The Surrogate (Clearwater)

by Dobson, Marissa

  Michael’s arm was snug against her waist as they made their way from the office building at the back of the Clearwater Hospital where a number of doctors had their offices. It was also the location of Michael’s office, allowing him quick and easy access to the hospital when needed.

  Snow was falling when they finally got back to his large pickup truck. He walked Jessi to the passenger side and helped her in. She was finally able to take in the extended cab, checking to see if there’d be room for two car seats. Thankfully there would be, because she wasn’t sure her little car would be adequate in the snow when they brought the babies home.

  Michael hopped into the truck and started it. He shoved the shifter into Drive and looked over at her. “Can you believe girls? Me, a father to two little girls. What the hell do I know about raising girls?”

  She laid a hand on his thigh. It felt somewhat intimate but it was the only spot she could touch to give him comfort that wouldn’t interfere as he drove along the snow-covered roads. “Don’t doubt yourself now, you will be a great father.”

  “I hope so.” His words didn’t sound very convincing, but only time would show him that he’d be a good parent. He leaned forward, looked up at the sky. “I don’t think the snow will get too bad for another hour or so. We’ll stop by Tiny Treasures and get some groceries then go home.”

  The drove back to the store in silence, each of them lost in thought. Jessi’s emotions were running havoc, her stomach churned. She was happy, yet she felt like crying for her broken heart. It was all becoming too much for her to bear. The nine months of pregnancy was enough to form a strong bond between her and the children before they were even born. It would only get worse once she gave birth. She wondered, not for the first time, why she got into the surrogacy parenthood. Why did she think she could walk away from the babies without being torn in two?

  * * *

  Michael carried the last bag in from the truck. The food had been put away before he lugged in the bags from Tiny Treasures. Jessi sat on the couch with her feet on the coffee table. As anxious as he was to get the nursery set up he still refused to allow her to carry anything in or upstairs. She had done her part by helping him pick out the stuff, and now with the cribs delivered he could prepare the room for his daughters.

  He balanced the bedding sets in one hand and locked the door before he stepped into the family room. “I’m going upstairs to get things in order for the nursery. You coming up?”

  She shook her head. “Leave the bedding down here, I’ll get it washed.”

  “Laundry is upstairs. The previous owner had the place plumbed for it. Guess it makes sense with the family bedrooms upstairs, but it took time to get used to.” He set the stuff down. “What’s wrong? You seem distant, upset.”

  “It’s nothing. Go ahead, do what you need to.”

  It only served to raise his suspicions something was off when she refused to meet his gaze. “Jes, over the years we might have drifted apart, but I can still tell when something’s eating at you.” When she continued to remain silent he racked his brain to figure out what was wrong. “Did you want boys? Is that what this is about?”

  “It doesn’t matter what I want, they’re your children.”

  Suddenly he felt even more confused. “What?”

  “Dammit, Michael! I know I’m supposed to just be some damn incubator but things have changed. This is all messed up now. Peg’s gone, taking with her the happy, home filled with love that I thought the children would be raised in. Helping with the nursery, finding out they’re girls—it all just brings home that in a few weeks you will have your family and I’m supposed to just go back to my life in Denver. I can’t cope with it.” Tears ran down her face, breaking his heart.

  “What does this all mean?” Fears of her running off with the twins played through his mind. He knew he had rights to the girls even without paperwork. It was his sperm that helped create the twins, but it didn’t mean she couldn’t make things difficult for him. After all, she was the biological mother.

  “It means nothing. I’ve never been one to go back on my commitments. This will be no different.” She pushed off the couch, stormed past him, and up the stairs. Michael stood there dumfounded.

  He wanted to follow, to say something that would make her feel better, but he wasn’t sure what would make the situation better. How was he supposed to help when he wasn’t sure about raising twin girls himself?

  Chapter Four

  For the next two days they moved around each other like strangers in the night, barely speaking. The tension was thick in the air, a heavy uncomfortable silence between them. Relief coursed through Jessi when Monday came and she woke to find herself alone in the house.

  After a quick breakfast, a white paper lying on the table caught her attention. How did she miss it before? Picking it up, she recognized Michael’s handwriting. Jes, one of my clients was taken to the emergency room. I have an appointment with a new housekeeper at lunch. I’ll be home around three. It was just before eleven.

  “Girls,” she patted her stomach, “I guess we’ll see about washing your clothes.”

  Upstairs Jessi found the nursery pretty much in the state as yesterday. The only difference was the bags were piled around the room. She grabbed one of the larger bags and sat on the rocker to remove the tags to wash them.

  Rocking gently, she separated the clothes and once again tears threatened to fall. She couldn’t help but wonder if things would have been different if Peg didn’t file for divorce. Would the nursery be complete? Would she still have the unease in her stomach about giving up the twins? There was no way to tell, but she believed it would have been different and not as emotional. Michael’s emotional upheaval only made things harder. Still, she couldn’t separate herself, to deny him the help he needed. She just wasn’t sure if her actions were for the sake of the girls, or because she still had unrealistic longings for Michael.

