  “What is your name already?” I put my hands up in the air both out of exasperation and as part of my sweet, sweet dance moves.

  “Adam.”

  “I’m Ashley.” I looked down at my feet. Now things seemed all weird and awkward. I didn’t know what to do. The song finished.

  “Ashley-” Adam started to say.

  “Well, I better go help Liz and Jill now. I think everyone just started dancing around them and drawing on them.” I walked off before he could say anything. I widened my eyes. “Nice job! Could I have been any more of a freak?” I said to myself.

  “Hey, Ash!” Betty waved at me.

  “Hi. How are you?” I asked.

  “Great.” She and Jack were dancing. They seemed to be having a good time.

  “Thanks, Ash. I probably would have bought Lena all kinds of stuff. She had me fooled. You saved my wallet big time!”

>   “No problem.” I went over to the payphone and called for an ambulance. I felt really bad that I had let Liz and Jill just lay there, but I don’t think they noticed the wait. They were both passed out when the paramedics came to get them. Since Liz was in the splits, the paramedics had to leave her in that position and carry her. It looked like a scene out of Home Alone. I felt bad for laughing, but I couldn’t help it. They both looked so stupid it was hard not to laugh, at least a little. Lena was nowhere to be found. She probably went home to lick her wounds, but I wasn’t sure what was going to happen next. I knew that Lena would try to get back at me somehow, even though what she did was totally her fault.

  After everyone had left and gone home, I walked around outside. I didn’t have a ride anymore, which was my fault because I told Betty I’d hitch another ride. But, I really didn’t want to see Jack and Betty be all kissy and stuff, so I figured it would just be better if I walked.

  “It’s really cold out here!” I said to myself. My feet hurt from my shoes and my legs were numb. I heard a car honk at me from behind. I looked back and there was Adam in his very own green pick-up.

  “Want a ride, Ashley?” Adam asked.

  “That’s okay. I’m fine.” I shivered. I wasn’t going to go home with him driving me. I barely knew the guy.

  “No you’re not fine. I mean, look at you. I bet you’re freezing. Come on, I’ll take you home,” Adam protested.

  “I’ve got a ride. My friends are inside getting their coats.” I lied. Okay I know lying is bad, but why was he being so pushy? Did you ever think of that?

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “You should,” I answered.

  “Why?” It was like Adam was trying to read my mind.

  “Because it’s the truth. Just go. I’m not going with you.”

  “Why?”

  “What is this twenty questions? I don’t need a ride. Now go home.” I was getting very frustrated.

  “I’m not leaving. I know that you’re making it all up.”

  “Fine. I’m getting in the back and laying down so don’t bug me about sitting with you.”

  “Fine. Where do you live?”

  “The apartment buildings on Alpine Drive,” I answered. I sat down in the back as he started to drive. When I knew he wasn’t looking, I jumped off. He was at a stop sign, which made it pretty safe. I know what you’re thinking. I gave him where I lived, which means that he could stalk me in the future. Well, no that’s not where I live. You were getting worried about me weren’t you? Awwww, that’s so sweet!

  As I started to walk towards my house I saw another car. They honked at me. The window went down.

  “Ashley! I thought you said you’d get another ride!” Betty gave me an angry face, but not the kind that made you think that she was actually mad.

  “Well, I didn’t. I just didn’t want to see you and Jack get all kissy and stuff.”

  “We’re not all kissy!” Betty giggled.

  “Sure you’re not!” I laughed.

  “Hop in. I’m sure that you won’t mind now. I drove Jack home because Lena took their limo.

  “What a skank!”

  “I know!” Betty agreed. “It wasn’t even her limo. Jack paid for it.”

  “I’m sure Lena will get what she deserves sometime.” I smiled as I got into the passenger seat of Betty’s car. We talked for a little while because I lived pretty far out. It was funny how the night had turned out. Lena got barf all over her shoes, Liz fell into painful splits, and Jill was really, really drunk. The night couldn’t have gone better! At least now Betty and Jack might actually have a chance at getting together sometime.

  After Betty dropped me off, I fell asleep with visions of puke all over Lena’s shoes. What a funny dream!

  Chapter 4

  Movies

  The teens of America all have one thing in common. They all like to go see the movies! The funny thing is that parents will allow their kids to go to movies, but not to concerts. At the movies, teens can practically do anything in the dark, but at a concert there’s so many people there’s no room to do anything! Since I’m basically the only single person in my group, I don’t like going to the movies all that much with my friends. The reason is that all they do is make-out during the entire movie. Why do they spend money to do that? They don’t even know what’s going on in the movie. That’s why I don’t really go out with my friends to movies all that much, but for today is was just a night out with the girls. It was going to be a party. We were going to have a great night. We decided to go see a movie that we know no guy would ever go to unless he was really sweet. Which is another thing. Why do guys have to call any movie with romance in it a chick flick? I think that’s so stupid. Most of the movies that they call a chick flick are really good. The guys will never know it because they named it a chick flick. That makes me so angry sometimes. How come there’s no name for a guy movie? Did you ever wonder about that? It’s very enraging, isn’t it? Since guys have no name for the movies they watch, blood and guts with no plot, I’ll name them Hick Picks. Take that, guys! I can just hear myself laughing evilly. Can’t you? Oh well, let me start telling you about the girl’s night out. I also have to tell you right before I start that don’t you find it interesting that Lena seems to be everywhere that I am? It’s like some sick twist of fate. Okay I’ll start telling you now.

