A Life Like Mine

by Jorie Saldanha

  “Oh. I’m sorry I didn’t know that you were actually watching the movie, Lena. What’s going on in the movie?” I questioned.

  “He’s about to kiss her,” She said confidently.

  “That’s been going on for the whole movie,” I rolled my eyes.

  “Let’s take this outside.” Lena grabbed her purse. “I’ll be back soon!” She whispered to her date in a lusty voice.

  “Gross. Let’s go!” I yelled at her. We headed outside. I could tell that all my friends were still watching. They followed us outside.

  “What’s your problem? I wasn’t even bothering you this time.” Lena looked at me.

  “You’re trying to tell me that you were actually trying to be nice for a change?” I looked at her genuinely amazed.

  “Maybe. It doesn’t matter now. You came up to me out of nowhere. You’re just looking for a fight because you’re jealous of me!” Lena shrieked.

  “What are you talking about? You’re the one that was making all of the kissy noises during the entire movie! I was just trying to enjoy a movie. Why do you have to be everywhere that I am?” I screamed.

  “You’re the one that’s following me! You don’t have a life of your own so you have to butt in on mine. You’ve never had a life. You’ve always wanted to be like me ever since we were little,” Lena screeched.

  “What is she talking about it, Ash?” Keri asked.

  “You didn’t tell them did you?” Lena laughed.

  “Shut up, Lena. You don’t know anything about my life!” I yelled in fear.

  “I know enough about you. I know every little fact about you up until fifth grade when you decided to start liking guys. I was the one that had all the guys.”

  “Shut up!” I yelled at her. “Don’t listen to her.” I turned to my friends.

  “She was so into this one guy! He was the most popular guy at school. It didn’t matter what I thought of him. Ashley was so in love. She was really good friends with him too. She wanted to ask him to the fifth grade dance. That meant that if she went out with him that I would no longer be the most popular girl at school! Isn’t that right, Ash?” Lena looked at me.

  “Just shut up!” I had tears in my eyes again. Why have I been crying so much lately? I’ve been crying like a baby ever since the second chapter haven’t I?

  “Well, she liked him so much that she couldn’t handle it anymore. So she was going to ask him after the school assembly…” Lena continued to tell the rest of my embarrassing tale. After she was finished they looked at me.

  “Why didn’t you tell us?” They said, as they laughed as hard as they could.

  “You guys aren’t mad at her?” Lena was angry.

  “You guys aren’t angry with me?” I asked.

  “No!” They said together.

  “Well, do you know who it was that she had the hugest crush on?” Lena asked with fury in her eyes.

  “Don’t!” I roared.

  “Alan Carson!” Lena said in triumph.

  Let me pause this for a moment. You’re probably thinking, “Huh? I thought Ashley totally thought he was a dork.” Well, I didn’t used to. I really stopped liking him once he started going out with Lena. I felt used and betrayed. That’s why, if you were wondering, I said to Alan that we’d always be friends. As soon as Lena dumped Alan, Alan lost all of his friends. He suddenly was an outcast, and I felt too hurt to help him. When I saw Alan getting soaked, I saw my chance to make it up to him. Hopefully, a piece of the puzzle came together for you now. I left you where Lena revealed my past love. And action!

  “No!” I yelled. All my friends sat there in shock. They wanted to laugh, but they didn’t. They knew it would just make me feel worse.

  “I told you she was a loser!” Lena laughed.

  “I can’t believe you said that!” I looked at her with hate in my eyes. I know hate is a strong feeling, but at that moment I wanted to rip her a new orifice. Lena looked at me and laughed. My friends just looked at me to see what I would do.

  “You guys go back and watch the rest of the movie. There’s something I need to talk about with Lena.” I said through clenched teeth. Lena’s smile faded. Just to let you know, clenched teeth is a bad thing. That’s the kind of thing that your mom does to show that she is really mad. Sort of like why they say your full name including the middle name. This is a sign of major anger.

  “Okay. We’ll tell you what happens.” Keri led all the other girls back to the movie.

  As soon as they were gone I said, “You’re going down, Lena!”

