Lariats, Letters, and Lace

by Agnes Alexander

  “I’m sorry, Mama,” Mali blurted, tears in her eyes. “I never should have shared my feelings at the dinner table, especially with a guest. Please forgive me.”

  “It’s understandable, Mali,” Nancy spoke quietly. “We all feel that way. Perhaps we may speak of something a little more cheerful, now.”

  Hal cleared his throat. “It is I who should beg your forgiveness, Mrs. Forsythe. I should not have said anything to bring to mind such painful memories. I do want to assure you, however, those soldiers whose place the Column took over were sent back east to help with the war effort. Those of us already back east appreciated having them join us. As you may be aware, the war did not go well for the Union the first few years. We needed those seasoned soldiers back there, but sometimes it is good for us who went away to fight to be reminded that many of you who stayed behind to keep things going also suffered loss.”

  “Thank you for your kinds words acknowledging that, Mr. Avery,” Nancy said. “It has been difficult since I lost my husband. But, for the sake of my children, I move forward. It is all any of us can do.”

  “Once again, if there is anything I can do for you and your family, please say so,” Hal assured them, his eyes traveling between Nancy and Malinda. “I sincerely mean that.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Avery. Your offer is appreciated,” Nancy answered him graciously.

  “Actually, Mr. Avery, there may be something you may be able to help us with, depending on your plans after you leave here,” Mali said, her smile tentative as she waited to gauge how he would react. She ignored her mother’s surprised, questioning stare directed at her. At the same time, she noticed that Joe had straightened in his chair, his focus now on her instead of being caught up in his brooding over the loss of his father.

  “I thought we had decided you would call me Hal.” He offered her a grin. “I rather enjoy your nickname, Mali. How may I help you?”

  “It depends. What direction did you plan to travel once you leave here? Will you be traveling farther south, or perhaps going to visit with the Penrose family?”

  “I already visited with the Penroses last night. They offered me a bed to stay in and this morning directed me how to find your home.”

  “Oh.” Malinda was not sure how she felt that he had chosen to visit with Joshua’s family first before seeking her out, especially considering that he traveled down this far to fulfill his commitment to deliver the letter now tucked in her pocket. She took a deep breath and decided it only made sense that he spent time with the family of the man with whom he had shared so much during the war.

  “To answer your question, I plan to start back toward San Jose. I need to finish up some business there tomorrow. Sunday, I’ll stay in the city rather than make the trip back home, because Monday, I have a large load of supplies I need to pick up there for the ranch.”

  “Would it be too far out of your way for you to take Mama and me to my sister and brother-in-law’s ranch? They live outside Santa Clara, to the southeast, sort of between Santa Clara and San Jose, actually. I know Mr. Penrose said he would find time this weekend to take us, and I also know it is an inconvenience for him to always be hauling us where we need to go. We would appreciate you taking us—only if it isn’t too much out of your way and it won’t be too great of an inconvenience for you.”

  Out of the corner of her eye, Mali noticed her mother’s jaw had dropped open mere seconds before she clamped it back shut. She noticed how Joe’s eyes skittered back and forth between his mother, Mali and Hal. She ignored them all as she forced her eyes to remain focused on Hal. She kept her own face expressionless as she waited for his answer. She feared he would make his excuses. At the same time, she hoped with all her heart he would agree to take them; but only if he honestly would do so without feeling inconvenienced and resentful.

  Mali held her breath as she endured Hal’s scrutiny of her face. She wished she could see inside his head and know what he was thinking. She prepared herself to graciously accept his refusal if he made his excuses. She forced herself to not exhale visibly when the skin around his eyes wrinkled with amusement, exposing small crow’s feet at the corners.