  “This is going to be so much fun tonight girls! We can just talk and talk about anything that we want!” Tina said eagerly.

  “I know. We can diss anybody we want tonight,” Allie agreed.

  “The best thing is that we don’t have to worry about Lena, or the fact that the guys drool all over her when she’s around!” Keri gave me a high five.

  “We shouldn’t always be too sure, Lena always seems to show up at the weirdest times,” Betty warned.

  “Stop being so practical, Bet. Tonight we’re going to make fools of ourselves, and have a great time doing it,” I started dancing around and doing the robot, my specialty.

  “Do it again! Do it again! Do the robot again!” Tina squealed with joy. In a way she was kind of like a two-year-old. She loved repetition.

  “No, leave her be. We’ll have plenty of time for that later,” Jennifer said in a parental tone. I didn’t blame her for it though because Tina was like a little baby anyway; a really cute little baby.

  “Okay, but I expect to see that again! I want to see it very soon!” Tina frowned.

  “Let’s go inside, ladies!” Betty said. She pulled into a parking spot at the theater. All the girls cheered. We went inside and picked up our tickets.

  “We’ll have five for that movie.” Keri pointed at the billboard.

  “What do you all want to eat?” I asked pulling out the money I had collected from everyone earlier. That was the way things went when we went out. Keri organized it, Betty drove, and I worried about the money. I took about twenty bucks from everyone. I figured that would cover the cost for everyone.

  “I’ll take five of everything!” Jennifer said to the guy working the register of the snack bar.

  “Jen, we can’t afford that. I only have a hundred,” I warned.

  “Take a chill pill, Ash,” Jennifer whipped out a credit card. We all gasped.

  “Where did you get that?” Keri asked in awe.

  “My dad said that I could use it since I’ve been really good lately.”

  “Oh, why are you going to use it on us?” Allie was puzzled.

  “Because I can! Is this really such a big deal?” Jennifer handed the guy working her dad’s card.

  “Yes!” We all said together.

  “It shouldn’t be. The snacks are my treat since I’m the one that ordered them,” Jennifer reasoned.

  “I don’t know…” Betty said.

  “You don’t know what? Just let me do this!” Jennifer was getting really angry with us now.

  “You guys, just let it go. Thanks a lot, Jen. This is really nice of you,” I tried to calm ever
ybody down.

  “Well, let’s go inside already! I want to pig out, but I can’t do that until we get into a dark room so no one can tell,” Tina giggled.

  We all headed to our seats. We sat down and we kept hearing all these weird sounds coming from the seats behind us. I bet you can guess who it was. We must be in a small Podunk town because we keep seeing her all over the place. It’s almost as if she’s following me or something, isn’t it? You keep on pondering that for a little while.

  “Who is that behind us? They won’t shut up.” Jennifer complained.

  “I don’t know, but if they don’t shut up soon, Ash is going to go have a talk with them.” Keri replied.

  “What? Why do I have to?” I looked at Keri.

  “Because you’re the only one who has the guts to.” Tina chimed in.

  “Thanks, you guys…Hey! Wait. You’re just trying to get out of it by making me feel really good about myself, aren’t you?” I looked at them accusingly.

  “Uh…Quiet. I’m trying to watch the movie over here,” Tina replied.

  “Shhhh! He’s just about to kiss her, you guys,” Betty sighed.

  “Who cares? He’s been about to do that during the entire movie!” Allie said.

  “Okay you guys, calm down. Let’s just watch the movie. Okay?” I looked at the dark faces. They nodded. We all sat back and kept enjoying the move. Just when he was about to kiss her again, there was a loud laughing sound coming from the back. As if on the cue, all the girls looked over at me.

  “What?” I looked at them.

  “Ash…” They said.

  “Fine! I just want you to know that I don’t like this at all,” I got up and went to the back to see what was going on. It was, of course, Lena. She was sitting on some guy’s lap. I couldn’t tell who he was, but he was probably a sleaze himself. She was kissing him. “Excuse me I said.” She looked over at me.

  “May I help you?” She couldn’t tell who I was.

  “Yes, please shut up!” I answered.

  “Ashley?” Lena said in surprise.

  “How’d you guess?” I asked sarcastically.

  “The foul odor,” Lena replied.

  “Clever.”

  “This is stupid, go back to your seat. I’m trying to watch a movie over here,” Lena said exasperatedly.