  “Oh please. I’m so scared. I’m shaking in my designer boots.” Lena said in mock fear.

  “I wouldn’t be laughing about those boots of yours.”

  “Why?” Lena’s eyebrows went up.

  “Because they might be shoved up your designer pants.” I explained.

  “Huh?”

  “Ahhh!” I charged at her. She screamed. I hit her with my head in the stomach, and we both went crashing to the floor.

  Pause. Okay, I know that you probably think that this is really unrealistic, and as soon as you read on you’ll find it even less believable. This actually happened. I don’t know why either of us got so into it, but we did, and I just want you to know that this all happened. To tell you the truth I think Lena acted the way she did, because she was letting all the anger she had felt throughout the years. I think I was doing the same. Okay, so I had just charged into her when…

  “You’re crazy!” Lena yelled.

  “You’re a pain!” I started clawing at Lena’s clothes trying to rip them. I was hoping to ruin them, and have Lena feel has bad as I did at that moment. I had worked so hard at not telling my friends what happened to me. I couldn’t believe that Lena had destroyed it all.

  “Cut it out! You’re nuts! You know that?” Lena shouted.

  “Yeah!” I grabbed at Lena’s hair and pulled on it. Lena screamed in agony. She kicked me off her, ran inside, and went over to the concession stand. I got up, prepared to charge at her. As soon as I did, she threw a huge bowl of buttery popcorn on me. I fell over. Then to add to it, Lena dumped three huge cups of pop all over me. I was soaked and sticky. Lena laughed at me as heartily as she could. I swung my leg close to the ground and kicked her legs up from underneath her. She fell to the ground.

  “Oh! My back. You *$%*&$#!” Lena started yelling tons of obscenities.

  “Take that!” I got up and ran to the bathroom filled my hands with soap. I ran back to Lena. She was still swearing her head off. “Hey, Lena! You shouldn’t swear so much. You better clean your mouth out.” I threw the soap into her open mouth. (Don’t worry it was non-toxic.)

  “Ahhh! You!” Lena said. Well, she said more, but I couldn’t make it out from all the gargling noises.

  “Get up!” I yelled.

  “Bring it on!” Lena barked. She got up and ran over to the trashcan. She picked it up and threw all of the trash on me. I screamed while Lena laughed. I again charged at her. I couldn’t believe it. I, Ashley, was in a catfight. This was my first catfight. Lena and I went back and forth for what seemed like hours. In reality, it was ten minutes. I knew this because my friends came out. They saw us all of our scraped up and grimy. They broke us up.

  “Ashley!” Jennifer ran up and pulled me away.

  “Let me go!” I bellowed.

  “No!” Jennifer was a lot stronger than I thought she was.

  “What is going on here?” Keri asked.

  “Lena deserves what she gets!” I replied. “I gave her a black eye!”

  “What?” Lena grabbed for her eye. “You suck!”

  “Hardly!” I shouted.

  “Shut up!” Betty shouted at the top of her lungs. I’d never heard Betty be so loud. It not only surprised me, but I actually did shut up. I stopped trying to fight Jennifer’s grip. She didn’t let go of me though.

  “Lena, go to the bathroom and get cleaned up. We’ll all go with you. Ashley, sit right here. We’ll be back in about ten m
inutes. I nodded to her. I was numb. I couldn’t believe I had just acted the way I did. I sat down in all my sticky and popcorn-covered glory. The girls left to go clean Lena up.

  “Whoa! What happened to you?”

  I turned around. Oh gosh! It was Adam! And I looked like this? “Hi.” I was able to mutter.

  “What happened?” Adam sat down next to me.

  “Catfight.” I replied honestly.

  “Wow. Nice.” Adam answered. He removed some popcorn from my hair.

  “What were you here to see?” I asked scooting back. I didn’t like him touching my hair.

  “That movie.” He pointed to a billboard on the outside wall of the theater.

  “That’s what I was here to see!” I looked at him quizzically. “Why were you seeing it?”

  “Come on. Brad Pitt? He’s, like, so hot! I couldn’t miss it,” Adam said in his best female voice, which still sounded like a very manly woman.

