Blind Squirrels

by Jennifer Davis

  “Yesterday, Max took me to his dad’s house for dinner. Max or his dad cooked spaghetti. Oh, remember his aunt? She doesn’t live there anymore. Moved back to Texas. Max brought me home around eleven. He came in for a moment, and, before we knew it, it was one o’clock.”

  Olivia had a bewildered look on her face. “So, just what did you learn about Julie?”

  I thought for a moment. “Um...She has very dark brown hair. Oh, and her sister’s name is Evelyn, and this is Evelyn’s house.”

  “He told you all that information in just one week?” Olivia asked facetiously.

  “Well, he told me all of that this morning. We didn’t talk about her all week, so I had to call him before you came over so I’d have some details,” I sheepishly replied.

  “I thought he wanted her back, and I thought you wanted to help him. It’s not looking that way to me.”

  “It’s hard for him to talk about her. I didn’t want to pressure him. I’m letting him set the pace.”

  “At this rate, he’ll win her back around the same time he retires.”

  “You should have been a comedian, Olivia. I can’t stop laughing at your wry wit. Now stop with the jokes so we can concentrate here.”

  “Who said I was joking?” Olivia argued. “You don’t want them back together, and I’m beginning to think he doesn’t either.”

  “You’re wrong, Olivia,” was all I said.

  We watched Julie while we had our picnic: fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, green bean salad, and peach cobbler. Occasionally, it seemed that Julie was looking in our direction, but we couldn’t be certain. She didn’t seem weepy or worried without Max, but, there again, we couldn’t really be sure.

  “Why are we doing this?” Olivia asked as she placed our paper plates in a plastic garbage bag.

  “I guess I just wanted to see her. I wanted to see if she was missing Max.”

  “And did you learn that?”

  “No. I’m not even positive that that is Julie. What if that’s her sister?”

  “I was guessing that the older lady was Evelyn.”

  “Maybe that’s their mother,” I offered.

  “She’s not that old, Kat. That has to be her sister, and the redhead has to be Julie.” Then Olivia added, “I have no idea who that man is cutting the grass. He seems too young to be the sister’s husband.”

  As if to answer Olivia’s speculating, the man switched off the mower and walked over to the two women. He took the pitcher from the table next to Julie and took a long drink from it. Julie stood up and moved over by the man. He reached up and put his arm around her as he kissed her on the lips!

  If anyone at the little white house had looked across at Olivia or me, they would have instantly known that we were watching them. Olivia’s eyes were wide open in surprise, her eyebrows rose up into her hairline, and her mouth formed a perfect little “O”. I must have looked the same because I felt completely shocked by the scene that was playing out across the street.

  “I think we’ve seen enough,” I said to Olivia.

  We quickly threw our belongings into the car and took off. I took one last glance at the house. The man had his arm around Julie’s waist while the two of them chatted with the woman in the chaise. They were totally unaware that Olivia and I had been spying on them. For some reason, I felt very lowly and despicable. Worst of all, I didn’t know what I was going to say to Max.

  As I drove away, Olivia couldn’t shake what we had just seen. “I still can’t believe it,” she mumbled.

  “Me either,” I said.

  “How are you going to tell Max? Isn’t he coming over to your house later?”

  “He’ll be there this afternoon. But we can’t tell him.” I was certain on that point.

  “What do you mean? He needs to know that his wife is seeing someone else. This could be the chance for you to have Max all to yourself.” Olivia was partially right. Max needed to know, but he needed to hear it from Julie.

  “If I tell him, he’ll be angry and hurt, and he’ll feel obligated to give her up to keep from looking foolish. He’ll always remember that I pointed out Julie’s faults. Somewhere down the road, he would blame me for their breakup. Besides that, we don’t really know what was going on over there.”

  “Of course, it is your decision. I don’t know what I would do, but if he finds out later that you knew and didn’t tell him... Well, it could backfire, Kat.”

  Olivia might be right, but it was a chance I was willing to take. No matter what, I would never say a negative word about Julie to Max. I would not be a party to the end of their marriage. That would be like signing a pact with Satan: no matter how great things were in the beginning, the only outcome would be everlasting hell.