  Jessi’s cell phone rang. With an arm full of clothes she stood, and snatched it off the dresser and put it to her ear without checking the caller id. There were only two people who would call, James or Michael. “Hello?”

  “Hey, Jes.” Her brother’s voice filled the line. Like Michael, James was a pediatrician. The only difference was James accepted a position in Denver after he graduated while Michael chose the quieter life in Clearwater.

  “How’s my big brother? It’s an odd time for you to call.”

  “Can’t I miss my sister?” he asked innocently.

  She laughed. She and James were never the average siblings, they shared a close bond. “No. Not in the middle of the day when you’re supposed to be working. What’s up?”

  “I hoped to catch you before you left for Clearwater. Maybe we could do lunch today?”

  “I left Friday, but you’ll join us before Christmas, right?” Since James was the only family she had left, part of the agreement was he’d join everyone in Clearwater for Christmas. She didn’t want him to spend the holidays alone, and honestly she wanted his support through the holidays. Maybe even then she realized that she’d have some regret and wanted James there.

  “Oh.”

  The tone of that one little word let her know it meant so much more. “What is it, James?”

  “You know about Peg?” In the background papers shuffled, he had to be in his office, patients waiting on him.

  “I found out when I arrived. How do you find out? You didn’t know when I was home, did you?” Her anger flared to life. If James knew and didn’t tell her she wasn’t sure who’d she would be angrier with, Michael or him.

  “Give me some credit, I’d have told you. No, I just learned this morning when I went into the coffee shop. She was there, with another man.”

  Another man? Did Michael know his ex-wife was seeing someone else already? “What did she say?” She made her way down the hallway to the laundry room.

  “Hold on.” He covered the phone with his hand and said something to someone Jessi assumed was
his nurse. “Sorry, sis. Mother of a sick kid wanting to know if I can squeeze her in. Anyways, she explained they split. She took a job here at a law office, and she’s engaged. What will you do?”

  “Oh, James.” She opened the lid of the washer, tossed the clothes inside, and vowed not to cry.

  “I’ll support you no matter what you want to do. If you want to fight him for custody we’ll get the best lawyer I can find. I’ll help you raise them.” When she didn’t say anything he added. “Tell me what you want to do. I know Clearwater is under another blizzard, do you want me to come get you?”

  “Running away from this won’t fix it. I made a commitment and I’ll stick by it.” Even to her own ears the sadness was thick in her voice.

  “Jes, you know the kind of hours this job requires. Mine are long and I rarely have to do any hospital rounds. Whereas Michael he’s the only pediatrician in Clearwater, the hospital relies on him every time there’s a sick child. That makes for even longer hours. How will he care for twins by himself?”

  “They’re his children. I’m sure he’ll get a nanny. I don’t know, James, we haven’t talked about it.” She decided not to mention the fact the nursery wasn’t even set up because her brother would use that as a sign that Michael wasn’t ready for fatherhood.

  “They’re yours as well. More importantly I thought you never wanted to have children who were raised by a nanny and that’s what these children will be if Michael does it alone.”

  Their own mother died when they were infants, leaving them to be raised by a nanny while their doctor father worked day in and day out until he died of a heart attack three years ago, at only forty-nine. It was one of the main reasons instead of following her father and brother into the medical practice Jessi chose teaching. Now that she taught college courses online she’d be there to raise her child and be a good wife when the time came.

  “Michael is my best friend, but you’re my sister and these are my nieces or nephews we’re talking about. This needs to be about what is best for the children.” His words brought little comfort. She made a decent living, but she could never provide some of the things Michael could for the girls.

  “Nieces.” She added the laundry soap and turned on the machine.

  “You’re having girls? I thought he didn’t want to know.” There was a hit of excitement in his voice.

  “Peg didn’t want to know, but Michael did, so we could do some additional shopping before the delivery.” She tried to keep her own excitement out of her voice. She wanted girls, to dress them in all the cute little outfits.

  “Jes, I have to go, but think about it and let me know what you decide. I don’t want you to regret it later.”

  “I’ll let you know. But you’ll still join us for Christmas, right?”

  Christmas was in less than two weeks and her delivery date was December thirty-first, so they had to work out something soon.

  “I’ll be there. If you need anything just call me. Think about what I said.”

  “I will and I’ll see you soon. I love you, James. You’re the best big brother a girl could ask for.” He was amazing to her and now he was willing to stand by her if she chose to fight his best friend over the girls.

  “Love you too, sis.” He hung up, leaving her with even more to think about.

  Life threw her one curve ball after another, but this one had to be out of the park. No matter what she chose, someone would get hurt. Hopefully whatever happened would work out in favor of the girls she brought into the world.

  * * *

  Michael strolled through the door at a little after three, with two large teddy bears in his arms. Eager to show her what he found for the girls, he shrugged out of his jacket and draped it over the rail. His gaze quickly searched the family room looking for Jessi before he headed upstairs. At the top of the stairs he heard the faint tumble of the dryer, but didn’t see her anywhere. He peeked into guest room that had become hers. He still didn’t find her.

  “Jessi?” he called out on his way down the hall.

  “In here.”