  I laughed, “No, really why?”

  “I wanted to see if there really was a similarity between him and me.” He answered.

  My eyes widened as I looked at my feet, “Oh. So what happened at the end?” I asked him.

  “He kissed her,” Adam said quietly.

  I looked up at him. And then…he kissed me!

  Okay, again I’ll pause it. I know this sounds really cheesy, but that’s what happened! I wouldn’t lie, would I? Hey! You don’t think I’d actually lie do you? That’s not cool. Not cool at all. Well, if I’m such a liar then I guess I’ll just take you back to where you left off.

  I leaned back and opened my eyes, “So he kissed her, huh?” I asked, smiling.

  “Yes,” He answered smiling back. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure,” I said.

  “Did you like my pink Mohawk look?” His eyes met mine.

  “No!” I answered a little too quickly.

  “Really?” He looked hurt.

  “Well, that’s not what I meant.”

  “Yes, it is.” He grinned.

  “Okay, that’s what I meant. I just think you look so much better like this,” I answered.

  “Like Brad Pitt.” Adam answered.

  “That’s a good thing, though. I have a huge poster of him that covers my entire door up in my room.” I tried to make him feel better.

  “That’s not cool.”

  “Why not?” I asked.

  “I don’t like the thought that you have another guy’s picture up in your room.” His aqua eyes laughed at me.

  “Well…” I looked down at my feet. Oh my gosh! I just remembered what I mess I looked like. I had food all over me and I smelled like pop. I couldn’t believe I was sitting here talking to Adam looking like this! Jeez! Could I be any more of a loser?

  “Did you like the movie?” He asked me.

  “I didn’t see very much of it,” I answered.

  “Yeah me neither, but I liked it,” Adam agreed.

  “What do you mean?” I gave him a confused look.

  “Oh…Nothing…I was just…it’s no big deal.” Adam stammered.

  “Yes it is. What did you mean?”

  “No, really it’s not.”

  “Why won’t you tell me? Is it some big secret?” I nudged him.

  “No…I-”

  “I know! You’re a top secret agent! Double-o-Adam!” I giggled.

  “No…I-”

  “You’re Indiana Jones’s assistant! You’ve come all the way from faraway places to whisk me off!” I added.

  “No…I-”

  “You’re Romeo and you’ve come to confess your love!” I said.

  “You really do have a problem with interrupting people.” He looked behind him.

  “Oh, sorry. Well, you have a problem with saying ‘no…I-’ all the time.” I told him.

  “Touché.”

  “So…Have you still been following me around?” I inquired.

  “No. I didn’t mean to find you here.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?” I turned towards him.

  “Nothing…I just meant…” He stammered.

  “Don’t worry about it.” I smiled.

  “Thanks.”

  “I’ve had a bad day myself.” I touched my hair in horror.

  “Don’t worry. It’ll all come out after a couple cleanings.” He laughed.

  “I hope so.”

  “Well, you might lose all of your hair because you’ll have cleaned it so many times, but hey, at least it’ll be clean.” Adam joked.

  “Not funny!” I chuckled.

  “How long did it take you to grow it out that long?” He asked. My hair went down to my lower back.

  “I don’t know. Two or three years, I guess.”

  “Wow,” He said. “You’d think you’d want to cut it.”

  “Why?” I questioned.

  “Because it’s just so long!” He commented.

  “Hey! I like it!”

  “Sorry. You didn’t like my hair before, you know!”

  “It’s okay, you’re right. Sorry. I’m just a little jumpy today.” I smile and leaned towards him, closing my eyes.

  “Adam! Let’s go!” Lena yelled. Adam jumped back as I fell forward.

  “You two know each other?” I looked at Adam.

  “Well…yes….” Adam’s voice trailed off.

  “Let’s go. I don’t want to be in the same room with Ashley for another second,” Lena spat.

  “You two know each other?” I said louder in disbelief.

  “He’s my date!” Lena looked at me as if I was a moron. “Which is ruined because of you.”

  “Adam…” I was speechless.

  “It’s not what you think.” Adam grabbed my hand.