  Max arrived at my apartment while I was on the phone with Brad. Brad had called to make sure I was okay. He seemed to be trying to tell me something, but, when Max came in, Brad suddenly needed to go. I knew something was going on with Brad, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Maybe he would tell me next week at work.

  Max took a bottle of spring water from my fridge and sat down at the kitchen table. I tried to avoid his eyes because I was afraid he would guess that I was hiding something. I finally sat down next to him and stared at the palms of my hands.

  “Did you see her?” he asked me.

  “I’m not sure,” I said. I had decided to tell him about the two women. Maybe he would confirm that Julie was not one of them. “I saw a woman with mahogany – uh, dark brown – hair. Maybe it was Julie’s sister.”

  “No. Evelyn is almost completely gray. Julie was a surprise for her parents. Evelyn is eighteen years older than Julie. If you saw a brunette, it must have been Julie. How did she look? Did she seem lethargic or depressed?” I could see Max getting excited.

  “It was hard to tell. She was across the street. She and an older woman – probably her sister – were relaxing in lounge chairs. I guess her actions might have been a little halfhearted.” Why was I lying? Julie might not deserve him, but I couldn’t bring myself to break Max’s heart. Not even a little bit. “I think she misses you.”

  “Really?” A bright flicker of hope appeared in his eyes. I would have lied a thousand times to see his eyes light up this way. “Do you think I should go see her? Maybe I should send her flowers.”

  “Go to her, Max. If she refuses to see you, we’ll go to another plan.” Part of me hoped he’d catch her in her new lover’s arms. The other part hoped that his dreams would come true. I really did want him to be happy.

  Before I knew what was happening, Max stood up and wrapped his arms around me. His touch was warm, but I felt chills run all over my body. Deep inside my stomach, I felt as if someone had lit an oven. I never wanted him to let me go, but I knew he was simply thanking me for my encouragement. I hadn’t actually helped him reunite with Julie, but I had pushed him to make a move.

  “Thanks, Kat,” he said. He pulled me to my feet and made me turn to face him.

  “I didn’t do that much. Just a little reconnaissance work.” We were standing toe to toe. He was staring deep into my eyes. His face was only inches from mine. I could feel his breath on my cheeks. Why did he love her and not me?

  “You’ve helped me through the pain I was feeling when we first saw each other in the garden. You’ve helped me realize that I can make it without Julie – if she decides to end our marriage. You’ve been my friend when you didn’t have to be. You will always be my friend.”

  I wanted to scream, “I love you, Max – more than she ever will.” I wanted to beg him to stay with me and forget about Julie. I wanted him to realize that it was me that he loved. But none of those things happened. He pulled me close to him, and, again, he said, “Thank you.”

  I walked him to the door knowing I had let my last opportunity slip away. No matter what happened with Julie now, Max would only be my friend – nothing more. I watched him get into his car and drive away, and I felt a piece of me die. At that moment, I vowed to neve
r put another person’s feelings ahead of my own. From now on, I was only looking out for Katrina. Max and the rest of the world were on their own.

  Chapter 16

  On Monday morning, Brad met me in my office at eight o’clock. He was carrying a box of donuts, a cup of coffee, and a bottle of Tropicana orange juice. He tried to give me a chocolate donut, and I threw my hands up while shaking my head.

  “How about a jelly-filled?” he asked as he poked around inside the cardboard box.

  “No, Brad. I don’t want any donuts. But if that OJ is for me, I’ll take it now.” Brad was a coffeeholic, and he knew I didn’t like coffee. The orange juice had to be for me.

  He tossed the plastic bottle across my desk. “How’s old Max-a-roonie doing?”

  “I’m guessing that he and his wife reconciled. I haven’t talked to him since Saturday.” I failed to mention that I had unplugged my phone Saturday evening just before I left town to visit my uncle and aunt in Alabama. I wanted to be inaccessible; I didn’t want to hear how wonderful Max was doing.