  “I would be honored to take you and your mother to your sister’s house. However, I had planned to reach San Jose before it grows too dark.” He turned to face Nancy. “Will you and your daughter be ready to leave soon, Mrs. Forsythe? I’ll be happy to help you prepare any way I can.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Avery. We are all packed and ready to go.” Nancy sprang into action, giving orders even before she left her chair and hurried to her stove. “You sit there and relax, Mr. Avery. I’ll pull these meat pies out of the oven to cool while Mali helps me clear the table and clean the kitchen. Joe, I want you to check the hen house for eggs. I want to take at least a dozen to Lizzie’s place. There’ll be more for you tomorrow, plus what you don’t eat you can take to Emma Penrose. Her chickens are doing poorly. Then you can run over and tell Mr. Penrose we won’t need them to take us to Lizzie’s after all. When you get back, you can hitch up Mr. Avery’s horses and bring his wagon out front, then help your sister and me load the back.”

  Chapter 5

  Mali finished helping her mother in the kitchen. Not a word was spoken between them although Mali could feel the tension radiate off her mother like hot July sunshine with no shade in sight. Once finished, she entered her room to gather her cloak and bonnet as well as to perform one last check to make sure she had packed everything she would need the six weeks she would be gone. She was not surprised that her mother followed her into the bedroom and closed the door behind her.

  “Mali,” Nancy kept her voice low, gently grabbing her daughter’s wrist to capture her full attention. “What was that forwardness out there all about? After the kindness he showed us by bringing you that last letter from Joshua, I truly hope your bold request does not inconvenience him. I would not want his one contact with us to end with him thinking poorly of you.”

  “It’s all right, Mama. You see, if it turns out he is to be my husband, I must make sure this is not the only contact I have with him. We must get to know each other better in person, not only through Joshua.”

  “Be your husband…” Nancy stammered, tightening her grip on Mali’s wrist. “Daughter, what nonsense is this? I know your grieving for Joshua must come to an end. Eventually, you will want to consider marriage to another. Still, you cannot pursue every single man of an appropriate age you meet with the thought in mind that he will be your husband. Mr. Avery strikes me as a very nice young man, and steady in spite of his injury. But you hardly know him.”

  “Mama, I know him well enough to know he is a good man.” Malinda fished Joshua’s letter from her pocket and opened it so her mother could read it. “See here? He wants me to get to know Hal Avery. That is why he sent him to me to deliver the letter in person.”

  Nancy took the letter from her daughter and read. She shook her head as she read his opening where he expressed his belief that he would die during the war and not return home. The last few sentences puzzled her as much as they had Malinda when she first read them.

  …I know with me gone and your father killed while fighting the Apaches, you will be alone and life will be hard for you and your family. The one thing I regret about enlisting is that I am not going to be there with you throughout our lives. I have asked Hal to help you any way he can. He has given me his word he will. He is a man of honor. Mali, if he offers, let him help you. Invite him to visit often. Spend time with him and learn to know him well…

  Nancy read through the letter twice. Incredulous, she turned to her daughter. “Mali, I have no doubt because Joshua believed he would not return that he sought a way to help you. I have no doubt Mr. Avery is an honorable man and will assist us if he can. But, daughter, you cannot believe Joshua sent you this letter because he intended for you to marry Mr. Avery. He says nothing of the sort, only that you should befriend him.”

  “I know, Mama. But I also know Joshua well eno
ugh to know what he had in mind. Even from the grave, he still wants to take care of me. He can’t be here to be my husband, so he chose Hal—Mr. Avery—for me.”

  “He doesn’t say that, Mali. And you would be foolish to assume he meant that. It would be an injustice to Mr. Avery if he thought he was being pressured into that position.”

  “Don’t you see, Mama?” Malinda asked as she drew her mother’s attention back to the letter. “Joshua doesn’t want to force either one of us. He merely wants us to get to know each other. He has left it up to us to decide if we remain mere acquaintances, or friends, or—more. But I know what Joshua hopes for.”

  “Helping you with a few tasks is one thing, Mali. You don’t know if he is the kind of man who will be a good husband. There are men like that—they are impressive and appear helpful, but it isn’t until you get to know them well you find they aren’t what they seem on the surface.”