  “I think I know exactly what this is.” I jerked my hand back. “Why were you hitting on me if you were going out with Lena?”

  “It’s not like that.”

  “Adam!” Lena yelled.

  “Oh, then what is it like?” My mouth still hung open.

  “Well, not what you’re thinking.”

  “Adam!” Lena came up and jerked him towards her. “I want to go!” Adam started walking with her, but he was still looking at me.

  “She was on your lap and making out with you in the theater, was she not?” I followed after them.

  “Yes, but you don’t understand.” Adam’s eyes were full of regret.

  “I don’t think I want to understand!” I turned around and stamped back to the theater.

  “Ash!” He called after me.

  “The name is Ashley! Only close friends call me Ash!” I yelled back. His shoulders sunk in defeat as he got into her car. They drove off. As soon as they were out of sight, I broke down into tears. I couldn’t believe this. Lena was doing it again. This was awful. I didn’t know how she knew that I liked him, but she did. She never went out with anyone because she actually wanted to have a relationship with him. She didn’t work like that. If I ever knew anything about her, I knew that much. Lena was always a dirty creep that never did anything good. It was the same thing that she had done to Alan. She would toss him as soon as she knew that I wouldn’t want him anymore. It was this way every time. If she didn’t play her dirty jokes on me, she was playing them on someone else.

  “Hey. Are you okay?” Betty came up behind me.

  “No,” I answered, breaking into tears again.

  “Oh! Don’t let Lena get to you!” Jennifer came up to give me a hug.

  “Yeah, she’s not worth it,” Allie added.

  “That’s not it though. Lena has always been that way, but I was really starting to like Adam!” I looked up at the sky and sniffled.

  “You mean that extra fine Brad Pitt look-alike?” Tina asked.

  “Oh!” I started crying harder. The girls gave her a shut-up-you-moron look.

  “Maybe he’s not who you think he is.” Betty comforted me.

  “No. He’s not.” I saddened a little more.

  “Maybe it’s the same a
s it was with Alan,” Tina said.

  “Oh. It took me so long to get over him!” I cried some more.

  “You and Alan!” Keri laughed, Betty gave her a filthy look. “Sorry, Ash.”

  “It’s okay.” I wiped my nose with a tissue.

  “You know, maybe they’re cousins or something.” Allie shrugged.

  “We’re not in the south, Allie.” I laughed a little. “I saw them making out.”

  “You should at least give him a chance to explain,” Jennifer said.

  “Yeah, maybe it really isn’t what you think.” Keri nodded.

  “What if it’s exactly what I think?” I looked at them.

  “Then at least you know,” Betty hugged me.

  “At least we didn’t have to deal with Liz and Jill today.” Tina squeezed my shoulder.

  “That’s true. It was pretty funny seeing them at the dance the other day.” I closed my eyes picturing it. “I wonder if Jill and Liz are still in the hospital getting checked out by the doctors!”

  “I felt so bad for them.” Tina laughed covering her mouth.

  “I didn’t.” Jennifer continued, “The girls made complete fools of themselves because they had been drinking.”

  “True.” Keri shook her head.

  “I just can’t believe what happened today. I mean I had a catfight with Lena, and I found out that she’s dating the guy that I like.” I summed up.

  “That’s kind of a lot.” Tina wrapped her arms around me. “You’ll be okay. We’ll help.”

  “I know. I love you guys! You’re the closest things I have to sisters.” I rubbed my temples.

  “Too much to take in at once?” Betty knew what I was going through.

  “Just a little.” I stood up.

  “I think it’s time to go.” Allie stated the obvious. We all got into Betty’s car and drove home. As I stuck to the upholstery of Betty’s car, I fumed. I couldn’t believe that Lena had beaten me today. I was keeping a little tally of what our scores were since the beginning of this year with the football game.

  Ashley: 2 Lena: 2

  So far we’re tied, but I’ll change that. There has to be a way to get back at her. It was as if I was back in fifth grade again. We were playing all these stupid little pranks on each other, and it was so much like it used to be. I hadn’t missed it all because it was such an emotional roller coaster. It looks like the score is going to have to change.