  “I guess you did a good job. You don’t seem overly depressed. Maybe this exercise was good therapy. Maybe you’ve worked Max out of your system.” Brad seemed a tad bit too excited by this possibility.

  “I don’t want to talk about Max anymore. What happened did not change my feelings for him. I hoped it would – I was even beginning to think it would. But it didn’t. I still love him. I can’t spend the rest of my life moping around though. I’ve got to move on. So Max is now a taboo subject.”

  “Noooo problem. Enjoy your OJ. I’d better deliver a donut to Nancy before she fires me.” Brad zipped out of my office. He hadn’t seemed this happy in quite a long time. Especially not on a Monday.

  I didn’t see much of Brad the rest of the morning. He stayed in his office, and each time I passed by he was either on the phone or staring at his computer monitor. I was going to invite him out to lunch, but he left before I had the chance. Nancy said that he might come back late because he had personal business to attend to. I wondered why he had shared that with Nancy and not with me – his favorite coworker.

  After lunch, I had a call from Olivia. “How did things go, Kat? I haven’t been able to reach you all weekend.”

  “He was going to see her. That’s all I know. I think they will get back together.” I sounded flat, defeated, destroyed.

  “I don’t think so. I spent yesterday with Lee. We went on a picnic. Just try and guess where we had our picnic.”

  “Oh, Olivia. Don’t tell me you went to Evelyn’s house again? Max could have seen you there. What were you thinking?” Olivia had audacity, I’d give her that.

  “Lee and I got there around ten. We stayed until after four – swimming and sunbathing. We saw Julie. At around eleven, she waved goodbye as her sister drove away – and Evelyn didn’t come back while we were there. Max never came over all day. Her boyfriend did though. She met him at the door in a skimpy bikini bathing suit only minutes after Evelyn left. They disappeared inside, and he was still there when Lee and I called it a day. Does that sound like she’s reconciling with Max?”

  “I don’t know. I can’t get my hopes up again. If Max calls and tells me he wants me, then I’ll get excited. Otherwise, I’m assuming he still wants Julie. I know you’re trying to help, Olivia, but don’t. I hate to run, but Nancy is heading towards my office. I’ll talk to you later.”

  I didn’t really see Nancy, but I needed to hang up. The more Olivia talked about Julie and her boyfriend, the more I got depressed. I knew Max was going to get hurt by all of this. Maybe he already had. I tried to throw myself into my work to get my mind off Max, but it was hopeless. It seemed that nothing could tear him from my mind.

  Suddenly, my phone rang again. I worried that it might be Olivia again, but it was Bigelow’s receptionist, Megan. “Hi, Kat,” she said. “You have a visitor. Could you come to the front office?”

  I couldn’t imagine who was visiting me, but I told her I would be there in a moment. Brad’s office was still empty, and Nancy was in her office talking on the phone while filing her nails. I walked through the room that housed our computer system. The temperature in the room was always sixty-eight degrees, and the icy blue carpet made it seem even colder. I shivered as I unlocked the large white security doors that kept the computer system and IT staff separated from the rest of the company.

  Stepping into the main hallway, I marveled at how the place never seemed to change. The pea-green carpet on the floors had been around as long as I had, and the dingy white walls desperately needed painting. Malcolm, a CPA and our comptroller, sat behind his huge oak desk – looking just the same as he did the day I started work here. Across from his office were about thirty or forty cubicles that housed our accounting department. The turnover among the accountants and clerks that manned our payable and receivable departments was tremendous. The faces in the cubicles seemed to change almost daily. Still, the department looked the same – day after day, week after week.

  As I passed by the entrance to Mr. Bigelow’s office, his secretary, Myra Bingston, smiled at me and waved. Beyond her small office, I could see the highly polished walnut door that led into Todd Bigelow’s office. Mr. Bigelow kept his door shut. No one ever saw him privately without an appointment – not even his employees. I had only had the pleasure of visiting his office once. Fortunately for me, it was for commendation. Most visits were for reprimands or – even more commonly – termination. Just the mention of Mr. Bigelow’s name sent many employees scurrying away. He was a formidable man.