  “Joshua already vouched for him, Mama. Look. Read these last sentences again.”

  You will discover what I already know about him. He is a good man.

  Nancy read the last part of the letter again. She looked back up into Mali’s expectant face.

  “Mama, I just know from what Joshua says right here I can trust Hal Avery to be a good prospect for me.”

  “Mali, Joshua is gone. You have to make your own way in life, make your own choices. Don’t get yourself locked into a marriage that ends up making you miserable because you think that is what Joshua wants for you.”

  “I know, Mama. If something comes of Hal and I getting to know one another better, it will be our choice, not Joshua’s.”

  Nancy grabbed her daughter’s hands. “What if you find you can never learn to love this man? He’s not Joshua”

  Mali heaved a sigh carefully choosing her words before she spoke them. “Mama, I don’t know how to explain it, but I already have feelings for Hal—feelings different than anything I ever felt for Joshua. I don’t know why, but even before I read this letter, I felt drawn to Hal. As soon as I saw him, I would have done or said anything to keep him from turning his wagon around and driving back out of my life. I wanted to learn more about him, get to know him better. I don’t know what that means, but I need to find out.”

  Nancy studied her daughter’s face. She slowly released Mali’s hands and stepped back. “Be careful, Mali. Make sure it is him you have feelings for. Don’t feel obligated to pursue a relationship with him just because of what you believe Joshua intended to happen. And, whatever you do, don’t make him feel obligated to you because of Joshua. Even if Mr. Avery shows an interest in you, how will you be sure it is you he cares about? You wouldn’t want to find yourself tied to a man for the rest of your life only to discover he only married you out of his loyalty to Joshua.”

  “I don’t want him to feel obligated either, Mama. But he lives so far away. And Joshua knew if Hal didn’t have some purpose to come see me, we never would have had a chance to meet.”

  Uncertain, Nancy shook her head as she cautioned, “Move slowly with this man. Be sure of not only how you feel about him, but of how he truly feels about you. You already experienced enough heartache losing Joshua. I would hate to see you go through that again.”

  “I’ll be careful, Mama.”

  Chapter 6

  After Joe returned from the Penrose ranch, among the four of them, they quickly loaded Hal’s buckboard. Hal, refusing to be treated like an invalid, carried a basket and an armload of blankets to the back. He even grabbed one handle of Malinda’s trunk away from her and helped Joe carry it.

  “Get my mounting box, please, Joe,” Nancy called out to her son. “I’ll sit in the back on a pile of this bedding and let these young folks worry about climbing up into the seat. And Mali, even though the sun isn’t that strong this time of year, you do have your mitts with you, don’t you? Besides, they’ll help keep your hands warm.”

  “Yes, Mama. I’ll put them on now.”

  As Mali slid her hands into her mitts and buttoned them at her wrists, Nancy used the box to step up into the back of the wagon. She motioned to Joe to hand it to her so she could take it with her.

  Malinda forced down a wave of excitement as she realized her mother, the person who less than an hour earlier had so adamantly cautioned her to move slowly getting to know Hal Avery, had deliberately passed up the opportunity to travel in the bench seat with its metal springs and slatted backrest and sat in the back of the wagon instead. That allowed her to sit next to Hal. As Hal guided her by her elbow to the right side of the wagon, she noticed that someone had fashioned narrow sideboards behind the front wheels level with the bottom of the wagon. She felt his strong hands on her waist as he supported her while she stepped first on a spoke and then the sideboard on her way up to the seat.

  While Joe held the horses steady, Hal walked around the back of the wagon to climb up on the left side. Malinda deliberately looked forward in an effort to not appear as though she watched Hal struggle his way up into his seat. Still, she kept her head canted at enough of an angle that she could see him out of the corner of her eye. At the same time, Malinda could hear her mother giving Joe last minute instructions while her brother unsuccessfully tried to suppress his annoyance from manifesting itself in his replies.