  He continued to the nursery. There she stood next to the cribs, installing a mobile above one of them. The room was completely different from when he left. The two cribs formed an L shape in the one corner. The pink and white rug defined the space. Each of the cribs were decorated with the pink bedding with white roses scattered over it. The mobiles above each of the cribs matched the bedding, with pink and white roses dangling from each. The changing table on the opposite wall and the dresser closer to the door left enough room for the second dresser that would be delivered soon. The rocker that had been in his family for generations sat cattycorner to the cribs.

  He stepped into the room. “Wow! You shouldn’t have done this.”

  “I didn’t have anything else to do. All the clothes have been washed and are put away. You’ll need to pick out an outfit for the girls when we bring them home and I’ll add it to my hospital bag.” She turned on the mobile, testing it.

  “Whatever you think would be best is fine.” He held up the bears. “Look what I found in the hospital gift shop. They’re so cute, I couldn’t not get them.”

  She smiled at him, shaking her head. “They’re bigger than the girls will be.”

  “They’ll grow into them.” He stepped closer and placed a bear in each of the cribs. “I hired a housekeeper today. She’ll start on Wednesday. I hope you don’t mind dealing with things around here for another day.”

  “No, it’s fine. I have a roast in the oven for dinner. I better check on it.” She stepped past him before he had time to stop her.

  “Can it wait for a few minutes?” He followed her down the steps.

  “Sure, why?”

  “I want to talk to you. Come sit.” He led her to the sofa in the family room.

  “Michael, I don’t know what this is all about, but you’re making me nervous.” She eyed him with uncertainty.

  He swallowed his nerves and wrapped his hand around hers. “I know the situation with the girls isn’t what either of us planned, but we have to adjust to it for their sakes. For days I’ve wracked my brain to come up with the perfect solution to the mess I created—to find the best thing for the girls. Our girls deserve both of us in their life. I’m asking you to stay here, to help me raise them. What would be better than for the girls to have both of their parents in their lives? Will you stay and help me raise the girls?”

  She sat there and stared at him. “What?” Her voice was whisper quiet as if she couldn’t quite grasp his suggestion.

  “I want you to stay here in Clearwater to help me raise the girls,” he repeated.

  “I heard you the first time.” She shook her head, for a moment he wasn’t sure if that was her answer or if she was still just trying to take it in. “Is this because you’re concerned I’ll fight you for them? Or because you know you can’t do it on your own? Do you see me as a cheaper alternative to a nanny?” He voice rose and he could tell he made her angry.

  “What the hell are you talking about? Who mentioned a nanny?”

  She pulled her hand from his. “It’s a logical jump.”

  “I’m not asking you to stay because I don’t want to hire a damn nanny. I’m asking because I want you to. Our girls deserve to have their mother in their life.”

  “So I’m supposed to give up my life now, because you screwed up? What about my life in Denver? What about James, my friends…everything?” Each word dripped with anger.

  “Your job is online, you can do it from anywhere and James will visit. What about the girls? I see how hard this is on you. Can you honestly just walk away from them?” He tried not to get angry. After all, she was just reacting to the sudden bomb he dropped on her. He should have eased into it, but he couldn’t come up with an easier way to put it.

  “Isn’t that what you hired me for?” Anger was gone, replaced with a tear-cloaked voice.

  “Things were different then, but I’d have never asked if I thought it woul
d have affected you like this. I knew giving up the children wouldn’t be easy but you’d have been in their life and they’d have a happy family. You have to know I never wanted to see you so upset.” He leaned close to her, her hand in his. “Jes, years ago I fell in love with you and to see you now with the pregnancy glow around you all those feelings are back. We can give our girls the family they deserve.”

  She leaned back from him, just enough to allow look at him again. “What are you saying?”

  In that moment he realized what he wanted. “Marry me. Let’s have the family we started eight months ago.”

  Her eyes fluttered as if she was unable to focus seconds before she collapsed back against the couch.

  “I propose and she passes out. What a mess this is turning out to be. Can I do nothing right?”

  Chapter Five

  Jessi’s eyes fluttered open. Looking around the room, she tried to grasp what happened. Michael sat on the edge of the couch next to her, a cool rag pressed against her forehead. Last thing she remembered she was on the couch, then everything went black. “What happened?”

  “You passed out.” He took the rag away, and leaned back just slightly. “Are you okay now?”

  “Passed out? That’s never happened before. Should we call Doctor Bowmen?” Worries of danger to her daughters raced through her mind. She realized she thought of them as her daughters for the first time. Then everything rushed back. He proposed.

  “You’re fine, it was just the shock. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen.” She tried to sit up, but he pressed a hand to her shoulder. “I want you to stay there for a few minutes to make sure the shock has worn off.”

  “I need a drink.” He brushed away the hair that clung to her face, before a straw came into view.

  “When I got the rag I grabbed a bottle of water. Thankfully the straw was on the counter from takeout from the hospital a few nights ago,” he explained and bought it to her lips for her to take a drink.

  Minutes passed as she ran through what he’d said, yet he the silence hang between them, as he sat beside her, her hand in his. “Michael, I don’t know about marriage, but I’ll stay. I’ll help you raise the girls at least until we can figure out something else.”