  I stepped into the lobby expecting to see my mom or Bridgett standing there. I could think of no one else that would visit me at work. The only person in the lobby was a black man wearing a cascade of greasy Jeri-curls and a tan uniform. As I entered the room, he brightly smiled at me, revealing a mouthful of pearly white teeth.

  Megan was sitting at her desk grinning like the Cheshire cat. The warm glow on her face made the middle aged woman appear years younger. She was up to something and it involved me in some way.

  “I have a visitor?” I asked in a puzzled tone.

  “Ms. Bellanova? I have something for you,” the black man said. He stepped outside for a moment, returning with a vase full of long stemmed red roses. He handed me the large bouquet and stepped back out the door.

  “Who are they from?” asked Megan.

  Now Myra appeared in the doorway. “Tell us, Kat. Who sent you flowers?”

  I pushed past Myra and moved down the hall. I had a feeling that I knew who had sent me flowers, and I wasn’t going to share this moment with people who were almost completely strangers to me.

  “Come on,” Megan yelled. “Tell us!”

  “Kat!” Myra shouted.

  I ignored their screams and rushed to get back inside the secure door of the IT department. Once inside, I had a few questioning looks from the computer operators and technicians, but no one asked anything. I hurried to my office, and I noticed that Nancy came out of her office to watch me. I shut my door to insure my privacy.

  I placed the vase on my desk. In the back of my head, I remembered that Max had thought of sending flowers to Julie. Had he sent them to me instead? I sniffed the bouquet; the fragrance was divine. Next, I counted the buds and blossoms – two dozen of the most beautiful roses I had ever seen mingled together with bits of greenery and sprigs of baby’s-breath. The card was in the center of the arrangement, and I nervously plucked it from the plastic holder. I held my breath as I pulled the card out of the small envelope that bore my name. Then I read these words:

  “I’ve waited a long time to tell you this. I believe the time is right. I love you, Kat. All my heart, Brad.”

  The card slipped from my hand and gently floated onto the desk. I suppose I had been stupid to believe the roses were from Max, but why did they have to come from Brad?

  I sat down in my chair just as the door to my office started opening. Brad’s head popped in. He had a big grin on his fa
ce. “Did I surprise you?” he asked me.

  Did he ever. Don’t misunderstand. I love Brad with all my heart. I’m just not in love with Brad. And I never could be. He’s like my big brother. He’s my confidant. He’s my best – no, my only – friend at work. He could never be my lover. Why was he ruining everything this way? “Uh, yeah. I’d say I’m surprised all right.”

  He started laughing. “I wish you could see your face,” he said between guffaws. “You didn’t really buy that drivel, did you?”

  I didn’t quite know what to say. Was Brad suggesting that this had all been a joke?

  Brad looked crestfallen. “You don’t like my joke?” Then he turned pasty white, “Oh my gosh. You did believe it. And now I’ve upset you by saying it was a joke. Does that mean…”

  Uh-oh. Before he started thinking I really had romantic feelings for him, I spoke up. “I did believe it. I just didn’t know how to explain that I didn’t feel that way about you. I was afraid I’d hurt your feelings and spoil our friendship.”

  “That would never happen. We will always be best buds. Anyway, now let me tell you why I really sent you roses…”

  Brad proceeded to tell me how he was trying to convince Nancy that he was in love with me.

  “Why would you want to do that?” I asked. “Why would she care?”

  “Oddly enough, she’s a hopeless romantic. One day she was asking me if I had a thing for you. She had overheard us talking about having dinner together. Anyway, she’s been encouraging me to make a move. The roses were actually her idea…”

  I still didn’t understand why Brad wanted her to believe he loved me. “So what is the point of all this?”

  “Well, of course you are going to break my heart. When you do, Nancy is going to chew you out. She’s committed 100% to getting us together. She won’t take it well when she sees how dejected I look when I leave for the day. In fact, I may go confide in her in just a few minutes. Cry on her shoulder and such. She’ll be gunning for you for sure after that.”