  “Mrs. Forsythe, there is a dark gray blanket behind the seat,” Hal said once he was in the wagon. “I’d be much obliged if you could hand it to me.” Nancy searched and found it tossed over Hal’s valise. She handed it to him. Hal refolded it. “I’m afraid my injury does not suffer me to indulge my vanity,” he smiled ruefully. “I usually sit on this so I can better endure driving the wagon for long stretches. Mali, may I spread it across the seat and share the cushioning with you?”

  Mali froze with indecision. She feared if she said yes, Hal might end up in greater pain by the end of their trip due to not enough padding. If she said no, it might make him even more self-conscious of the concessions he must make because of his injury. Once again, her mother came to her rescue.

  “I think if he folds it narrow enough there is sufficient for the both of you, Mali. You both will ride better if you are sitting level.”

  Mali stood and helped Hal situate the padding on the seat.

  “Say hi to Lizzie for me, Mali,” Joe called out as Hal took the leads in hand and released the brake. “I’ll see you when you come home for Easter. And Mama, I promise I’ll go to church and dinner with the Penroses. And I won’t burn down your kitchen.”

  As Mali waved farewell to her brother, she turned to see if her mother was situated comfortably in the back of the wagon. Nancy sat sideways, a pile of bedding under her and a heavy blanket between her back and the side board. Once she looked up and caught Mali’s eye, she smiled. Malinda turned around and focused on the road ahead, although she knew she need not worry about giving Hal directions until it was time to cut off for Lizzie and Zeb’s ranch.

  After several minutes of traveling in silence, they passed the drive leading to the Penrose ranch. Mali debated about the best way to start a conversation. She wanted to get Hal talking about himself so she could learn more about him. They had already talked enough about Joshua and the war.

  “Tell me about where you live, Hal. I’m not sure I know where Vallejo Mills is.”

  “It’s on the east side of the bay, sort of opposite San Francisco, but farther south.”

  “Do you live in town? On a ranch or a farm?”

  “No,” Hal shook his head. “We don’t live in town. My father has a big spread along Alameda Creek. Like most people, we do both cattle and wheat farming. The Californios have pretty much dominated the market as far as hides and tallow, but it is becoming less and less the currency of California. With the way San Francisco is growing, the money is in feeding all those people. We’re looking at growing some row crops, too.”

  “San Francisco is where our fruit goes if it doesn’t get bought in San Jose.”

  “I doubt we’ll get into orchards up there. Th
e key to selling any food we grow is transportation. My father has in mind for me to get involved with the railroads, the business end of things, since I can’t…well, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to seat a horse for any length of time again. Like you and Joe, I enjoyed working a herd. But…” Hal shook his head and looked away.

  After a tense silence, Malinda ventured a comment she hoped sounded supportive. “I know it is hard to change your expectations. When it came to riding herd, mine were changed simply due to me being female. I hope whatever you pursue you will come to enjoy it, even if it isn’t your first choice.”

  “The physician said there is still a chance I may heal more. I may never be able to stay in the saddle all day, but eventually I may be able to ride for short stretches.”

  “I hope he’s right. If I’m not being too forward, Joshua occasionally mentioned your name in his letters, but he never said anything about you being wounded. Did it happen during the war, or after you came back home? If you don’t mind me asking, that is.”

  “No, I don’t mind you asking,” Hal said slowly. “It happened during the war.” He shook his head in disgust before he continued. “The war was supposed to be over. I was part of the army there at Appomattox when Lee surrendered to General Grant. Those Rebs were told by their former general to leave their guns behind and give their word of honor to stop fighting. Then they were to make their way home. Of course, not all of them had much honor or gave up all their weapons. Our company was to go after them, make sure they were traveling in the right direction and not causing any trouble along the way. I was on picket duty one night when I caught a bullet.”

  Malinda clapped her hand to her mouth and sucked in her breath. “That’s terrible!”